Trust me—between married clients, horny friends and folks who send me the most random of emails, I definitely hear about sex a lot. And what I'm happy to report is, while not many women have told me that they've never had an orgasm before, what they do say is having one, as much as they would like to, can sometimes be a bit of a challenge.
So, in honor of all the ladies who have no problem climaxing, it's just that, they would like to do it more often and consistently, I've got 10 hacks that, if you apply at least three of 'em during every sex session, you should have one less thing to "worry" about. Are you ready to get yours…more?
1. Get Wetter
I wrote an entire article on lubrication because that's how much I believe that the wetter sex is, the better it can be for everyone involved. When you bring lubrication into the picture, it makes sex slicker and so much more erotic. Between the stimulation of your nerve endings, the sounds that wet bodies coming together can make, along with how lube can actually help you to relax so that your own natural lubricants are able to flow freely and more quickly—you just can go wrong with lubrication (especially if you make sure to apply some directly onto your labia; preferably one that has a silicone base). As a bonus, lubricant is also a great safe sex addiction because, the wetter it is down below, the less friction you and your partner will experience and, the less of a chance there will be of the condom breaking. That's why it's my top sexual climax hack (for today, anyway).
2. Use a Pillow (or Two)
Something as simple as a pillow can take difficulty having one orgasm to no problem having a few of 'em back to back. When you put a pillow underneath you, right at the top of where your back ends and your butt begins, not only does that make it easier for your partner to access you in all of your glory during a lil' cunnilingus action, but it intensifies penetration during intercourse as well. Plus, if you're a visual lover and you like to watch your partner please you (or enter you), being perched up on a pillow can make it so much easier to get a much better…view.
3. Try Places Other than Your Bed
Boredom is a huge cause of the decline of sexual excitement in long-term relationships. Something that you can do to break out of the ho-humness that you might be currently feeling between you and your boo is to get out of your bed and have sex somewhere else. Anywhere else.
Your couch can support your partner's back when you're in sexual positions that require sitting up. Having sex outside in your backyard (so long as it's a closed-in space and your neighbors can't see) can bring out the inner exhibitionist in you. Sex on the stairs can put you and your partner's bodies into all kinds of angles for oral sex. A running washing machine can easily serve as a huge vibrator. The hood of your car can be sexy AF. Right at your front door is pretty passionate and animalistic. You get my point.
Oh, and if you want a few more places for inspiration, Paired Life is a site that lists a whopping 200. (You're welcome.)
4. Buy Your Man Some Eurycoma Longifolia Oil
Oh, we're big essential oil fans over here at xoNecole (check out "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last" when you get a chance). Well, one that I'd be floored if you've ever heard of before is Eurycoma longifolia. It's an essential oil that is extracted from a shrub tree in Southeast Asia that can help to reduce high blood pressure, ease chronic coughing, relieve headaches, treat ulcers and is even used as a homeopathic way to ease syphilis-related symptoms. But what Eurycoma longifolia has the greatest reputation for is making a man last longer in bed.
That's because it's able to do everything from increase his testosterone levels and treat mild forms of erectile dysfunction to heighten his stamina and even help to treat male infertility. On average, men only need five minutes to climax (while we need somewhere around 20 minutes). So, if you want your man to be able to get on the same page with you in this department, putting some of this oil in a diffuser or, even better, giving him a massage with a mixture of one-fourth cup of sweet almond oil and 5-7 drops of Eurycoma longifolia may be all that you need to make sure that you have an even better (and longer-lasting) night.
5. Use Ribbed Condoms
If you don't want to get pregnant or an STD, condom use is a must. When it comes to the kind of condom that can make climaxing easier and so much more intense, you might want to go with a ribbed one. The raised ridges that run along the entire rubber can help to increase friction (in a good way) and intensify pleasure during penetrative sex; especially if you make sure to put some lubrication on the inside of the condom (for him) and the outside of the condom (for you). If you want to check out a wide variety of ribbed rubbers to choose from, click here.
6. Have Him Play with Your Pubic Hair
Ready for a pubic hair hack? When you have a bit of a (well-manicured) bush down below, not only can that result in less uncomfortable friction during sex, but there is another perk that you probably would've never considered. By allowing your partner to gently tug on it, in the direction towards your belly button, that can actually help to expose your clitoral hood more so that he has easier access to the "button" inside. And well, when that gets pushed right, you know how it goes down (wink).
