Our Little Mermaid Halle Bailey has been making waves in 2023, thanks to headline-worthy moves like landing a role in the forthcoming The Color Purple, dropping summer heat by way of her first solo single, "Angel," and of course, starring as the iconic Ariel in this year's Rob Marshall-helmed reimagining of The Little Mermaid. But what has also been getting media attention is her relationship with her longtime love, rapper and YouTuber DDG.
Though they tend to keep their relationship relatively low-key, they have experienced a bit of heat over the last year. Due to some of DDG's questionable antics during Halle's press run for The Little Mermaid, fans endorsed a "dump him" campaign where they voiced their opinion that the rising star was out of his league and that her boyfriend was jealous of her success.
Halle Bailey and DDG Complete Relationship Timeline
Public attention and rumors are par for the course in the world of entertainment, but they seem to handle it with grace, focusing on their happiness and individual growth. In fact, after hearing the feedback, Halle graciously thanked everyone for trying to look out for her but ultimately felt that she knew what was best for her when it came to her relationship.
Since then, DDG, 26, and Halle, 23, have made many public appearances (as well as in vlogs by way of DDG's YouTube channel) maintaining a united front and have seemingly bounced back from the early hiccups of their relationship journey.
Halle Bailey and DDG Relationship Timeline:
From their red carpet debut to some of their most talked-about moments to becoming first-time parents to their baby Halo, here's Halle Bailey and DDG's complete relationship timeline.
January 2022: Halle and DDG attend Usher's Las Vegas residency.
DDG/Instagram
DDG and Halle spark dating rumors after being spotted together enjoying Usher's Las Vegas residency in January 2022.
February 2022: Halle and DDG have dinner together in Malibu.
On Febuary 7, the then-21-year-old Halle was photographed with DDG leaving dinner at Nobu.
March 2022: DDG makes things Instagram official and confirms his relationship with Halle.
In a now-deleted Instagram post, DDG took to Instagram to give a birthday shoutout to the Ungodly Hour singer. Professing his love, he wrote, "Happy Birthday to the beautifulest, the flyest, the sweetest ❤️. Love you forever 🥺💎."
March 2022: Halle posts a cute TikTok of singing lessons with DDG.
@hallebailey singing lessons with @DDG 🤣
It's giving wholesome. In a viral moment, Halle showed the world a glimpse of DDG's softer side as they playfully engaged in "singing lessons."
April 2022: Halle and DDG are spotted together at a Coachella party.
About a month after making things Instagram official, the pair were spotted together boo'd up at a Coachella party.
June 2022: Halle Bailey and DDG make their red carpet couple debut.
Momodu Mansaray/WireImage
For their red carpet debut as a couple, Halle and DDG made things an all-black affair at the 2022 BET Awards red carpet. At the awards show, Halle told Extra, "I have my boo with me today."
She also revealed their excitement and anticipation for her sister Chloe's performance that night. "We’re so excited. We’re gonna have so much fun just supporting Chloe. It’ll be great!"
July 2022: DDG tells DJ Akademiks how Halle inspires and motivates him to be better.
In a July interview with the media personality, DDG revealed:
"I honestly get inspired by my girl. She honestly motivated me to be better and work harder and get to certain levels. I look up to her in a sense 'cause it's, like, I never been around nobody that really . . . 'cause I feel like I'm always the motivator, I'm the inspirer."
"It's like I'm in a different mode now where I'm getting inspired by somebody. I feel like it's healthy in that way for me 'cause it's like a weight off my shoulders. It's like, 'Okay, I need to work harder.' It's challenging in a good way. It just makes me want to go harder versus feeling overwhelmed or some shit."
September 2022: Halle stars as the leading lady in DDG's "If I Want You" video.
Are you really dating if you don't appear in at least one of your rapper boyfriend's videos as a leading lady? Halle flexed her acting chops, served face, and provided her famously angelic vocals in DDG's "If I Want You." The heat was palpable.
September 2022: Halle and DDG attend Paris Fashion Week.
