Getting Back To Happy: Jazmine Sullivan Shares Her Keys To Contentment
Jazmine Sullivan is living life.
No, she's not exclaiming the "You Only Live Once" mantra that many 20-somethings use to excuse crazy antics and questionable decisions. Instead, she's inhaling inspiration and exhaling fulfillment—embracing a life where she can travel the world, make lasting memories with friends, and, of course, get back to the music.
“You have to live in order to have material to write about," she says. “And when you write your own stuff, it's especially important that you have life experiences and fresh new things to talk about, and you can only get that through living."
It's refreshing to see the 30-year-old making a point to find happiness. Check her Instagram feed and she's flashing her pearly whites while doing everything from singing duets with Stevie Wonder to hitting the stage with fellow soul-singer Sam Smith.
It's a complete 180° from the Jazmine that we saw just a few years ago. Back in 2011, fans were caught by surprise when she took to Twitter to announce her abrupt departure from music before deleting the tweet an hour later:
“I'm making an official announcement that I am taking a break from music. I'm trying to figure out who I am…w/out a mike, paper, or pen. I promised myself when it wasn't fun anymore I wouldn't do it. And here I am. I'm not saying I won't ever sing again in my life becuz I don't believe that. But in this moment…rt now…got some things to figure out."
She describes this moment in interviews as a mandatory break to exterminate unnecessary things and people in her life. But in reality, it was much more than just a respite. It was a time to metaphorically kick back with a glass of wine, have a little one-on-one time with God, and do some much-needed soul-searching to figure out who she is and who she's destined to be.
It's no secret that the R&B songstress went through a period of depression as a result of her tumultuous relationship with her former boyfriend. Like many of us, she got lost in the idea of love—not realizing that the man of her dreams would one day become the source of her nightmares. It started off with words that left her questioning her worth, and elevated to blows that left her physically abused and emotionally broken.
As in many cases of domestic violence, she found it hard to leave the relationship. Perhaps it was the hope that things would one day get better, that the moments of animosity were just a fleeting phase, and that the possibility of a brighter future made the darkness of the past worth the fight. Or maybe it was one of those addictions that were just too hard to shake, leaving her relapsing back onto the rollercoaster of their relationship.
In the song “Forever Don't Last" off of her third album Reality Show released last year, she gives a brief peak into her thoughts during this period:
“I had her hopes for us baby/Like I was on dope for us baby/Chasing after a high that I'd never get back again."
She also reveals in an interview with “The Breakfast Club" that it wasn't until the guy slapped her so hard in the ear, causing her to momentarily lose her hearing, that she decided that it was time to pack up her baggage and leave the relationship. The idea of her possibly sacrificing what she worked so hard to build for someone who turned love taps into loveless lashes was nothing short of a wake-up call.
She did take with her one good thing from the relationship—inspiration. The album is filled with soulful ballads where she pens the story of her breakup, breakdown, and how she found peace with the idea that she is, indeed, a “Masterpiece." On the upbeat track, she croons “Every part of me is beautiful and I finally see I'm a work of art."
These days she's no longer consumed by what once was and is instead focused on what will be. As she draws closer to her 30s, she's more aware that she hasn't quite reached her desired level of success. Her debut album, Fearless, to-date has sold over 517,000 copies and earned her seven Grammy nominations for hit songs such as “Lions, Tigers, & Bears" and “Bust Your Windows," but she has yet to snag the coveted award.
Not that she's pointing fingers at anyone.
“I have to take responsibility for some stuff myself more. The fact that I took as long a break…It's a lot of things that go through my head, but right now I'm just focused on being the best that I can be and doing what I want, because I can get it. I can get what I want; I just have to do the work."
After a five-year hiatus, Sullivan is finally back on the scene and is on her hustle. The songstress in scheduled to appear at the Essence Festival in July, and earlier this month, she appeared on a new single titled, "Sideline" with fellow soul singer Niiaa which amped her fans up in anticipation that new music was on the way.
Although she's mum about whether she is officially working on any new music, she admits that she is collecting experiences to share on her forthcoming album.
“I'm just trying to be inspired naturally and jot things down that just come to me," she says.
She's also taking notes from some of her musical mentors such as Brandy, whom she says appears to be genuinely happy with the new phase of her life. The 'New Brandy,' she calls it. “It just seems like she did the work internally, and she is just now reaping the benefits from it. And I'm at the stage where I'm just starting to do the work."
Part of that “work" includes her taking the time to enjoy herself and appreciating this period of her life. While the pressure of marriage and babies have her checking her biological clock (she makes note that her mother was married with two kids by the time she was her age), she's making an effort not to compare her timeline with others and to just be grateful for what she does have—good friends, a supportive family, and an opportunity to get her life back in order.
Although she's toting a more positive mindset, she reminds us that she's still human and that there are many days that she feels overwhelmed as she deals with the weight of being in the industry and the stress of meeting self-assigned deadlines for the goals she looks to accomplish. Back in 2015, she half-joked in an Instagram post that her soccer mom bob had her feeling her age:
“I've been feeling real real soccer mom-ish with my bob lately. I'm not sure if it's the bob or what but I've just been feeling real...almost 30. And I still don't have my life together, so almost 30 scares me. The. Shit.Out. Of. Me! Any upper 20's people struggling with this age thing besides me?"
