We've all heard about the benefits of manifesting your dreams by mere thought or creating vision boards to illustrate, in plain sight, what you want out of life. Many of us might even have the same cliche perception of what vision boarding actually entails--- something as simple as cutting out photos and words from magazines and pasting them on posters like an elementary school project.
I must admit, as a professional in my 20s, I'd never really believed in vision boards. I'd always been raised to believe that faith and action were enough, and I strategized my plan for success accordingly. (And I'm sure I wasn't alone. According to research, apparently "fantasizing" about an "idealized future" can actually be counter-productive and "sap energy" needed to actually achieve goals.)
By 30, I'd reached management status, had my own blogs and columns, hired teams, and led successful campaigns. I'd felt like I'd somewhat made it in my industry, quite early actually. Along with the accomplishments came the career rut and utter burnout, so I found creating a vision board to be yet another task to add more pressure and anxiety to my life. The vision board would only serve as a reminder that I hadn't become "like Oprah," made a million with a best-selling book, or landed a prime placement on somebody's news show.
There was one major key I'd been missing: While it's awesome to have goals and make them plain in writing or illustrations, one also must pair belief with strategic planning in consideration of one's true purpose and talents that aligns with the vision board. A vision board is not the end-all-be-all to mapping out success. It is simply a complementary tool part of that process. And many successful people, in this way, swear by them, including Steve Harvey, Cardi B, and Tamera Mowry.
Another such leader who has elevated the conversation around vision boarding is Mariko Bennett, founder of COCO B. Productions, and author of The Blueprint: to Manifest Your Dreams. She and her team offer leadership development workshops and strategy sessions and offer tailored solutions for government agencies, corporations, professionals, associations, nonprofits, and other organizations.
Here's more from her on elevating your approach to vision boarding and taking action on your wildest career dreams:
xoNecole: You've written a book that describes a 'blueprint' for planning career advancement and success. What should readers expect?
Mariko Bennett: The Blueprint: to Manifest Your Dreams is my purpose project. I am a master manifester and did not realize [it] until friends of mine told me. We would sit down, at that point, we'd called them 'vision boards' but now call them 'blueprinting boards' and I would manifest everything on my board. They would say 'You did that?! You did that?!' Absolutely. What I found out was that 92 percent of people never really reach to achieve their dreams and goals.
I set out, when I wrote this book, to help the 92 percent of people to become master manifesters. In the book, I talk about seven life-focus areas, I talk about SMART goal-setting, I talk about being intentional, and about understanding what the obstacles are so that you can make plans to get around those obstacles.
I talk about my 4-C's of manifesting, which is really my secret weapon as to how I've been able to be successful. I talk about the power of belief and affirming yourself. It's literally a blueprint to manifesting your dreams---personal and professional.
xoN: What would you say to someone who might be skeptical when it comes to the power of manifesting or vision boards?
MB: We approach our blueprinting boards in a different way. Why are boards important? Why is putting your vision down important? It's a strategic plan. If people don't understand vision boards, they do understand a strategic plan. That's the first thing I'd say to anyone who's hesitant. You have a vision in the words of quotes, photos, and images that remind you of what your vision is, in life form. We take it a step further. That's where the SMART goals come in.
It's important to have a vision---which is where that first C comes in, crystalize---and you've gotta go an extra step, where you customize the plan and you're doing SMART goal-setting. Then you go to the third C, which is cultivate, where you have to do the work. Manifesting doesn't work just because you look at a board. You have to cultivate it. You do the work. The fourth C is when you curate, and that's when you're measuring success and fine-tuning your approach as you are manifesting.
xoN: What does 'putting the work in' look like after creating this vision board, or 'blueprinting'?
MB: In customizing, you're looking at what you have and what you need to reach that vision. What works for your life? [For example], if you want to finish school in 4 years, how many credits do you need to take? How much will it cost you? Where do you want to live? And with cultivating, it's where a lot of people begin to fail or quit. It gets difficult. You actually have to show up at that job all the time to get that money. You actually have to save those dollars, right?
Whatever you're working on, you actually have to put the work in to get it done. And then, life can happen, which may throw people off. And so, it's important that you have your blueprint and your vision to remind you what you promised [yourself] and you've got your plan so that you can work to get back to it once life happens.
xoN: What's a recent example of how you've used this process, for yourself, in any current career transitions, for spaces you're in now?
MB: Absolutely. We did a blueprint for Coco B Productions, at the beginning of the year, and one of the goals was to get minority certifications as a firm. I customized a plan. And sometimes your plan is beyond you. I am not the person to sit there and do all the applications. That's where the accountability partners come in that are cheering you on and reminding you of what you promised yourself.
Sometimes they're helpers. They do the work for you. I hired a firm to help me get my certifications. Yes, I had to give them a lot of paperwork and I had to do the work to get us there, but they actually did the filing for me and really just helped me to get across the finish line.
For more of Mariko, follow her on Instagram @mariko_bennett1.
Featured image courtesy of Mariko Bennett
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Geeze. When’s the last time that you heard that what and how you think about yourself can actually cause “her” to act — or act up — a certain way? And yet, as you’re about to see in just a bit, it’s very true. However, before I share with you how your self-worth and vaginal health work together — or against each other if you’re not careful — let’s unpack a bit more about what it means to have a healthy sense of self-esteem vs. signs that you could stand to do a bit more work in that department. For your overall sake and for the sake of your vagina’s too.
What Does It Mean to Have High Self-Esteem?
GiphySo, let’s come out swinging, just a bit, on this one. Although we live in a time where a lot of people come across as being extremely arrogant, that isn’t an indication that they have a high sense of self-esteem; in fact, oftentimes, it’s just the opposite. When it comes to cockiness and being pretentious, as I oftentimes say, “Arrogance is nothing more than low-self esteem throwing a temper tantrum.”