7. Drink Some Red Wine
I don't think we've ever had to convince y'all to drink more wine. Red wine, that is. But if you want to get you and yours' juices to flowing that much more (pun totally intended, by the way), drinking a couple of glasses, about an hour before you plan to get it on and in, is one way to do it. Red wine contains flavonoids that help to increase blood flow to your genitalia. Some researchers also say that the mere smell of red wine can help to get you in the mood too. Especially if it's something along the lines of a Pinot Noir for women or a Moscato for men.
That got me to thinking (and researching). Since red wine is all that, why stop at just drinking it? Yep, did you know that some people also partake in red wine body massages? All you need to do is fill up a spray bottle with half red wine, half rosewater (a skin softener) and a few drops of jasmine essential oil (an aphrodisiac). Spray your partner's body with the mixture and massage them for 10 minutes. Not only will the resveratrol, tannin and polyphenols be really great for his skin, but the wine going into his pores is another way to boost his libido, that much quicker.
8. Get (and Give) a Back Massage
When people hear the phrase "happy ending", usually that's in the context of some highly-sexual-basically-illegal activity going on at a spa or salon. But there are a lot of people who can end up with what are known as back-gasms from a massage that is totally legit. For one thing, during a massage, we tend to be extremely calm with no defenses up.
Also, whether you may realize it or not, a main sexual "trigger spot" on your body is located along the lower part of your spine (due to all of the nerve endings that are there). So, when that part of your body gets massaged, it can help to release a burst of energy while increasing blood flow to your sexual organs.
This is especially the case if you add a little lavender (which is calming), ginger (which can soothe any backaches or discomfort) or sandalwood (which is an aphrodisiac) essential oil into a DIY massage oil blend and then warm it up a bit before applying.
9. Put on a Blindfold
You might've heard somewhere that when you lose one of your five senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell), it tends to heighten the other four. Well, when you temporarily impair your sight by putting on a blindfold, it can amplify the dirty words your partner is saying, make you that much more sensitive to your partner's touch, make his kissing, licking and nibbling feel that much more intense and, anything that they put into your mouth? Well, I'll let you fill in the blanks there. Two other benefits that come with using a blindfold is it adds to the element of surprise (since you literally won't see what's coming) and, it can also help you to trust your partner more (for the same reason). That's a whole lot of bonuses for a little piece of material. Try it. You might be pleasantly surprised—and aroused—by just how much you like it. And how much it helps you to cum that much more.
10. Openly Fantasize
So that you can get off of here and get to testing some of these hacks out, let's end here. I recently read an article about a study that revealed that when a couple is intentional about fantasizing about each other, not only can it significantly increase sexual appeal and attraction to their partner, it can diminish negative feelings about the relationship too. That makes sense when you think about the fact that our biggest sex organ is our brain and when we allow ourselves to tap into our sexual imagination, it can make us, well, hornier.
So, take a moment. Get quiet. Take a few deep breaths. Maybe turn on a song that instantly makes you think about your partner or some of the best sex you've ever had with them. Then think back. What about them turned you on from the very beginning? What was the first intimate experience that was totally indescribable? What have you always wanted to try with him but haven't? What would you like to do again but haven't? What is on your sex bucket list, in general? While a lot of us attribute foreplay to physical sexual activity of some kind, when you open yourself up to doing nothing more than purely fantasizing about your partner, that oftentimes can get you so hot 'n bothered that not much else is needed by the time he is in your presence. You'll be ready to climax before he even touches you. And who knows what being in that mind, body and soul space will lead? All. Night. Long…Over. And. Over. Again.
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Okay, but is that actually true — or is the thrill of a honey packet in folk’s heads more than anything? And if it does actually work, is there anything that you should be concerned about before giving a honey packet a shot? These are the questions that I am going to try and answer for you today, my friend. Because, although I truly am an ally of you having the best time possible in your bedroom, I also want it to come with as few side effects or unexpected surprises as possible.
Honey packets. Let’s get into it.
Why Are Everybody and Their Grandma Raving About Honey Packets, Chile?
Video credit: @blackcircuitmedia via TikTok
Okay, so the video that you just watched? Oh, believe you me, there is PLENTY where that came from. LOL, shoot, even offline, I’ve had people personally sing praises to me about certain honey sticks and honey packets. However, the one that, by far, seems to get the most standing ovations — umm, so to speak — is Royal Honey. If you’ve never tried it (or even heard of it) before, what makes Royal Honey such a big damn deal? Well, according to the website, it is designed to give men increased testosterone levels and longer erections.
