So, let’s not act like a lot of us don’t send our hair and scalp through it — and I mean, through it. That’s why, I had to totally agree with an article that I recently read by a Black female dermatologist who said that a part of the reason why our demographic struggles with thin or balding edges more than any other is due to a lot of our styling choices — or, more specifically, the fact that we don’t bring balance to many of them.
Between chemicals and dyes, wigs, weaves, heat, and protective styles that are tight as all get out, traction alopecia is something that somewhere around one-third of Black women experience on some level. And here’s the thing — if you’re out here believing that it’s normal for that to be the case, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Although there are some of us who genetically have edges that aren’t as thick as others, struggling edges, more times than not, can experience some level of restoration — so long as you catch it before scarring to your hair follicles occurs.
So, let’s get to it. If you’ve noticed lately that your edges are not thriving as much as you would want them to or you simply know that you aren’t being very proactive when it comes to providing your edges with the consistent TLC that they deserve, here are 10 things that will get them on track.
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1. Lighten Up on the Ponytails
Ponytails are cute. They are also super convenient. Problem is, if you’re pulling your hair too tight, your ponytail is constantly in the same position or you’re obsessing over edge control to slick your edges down, that can lead to some level of the traction alopecia that we just talked about or the ingredients in your edge control could end up drying your edges out.
That’s why it’s a wise move to not make a ponytail your automatic go-to every single day and that you also don’t make yourself feel like you need baby hairs all of the damn time (because trust me, you don’t. Your hairstyle will be cute regardless).
2. Switch Up Your Parts
This point right here is something that I am “preaching to the choir about” because if someone is down for a middle part, it’s me. Two challenges come with parting your hair the same way all of the time, though. For one thing, that section of your hair may start to break off due to constant styling, friction, and/or exposure to the weather elements. Secondly, if you’re parting your hair in order to lay your sides down, that pretty much does the same thing as the ponytails do.
Sometimes we don’t realize that it can be easier for the rest of our hair to be thick and long(er) if we’re not combing, brushing, and slicking it down so much. A sleek part is bomb, no doubt. If you want healthy edges, though, you’ve got to bring some variation into your hair looks.
3. Stop Clogging Up Your Edge’s Hair Follicles
The pore that each of your hair strands comes out of is called a hair follicle and when it gets clogged up, that can make it difficult for your hair to thrive. As far as what leads to a clogged follicle issue, everything from too much hair product, dead skin accumulation, sweat, sebum, bacteria, and dandruff flakes can all be the culprit. Not only that but since a lot of edge control products contain alcohol, sulfates, and heavy waxes, all of this is proof of why it’s so important that you do a gentle scalp scrub on your edges — at least on wash days. The clearer your edges’ follicles are, the better off your edges will ultimately be.
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4. Pay Attention to What You’re Washing (and Toning) Your Face With
Now here’s a hack that can save a lot of people on the edge haircare tip! A lot of times, when we’re washing our face (and then applying toner, because you do that, right?), the product that we use gets into our edges. Well, based on what chemicals are in the product, that can also start to dry them out as well. Bottom line here, be hypervigilant about trying to keep as much of your face wash (and toner) out of your edges — and if some does happen to get in there, thoroughly rinse your edges and then apply some leave-in conditioner. Just to be on the safe side.
5. Keep Your Edges Conditioned at All Times
On the heels of what I just said, it’s actually a really good idea to keep your edges well-conditioned at all times, period. That said, a product that you might want to try is Grow Your Edges Back’s Leave-In Conditioner. It’s a Black-owned organic company that makes products that are specifically designed to hydrate your edges with the leave-in being one of them. You can check out a testimonial from one of their customers here.
6. Make Sure Your Edge Controls Are “Hydrated”
One more thing about hydration. If, no matter what, you are going to slick your edges down, please make sure that your edge control is well-hydrated — and by that, I mean that it’s best to get the kind that has no alcohol and as much water in it as possible. If you have no clue of where to begin your search for those, there is a list of 10 alcohol-free edge controls here.
Also, YouTube is full of naturalistas who have reviewed some of their best and worst edge control product experiences. Just a few are located here, here, and here. And please, use a soft bristle brush for the smoothing process. Your edges are far more fragile than you probably think that they are, so that boar bristle? Yeah, keep that bad boy as far away from your edges as you possibly can, chile.
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7. Gently Massage Your Edges with Peppermint and Lemongrass
Massaging your scalp is what’s going to increase blood flow to your hair follicles so that they are able to receive the nutrients that they need so that your locks grow out healthy and strong. Not only that but a scalp massage can also help to reduce stress which sometimes plays a role in hair loss. Since your edges are technically a part of your scalp, make sure to massage them (again, gently) at least 2-3 times a week for 10-15 minutes at a time.
