

If someone were to walk up to you right now and ask you to rattle off 10 things that you adore about your body, would you be able to do it? The sad reality is that, for a lot of us, it would be so much easier to talk about all of the things we either hate or wish we could change rather than brag about all of the things we are totally in love with. That's actually why I decided to write this. My hope is that, if you do struggle with body positivity in some way (as most of us do), you won't settle for that any longer. Instead, you will take the steps needed to feel really good about the body that you're in. Not if you were bigger or smaller. Not if you were lighter or darker. Not if you hard more or less breasts, a fuller or less full derriere, or anything else that you could pick apart if given the chance.
Hacks are awesome. And these are 10 that can put you on the path to loving your body—just the way it is, right now, at this very moment.
1. Focus on Your Favorite Body Parts
If every time you look in the mirror, all you see are the things you don't like about your body, if I were you, I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. There is plenty of research out here that points to the fact that our mind is hardwired to be negative. The good thing about that is it can prevent us from being complacent in life. The bad thing is, it can lead to self-loathing. One way to not allow negative thoughts to overtake you is to put forth the concerted effort to think about what you actually love about your body.
I don't care what you look like, I promise you that you've got something—probably more than one thing—that others envy. So, do you and your self-image a favor and jot down five things that you know is bomb about your body. Then post it on the mirror that you look into the most. It's the kind of self-love hack that will help you keep things in perspective. It can help to balance the good with the "bad".
2. Dress According to Your Body Type
According to a particular study that I recently read, a whopping 80 percent of women are dissatisfied with their appearance and a staggering 10 million women struggle with some sort of eating disorder. Aside from constantly looking at Instagram models and comparing ourselves with others (I'll expound on that in a bit), I'd venture to say that another leading cause is a lot of us do not know what our body type is and how to dress according to that.
When I started growing out my hair, I struggled at first because I didn't know if it was high, normal or low porosity. Now that I do (it's high), I am able to provide my tresses with what they need and my hair is finally beginning to really thrive. Do you see where I am going with this?
Sometimes, we get discouraged in an outfit because it doesn't fit right. In response, we immediately start going ham on our body when the real issue is, we're putting on things that don't necessarily complement our body type. If you're not really sure what yours is, there's no time like the present to figure it out.
Articles like "The Foolproof Way to Find Out Your Real Body Type" can finally put you on the path to purchasing clothing (and accessories) that will make your body look as great as you've always wanted it to.
3. Don’t “Fear” (Body) Foundation
Back in the day, I knew a woman who was around 5'9" and 400 pounds. To this day, she is one of the most gorgeous Godiva chocolate-jet black hair-perfect eyebrows-beautiful smile-regal women that I have ever seen. While it was always pretty obvious that she was a full-figured woman, it wasn't until we got really close that I knew her exact weight. Honestly, I would've never guessed. "Girl, you can hide a lot with the right foundation," she would tell me. "It can create a silhouette that you never even knew you had."
These days, people tend to refer to body foundation as body shapers and owning a few is nothing to be ashamed of. If you go to your favorite search engine and put the words "celebrity" and "Spanx", you might be surprised how many celebs are a fan of body foundation. Cop some. It can be a real game-changer when it comes to giving you confidence in your clothing. (By the way, if you need a little help in this department, check out "A Quick Guide To Choosing The Best Shapewear for Your Body Type".)
4. Rock Your Favorite Color(s)
Personally, I'm a big believer of color psychology. Not just because certain hues send certain messages to others, but because certain colors can also make us feel different ways about ourselves. As a Black woman, something that I adore is we can make pretty much any color pop. You might be a size 2 or a size 20, but I promise you that if you put your favorite color on, it will instantly make you feel good about yourself and radiate that feeling to those around you. So, whether it's a certain color in your outfit, your purse or your lipstick, put it on. Rock it out. Shake things up.
