As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is JaLisa Jefferson's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
I have went from girlfriend to fiancée to wife...in less than one week.
My husband, Cory, proposed to me on May 14th in a carefully planned, highly anticipated—yet unexpected—evening. As soon as I walked through the door, there he was, down on one knee, asking me to spend my life with him.
We dated for almost a year prior to the proposal, and we even planned to get engaged in the near future, but due to the pandemic, and everything being shut down, I figured there was no way he could accomplish a special engagement or even get a ring, so I never suspected anything. But Cory worked with my parents and brother to set up a beautiful proposal at our weekly family Bible study.
Five days later, we were married.
Cory and I actually met "before we met", completely in the digital age, via Instagram. We finally came face-to-face while out with mutual friends, Jessica and Quincy (@itsjessicaacy, @quincyacy).
Ironically, we realized we had conversations with each other on Instagram over the last few years, but didn't make the connection until after the fact. And since that day, we've been together for almost a year, happily and blissfully living out our flourishing lives.
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I grew up in a healthy, faith-based household, which I ultimately credit my success to. I was a focused youngster, didn't involve many in my world. My family is full of preachers and pastors, so we were often in the church, knowing and learning The Word. I was shy, somewhat quiet, and always desired to be married and have a family. However, I knew that processing was necessary; which included completing my education, reaching some personal and career goals, all while praying that God would send me the man He approved for my life. Several bumps in the road when it came to my dating life (I know we all can relate to that one), yet I waited on God.
After all, I always viewed marriage as an eternal and sacred commitment to God and to your spouse—a commitment to seek God and remain best friends forever.
So, I waited.
And then He brought Cory to me.
From the beginning of our relationship, we have taken pride in the fact that we over-communicate our thoughts, feelings and desires with one another. We are both Capricorns and natural planners, so as soon as we knew we wanted to do life together, we pretty much had all this planned out and agreed upon. And now that we have lived out our idea of a engagement and wedding, we have laid our trust and faith at each other's feet.
Even before the pandemic, neither one of us were interested in having a huge wedding. We wanted to keep it extremely small with our parents and then maybe later have a reception to celebrate with our friends and extended family. We initially planned to just go to the courthouse, however, it evolved to having some of our closest friends and family present via Zoom for the ceremony as well.
Our wedding was intimate and full of love. All we cared about was committing our love, relationship, and marriage to God in front of the people who loved us most. My pastor officiated the wedding and counseled us prior. I wouldn't call our engagement and wedding traditional or modern, honestly it was just what WE wanted it to be.
Of course, the people closest to us, meaning our parents and best friends who we speak with all of the time, already knew that this was how we wanted to marry, so none of them were shocked. Extended family and those of which we don't really talk to on a regular basis, were the most shocked. And social media. We were definitely questioned by some trying to figure out what the rush was.
And with me being a full-time influencer they just assumed in their head that I would have this big extravagant wedding. Clearly, they didn't really know me or my heart as it relates to marriage or weddings.
I actually asked Cory about his thoughts on the past few eventful days and he said:
"The engagement couldn't have been any more perfect. The in-laws really made it that much more special. I was just expecting a few balloons, but mom had a whole ceiling full of balloons with an archway setup with streamers, cupcakes and had a great playlist playing for the whole thing. The day of the ceremony wasn't any different. I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting, but our friends and family went above and beyond anything I was thinking it would be. The day couldn't have went any better."
I couldn't agree more.
Courtesy of JaLisa Jefferson
My dress was stunning, my husband was dapper. Decorations were magical.
Case's "Happily Ever After" was blaring:
And you told me that you loved me
More than anything in your life
And I asked you would you do me
The honor of being my wife (yes I will)
We were so happily in love, wandering in euphoria and observing our joy radiate from person to person. The energy was so strong, so deep. Even with the ceremony being as intimate as it was.
Everything was perfect.
And now, it's time for us to live abundantly, ordained in the image of God.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33."
I say this to encourage any couples inspired by our story, or simply don't have the appetite to marry traditionally, to wed on their terms. Don't lose your vision. It's yours. And most of all, seek God.
Everyone's situation and relationship is totally different, so while I am elated that I was able to inspire people, ultimately, I just pray that I inspire you to get closer to God and seek what's best for you. Cory and I have prayed collectively, individually, and sought counsel from those who we know have our best interest at heart.
Which is most important.