Marc Piasecki/Getty Images For Roger Vivier
The pair were spotted attending the Roger Vivier Press day for Paris Fashion Week.
October 2022: Halle and DDG step out for the Wearable Art Gala event.
Jerritt Clark/Getty Images for Wearable Art Gala
Halle and DDG were all smiles as they dazzled at the 5th Annual WACO Wearable Art Gala red carpet together.
October 2022: DDG says he's 'very proud' of Halle and her success.
While promoting his album, It's Not Me, It's You, DDG gushed to PEOPLE about his happiness for his girlfriend Halle's career.
"I'm very proud of her. And I'm just happy to see it. I feel like sometimes I'm even more excited than anybody else. Just seeing it and seeing everything that she dreamed of coming to life, it's really dope."
November 2022: Halle says she's 'been a fan' of DDG in a cover story with ESSENCE.
Halle opened up about knowing who her rapper boyfriend was before actually meeting him in a cover story with ESSENCE. “I’ve been a fan of his for years. I grew up being on YouTube and would always see the young Black creators and was constantly inspired by them. He was one of them.”
She shared with the mag that she was familiar with his music as early as 2015, but that they didn't connect until he slid in her DMs. "But then I saw that he was dropping music, and I really gravitated toward this one song. Coincidentally he messaged me — and the rest is history."
November 2022: DDG gushes about Halle's influence on his life.
During a November interview with The Breakfast Club, DDG told the hosts:
“I’ve never been with nobody that’s like really motivated me like [Halle] do. I’m seeing different shit. I ain’t really been around this type of shit before, so it’s like, she’s bringing me around shit that I ain’t really—you know what I’m saying? ‘Oh, this is crazy. This is dope.’ You know what I mean? This is somebody that’s really like … I was my own person before her, but in a way, put me on to different shit. That’s dope because I’m usually the one putting motherfuckers on.”
When the subject of marriage entered the chat, DDG admitted he could "eventually" see himself proposing to Halle.
December 2022: DDG and Halle hit the 'Avatar 2' blue carpet.
Frazer Harrison/WireImage
The couple carpet appearances keep racking as DDG and Halle stepped out together to support the James Cameron sequel, Avatar 2: The Way Of Water.
January 2023: DDG and Halle attend the Grand Reveal Weekend for Atlantis The Royal.
Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Atlantis The Royal
Halle Bailey and DDG showed support to the Queen by attending a private event for the Atlantis The Royal opening together in Dubai. The opening marked Beyoncé's return to the stage after a four-year hiatus.
January 2023: Halle and DDG tweet their love for each other out loud.
😎 i love you more https://t.co/kbhQ9zpKvZ
— DDG (@PontiacMadeDDG) February 1, 2023
High on love, Halle tweeted in late January, "i love my man ngl." DDG responded to her tweet, "i love you more."
February 2023: Rumors of a Halle Bailey and DDG breakup spark.
Fans picked up on DDG no longer following Halle on Instagram and wiping any and all traces of her from his account. This plus the "Hold Up" rapper posting a cryptic tweet that read, "all these girls the same … ain’t no wayy" had fans speculating that there was trouble in paradise and that the relationship was over.
But DDG responded to breakup claims and shut them down by saying that the internet was "gullible." He also told fans not to take his tweets "serious."
February 2023: DDG and Halle shut down cheating rumors involving Rubi Rose.
Rumors swirled after DDG's ex Rubi Rose made a messy comment towards Halle that spiraled into her sharing alleged receipts that DDG was trying to spin the block despite being involved with Halle. Both Halle and DDG denied the rumors, however.
Halle shared in a tweet that the "devil is working" and implored fans not to feed "into the lies, especially from a third party."
March 2023: Halle and DDG hit the 2023 Vanity Fair Oscar Party following breakup rumors.
John Shearer/WireImage
After the slight relationship hiccups that came with the start of 2023, Halle and DDG showed that they were solid in their relationship while attending the 2023 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Radhika Jones.