When it comes to the version that is made for us ladies (Royal Honey’s site also sells the Pinky P*ssy Gummies that some of you may have seen before), it’s supposed to help regulate our hormones, help to tighten vaginal muscles and enhance sexual pleasure.
As far as the reviews on the site go, there are consistent five stars on many of the product pages. That’s cool. Okay, but did you know something that I didn’t see listed? THE INGREDIENTS. At least on the main website that I checked out, if you look under the description and additional information tabs, nothing is said about what is actually in the Royal Honey brand that is helping everyone and their granny to climb all of the walls in their house.
And so, y’all, already out of the gate, as awesome as it is to have some of the best orgasms ever, thanks to a lil’ pack of honey, not knowing exactly what’s causing them? Yeah, you should be pretty concerned about that, especially since the FDA is.
So, Why Do Some Health Experts (Including the FDA) Frown Against Them?
GiphyAnd that brings me to the serious side of Royal Honey. Because social media had been raving so much about honey packets, apparently, it caused health experts — including the FDA — to wanna see what’s going on, and you know what? They weren’t exactly thrilled about what they discovered. For one thing, one article that I checked out said that it took a “lab analysis” to find out what was even in Royal Honey, to begin with (which pretty much confirmed the red flag that I shared about there being no listed ingredients on the site or packaging). What was discovered is there is a drug known as tadalafil in it.
And just what is that? Tadalafil is a type of medication that is used to treat erectile dysfunction (ED). It does this by increasing blood flow to a man’s penis. Okay, so a man takes something that will make his penis stay hard for a longer period of time. No problem, right? Chile, listen. Even with people who have ED, they are advised to alert their healthcare provider before consuming tadalafil if they have a history of blood, liver, heart, or kidney disease, if they struggle with high or low blood pressure, or if they have diabetes. Oh, and if a woman is trying it out, she should let her physician know if she’s pregnant, breastfeeding, or trying to conceive.
Beyond that, there are certain medications that shouldn’t be mixed with tadalafil, like (high) blood pressure meds, medications for prostate issues, treatments for HIV, and even grapefruit juice shouldn’t be mixed with it. And again, if you’re a woman, prescriptions like fluconazole (which treats yeast infections) should not be taken with the drug. Plus, tadalafil can potentially jack up your or your partner’s nitrates. This matters because nitrates are compounds that can increase blood flow, which makes them a good thing.
The flip side to the nitrate coin, though, is they can also cause your blood pressure to become dangerously low — and that can potentially lead to weakness, blurred vision, dizziness, heart damage, or strokes. Lawd, this is what’s in the beloved Royal Honey packets — and again, the manufacturers don’t appear to be very upfront about it. Shady boots that want y’all to knock boots. For shame, for shame.
Is Honey An Aphrodisiac, Though?
GiphyIn fact, all of this is a part of the reason why honey is mentioned in the article, “12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious.”
Still, this doesn’t mean that if you suck on the tip of one of those honey teddy bear bottles that you see at the grocery store, you’re going to end up with the same close-to-immediate extreme results that Royal Honey is able to give you — again because there is a damn drug in it. So, you should be real with yourself about that.
Also, I should mention here that, of course, there are other honey packet brands on the market. For instance, Black Thai Honey seems to get a fair share of attention, and I’ll at least give it props for letting its customers know that it contains ingredients like maca, ginseng, and bueta superba (an herb that also treats ED) in it. Still, drugs are drugs, and herbs are herbs, and it’s always a good idea to alert your doctor if you’re about to add something new to your system — just to be on the safe side.
____
Aight y’all, if you were paying close attention, I’m sure you noticed that there is nothing “oddly spectacular” about honey packets. Apparently, the ones that seem to work the quickest and most intensely share the common thread of some sort of something that treats erectile dysfunction — and if you don’t have that issue, you should be careful about taking something that is used specifically for it.
That said, honey packets are so deeply ingrained in sex culture these days, that I already know that folks aren’t gonna stop using them, no matter what I (or the FDA) say. Hell, at this point, I’m just glad that you literally know what you’re getting yourself into.
And if Royal Honey is something that you use or want to try, at least give a little bit of side-eye to something that has a drug in it and yet prefers not to mention or discuss it with its customers. You know what they say — even when it comes to sexual enhancements…when something seems too good to be true, there can be some truth to that.
Bottom line: Have fun, yes. More importantly, BE SAFE.
Whew. Honey packets, included, please.
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