We're so thankful for the outpouring of love and support in choosing to marry our way. It's so hard to explain how we even feel right now. It's a mixture of being elated, but also feeling like everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to—even greater than my dreams since I was a little girl. The entire process from engagement to wedding ceremony, with all of our closest people, just felt so natural. There was so much love and support around, it's hard to even put into words.
So, thank you for celebrating our union with us. Thank you for being just as happy for us as we are.
We're officially a couple of weeks in. With just a fruitful, dynamic, and loving lifetime to go.
To keep up with the Jeffersons' journey, visit their website. For more of JaLisa, follow her on Instagram: @jalisaevaughn.
Featured image courtesy of JaLisa Jefferson
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The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
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Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
These exit polls quickly became the object of Black women’s attention and ultimate disappointment. Because while Black women went out and reliably voted for Vice President Kamala Harris to the tune of 91%, white women handed Trump 53% of their collective vote, Latino women 36%, and women of “other races” 46%.
On the night of November 5, 2024, Black women were left in shock. This shock would morph into disappointment, and the disappointment was a consequence of what, some would begin to argue, felt like, well, betrayal.
Like Rome, though, this heart-wrenching disappointment wasn’t built in a day.
Screenshot from "2024 Exit Polls," NBC News, accessed Nov. 12, 2024.
The Set-Up
On Sunday, July 21, President Joe Biden announced that he would not be seeking reelection - a decision that followed the disastrous one-and-done debate against former president Donald Trump, the subsequent wavering of major donors, and growing calls for a new candidate to run on the Democrat’s ticket. Hours after Biden’s announcement, Vice President Kamala Harris would send Beyoncé's internet into a frenzy by announcing that she would seek the party’s nomination.
That July night, 44,000 Black women assembled via Zoom to stress test the limits of the meeting app, break historical fundraising records, and strategize - subsequently setting into motion a series of virtual meet-ups. As a result, more Zoom meetings cropped up, bringing together attendees connected through countless combinations of backgrounds, orientations, and genders.
One said meeting was held by and for 164,000 “White Women for Kamala” who’d come together to publicly declare that they’d regretted not doing more in 2016 and were ready to use their privilege for the sake of advocacy and allyship.
A woman wearing an anti-Trump button as she listens to Democratic presidential nominee VP Kamala Harris speak at a campaign event on Oct. 18, 2024.
Bill Pugliano/Getty Images
For months, white women made it a point to convince Black women that they were on board - ensuring us that they were ready to seize their second chance at pushing back on the pillars of the patriarchy. The same group who’d failed to answer the call of rejecting Trump’s racist, sexist, and xenophobic antics before swore, for months, that they’d seen the error of their ways and were looking for redemption. The alleged fix? Betting better. Doing more. Voting differently.
While there was an understanding undertone of apprehension from Black women, the rhetoric began to lend itself to hope — with some going so far as to lift the moratorium on cookout invites. There seemed to be a collective sigh. A brief moment of unity.
The Let-Down
Little did Black women know, they were about to be played like a fiddle by the same group who, like in 2016 and 2020, were more interested in their own self-preservation than in actual change. This short-lived hope was dashed on Nov. 5 as the true nature of performative allyship became evident.
Turns out, the Black women who’d served at the helm of the movement, bless their hearts, had been bamboozled. Hoodwinked. Swindled. Like a modern-day Boo Boo the Fool. Believing the hook, line, and sinker, it was almost cute, in a tragic sort of way. They saw the potential, the hope, and the promise, drinking the red Kool-Aid, so to speak, eagerly awaiting the revolution.
The excessive blue hearts and social media commentary pledging solidarity had turned out to be performative or had over-indexed the voices of the 44% who were actually in solidarity. Either way, the seemingly overwhelming allyship wasn’t there, reminding Black women that while they are constantly expected to stand on the front lines for so many, rarely is there any ally who will actually show up for them.
A History of Short-Lived, Self-Serving Allyship
The 2024 election wasn’t the first time we’d seen this type of performative allyship, though. While a noble concept in theory, the kinds of allyship that have been displayed in many movements across The States have far too often missed the actual point. In fact, throughout U.S. history, allyship has actually been used more as a tool to bolster a single group’s positioning in the social hierarchy rather than genuinely advocating for the progression of marginalized groups.
Think back to 2020. Just months after the COVID-19 pandemic forced much of the country into isolation, remote work, the acknowledgment of essential workers as, well, essential, and, for some reason, bread-making. For 9 minutes and 29 seconds, the world watched, helplessly, as a powerless George Floyd was slowly pulled away from the world, drained by Officer Derek Chauvin's knee to his nape. In a traumatic 8 minutes and 46 seconds, the world seemingly changed.