It's a battle between wanting to be great and realizing that the key to greatness lies within the journey. During those moments of questioning, she has to get real and put herself in check. Her mantras?
You are where you're supposed to be.
You're going to be good. Everything is fine. Be grateful!
Whatever you feel like you haven't figured out yet, you will figure it out. You gotta do the work though!
If this were an episode of Being Mary Jane, these would be statements worthy of a sticker on the mirror—a daily reminder that thoughts breed actions.
It's this new mentality that is the key to her contentment. She stresses the importance of making an effort to be happy, not because every day is going to be easy, but because in order to get what you want, you have to work for it. “It makes the quality of living so much better when you just appreciate where you are," she tells us. “Even if it's not the best, even if you're having hard times, just appreciate the fact that you're here."
And it doesn't take much to put a smile on her face. Just being around family and good girlfriends makes her more appreciative of life. She's currently back in Philly where she was born and raised, getting some much-needed love and laughter and reminiscing with her high school confidants about the days when the most stressful part of life was hitting the books and talking to boys. She's even considering going to her high school reunion, just to relive those cherished moments one last time.
Philly may not be where she makes her final home, but it's definitely allowing her to transition into the woman that she wants to be—one of confidence and clarity, and even a bit of wisdom.
To her younger self, she offers this advice:
“Just focus on the time that you have now. And appreciate everything that you have now and stop looking and trying to get older and looking for the next phase in your life."
Real words that only age and experience would enable her to speak.
And that's keeping it 100.
Interviewed by Soraya Joseph. Article updated and republished 5.21.2017
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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Being A Single Woman Isn't Always Luxurious, But It Can Be. Here's How
Being single isn’t so luxurious when life be lifing, especially, when you’re the sole person responsible for all your bills and general upkeep of your everyday life. I’m sure I can speak for most single women when I say that the constant of having to take care of every detail of your life, paired with working, is taxing. We’re just girls!
I, for a long time, thought that being girly was the equivalent to living luxuriously, which is still true in some cases. However, for years, I struggled to relate to that concept because I had a hard time connecting to my girly side. I was just too mentally drained from having to think about and fulfill my ‘daily’ responsibilities, solo. So, I had to redefine what luxury means to me, and what it means at this current point of my life is freeing my mind from clutter, allowing me to simply be.
Nikola Stojadinovic/ Getty Images
To get started on my journey, I started at the bottom and began to ask myself some honest questions like: What can I do to alleviate some of the day-to-day tasks? What areas in my life do I need additional assistance in? What should I start or stop doing that can help me clear my mind from clutter, giving me more time to relax?
In no particular order, here’s what I came up with!
Tip 1: Compartmentalize
Identify the areas in your life that require the most time out of your day, cause the most stress, and, of course, affect your funds the most. Once you have a handle on that, then you need to start thinking about the next most important step. What requires more money vs. what requires more labor and go from there.
Tip 2: Outsourcing
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We know that you’re a strong, independent woman who can do it all…but is that the life you want to continue living? For example, put down the broom, pick up the phone, and hire a house cleaning service if cleaning your home takes too much of your time. If you can’t afford a housekeeping service, then space out your chores. You don’t have to clean your home all in one day.
Tip 3: Maintain car maintenance checks
Girls, we must remember that our cars are just as important as our homes and bodies and require its own maintenance. We can’t ignore the check engine light forever. Little do you know, the very knowledge of knowing that your cars’ needs are being neglected is causing subliminal stress because it will always reside in your mind. Just take it a day at a time. Set aside one day to clean your car and set aside another day to make those big girl phone calls to schedule a maintenance appointment.
Tip 4: Meal planning
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If you’re not comfortable in the kitchen, then that means you’re probably ordering in or going out to eat. Figure out what your goal is when it comes to meals and your money. If you can afford to eat out every day, then do you sis! But maybe utilize a meal prep service at least once a month; that way, you don’t have to “think” about your next meal. And if you’re a girlie who likes to cook, then eliminate the mental fatigue by pre-planning your meals on your off days so you can just grab it and go throughout the week.
Tip 5: Notes & Calendar apps
What’d En Vogue say? Free your mind, and the rest will follow! When it comes to running your whole life, you’ve got to keep a schedule or else you’ll endure the mental gymnastics of trying to remember everything on your own. Utilize a calendar and write notes to yourself as they come to mind. Writing things down gets them out of your brain, freeing your mind from clutter and allowing you to rest.
Tip 6: Maintaining bills
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There’s not much you can do about having to pay your own bills. It can definitely be a lot harder to manage when you don’t have someone to (financially) depend on for things you didn’t plan, like getting a boot on your car, medical bills, etc… I’ve found that living below your means until you’re in a position to splurge, has helped tremendously. That means, to preserve my peace of mind, I have to say ‘no’ to hanging out sometimes unless, of course, someone else is footing the bill *wink wink*
Tip 7: Ask for help
It’s not a flex doing everything on your own, by yourself. This way of living is not supporting our soft girl-era ladies. Identify who’s in your circle and ask for help. Help might not always be monetary, but it could be in the form of asking someone to house-sit for you while the internet guy installs your router and you’re at work. That one effort of asking someone in your village for their time is indispensable.
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Feature image by Fotografia Inc/ Getty Images