If you read our articles often, you know that we are huge advocates of mental health, taking those breaks, and championing our self-care habits. But the fact of the matter is, doing so is damn near impossible with the continuous access to the reality of inequality, the death of our brothers and sisters at the hands of so many variants, and blatant disregard from those who are put in positions to have our best interest at heart.
Add these elements on top of our personal life's challenges, and we can find ourselves in a place where we all suffer from a string of PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, just from being black. According to the American Psychiatric Association, PTSD is defined as:
"...a psychiatric disorder that can occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, war/combat, rape or other violent personal assault."
Basically, every time we turn on the television, or open our social media accounts, or even while having conversation with friends, we are adding a little brick to our mental barrier.
a katz / Shutterstock.com
But what if instead, we root for as many positive turnarounds as we can and find joy in someone else's triumphs (including your own)? Maybe this means hitting the pavement to march for a cause, or maybe this means organizing a community initiative. Maybe contacting your local legislators and taking them head-on.
Or maybe, you donate.
In comes GoFundMe, the country's most trusted free online fundraising and donation platform that eliminates a third party, securing funds directly to a cause. Some of the most amazing stories rest here, a world where people just hope for the best, and people can directly provide some help for those in need.
So, whether you can donate $1 or $1000, here's a list of a few captivating campaigns that could use some attention during these unsure, but enouraging times.
1.Urban School of Self-Defense
Beneficiary: Zahalea Anderson
Cause: Rebuild Zahalea Anderson's Urban School of Self-Defense.
Since the time Zahalea Anderson was inducted into the Martial Arts Masters Hall of Fame and built her "dojo" (a Japanese word for a place of learning or meditation), she has been working to build upon the popular martial arts training center.
Unfortunately, Anderson's business was caught in the cross-hairs of the Long Beach, CA riots, and her business was burned down on May 31st, the day protests erupted. Her martial arts school, which was located at 120 W. 7th St., had been closed since March due to COVID-19, but was scheduled to re-open the very day it was burned down.
And although she can no longer stay in its original location, Anderson plans to relocate somewhere even bigger and better.
2.Justice for Breonna Taylor
Beneficiary: Bianca Austin
Cause: Justice and support for Breonna Taylor's family, fight, and expenses because she still has no arrests made on her case.
Breonna Taylor was sleeping in her home when it was raided by three officers who barged in and shot her eight times.
Eight times. Eight times.
The officers were at the wrong home. She was killed immediately.
The backstory disgustingly gets worse, but the other real tragedy is that there has yet to be an arrest, or even a mere attempt at one, holding her killers accountable despite the internet's efforts to call for justice.
We will never give up on this one. Rest in peace, sweet girl.
3.Jessica Mahone Recovery Fund
Beneficiary: Debra Mahone
Cause: Support Jessica on her road to recovery.
On February 21, Jessica Mahone was driving with her son, Quest, when they were hit head-on by a drunk driver. Jessica suffered a spinal cord injury to her C-3, C-4 and C-5 vertebrae, which are part of the cervical spinal column that controls the central nervous system, which affects breathing, chest, arms and legs. Although it is miracle that Jessica is alive, she is paralyzed from her neck down.
BUT GOD.
She is now showing major progress, thanks to around-the-clock care, rehabbing, and the highly infectious spirit of her amazing mother, who hasn't left her side.
Jessica has a long road ahead, but we have no doubt that Jessica will conquer this whole-heartedly.
4.Brock's Family Home Fire
Beneficiary: The Brock Family, Shawnniece Brock
Cause: Help the Brock family find a new home and support their family.
During a time where we are suffering a pandemic, riots, and civil unrest, one thing that a family never hopes to deal with is an electrical fire taking everything they own.
Well, that's what happened to the Brock family of Birmingham, AL, when on June 4, they were awaken by screams and flames that engulfed their home and belongings.
The Brock Family is currently residing in a hotel until they can find new living arrangements. All proceeds are going towards continuing caring for their family's needs.
5.Bridgette Brantley's Call to Act-ivisim
Beneficiary: Bridgette Brantley
Cause: Bri Confronts Racism Across America
After she wasn't offered a teaching contract for the 2020-2021 school year, Bridgette Brantley decided to hit the streets and answer the call for activism instead. And with the current state of the country, Brantley is looking to visit five cities across the United States (Richmond, VA; Washington D.C.; Minneapolis, MN; Seattle, WA; and Houston, TX) to examine racism and its aftermath in America.
Her campaign surpassed its goal FIVE TIMES in less than a week, which clearly makes a statement that she is both good at what she does, and the people want to hear what she has to say.
A true passion project from a queen who could use all the support we could offer.
6.Marcus Books 60th Anniversary Fundraiser
Beneficiary: The Marcus Books Family
Cause: Support the oldest black-owned bookstore in America.
Marcus Books is the oldest independent Black-owned bookstore in the country.
Sixty years since its opening, the bookstore has become a literary and cultural hallmark, hosting an archive that is comprised of literary royalty and iconic authors such as Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, Angela Davis, Terry McMillan, Michael Eric Dyson, Iyanla Vanzant, Nikki Giovanni and so many more of our treasured voices. Just as important are the book clubs, intimate poetry readings, and countless customer conversations that unfold at Marcus.
The Marcus Books Fundraiser will go toward reclaiming a future where Marcus Books doesn't just survive but thrives, evolves, and gives back.
7.Northwest Tap Connection Support Fund
Beneficiary: Melba Ayco | Northwest Tap Connection
Cause: Support this team as they wait to reopen.
The Northwest Tap Connection is a close-knit creative space community of extremely talented black tap enthusiasts based in the south end of Seattle. Like so many, when COVID hit, they were forced to close and somehow sustain business operations to stay afloat.
Since closing, their campaign has raised half of its goal, which they are so adorably grateful for, but they still have a little bit more of a push to go. Regardless, their passionate, eager, and palpable energy will have this group in session for a long time.
8.Teaching Farm for Black Women
Beneficiary: Danita Dani Constable
Cause: Create a farm community in Decatur.
We never received our 40 acres and mule, but our good sis, Danita, doesn't care. She's out here to take it.
Danita, of Decatur, GA is looking to quite literally create a farming community for black women, a skill so incredibly important considering the direction this country is going. Her plans include: purchasing land, buying livestock, farming her land, building housing for those seeking asylum, making a donation to the Farmer's Alliance of Black Farmers, and so. much. more.
Needless to say, she is on a mission--a beautiful mission--and could use our support. She plans to build out this project over the next two to three years.
9.Official Gianna Floyd Fund
Beneficiary: Tiffany Lee of Stewart Trial Attorneys on behalf of Roxie Washington
Cause: The support of Giana Floyd.
Yes he did, baby girl.
For the rest of her life, Gianna Floyd will have access to seeing the death of her father. She will always have access to how the country tried to villainize him for his own murder. Despite this, most of us have taken on a ring of protection to ensure that because of this, she will have the best opportunities afforded to her. It takes a village to take care of all of ours, and nothing is enough.
From Barbara Streisand making her a Disney shareholder, to Kanye West paying for her already competitive college education, hopefully these big gestures can size up to an ounce of the fact that her father was stolen from her.
But at least she knows her daddy changed the world.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Featured image by stockelements / Shutterstock.com
RELATED
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
____
Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images