Okay, so what does a healthy level of self-esteem look and live like?
Confidence is a sign of high self-esteem. Taking accountability and responsibility for one’s actions is a sign of high self-esteem. Setting and upholding (that is key) clear boundaries for the sake of your mind, body, and spirit’s ability to thrive is a sign of high self-esteem. Having healthy relationships (and won’t that preach) is a sign of having high self-esteem. I like how one article that I read on the topic said that not settling for just a paycheck when it comes to choosing employment, not making self-destructive decisions, and choosing to build people up instead of tearing them down are also signs of having high self-esteem.
Know what else are clear signs? Prioritizing your physical health and also pampering yourself — and no, your vagina should not be exempt when it comes to both of these things. This is why it’s important to see your doctor if you recognize any abnormalities down below, that you perform vaginal self-exams on a consistent basis, and yes, that you treat “her” as a very vital part of your being…because “she” is exactly that. Doing these things significantly increases your chances of having a healthy vagina and vulva — just like low self-esteem can do the opposite.
Let’s keep going. So, on the flip side, how does low self-esteem present itself?
What Does It Mean to Have Low Self-Esteem?
GiphyPeople who don’t find themselves very worthy of much, they tend to display the following characteristics:
- They worry a lot
- They self-deprecate
- They lack good boundaries (or they let people talk them out of their boundaries)
- They go overboard when it comes to people-pleasing
- They don’t have much of a backbone (folks can easily sway them out of their standards and beliefs)
- They constantly compare themselves to others
- They regularly participate in negativity
- They lack self-control
- They are unforgiving when it comes to themselves and others (because they are highly critical)
- They don’t prioritize self-care
And doesn’t it make perfect sense that if you’re in this kind of head and heart space, your physical (and mental) health would suffer on some levels? Yeah, you might be surprised at just how much.
How Low Self-Esteem Impacts Your Health Overall
GiphyIf you’re constantly caught up in negativity, if you don’t have self-control and/or you allow people to talk you in and out of whatever, I’m sure you get how that can lead to toxic relationships, depression and anxiety and possibly even the abuse of substances (mental health stuff). Okay, but how does low self-esteem directly affect your physical health?
One way that it can rear its ugly head is by causing you to have an unhealthy relationship with food whether that’s developing some type of eating disorder or simply not feeding yourself things that are good for you. Another? Well, there are studies that indicate that negative people and those who don’t get adequate rest tend to have low self-esteem.
There is also plenty of data out in these streets that says people with low self-esteem tend to make far more unwise sex-related decisions than those with high self-esteem. You can read here and here about how there are direct ties between low self-esteem and obesity (even in medical students). Another thing that low self-esteem can do is put unnecessary stress and strain on your heart which can potentially lead to heart disease, heart attacks, and strokes.
Hell, there is even research that says that low self-esteem can trigger things in your system that will result in breakouts, excessive itching, and intensified symptoms of eczema and psoriasis. And yes, even when it comes to your vagina and vulva, low self-worth can certainly take its toll.
5 Ways Low Self-Esteem Affects Your Vaginal Health and Well-Being
GiphyNeed some convincing that low self-esteem can wreak absolute havoc on your genitalia? Here ya go.
1. Low self-esteem increases your cortisol levels. People with low self-esteem tend to be more stressed which can cause their cortisol levels to rise. When that happens, it can increase inflammation, throw off your vagina’s pH levels, and cause more bad bacteria to enter into your vagina — and all of this creates a perfect storm for becoming so much more vulnerable to vaginal infections.
2. Low self-esteem can lower your libido. The way that low self-esteem typically presents itself in the bedroom is it can cause you to have a negative body image and/or give you performance anxiety and/or make you put up walls with your partner and/or cause you to believe that you aren’t worthy of the kind of intimacy (physically and/or emotionally) that you desire. And all of this can cause your libido to tank.
3. Low self-esteem can lead to vaginal dryness.When your estrogen levels are off, that can do a number on your mental health. The interesting thing about that is stress can throw off your hormones in the first place and, as we already touched on, low self-esteem can be quite stressful. When you’re stressed, that can put your hormones on a roller coaster ride which can cause things like vaginal dryness. And your vagina and vulva are a lot less comfortable — both in the bed and out — if it’s constantly dry.
4. Low self-esteem can cause recurring yeast infections. If you seem to keep getting yeast infections, you definitely should see your doctor, just to make sure there isn’t an underlying health issue going on. However, also don’t underestimate that it could be that you need to give your self-esteem a boost. Yep, another interesting way that low self-worth can present itself is it can alter your gut and immunity, making it harder for your system to fight off things like yeast infections. Fascinating.
5. Low self-esteem may cause you to be hypercritical of your vagina/vulva. When you get a chance, please check out “Did You Know That There Are 10 Different Kinds Of Vaginas? Yep.” Since, again, low self-esteem can be pretty unforgiving, it’s not uncommon for women who battle with it to be very hard on how they look — including how their vulva (because you can’t exactly see your vagina) appears.
____
One time, while talking with a client about the importance of having high self-esteem, we discussed some of the very things that I just mentioned. When she connected the potential for low self-esteem to it keeping her out of the mood for sex and her having an irritated vagina, interestingly enough, that was the inspiration that she needed to make some real lifestyle changes.
Whatever it takes, chile. If getting your vagina to feeling right is what will make you more intentional about loving on yourself — I mean, so long as the job gets done, one way or another…right?
A television producer by the name of Angela C. Santomero once said, “Self-love is necessary for a functional and successful life.” This includes adoring every single part of yourself. Vagina and vulva included.
Their health and well-being absolutely depend on it. Quite literally, sis.
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Featured image by Valerii Apetroaiei/Getty Images