5. Smell Good
If you check out the article, "I Asked 10 Men What Turned Them On. This Is What They Said.", you'll notice that the first thing to top the list has nothing to do with how a woman looks; it was all about how a woman smells. Chalk it up to pheromones, aphrodisiacs and how we like to be closer to people when they smell amazing. Listen, I don't care if it's perfume, essential oils or a scented lotion, don't you walk out of your house without some "smell good" on your body. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten complimented on my signature essential oil blend and how much I enjoy smelling my own damn self. It's a real self-confidence booster.
6. “Feel” Good
A lot of times, when we think about our bodies, it's the size and shape that comes to mind. But our skin is a part of our body too and when it is soft and smooth, it can make us feel absolutely…delicious is the word that immediately comes to mind. Articles on the site like "Everyone's Raving About The 10-Step Korean Skincare Routine", "All-Natural Ways To Keep Your Skin Super Soft This Fall & Winter", "These Foods Will Give Your Skin & Hair The Moisture They Crave", "9 All-Natural Ways To Quench Dehydrated Skin" and "The Best Black-Owned Moisturizers To Keep Your Skin Hydrated This Winter" can provide you with tips on how to make your skin feel so good that you can't help but to love your body more. Nurture your skin. It's always time well spent.
7. Put on a Pair of Heels
Heels on a daily basis? Long-term, it's not exactly the best thing for your spine, back, knees or feet. But rocking them, in moderation, is cool. It is also a great hack for building body positivity. The reasons why include the fact that heels can make you appear taller, add some strut to your walk, provide you with a natural butt lift and cause your legs to look a mile long. So, if this is a day when you don't feel all that great about yourself, bust out a pair of pumps, girl! Watch how confident you feel, from the moment that you put them on.
8. Pamper Yourself on a Weekly Basis
Something that I make sure to do, without fail, about every 10 days or so, is I get my nails done. During one of my last appointments, I saw a woman who had some truly beautiful skin. It was like a deep coal Black. I was so mesmerized that I complimented her on it. She shrugged and said, "This ashy mess?" to which I replied, "A little sweet almond oil can fix that immediately."
Ugh, how I hate that there are so many of us who don't make time to nurture our body, let alone pamper ourselves. If you don't love your body all that much, ask yourself if you invest in it by luxuriously indulging it. If the answer is "no" or "rarely", then I'm not surprised. We don't tend to adore what we choose to neglect. #ouch and #amen
9. Always Remember How Phenomenal Your Body Is
Have you ever just sat and pondered what makes women so…miraculous? Our bodies are able to blow men's minds with pleasure; grow, birth and then feed children and, as Black women, age with a grace that makes members of basically every other ethnicity try and imitate us on a daily basis (don't make me name names). How could you not love that about yourself? From head-to-toe, you are a masterpiece. Or, as King David once said, "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." (Psalm 139:14—NKJV) You are a woman. That automatically makes your body dope. Own it.
10. STOP. COMPARING.
There's a quote by Zen Shin that says, "A flower does not think of comparing itself to the flower next to it; it just blooms." Daisies are not lilies, lilies are not roses, roses are not tulips. Yet they all have a signature beauty about them. Same thing goes for us as women.
Not only is comparing ourselves counterproductive and a total waste of precious and valuable time, it also is an insult to our Creator, our parents and even ourselves. It's basically saying that God spent more time on someone other than ourselves. Now read that back and listen to how ridiculous that sounds.
I've got some really beautiful women in my inner circle. But you know what? Rather than wondering why I don't look like them, I choose to be like, "Birds of a feather flock together." (LOL) It's not about who looks better. It's about us all encouraging one another to be our individual best. If you master the hack of no longer comparing yourself to other women, the irony is that mastering most of these other tips will not even be necessary. You'll automatically be focused on you and doing the things required to put your best self forward. You'll love your body, simply because there is none other like it. And that level of self-love and body positivity is unmatched. It really is.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Are You & Your Partner Financially Compatible? Here’s How To Tell.