April 2023: Halle opens up about experiencing "deep love" with DDG to 'British Vogue.'
In a cover story with Britsh Vogue, Halle revealed that the love she shares with DDG is a "deep love" and one that she never experienced outside of her family. She shared:
"Experiencing deep love for the first time in my life is something I feel has opened a whole new world for me creatively. What it feels like to love someone other than your family, like somebody you may not have known two years ago but now they're the center of your world."
"I like all of the scary feelings that come with that. I like the suspense, the not knowing what's going to happen, and I feel like that's what I'm supposed to be going through in womanhood."
In the same interview, she also referred to their relationship as "deeply sacred." Whew.
May 2023: Halle says loving DDG is a "transformative experience."
In an exclusive with PEOPLE, Halle touched on experiencing young love through DDG. "I think the best thing about young love is that you're able to continue to find yourself through this journey of loving somebody else. And you're discovering new parts of yourself and maybe things that you didn't notice before about your heart," she revealed to the outlet about her young romance with her boyfriend.
"I feel like things change when love gets more involved in your life. I have definitely discovered more within myself as a woman. …It's a really cool thing to go through, but a transformative experience."
July 2023: DDG releases "Famous" and fans believe he is dissing Halle.
It could be life imitating art, or art imitating life, but DDG's song "Famous" seemed to talk about the highs and lows of being the boyfriend of a rising star. On the track, he rapped, "Filmin' a movie now you kissing dudes / You know I love you a lot / I don't give a fuck if that shit for promo / I don't wanna see this shit no more."
Fans took the song as a sneak diss to Halle and slammed the rapper for what they viewed as disrespect to Halle, spawning the backlash of him being called a "failed rapper" by supporters of the Chloe x Halle singer. DDG denied claims that "Famous" was anything more than a song, however. "It's just music y'all," he said in a video reposted by The Shade Room.
He went on to add, "It's the entertainment business. Relax, calm down, chill out. You know it is what it is. I'm used to getting hated on."
September 2023: Halle opens up about her first 'deep, real love' with DDG.
Halle sat down with Cosmopolitan as a part of her press run to support her film, The Little Mermaid. She told the outlet that she drew a lot of musical inspo from love and that she was experiencing love "for the first time, and it’s, like, ‘whoa’ in your brain. It’s just fireworks, a spark for creativity."
She continued, "You know, you have puppy love experiences, you think that’s love. But this is my first deep, deep, real love."
September 2023: Halle and DDG attend Milan Fashion Week.
Victor Boyko/Getty Images for Gucci
Halle and DDG were spotted cuddled up at the Gucci Ancora during Milan Fashion Week.
October 2023: DDG and Halle attend the Glamour Women of the Year Awards.
Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images
Halle looked absolutely radiant as the pair stepped out in London for the Glamour Women of the Year Awards on October 17 where the actress was an honoree of the night. She received the award for Gen Z Game-Changer and, when accepting her award, shared her experience of navigating scrutiny over her choices and offered the crowd encouragement to live life on their own terms:
"It's been an adjustment to live my life under the scrutiny of that spotlight. But, in the age of social media, in some way, we all live under that same scrutiny. From what we wear to who we love to the things we care about – It’s all open to scrutiny. So, here’s my honest advice. Turn it off when you need to find inner peace. But also, live your life for you. Don’t waste time living it for social media.
"Everyone has an opinion but the only opinion that matters is your own – you already know deep down what’s right for you. For me, it works because I keep it simple. I put God first and then I try to make decisions that are best for me in that moment."
January 2024: Halle Bailey and DDG announce the birth of their son, Halo.
Though neither of the pair confirmed there was any truth to the pregnancy speculation surrounding their relationship in much of the latter half of 2023, Halle Bailey and DDG started 2024 with news of the birth of their son. DDG dropped the visual to his song "Darryl Freestyle" which included a lyric revealing he had become a dad as well as the child's name, Halo.