Ira L. Black/Corbis via Getty Images
Protests quickly spread across the globe, and along with it, a wave of “allyship” swept across America. Large corporations, scrambling to answer the calls of Black employees, consumers, and investors demanding that they use their financial prowess to do more to prevent the next Floyd, almost instantly began releasing statements of solidarity, pledging donations to “racial justice” causes, and promising to promote more Black employees.
However, as quickly as these gestures showed up, most were forgotten, with almost all proving to have provided minimal impact on the groups they’d pledged to help. While some companies, like Target, increased their spending on Black-owned businesses, others faced scrutiny for their lack of substantive change.
A study by Color Of Change found that only 17% of companies that pledged donations after Floyd's death had fulfilled their commitments. Data compiled by theWashington Post found that two years after America’s 50 largest publicly traded companies pledged a collective $50 billion to racial justice causes, just 37 had disbursed a collective $1.7 billion. What’s worse?
Ninety percent of the pledged amount - or $45.2 billion - had been allocated in the form of mortgages, loans, and investments that the companies themselves would more than likely benefit from. These companies said one thing and did another and still found a way to benefit from the delta.
Performative Allyship: Civil Rights & Women’s Liberation Movements
This type of allyship is new, though. It didn’t take long for powerful groups to figure out that the simple appearance of allyship was, for the most part, good for business and the bottom line. For decades, powerful entities have publicly supported movements only to be later found to have engaged in discriminatory practices, highlighting the consistent disconnect.
During the Civil Rights Movement, companies issued statements of solidarity and even donated to civil rights organizations, but behind the scenes, they continued to segregate their workforces and refuse to hire Black employees for higher-level positions. During the Women's Liberation Movement, advertisers capitalized on the feminist moment by incorporating imagery and slogans associated with women's empowerment into their campaigns, while the underlying message of many advertisements reinforced traditional gender roles and stereotypes.
The difference between what is said and what is done has time after time exposed the shallowness of allyship, highlighting how it has mostly served as a tool for public relations rather than a genuine commitment to social justice and to the marginalized groups who are most at risk by the upholding of the status quo.
For two election cycles straight, white women posed as allies and still voted in a way that upheld the power structure that they benefit from - with many understanding that the survival of white supremacy is of more value to them than sexism and misogyny is a threat. In 2016 and 2020, 52% and 55% of white women, respectively, decided that they’d rather keep their position of second place in the social hierarchy than risk dismantling it and being forced to find a new place in society.
Latino women and women of “all of the races” followed the trend - blatantly ignoring the warnings of the same Black women who have not only been on the front lines of social justice but who are often called into the lead movements in communities that are not there own - increasing their support for Trump between 2016 and 2025 by 13% and 15% respectively.
Screenshot from "2020 Exit Polls," NBC News, accessed Nov. 12, 2024.
The Blue Bracelets are Going to Be A “No”
On the night of Nov. 5, 2024, Black women watched their country look at a qualified, experienced, capable, and willing Black woman and say, “Nah, we good.” It was on this night that a group that had been denied democratic rights for centuries, but had still attempted to rescue American democracy far too many times, only to be let down, put away the warnings, and began issuing a new declaration - they were opting out.
Black women have decided to lean into rest and recuperation - uninterested in any additional work that will, more than likely, end in disappointment and betrayal. For many Black women, the suggestion to wear blue bracelets as a symbol of solidarity is patronizing and dismissive of a greater and more complex issue. It’s a way to absolve the women who let Black women down for failing to keep promises made while simultaneously positioning the wearer as morally superior.
It fails to address the historically deep betrayal that Black women have experienced at the hands of their country and, more specifically, their own countrywomen. The request reduces the fight for equality to a simple, superficial gesture when allyship isn’t aesthetic and Black women deserve more than a symbol.
While the blue bracelets may be the new fashion choice for white women attempting to set themselves apart, to symbolize that they were on the right side of history, for many Black women, it’ll always be difficult to trust. In fact, it may serve as a symbol of a hollow and fleeting promise for the Black women who have done the tireless and thankless work for justice and equality.
For now, Black women are choosing themselves. Anywhere between a few days and the next four years should be enough time to reset and recoup. And who knows, they may even find the excess capacity means energy to train as pilots, restart forgotten yoga practices, expand the business, or earn that second Ph.D.
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Featured illustration by nadia_bormotova/Getty Images