You can also pamper them by applying a mixture of grapeseed oil (it’s a light carrier oil that’s packed with antioxidants and vitamin E) and peppermint and lemongrass essential oils. Peppermint oil is good for your edges because it literally stimulates hair growth while lemongrass oil strengthens your hair follicles and cleanses your scalp too.
8. Detox from Creating Baby Hairs (All of the Time)
I believe I’ve shared before that I have a theory about so many of our people’s obsession with baby hairs. Whether some folks realize it or not, it might be their way of trying to look like they have “good hair.” Lawd (and it truly can’t be said enough) ALL HAIR IS GOOD HAIR, so no, your edges don’t need to be fried, dyed, and laid to the side (oftentimes, quite literally) in order for your hairstyles to be cute.
That’s actually the reason why I chose the feature picture that I did for this piece. She doesn’t have any baby hairs going on. Know what she does have, though? A head full of healthy edges. Now which would you prefer?
9. Ease Up on the Friction
Friction has never been nor will it ever be your edges’ friend. So, as much as it may pain some of you to consider it, you really do need to take breaks from what may be your favorite or automatic go-to hairstyles: wigs, weaves, or even protective styles like box braids and twists. Between the rubbing that the wigs and weaves may do and the tension that comes from the tightness of certain protective styles, if you’re always rocking these looks, while some parts of your hair may be “protected,” your edges certainly aren’t.
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10. CHILL. OUT.
Shout-out to YouTuber A N G I E B E E for her get-your-edges-back video series that you can check out here. Along with this article, her channel is a reminder that even if you apply all of these tips, a great set of edges still weren’t built in a day. Because hair tends to grow, at the most, an eighth of an inch every month, you’re going to need to be patient as your hair follicles and, ultimately your hair strands, get stronger. But if you are patient, you should see real results in 2-3 months and, nice edges? That is something that’s always worth the wait.
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RELATED
And today? Today, I’m going to share something that, if you are married, you can do to improve your sex life that is actually super easy and hella effective. It just requires moving into a different space. Yes, literally.
Read on, and I’ll explain more.
Get Out of the Bed, Y’all. It’s Time.
GiphyThere’s no telling how many times I’ve said over the years that I agree with interior designers when they say that the purpose of the bedroom is sex and sleep — no more, no less. And that alone makes it pretty obvious why the “default location” for copulation is a bed. It’s private. It’s comfortable. Plus, it’s such an ideal location for foreplay, intercourse, and afterplay (which typically consists of quite a bit of cuddling), too. And since beds/bedrooms are so ideal for sexual activity, it’s very easy to take the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach and just stay in that space most, if not all, of the time.
The challenge with that is, if you’re not careful, boredom can creep into your bedroom — and since I think we all can agree that a satisfying sex life is an essential part of any healthy relationship, boredom isn’t something that you should just shrug off, especially since one study revealed that about a third of Americans are currently not very thrilled by what’s happening up in their bedrooms these days.
Not only that, but I once read an article that said sexual boredom is why there is an uptick in masturbation, lower sex drives, an increase in cheating, more relational conflict, and a ho-hum take on relationships overall.
Now, are there seasons when sex is going to seem less exciting than others? 1000 percent (check out “The 'Seasons Of Sex' That Married People Go Through”). And so, if you’re reading this and you happen to be someone who plans on getting married someday, that is something that you should absolutely keep in mind. However, to the married folks, those seasons can happen less (or you can get through them faster) if you’re more intentional about doing things that can keep your sex life fresh and stimulating.
And one of those things includes…GETTING OUT OF THE DAMN BED.
5 Benefits of Having Sex Outside the Bedroom
GiphyOkay, so what are some of the benefits that come with making this minor coitus-related tweak?
1. Getting out of the bed is spontaneous. While reading an article that featured a survey of 500 Americans and 500 Europeans on their favorite place to have sex, the top rank was in public. I’m pretty sure that’s because it’s risqué, it’s random and the spontaneity of it all can be stimulating as all get out. Look, even if you’re not down for having sex in a restaurant or club bathroom, technically your backyard is still considered to be “public.” Pitch a tent and try it there. If you wait until nightfall, the fresh air and stars alone might get your adrenaline going…in ways you never expected.
2. Getting out of the bed is fun. It’s hard to be bored when you’re having fun and when you’re exploring something different with your partner, that can open the door to discuss new things, to laugh about new experiences, and to enjoy the trial and error of experimentation. Plus, laughter has been proven to release endorphins (feel-good hormones), which can make having orgasms easier. Besides, it’s kind of hard to not laugh, at least a little bit, when you’re in the midst of having a really good time — sex should also be considered a really good time.
3. Getting out of the bed can introduce you to new approaches to intimacy. Say that your man suggests going down on you on the countertop in the kitchen one day, out of the blue. I don’t mean during the midnight hour, either. I mean, when the sun is still out, and the curtains are slightly drawn. If normally, you’re down for some oral, yet you prefer to engage in pitch blackness while lying back on your mattress, being on the counter could “hit angles” that you didn’t know existed while being in the light could boost your sexual confidence in ways that you didn’t quite predict.