Not too soon after, Halle took to Instagram to share a selfie of DDG's hand, her hand, and baby Halo's tiny hand. In her caption, she wrote, "even though we're a few days into the new year, the greatest thing that 2023 could have done for me, was bring me my son.. welcome to the world my halo."
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Featured image by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
From their perspective, their friend should simply know what they should and shouldn’t do. Yeah, one day, I’m going to write an article about how a lot of relationships could be spared so much drama if we all stopped automatically expecting others to think, act, and even love like we do. Anyway, my client did pause for a moment; then she shared that there was one thing, in particular, that she had told her friend that she didn’t appreciate and her friend just kept on doing it — so much to the point where it was starting to feel not only intentional but disrespectful too. In response to that, here’s how the rest of the dialogue between us went down:
Me: “Did she apologize?”
Her: “I mean, after I about lost it and told her that I was sick of her sh-t, she did. I don’t know if I can trust it, though.”
Me: “Has the action happened again since?”
Her: “The last time was only a few weeks ago. It’s too soon to tell. I know I’m starting to put distance between us, though. I’m not sure if I want to be friends with her anymore at this point.”
*le sigh* What to do, what to freakin’ do, when you’ve got a friend in your life who does something that bothers, offends, hurts, or harms you (because those are all different things, y’all), they apologize and you’re not exactly sure what to do with their apology. That is something that I’m pretty sure that all of us have gone through, probably more than once. If you definitely have, and there have been times when it’s left you feeling stumped, let’s unpack it all a bit — just so you’ll know how to move, with complete peace of mind, for the sake of your friendship and, most importantly, your peace of mind.
People with Regrets Apologize (and Every Self-Aware Human Should Have Regrets)
GiphySometime last year, I was talking to a friend of mine about his spouse. As he was raving about all of the things that he adores about her, something that he said caused my eyes to get semi-big: “I mean, she doesn’t believe in apologizing which can get on my nerves but that’s about it.” Whew, chile. Also, another article for another time: It’s very hard for a marriage to function, in a healthy way, if both people aren’t willing to apologize and forgive because there are going to be countless times when doing one or the other is going to be extremely necessary. Why?
Because we all make mistakes and sometimes poor decisions (and no, those two things aren’t the same either) must be corrected with an apology. Not only that but we all also experience times when someone needs to apologize to us and, because of the first thing that I said, we should forgive them and LET. IT. GO.
Yeah, those “I don’t apologize” people? Talk about folks who I don’t trust because that typically either means that they have way too much pride going on or they suck and taking personal accountability for their actions — and neither of those things makes it easy when it comes to trying to have a solid relationship with someone else. Honestly, the only kind of folks who “cause me to pause” more are the ones who claim that they don’t have any regrets in life. Truly…what in the world are you talking about?
If you’ve been rocking with me on this platform for a while now, you already know that I totally and completely loathe the saying, “I don’t regret anything” (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”). SMDH. Some statements, I just think that they have been popular for so long that people repeat them without really thinking about what they actually mean.
When it comes to regret, if you look up its definition, you should see the word “remorse” somewhere in there and remorse means “deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction” — and if you NEVER feel this way, that low-key sounds like either you think that you never do anything wrong (which is a completely delusional mindset) or you don’t care to “right your wrongs” whenever you do them (which makes you a pretty unsafe individual to be around).
And why am I laying down all of this foundation? Because, before getting into how to discern someone’s apology, it’s important to first surround yourself with individuals who even get that they should apologize from time to time in the first place — not because you think so but because they think so. I’m telling you, it can spare you a ton of time and potential heartbreak to follow this tip.
I say that because I ended a relationship about six years ago, mostly because the person reached out to me to help them out with something, and when I wrote out a full email about something they did that was highly offensive and would result in my not obliging them — not only did they not apologize, they didn’t even acknowledge what I said. What kind of makes it “comically worse” (utter audacity-wise) is the few times that I’ve seen them since, they’ve acted like nothing even happened. Then I had to think back to other times when I’ve brought hurt feelings or offenses to their attention and how they would deflect, play the victim, or change the subject (bookmark that).
