Vaginas should be spoiled — full stop. Sexual pleasure comes from them. Babies come out of them. And shoot, those two reasons alone are enough to totally prove my point. And since this is the time of the year when we tend to do a ton of intentionality into gift-giving, I thought that it would be a great opportunity to add on to an article that I wrote (wow!) almost five years ago: “Here's What Your Vagina Wants For Christmas (No, Really).”
Because really, as you’re going down the list of all of the people who you want to get something for, are you even on it? If not, you definitely should be because I agree with a survey that I once read that said that many people are big on “self-gifting” because 1) it’s important to them, 2) they see it as a reward, and 3) it’s a great way to lift their spirits.
That said, when you factor your vagina into all of this, another article that I penned for the platform a while back is “Vaginas Are Like Plants. Here's What I Mean By That.” In it, one of the things that I mentioned is when you actually speak positively to and about your “treasure box,” it can help to boost your self-confidence. That being the case, I’m just providing one more way that you can elevate your self-esteem (including your sexual self-esteem) as you remind yourself that since every inch of you is special, every part should certainly be celebrated.
That said, let’s get into 10 things that your vagina and vulva would be so happy to receive this holiday season.
1. A Vagina-Themed Food Basket
If I were to offer you $25 on the spot to list 10 foods that are proven to be beneficial to your vagina’s overall health and well-being, could you do it? If you’re an avid supporter of the site, you should be able to because, over the years, I’ve written pieces like “The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving,” “Put Your Vagina On A 'Summer Diet' This Year,” “10 Fall Foods That Are Really Good For Your Vaginal Health” and “This Is How To Eat Your Way To A Wetter (Yes, Wetter) Vagina.”
The reason why it’s important to know things like this is because studies show that consuming a ton of processed foods not only has the ability to suppress your immunity, but it can also make you more susceptible to vaginal infections and even vaginal dryness.
So, why not put some of the foods that are mentioned in those articles into a basket, wrap them in cellophane, put a big bright bow on top, and place it on your kitchen table in time for Christmas? Your vagina will dig it — the rest of your system will too.
2. Bikini Line Moisturizer
The reality is the skin that’s around your bikini area is more sensitive than you probably think it is. And so, if you shave there often and you want to reduce your chances of getting razor bumps, moisturize. Adding to that, since removing hair down below removes a top layer of skin as well, in order to avoid ending up with dry (and irritated) skin, moisturize.
Wanna keep your skin looking great after removing hair? Yep, you guessed it — moisturize. Although there’s a particular carrier oil that can get the job done that I will discuss here in a moment, there are also moisturizers that were created specifically for your bikini line region. A list of some popular ones is located here and here.
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3. Hybrid Lubricant
Whether your hormones are shifting these days, and that’s got you a bit drier in and around your va-jay-jay than you would like, or you simply want to be wetter because, during sex, that way truly is better, you can never go wrong with a tube of hybrid lubricant. If you’re wondering what that is, it’s a blend of silicone and water-based lubricant that’s especially awesome if you’re someone who likes to participate in anal sex, you enjoy using sex toys a lot and/or shower sex (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”) is totally your thing. Why? Well, when you use hybrid lubricant, it tends to last longer than a water-only lube does.
Also, since it has the “slip” of the silicone, you can experience less friction during intercourse which ultimately makes for a more pleasurable experience all around. At the end of the day, what it all boils down to is a hybrid lubricant is able to give you the best of both worlds. For the record, a hybrid lube that has a great reputation for not being sticky, not staining, and working really well with both condoms and sex toys is Sliquid Silk. At under $25 for around an eight-ounce bottle, that makes it even more of a win.
4. Jojoba Oil
As far as skincare goes, it is my personal opinion that everyone should have some jojoba oil in their possession. It’s loaded with vitamin E which nurtures your skin. It deeply penetrates dry skin. It helps to soothe skin issues like eczema and psoriasis. It also helps to fight acne and reduce signs of aging.
And why will your vagina enjoy it so? Well, another thing that jojoba oil contains is antioxidants as well as antimicrobial and antifungal properties — some of which have been proven to kill candida (which can lead to a yeast infection). So, if you’d like an affordable oil that is great for your vulva region, without question, jojoba oil is that one.