4. Getting out of the bed can teach you something else/different about your partner (and yourself). One of my clients once told me that when her husband recommended having sex in a Starbucks bathroom (one of the cleaner bathrooms, I’ve heard), she said that it caught her so off guard that they ended up having a long conversation about sexual fantasies. As a result, they decided to come up with sex-themed bucket lists every six months that consist of new things that they want to try. She said that it’s been one of the wisest moves that they’ve ever made. You can learn more about how to make your own by checking out, “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List.’”
5. Getting out of the bed can make your bedroom feel “new” again. You know what they say — absence makes the heart grow fonder, and if you aren’t always having sex in that bedroom of yours, that can actually make you “miss” it sometimes, especially if you decide to do some redecorating (as far as bedding and candles, etc. go) a couple of times a year.
As you can see, doing something as simple as having sex somewhere other than your bedroom can create a whole new world, quite literally, as far as your sex life is concerned.
One of the Best Places to Have Sex
What if I’ve got you convinced to get out of your bed, and, yet, you’re not quite ready to do anything that’s considered to be “too crazy” just yet? No problem. All you’ve got to do is head towards the place where apparently most people use as a safe out-of-the-bedroom go-to: their living room couch.
In fact, couches are apparently so “sex popular” that a few years back, GQ published a piece entitled, “Couch Sex Is the Best Sex.” Why? Couches are comfortable. Couches are different from a bed.
Also, the sex position possibilities that come with the help of a couch are pretty endless. Not only that, but when I asked some of my clients how they felt about having sex on their own couches, several told me that the 69 (oral) sex position is on a whole ‘nother level, thanks to the armrests on their couch (you’re welcome — LOL). So, if you’re wanting to “ease out” of the bedroom, sex-wise, try your couch. For starters.
15 Other Places to Have Sex (If You Haven’t Already)
GiphyNow that I’ve hopefully at least got you to consider getting out of the bedroom (period or far more often), let me share a quick list of places to try — in case you need a bit more inspiration:
1. The laundry room — with the cycle running, it’s like a huge vibrator.
2. The dining room — afteran aphrodisiac-filled romantic dinner. You’ll probably already havesome sex condiments within your arms’ reach.
3. In the shower. Before you hate, read this first: “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better.”
4. Against a wall — any wall. Have you noticed that some of the hottest sex scenes in movies are filmed up against a wall? It’s great for oral sex as well as intercourse.
5. In one of your closets. It’s in a close proximity, and you can hold on to racks that hold your hangers. Plus, it’s pitch black in there if dark is your thing…even in the daytime.
6. On throw pillows on the floor. Over the holidays, I watched a video of Nick Cannon with his firstborn twins at his house. One of his rooms is a theater room that’s filled with nothing but throw pillows. Personally, I’m a big throw pillow fan because they are cozy, comfy, and a great option for sitting on the floor. “Floor sex” conveys “gotta have you now” and the more lust that’s in the air, chances are, the better the sex will be.
7. In a rocking chair. Someone was recently telling me how amazing sex is in a tantra chair. When I looked one up, it reminded me of a chaise lounge. Anyway, that did get me thinking about how chairs can make for deeper penetration and super close face-to-face intimacy. If you step it up and get in a rocking chair, you can control the speed of the intercourse in a cool way. Try it and report back.
8. In a sleeping bag on your deck. Cuddling with your hubby is already going to get your oxytocin levels up. It would be a shame to let them go to waste, so strip naked from the waist down and engage in spoon sex. No one has to know (which is a part of the thrill!).
9. In an office. His or yours. I mean, even if it’s a home office, it qualifies.
10. Via a trampoline. I mean, you might’ve bought one for the kids. However, after you read Elite Daily’s “4 Sex Moves To Try On A Trampoline & Take Getting Frisky To New Heights,” you might wanna get one for yourself. #wink
11. On a truck bed. Down a country road. It’s rustic, raw and romantic. If you don’t have a truck, borrow or rent one. It’ll be worth it.
12. On a road trip. Rent an SUV that has tinted windows. While heading to wherever you’re going, stop and have sex in random spots along the way. This is where quickies can come in hella handy.
13. On the hood of your car. I mean, it can always be in the garage…if you’d prefer.
14. Airport parking lots — in the cheap section. Hey, if public sex is your thing, you can try those same tinted windows that I just mentioned in the airport lot sections that are super far from the airport because they are cheap. If you go up in there after midnight, barely anyone is around. Just sayin’.
15. While on a sexcation. Pretty sure it’s time for one of those, anyway (check out “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!”).
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It’s actually a husband who once told me that it’s hard to get bored with your partner, so long as you both really desire each other and mutually want to keep your sex life strong. Changing locations can help with this, so use this year as the year to give it a shot. You might be surprised by how a simple shift can make sex the very kind that you’ve been longing for (lately)!
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