Hmph. We talk about narcissism a lot both on and offline — uh-huh, be careful about those narcissistic friends out here. They always want to be the center of attention. They constantly put their own needs first. They have a hard time forgiving and yet think that you should dismiss whatever they do that’s wrong (or damaging). I could go on and on about those jokers. For now, I’ll just bring this point to a close by saying that if you want to trust someone’s apology, you need to trust that they care enough to apologize in the first place. And lawd, won’t that preach?
Next point.
Karma Is Attached to Apologies
GiphyOne day, I’m also going to write an article about how much forgiveness tends to be weaponized — and how absolutely insane that is. Meaning, so many people think that they deserve an apology for all of the things that they do while others don’t — and that’s not really how forgiveness works. If you’re looking at it from a Scriptural standpoint, the Good Book tells us that if you want to be right with God, you’ve got to forgive other people (Matthew 6:14-15). Science says that if you want to be healthy, it’s wise to forgive as well. Adding to both of these things, since karma (which is basically just reaping what you sow) doesn’t discriminate, if you want to be forgiven in the future, you should forgive others in the present.
And that’s what I mean when I say that karma is attached to apologies. When it comes to some completely bold and If-I-were-a-different-type-of-person-things-would’ve-gone-very-differently things that have happened to me throughout the years — what has kept things peaceful and put me on a faster track to healing is choosing to forgive others; especially when they make a point to apologize (check out “How I Learned To Forgive People In My Life Who Weren't Sorry”).
Honestly, a part of the reason why I can do closure so well is because I can accept an apology. What I mean by that is I think a lot of times, we stay in “hamster wheel relationships” (same problems, no new solutions) or we’re so super devastated (because we’re not just sad, we also beat ourselves up with guilt and yes, regret) if something should happen to someone who we used to be in relationship with and it’s partly because we don’t accept apologies.
Me? I never want to be so high and mighty in my mindset that I think I can gamble my relationship with God or my health simply because I want someone to think that what they do and ask forgiveness doesn’t deserve mercy while I’m somewhere thinking that I should be pardoned for all of my mess. I don’t know about y’all but I need God’s forgiveness, plus, it feels good — cleansing even — whenever people who I’ve hurt or harmed have forgiven me and so I give forgiveness in order to receive it — because every single human needs to receive it.
Next point.
A Sincere Apology Doesn't Deflect, Justify or Play the Victim. It Takes Full Ownership.
GiphyNow that we’ve talked about why you should only befriend people who forgive and apologize and how you shouldn’t be in relationships if you don’t know how to forgive (and apologize) — let’s talk about what a sincere apology should even look like.
Years ago, I had a friend who violated a very clear boundary of mine. She kept trying to push something on me that I didn’t want to do until one day, she did it anyway. And boy, was I pissed. When she saw how angry I was, she called me crying and, although she did say that she was sorry, she also went into all kinds of reasons why she thought that she was the bigger victim. The more that I listened, it was like she wanted me to apologize to her for violating me (whew, chile). Yeah, don’t trust those kinds of apologies because they are chocked full of manipulation.
And this is where we start to tiptoe into the difference between accepting an apology and trusting one.
Since she literally said, “I’m so sorry,” I accepted her apology because, although I think that my discernment is pretty keen and she was trying to manipulate matters, at the end of the day, who am I to brush off her efforts to acknowledge what she did? Did I trust her apology, though? Absolutely not because to trust something, you’ve gotta be confident in it, and anyone who decides to make what they did to you totally about them? They don’t really get what an apology is all about.
Hmph. I grew up with people who would apologize and also deflect (shift blame, gaslight, go into semi-denial mode), justify poor behavior (make excuses, follow their apology with some long ass story) and/or play the victim (act like they are more hurt than you are) in the midst of their apologies and those types of individuals typically only apologize in order to “move on” from what they’ve done — not to really make sure that you are okay about what had transpired.