With nearly half of all marriages that end in divorce citing finances as the nail in the coffin to deading their relationship, financial compatibility is one aspect of long-term compatibility that doesn't get talked about enough. Beyond the circular 50/50 discourse and whatever hot-button issues regarding providers and the like, at its core, financial compatibility is about how well your financial behaviors, values, and long-term goals align with those of your partner.
More than it is about how much money a person makes or doesn't make, financial compatibility focuses on how you think about money, how you spend your money, and most importantly, how you plan for the future with your money. Think, questions about money mindsets, spending habits, debt, budget, etc. Are you a saver and he's a spender? Do you see money as a tool for freedom? Does he see it as something to hold on tightly to as a means of survival? Can you talk about your financial goals and plans openly?
Knowing if you and your partner are financially compatible can save a lot of heartache, a lot of headaches, and a lot of money in the end. Keep reading for a few key indicators to pay attention to and learn whether or not you and your partner are truly aligned financially.
Signs You’re Financially Compatible
1. You can talk about money without judgment.
Conversations about money aren't something you dread. You're able to talk to your partner freely and openly about money matters, like debts, bills, the budget, etc., even when it is uncomfortable. There is an understanding that talking about money doesn't have to be something you're on the defense about, instead it's an opportunity for transparency, clarity, and solutions.
2. You respect each other's money personalities.
What is a money personality? According to Ken Honda, author of Happy Money, a money personality is our "approach and emotional responses to money" and there are seven money personalities we can fall under. These personalities can help us understand our own relationship with money, as well as our partner's. For example, maybe you're someone who likes to treat yourself to a fancy dinner once a month and your partner is someone who believes ordering takeout and not cooking meals at home is a cardinal sin.
When you can respect each other's money personalities, neither approach is subjected to judgment and shifts can be made in each other's spending habits as needed and from a place of love versus guilt or shame.
3. You agree on what it means to have "financial security."
Whether it’s building a stacked emergency fund, paying off debt before putting a downpayment on a home or being able to splurge on a baecation without checking your account balance before the bill arrives, your definitions of what it means to be financially secure are in sync, or at least compatible enough to reach a compromise.
4. You are not each other's "financial parent."
You’re not constantly teaching, fixing, or stressing out over what the other person is doing with their money. Although I fast-forwarded through a lot of the most recent season of Love Is Blind, I did pay attention to Virginia and Devin and money seemed to be a recurring theme in their conversations. It was clear Virginia had her ish together when it came to money and her financial plans for the future and Devin was not quite on her level.
Though she said no at the altar for additional reasons, I could also see how sis could eventually get very tired of being her partner's second mama, so to speak. And that's the thing about being your partner's "financial parent," eventually, you could end up feeling like you are one-half of a "parenting" or "teaching" dynamic with your partner instead of feeling like you're equals in a partnership.
5. You make financial decisions with each other in mind, not for each other.
Whether it’s booking a trip, deciding which debt to tackle first, saving up for a big purchase, or planning out your next move, there’s a mutual respect for each other’s input. Those shared goals might look like wealth, freedom, stability, or just a debt-free life that feels soft and secure.
You don’t have to be chasing the same bag in the same exact way, but you do need to be aligned on the vision. What you're building should feel like a joint venture with shared effort and purpose, not one of y’all making major money moves like you're still single. Making financial decisions is not just about where the money goes, it's about where you’re going together.
6. You're aligned when it comes to the big stuff.
Financial compatibility extends to the long-term of money management. The legacy, structure, and shared responsibility that comes with decisions like shared accounts, estate planning, having babies, or even blending families. Will you split bills or combine income? Who’s taking time off if you have a child? How do y’all feel about generational wealth or investing for your family’s future? You and your partner have had the real conversations.
These conversations can’t wait until after the wedding or until after a baby’s here. They’re the foundation for how you function as a unit, and if you're not aligned, or at least willing to get on the same page, that incompatibility can cause friction in the end that love alone can't fix.
Love is cute and all, but building an empire together? That’s the real flex. Tap into our new series Making Cents to see what financial compatibility really looks like when love and legacy go hand in hand.
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