H.E.R. just released her new video for "Focus" and she proves that you can lose your identity and still find yourself.
More than 10 years ago, a 10-year old Gabi Wilson sat in front of a piano rocking a pink feather vest and sang Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You" on the Today Show like a grown ass woman. The young musician was labeled a child prodigy by 2008 and dropped her first major single, "Something to Prove" in 2014.
Wilson seemingly disappeared from the industry after the single released. Although her label and management will not confirm it, spywork done by Forbes suggests that Wilson is now H.E.R., which stands for Having Everything Revealed.
With the easy access of information available on the internet, it's hard to maintain the level of secrecy necessary to keep her identity confidential but she feels that the strategy will help her audience focus on what she stands for rather than who she is. She told Billboard:
"You have easy access to what everybody's doing 24/7 and [the mystery] was kinda my way of getting away from that,".
For the most part, the Bay-Area musician has achieved her goal of maintaining her anonymity. The 20-year-old is currently killing the R&B game, and she's doing it without showing her face. We live in time where image is everything, H.E.R. said that her image is to not have one at all.
"It's easier for people to judge what they don't like about someone when they know exactly what they're looking at. I just want it to be all about the music. Forget the clothes, the looks, the name, the backstory...you're here for the music," she said in an interview with Refinery29.
The truth is easier to tell when no one knows that it's your truth.
It's human nature to fear being ridiculed, so we bite our tongues and withhold our true feelings to fit in and be politically correct. H.E.R. said that her shift to anonymity was an attempt to free herself from the ideals and expectations that the public had for her music and to walk in her own truth, even if it's not what people expected or wanted to hear. She was recently chosen as iHeartRadio's On The Verge artist and said:
"It's easy to get attention and make music to please an audience instead of being honest. The real stuff is what people really want, though—the raw stuff. My sound is starting to shift, and I haven't been afraid to try new things because the people that love the music have bought into me and who I am."
The most important honesty is the kind that you have with yourself.
"I have the freedom to do whatever I want musically, and I'm super grateful for that. If you're always true to yourself, they're gonna love it."
H.E.R. is proof that when you starve your ego, you feed your soul, and only magic can come from that. We have to be able to detach from the tangible, material representations of ourselves to discover what we're really all about. What do you stand for? What do you believe in? What is your passion?
We get stuck living out other people's representations of ourselves so often that we forget to be honest about who we really are, and what we really want.
Your ego has the power to rob you of the peace that you deserve.
Materialism, pride, and complexity are all associated with your ego, meanwhile your soul is representative of your true self and just being. Your ego says things like, "I am not good unless I prove it," and your soul tells you that you a free to pursue and and everything that you love. We could all take a lesson from H.E.R. about starving our ego and unapologetically pursuing what we love.
Gabi Wilson had to lose her identity as a child prodigy to find a wildly successful career in R&B as H.E.R. Forget who you're supposed to be, be who you are. Do what you love and the rest will come.
If you walk in your truth Having Everything Revealed, you'll always run into purpose. Just do you, boo.
Watch H.E.R. "Focus" in her new visual below.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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What Is a Praise Kink?
The concept of praise kinks isn't new, but thanks to TikTok, a lot of people are now realizing they might identify as praise kinksters. Currently, the hashtag #praisek1nk is trending with 568.9 million views, with tons of creators posting about their love for compliments and words of affirmation during sex. I, too, love a good compliment during sex. I once had a lover sing my praises about how good I was at a certain bedroom activity. His affirmations gave me WAP, but does that categorize me as having a praise kink?
How To Know if You Have a Praise Kink
Just because you love receiving praise doesn’t mean you have a praise kink. Someone with a praise kink experiences an intense level of sexual excitement from being praised or verbally affirmed by their partner during sex. You might have a praise kink if hearing your partner tell you how pretty you are makes you cum or if the thing that makes sex go from good to great is hearing your partner's thoughts about how good you are at giving head. And if, during solo play, the thing that gets you all hot and bothered is recalling the times your partner called you a good girl, it’s probably a praise kink.
Generally, a kink is a sexual activity that is needed for someone to enjoy sex. When it comes specifically to praise kinks, if you need reassurance from your partner that you're sexy, or good in bed in order to orgasm, you have a praise kink.
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Examples of Praise Kink Phrases To Try With Your Partner
If you’re new to the term and looking to explore, you probably have questions about what phrases to use. It may take a lot of communication and some trial and error to figure out what phrases work best for you and your partner. Ultimately, the best phrases to use vary from person to person and are based on what sex acts you and your partner enjoy, or what parts of their body they like complimented.
To get you started, here are some generic praise kink examples to try out with your partner:
Praise Kink Examples:
- You're such a good girl/boy.
- You're so good at [insert skill].
- You look so hot when you [insert activity].
- Your [insert body part] is irresistible.
- You taste so good. I can't get enough of you.
- You just have the perfect [body part].
- Just like that… you’re doing so good.
- Who taught you how to be so good at [something?]
While many examples of praise kink involve specific verbal affirmations, praise can also come in the form of brief words or phrases like “yes,” “keep going,” or simply a moan. No matter what type you prefer, praise kink is all about finding what feels good and exciting, and turns you and your partner on the most.
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Originally published on November 4, 2022