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5. Seasonal Vajacials
If you’ve never heard of a vajacial before, it’s basically a “facial” for your vagina — well, actually, your vulva. As far as if you actually “need” them or not, the reviews are mixed. Personally, I’m all about them if you’re someone who does pubic hair removal on a consistent basis because they can help to soothe your vulva after getting waxed, can help to prevent ingrown hairs, and they can also exfoliate any dead skin cells that could lead to build-up or irritation.
To me, the key is to make sure that a licensed esthetician does them for you and that they focus on your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) only. If you keep that in mind and get one around four times a year, I can attest to the fact that your vulvar skin will be all the better for it.
6. Pelvic Floor Massager
Whether you’ve recently had a baby (vaginally) and you’re looking to speed up the healing process, you’ve been experiencing some pain or discomfort during sex and you’d like some relief, or you’re dealing with a bit of incontinence, a pelvic floor massager (some call it a pelvic floor wand) could be the solution to your problems. That’s because it’s specifically designed to gently apply pressure to your pelvic floor in a way that increases blood circulation, soothes trigger points, and strengthens weaker tissues in your pelvic floor area.
For the record, although these can be pretty effective, it is important to speak with your doctor or, even better, a pelvic floor therapist — just so they can confirm if you actually need to use the massager and, if so, for how long. Some options for reputable pelvic floor massagers are located right here.
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7. Tanga Panties
If it’s time to get some new drawers (and if it’s been longer than six months, the answer would be “yes”), get your vagina some tanga panties. If you’re not exactly sure what those are, they’re underwear that’s a blend of half thong and half Brazilian briefs. What I personally like about them is they provide the sexiness of a thong while having the comfort (and coverage) of a pair of briefs. And since that is the case (and you don’t have fabric that is all bunched up in that space), your vagina is able to breathe better than it probably would in a thong — and that means less (potential) yeast infections. Yay!
8. Vaginal Gummies
You probably already know that taking a probiotic is a great way to care for your vagina from the inside out. Okay, but what about the gummies craze that seems to be going on as far as health-related supplements go? Are they good for your vagina too? Well, what a lot of health experts will say is although your system may not exactly “need” them, many of the gummies do contain a particular strain of probiotic that can help to keep your vagina in good condition as far as its flora and reducing your chances of getting bacterial vaginosis go.
Plus, gummies tend to taste pretty good, which is always a bonus. If you’d like to read up on a variety of vaginal gummies options, Amazon has quite a few to choose from here.
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9. Rose Water
Whether you decide to purchase some rose water or make it yourself (recipe here), please give it a shot. All of the antioxidants in rose water can help to soothe skin irritation, its antiseptic and analgesic properties will help to treat minor skin infections and, when used on at least a semi-consistent basis, rose water can help to slow down the aging process of your skin as well.
And here’s the thing — since vulvar skin can age just like the rest of your body (check out “Vaginas Age Just Like Everything Else. You Can Slow It Down, Though.” and “Keep Your Vagina Like A (Literal) Fountain Of Youth”), soaking in some rose water while taking a bath can certainly do wonders for your vulva and vagina.
Also, rose water (in its purest form, which is roses and water only) can help to balance your vulva skin’s pH levels, deeply hydrate that area of your body, and also bring relief to minor razor burns. And just where can you find some pure rose water? NatureVibe Botanicals Rose Water is a fan favorite for many. You can purchase a bottle of it here.
10. A Book That Celebrates the Diversity of Vulvas
As we prepare to (pun intended) wrap this Christmas shopping list up, at some point, please make the time to read “Did You Know That There Are 10 Different Kinds Of Vaginas? Yep.” Although all of our vaginas basically do the same thing, our vulvas (the outer part of our vaginas) don’t all look just alike — and that’s a good thing. Unfortunately, there is solid evidence out here that says that a part of the reason why labiaplasties are on the rise is that women are viewing porn and wanting their vulvas to look like the people they see on the screen. SMDH.
And that’s why I think it’s cool that there are books out here likeA Celebration of Vulva Diversity – A Book by The Vulva Gallery. It’s a visual reminder that our individuality is one of our greatest superpowers…even when it comes to our vulvas. So, get yourself a copy and smile while flipping through it. However your vulva looks, it’s that way by design. Happy Shopping-for-Your-Vagina-Especially-So season, sis!
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak