What You Should Consider Before Letting A Friend Set You Up
It's crazy out here. That's a full stop statement but today, what I'm specifically referring to is, when it comes to the dating scene. And if you're someone who is sick and tired (then tired some more) of dating the same kind of guy over and over…and over and over again, or you're simply tapped out of options of where or how to meet someone new at the moment, a very valid option is to let some of your friends set you up. Now before you pull out your phone to ask one of them "What's good?", there are a few points that I wanna hit first, just so, if you do decide to take this dating route, you and your friend are able to survive it.
So, if you're tired of online dating and/or you are finally ready to leave your ex (or exes) alone and/or you've already got a friend who's been hinting around about hooking you up, here are the things that you need to seriously consider before you let them play matchmaker in your life.
Does Your Friend Know Your Type?
One of the reasons why getting set up by my friends is a personal no-no for me is because, well, you should see how my birthday goes. I've got some pretty quirky taste, no doubt about that. So, these days, my peeps are more in the lane of, "Shellie, just tell us what you'd like and we'll cop it"—and I sincerely appreciate that. Indeed, it is one thing to think you know what someone would like vs. being absolutely sure. So when it comes to men, while I do have a bit of a type (most of us do), it's kind of multi-layered and hard to explain once you get past the, please be well over 6' and chocolate, if possible.
There's no time to get into my personal preference list, but what I will say, as it pertains to you is, if you're open to letting a friend set you up with someone, make sure they know at least the "surface layer" of what you're interested in/looking for. Not just physically, but the kind of ideals and values you're down with and even the type of dating situation you'd like to get into at this particular season and stage of your life. Because wouldn't it suck to meet a man who checks all of your boxes, only to find out he's a commitment-phobe six months down the road—and your friend had an inkling but thought that you could be the woman to change him around? Whew. Talk about a potential fall-out. We'll get more into that in a little bit, though.
What Kind of Connection Do They Have with Him?
Lawd. So much drama can be avoided in life if, we simply don't make assumptions about, pretty much anything. That said, if you've got a friend who's excited about hooking you up with someone, aside from processing how close you and said-friend are (check out "According To Aristotle, We Need 'Utility', 'Pleasure' & 'Good' Friends" and "Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them"), there is nothing wrong with inquiring about their relationship with ole' boy too. Is he an ex? Were they ever intimate? Is he a relative (friends take it personally when things don't go well with someone in their bloodline)? If he's a co-worker or someone they go to church with, how well do they know the guy beyond just sharing the same space on any given day? Whatever the case may be, if they're presenting him to you as being so awesome, what makes him that way in their humble opinion?
There are people I personally know who hooked up a friend, simply on the basis of thinking that someone was a nice guy, only for him to turn out to be an individual who should've had a starring role in a Lifetime movie. The psycho guy didn't get blamed nearly as much as the friend did. So yeah, make sure that you've got a little bit of history on the relationship between your friend and "him" before agreeing to go out. It could shed some light on a few things that you wouldn't know otherwise.
Is This Their First Attempt?
If you want to see how the future will go, it can never hurt to look at the past. Case in point. I've got a family member who, every time they recommend someone to me, I'm looking at them, not side-eye but dead in the eye like, "Do you know me at all?!" There is absolutely no way that I would go out with anyone they suggested because 1) every single guy they think would be a good idea, I am not even remotely attracted to or interested in and 2) their own track record with their own relationships is less-than-stellar.
That second point? That too can play a role in whether you should let a friend set you up or not because, oftentimes, the mindset that a friend has when it comes to trying to connect you with someone tends to mirror the headspace they've been in when it comes to getting in their own relationships (or situationships).
