Grief Sent Me To Paris, It Just Happened To Be During The Olympics
Grief is a tricky thing, isn’t it? Just as I reached a comfortable place in the acceptance stage from losing my mother in 2021, it came back like a wrecking ball. This time, my maternal grandfather, aka my favorite person in the world. On July 11, 2024, he transitioned from his physical being and became one of the ancestors.
Sure, he was aging. He was 93, to be exact. But he was still just as sharp, witty, and independent as ever. Until he wasn’t. Although my family never officially revealed his diagnosis to me, the signs were there. It was eerily similar to my mom’s end-of-life stage during her bout with endometrial cancer.
And so, while I didn’t want to accept what was happening to my favorite guy, I was intentional about seeing or talking to him over the phone every day for those last six or so weeks.
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In the weeks and days leading up to July 11, I often had pep talks with myself, “You’ve gotten through this before. He’s 93, and you can’t expect him to live forever.” Thinking I would be okay once the call came in, I quickly found that I wasn’t.
I experienced insane insomnia, anxiety attacks, and even nausea on the day of his funeral. I couldn’t even muster up the strength to sit in on the viewing, so my family allowed me to sit in the church lobby until the casket was closed.
Somehow I made it through my speech during the service (barely), but after it was all said and done, I knew I simply needed a change of scenery. Less than 48 hours after we buried my grandfather, I began planning an impromptu trip to Paris, one of my favorite cities in the world and host of the 2024 Olympic Games.
My therapist classified it as trying to escape my grief, but I saw it as a time to process while doing something that genuinely brought me joy. After going back and forth for about a day and a half, I had finalized my itinerary with my flight and hotel confirmed. Exactly a week later, I was on my flight headed to Paris, France.
Once I landed, I felt as though a weight had been lifted. Seeing all the Olympic signs and the overall Parisian aesthetic was an instant breath of fresh air. While it was slated to be a short trip, four days and three nights, I mapped out activities that I knew would make me the most happy while there—shopping, a trip to Disneyland Paris, and of course, an Olympic event.
As a self-proclaimed adult Disney fanatic, spending a day at the French capital’s version of the theme park allowed me to disconnect from real life and tap into my inner child. I rode the teacups, ate ice cream, and even lined up to watch one of the parades, where I excitedly waved at all the characters. I left the park that evening feeling renewed.
The next day, and for my official summer games experience, I headed to my pre-booked women’s 3rd round tennis match in the famous Roland Garros Stadium. The entire time, as I randomly yet passionately cheered on the underdog Chinese competitor of the match, I kept saying to myself, “I'm really at the Olympics in Paris.”
I should preface that with, I’ve technically been before, but it was the winter games while I lived in South Korea in 2018. So it was my first Summer Games.
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With much of my trip bringing a smile to my face and spirit, there was a moment as I was leaving the tennis stadium when tears welled up. Typically, anytime I travel, my grandfather is the person I call once I return. He was always genuinely interested in hearing about where I had been and what I saw.
So, in true grief fashion, I had that moment where I got excited to call him and tell him about what I had just witnessed during my trip, and then reality hit. That was a call I would no longer be able to make. Admittedly, it left a lump in my throat, just as it did when I wrote this.
I began to question if my trip was worth it. If I hadn’t gone, would I still have this same sadness? It almost left me feeling like I should slow down on traveling for a while, or at least until I could handle the potential emotions that may result from not being able to talk to him anymore. Because the wound was still very fresh.
But, I remembered that travel is my personal love language. I also remembered how excited my grandfather and mother were to see me travel this big, beautiful world and experience global cultures. And in that moment, I knew this sadness was simply a temporary reaction to the lifelong cycle that I would go through.
Feeling my feels, as my therapist says, I allowed the emotions to do what they needed to, and then I went on to finish the rest of my trip on a high note. Because in the end, while they may not be here physically, they are certainly with me wherever I go in spirit—and that is what I will rest on as I continue to navigate this never-ending merry-go-round called grief.
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This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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'Power Book II: Ghost' Star LaToya Tonodeo Doesn't Think Her Character's Mom Is A Toxic Parent
The Power Book II: Ghost finale episodes resumed on Friday, Sept 6, and the Tejadas appear to be in deep trouble. Spoiler alert: Diana Tejada, played by LaToya Tonodeo, is pregnant with Tariq St. Patrick's (Michael Rainey Jr.) baby while simultaneously dealing with her family's new arrangement with dirty cop Don Carter (Michael Ealy).
Diana doesn't want her child near the drug game, but due to her family and her child's father's active roles in that lifestyle, she may not have a choice. In a xoNecole exclusive, LaToya opens up about the reality of Diana's options.
"My advice would be like, girl, you better pray about it and make the best decision. But in actuality, like looking at the circumstances, I don't necessarily think it's best for her right now to leave her support system," she admits.
"She needs all the support she can get. It just doesn't make sense. You're saying you don't want Tariq to be a part of the life, but that's clearly what he is doing in his path. And then you're a Tejada, your family is a part of that life. And then you're in school. How are you going to support yourself and a child off the candy store like it's not going to work.
She continues, "So you need to keep, in my opinion, I would say, keep the family as close as you can, because regardless of who they are and how they operate, it's definitely beneficial for her."
"So you need to keep, in my opinion, I would say, keep the family as close as you can, because regardless of who they are and how they operate, it's definitely beneficial for her."
If you watch Power Book II: Ghost, then you are familiar with the family dynamic between the Tejadas. The family's matriarch, Monét, played by R&B legend Mary J. Blige, groomed her kids to be gangsters and help her run their drug empire.
But her parenting has often caused a wedge between her kids Diana, Dru (Lovell Adams-Gray), and Cain (Woody McClain), especially after she killed their father. This led to Diana and Dru recruiting Tariq to kill Monét, but it was unsuccessful and now, Monét is now trying to repair her relationship with her kids.
While Monét ticks off many of the boxes of what a toxic parent may look like, LaToya has another point of view. "I feel like even though, on the outside, it could look like she's a toxic parent, I believe that we try to show that there's still elements of love there, and there are moments where Diana, for the sake of family, still will forgive all the things that, like if she feels blamed for certain things," she explains.
"Like the time, I think it was last season or season three, when Monét actually went into Diana's dorm room and apologized and all the things-- she's okay with it, because Diana really wants family."
She continues, "And at the end of the day, Diana wants her mother to see her. So it might sound toxic to say that I don't believe she's fully toxic, but Diana is okay with giving chances, and maybe that's to her detriment, but she's okay with giving chances, and the growth between them is a push and pull, but Diana needs it."
Watch the full interview below:
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