And those people? Whether they are too selfish, not self-aware enough or they’re simply ignorant about what a sincere apology looks like, if those three factors come into play, their apology can be accepted yet not really trusted in the sense of you believing that they will do their best to not repeat the action again. How could you TRUST it if they don’t fully OWN it? Make sense?
Next point.
Accepting Apologies and Actually Trusting Them Are Quite Different
GiphyIf you know that someday, you will need to apologize to someone, you will get again why I say that none of us should really refuse someone else’s apology. Another way of looking at this is if someone apologizes and you don’t accept it, it’s basically saying, “I don’t acknowledge that you acknowledge what you did that you are trying to take responsibility for” — and honestly, what kind of sense does that make?
Because while you are thinking that not accepting their apology is harming them, it’s really only hurting you because you are choosing to hold onto what their apology has actually released them from. Plus, y’all know that I am pretty word-literal and, at the end of the day, accepting an apology simply means that 1) you are responding to what they are saying and 2) you are receiving the effort. Over and out.
Now TRUSTING an apology? Again, that is something entirely different. I’ll give you another example. Everyone who knows me (check out “5 Signs You Really Know A Person”) knows that if I come out to a big function, that’s love — DEEP LOVE. Back when I was an entertainment journalist, I had my fill of stuff like that; these days, low-key is how I get down. Anyway, one time, a friend invited me out to a crowded and pretty important function. After a bit of convincing, I made the personal request of not wanting to go along with someone else in their world who I am not fond of (who they are now not even friends with because they discovered on their own just how shady the person can be).
My friend assured me that it wouldn’t be an issue — only for me to get to the place where we were meeting up and my friend then telling me on the way to the venue that the person would be joining us. When I tell you that we literally had the conversation about that not happening just a few hours before? Chile. My response? I left before we headed there and went back home. I am BIG on my boundaries being respected and I’m not going to be set up to be put in a position to somehow be the bad guy if I’m not kee-keeing with someone who I didn’t want to be around, intimately, in the first place. Plus, my friend needed to fully enjoy her night without worrying about what the energy was going to be like.
My friend owned that it was “bad business” to even move like that — that it was thoughtless and a bit manipulative on her part because a part of her thought that if I was pushed to the wall on the matter, I would just get over it. She apologized. I accepted it. However, I didn’t just accept it, I trusted it because, a few weeks later, she invited me to another event, out of state, all expenses paid.
Listen, if you know me, you know that it wasn’t the free trip that “moved me” because my favorite place is always gonna be at home. LOL. It’s that my friend didn’t just acknowledge what she did, she also took it upon herself to make amends — and that’s what a real apology should always include.
And what is amends? It’s “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense.” That said, when we really get the weight and magnitude of something that we’ve done to another person, it’s never enough to just toss a flippant “My bad” in their direction — it’s important to put forth the effort to set things right.
I got that my friend understood how much effort it took for me to do the initial outing with her in the first place because she took a few steps up from that and turned another event into a girls' trip — just us. That was a couple of years ago now. We’ve not had an issue in that lane since.
Your friend who hurt you and apologized? One way to know if you can trust the apology to the point where you know that it’s okay to move on fully from the matter is if they are willing, on their own, to make amends. If, in their own way, they ask you, “How can I make this right?” If you get that from them, I really recommend that you give them a chance because not only does it seem like their apology is heartfelt, but they also want to help you to heal from what they did — and at the end of the day, because none of us can change the past, just “own” our part in it, there’s not much more that a human can do.
Plus, people who go so far as to make amends, they typically also put forth the effort to try and change their behavior (or not repeat the action). And again, what more can you really ask for from any fallible individual (and we are all that)…right?
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No one is perfect. We’re all going to mess up. If you really get that, when a friend apologizes to you, let both of yourselves off of the hook and accept it. And during the apology, if they take full ownership which includes making amends, trust your friend enough to have faith that they will try to not hurt you, in that way, again.
Accept is about recognizing.
Trusting is about putting your confidence in something.
When it comes to apologies, specifically, I hope it’s easier to now know the difference.
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