For instance, love addicts are consumed with people being together—whether it's good, healthy or right—or not. So, if your friend is a love addict, they will probably want to hook you up, for no other reason than, they think everyone should always be in some sort of relationship. Plus, if they are a love addict, there's also a pretty good chance that they've either tried or did set you up before. And yeah—how did that go? Matchmaking ain't an exact science. Lord knows that it's not. But if you've already gone down this road with a friend of yours before, and things didn't go so well, you aren't being overly skeptical if you'd rather take a pass. Honestly, it could actually protect your friendship in the long run if you do.
Can It Be Something Casual Before Something…BIG?
So, what if this is your friend's very first attempt, you totally trust them, you've conveyed your type and the guy they're describing sounds like a good fit? What now? Well, unless you just adore blind dates (which kind of makes you a unicorn), who says that the initial set-up has to be some grandiose event? Something that can take the pressure off of, shoot, everyone who's involved, is if your friend has you and the guy over for brunch or dinner, or something casual along those lines. That way, it's not just you and him in the initial meeting, and you can get to know each other in a more casual setting. Then, if you both do hit it off on some level, the two of you can decide to take things further. Or, if there is no chemistry (whether that's one way or both ways), everyone can call it a day and go home with no drama.
Are Either of You Gonna Take the Situation Personally?
I know of a couple of matchmaking attempts that have worked out really well. Thing is, the person who did the matching up brags about it, every chance they get, even all years later. For the record, if there's anything to be proud of, it's bringing two people together, successfully. That still doesn't change the fact that there's some ego involved. And that's the last thing I'll say that you should keep in mind when it comes to letting your friend hook you up.
If only a couple of "light" dates occur and nothing materializes, that's not a big deal. But if the guy is an ass or you do end up dating and he graduates from ass to asshole or—God forbid—you end up being the one who hurts him, you and/or your friend could end up feeling some type of way. Super disappointed is one thing, but if it grows into hurt or pissed, that could affect your friendship in ways that you didn't quite predict. So yeah, also factor in your sensitivity levels as well as theirs. If you already feel in your gut that this could put more stress and strain on your relationship, either share that with them on the front end to see where their head and heart are at or, politely decline the offer. Then remember that the universe is huge. There are other ways to meet a man than through a friend. If it's meant to be that way, it needs to go smoothly. If it's not, let it happen another way—so that you and your friendship can remain intact.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Victoria Monét’s Romantic Journey: A Deep Dive Into Her Dating History
Victoria Monét, the multi-talented singer-songwriter known for her sultry vocals and captivating performances, has been making waves not only for her music but also for her openness about her personal life. Best known for hits like "On My Mama" and collaborations with Usher, Monét's career continues to soar as she carves out a space in the R&B and pop landscape.
Alongside her musical success, her dating history has garnered attention, as she has been linked to several high-profile relationships, most notably with personal trainer and entrepreneur John Gaines, with whom she shares a daughter.
When it comes to her sexuality, Monét was hesitant at the beginning of her career to share she identified as bisexual. In an interview with Variety, she said, “I thought that conforming would make me go further. Being picturesque, straight… It almost felt like you didn’t want to add any more weights to your ankles trying to win a race. It’s like, you’re already a woman, you’re already Black — you’d better pick a struggle.”
In November 2018, the artist publicly announced her bisexuality in a post on X (formerly Twitter). This revelation empowered her to express her true self more openly through her music. Notably, in the 2019 duet with Ariana Grande "Monopoly," she sings, "I swerve both ways, dichotomy / I like women and men," boldly asserting her sexual orientation. Additionally, she composed the sensual track "Touch Me," the concluding song on Jaguar. This song is dedicated to her fellow R&B singer, Kehlani, with whom she had a relationship, and who is featured on the remix version of the song. More on this later.
Victoria’s music often reflects themes of love, sensuality, and freedom, creating a safe space for those who feel marginalized or misunderstood. By embracing her true self, both in her personal and professional life, Monét is a powerful voice of representation for queer women of color in the music industry.
Also, is it me or does Victoria Monét stay with a baddie? Let’s run back Victoria’s dating history by using some of her hit songs.
Touch Me: Rumors of Victoria and Kehlani Dating
For years, we have been speculating that Victoria and Kehlani had a lil something going on. Just this year, the “Ass Like That” singer confirmed their relationship. During a High Low with EmRata podcast interview with Emily Ratajkowski, she spilled the tea on her past relationship with Kehlani, working with Ariana Grande, and her love for R&B legend Sade.
The innanets were saying that Victoria’s fling with Kehlani started in 2020 when they recorded the “Touch Me” remix. During the interview, the 30-year-old revealed that she was expecting a child when she and the Kehlani worked together on a song that appeared to be about the "After Hours" singer.
While maintaining a neutral stance towards past romantic partners, Monét has refrained from divulging specific details about her previous relationship with Kehlani. She told Ratajkowski, “[We’re] friends. I kind of am like that with all of my past relationships. I really don’t like the idea of like, now someone’s dead to me, unless they did… I mean, some of my relationships ended where they did me wrong.”
Victoria went on to say, “But like, I don’t know. I just got over it, and I like to have that kind of an open connection, like, I don’t wanna kill somebody off and be like there’s a rule of me not to speak to them ’cause I feel like that takes even more energy to like, try to avoid people and trying to hate them.”
Breaking Point: Victoria Monét’s Relationship With John Gaines
In their romantic journey, Victoria Monét and John Gaines have consistently centered their attention on their small family unit.
Our first glimpse of Gaines came in Victoria's music video for "Moment," where the couple shared some incredibly passionate and sensual kisses.
Initially, they maintained a low-key approach to their relationship but later announced a significant milestone in December 2020: they were anticipating the arrival of their first child. Their daughter, Hazel, entered their lives in February 2021, completing their family circle.
Later that year, Victoria shared with ESSENCE, “We’re completely in love and enjoying our new chapter. [Hazel has] really got him wrapped around her finger, and I’ve seen him change in ways that I know he didn’t expect. She’s growing us up.”
Earlier this year, we found the family oozing adorable family vibes as they all took to the Grammy red carpet looking like walking mannequins. That night our queen took home three awards including Best New Artist.
— Victoria Monét (@VictoriaMonet) September 23, 2024
After seven months, the couple revealed in a joint statement that they had decided to discretely end their relationship. “We spent the last 10 months trying to respectfully and privately navigate the fact that we are no longer in a relationship. Though we still completely adore and respect each other, we are not a couple anymore.”
The announcement continued, “There was no infidelity, toxic behavior, or drama. We both just have some fundamental growing to do that would best be done apart so we can remain the best versions of ourselves for our daughter.”
We Might Be Falling in Love: Victoria’s Budding Romance with Stormzy
Word on the street is that the Jaguar baddie has moved on with a certain tall, dark, and handsome British rapper. Victoria was seen showing some major PDA with Stormzy earlier this month. The Sun released photos of the two embracing and kissing at Heathrow Airport less than a month after Victoria announced her split from John Gaines. According to The Sun, “the 6ft 5in star grinned as he gave Victoria a hug before kissing her on the lips.” An onlooker told the outlet, “Both Stormzy and Victoria looked absolutely smitten with each other.”
Ironically, Stormzy also announced his breakup from TV host beauty Maya Jama this summer, after rekindling their romance. The stars—who had previously dated from 2014 to 2019—acknowledged that they had attempted to make their relationship work, but it ultimately didn't, and that was an acceptable outcome.
"We've been laughing whilst drafting this because we never, ever, in a million years thought we'd be the couple announcing a breakup,” the former couple wrote in a joint statement. "But for the sake of clarity and, more importantly, to allow us the space and grace that's needed for us both to be able to navigate this next bit of our lives with peace, we thought it might be best to.”
Neither camp — Stormzy or Victoria — has confirmed the dating rumors but we all know a picture is worth 1000 words.
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Featured image by TheStewartofNY/WireImage