Getting Back To Happy: Jazmine Sullivan Shares Her Keys To Contentment
Jazmine Sullivan is living life.
No, she's not exclaiming the "You Only Live Once" mantra that many 20-somethings use to excuse crazy antics and questionable decisions. Instead, she's inhaling inspiration and exhaling fulfillment—embracing a life where she can travel the world, make lasting memories with friends, and, of course, get back to the music.
“You have to live in order to have material to write about," she says. “And when you write your own stuff, it's especially important that you have life experiences and fresh new things to talk about, and you can only get that through living."
It's refreshing to see the 30-year-old making a point to find happiness. Check her Instagram feed and she's flashing her pearly whites while doing everything from singing duets with Stevie Wonder to hitting the stage with fellow soul-singer Sam Smith.
It's a complete 180° from the Jazmine that we saw just a few years ago. Back in 2011, fans were caught by surprise when she took to Twitter to announce her abrupt departure from music before deleting the tweet an hour later:
“I'm making an official announcement that I am taking a break from music. I'm trying to figure out who I am…w/out a mike, paper, or pen. I promised myself when it wasn't fun anymore I wouldn't do it. And here I am. I'm not saying I won't ever sing again in my life becuz I don't believe that. But in this moment…rt now…got some things to figure out."
She describes this moment in interviews as a mandatory break to exterminate unnecessary things and people in her life. But in reality, it was much more than just a respite. It was a time to metaphorically kick back with a glass of wine, have a little one-on-one time with God, and do some much-needed soul-searching to figure out who she is and who she's destined to be.
It's no secret that the R&B songstress went through a period of depression as a result of her tumultuous relationship with her former boyfriend. Like many of us, she got lost in the idea of love—not realizing that the man of her dreams would one day become the source of her nightmares. It started off with words that left her questioning her worth, and elevated to blows that left her physically abused and emotionally broken.
As in many cases of domestic violence, she found it hard to leave the relationship. Perhaps it was the hope that things would one day get better, that the moments of animosity were just a fleeting phase, and that the possibility of a brighter future made the darkness of the past worth the fight. Or maybe it was one of those addictions that were just too hard to shake, leaving her relapsing back onto the rollercoaster of their relationship.
In the song “Forever Don't Last" off of her third album Reality Show released last year, she gives a brief peak into her thoughts during this period:
“I had her hopes for us baby/Like I was on dope for us baby/Chasing after a high that I'd never get back again."
She also reveals in an interview with “The Breakfast Club" that it wasn't until the guy slapped her so hard in the ear, causing her to momentarily lose her hearing, that she decided that it was time to pack up her baggage and leave the relationship. The idea of her possibly sacrificing what she worked so hard to build for someone who turned love taps into loveless lashes was nothing short of a wake-up call.
She did take with her one good thing from the relationship—inspiration. The album is filled with soulful ballads where she pens the story of her breakup, breakdown, and how she found peace with the idea that she is, indeed, a “Masterpiece." On the upbeat track, she croons “Every part of me is beautiful and I finally see I'm a work of art."
These days she's no longer consumed by what once was and is instead focused on what will be. As she draws closer to her 30s, she's more aware that she hasn't quite reached her desired level of success. Her debut album, Fearless, to-date has sold over 517,000 copies and earned her seven Grammy nominations for hit songs such as “Lions, Tigers, & Bears" and “Bust Your Windows," but she has yet to snag the coveted award.
Not that she's pointing fingers at anyone.
“I have to take responsibility for some stuff myself more. The fact that I took as long a break…It's a lot of things that go through my head, but right now I'm just focused on being the best that I can be and doing what I want, because I can get it. I can get what I want; I just have to do the work."
After a five-year hiatus, Sullivan is finally back on the scene and is on her hustle. The songstress in scheduled to appear at the Essence Festival in July, and earlier this month, she appeared on a new single titled, "Sideline" with fellow soul singer Niiaa which amped her fans up in anticipation that new music was on the way.
Although she's mum about whether she is officially working on any new music, she admits that she is collecting experiences to share on her forthcoming album.
“I'm just trying to be inspired naturally and jot things down that just come to me," she says.
She's also taking notes from some of her musical mentors such as Brandy, whom she says appears to be genuinely happy with the new phase of her life. The 'New Brandy,' she calls it. “It just seems like she did the work internally, and she is just now reaping the benefits from it. And I'm at the stage where I'm just starting to do the work."
Part of that “work" includes her taking the time to enjoy herself and appreciating this period of her life. While the pressure of marriage and babies have her checking her biological clock (she makes note that her mother was married with two kids by the time she was her age), she's making an effort not to compare her timeline with others and to just be grateful for what she does have—good friends, a supportive family, and an opportunity to get her life back in order.
Although she's toting a more positive mindset, she reminds us that she's still human and that there are many days that she feels overwhelmed as she deals with the weight of being in the industry and the stress of meeting self-assigned deadlines for the goals she looks to accomplish. Back in 2015, she half-joked in an Instagram post that her soccer mom bob had her feeling her age:
“I've been feeling real real soccer mom-ish with my bob lately. I'm not sure if it's the bob or what but I've just been feeling real...almost 30. And I still don't have my life together, so almost 30 scares me. The. Shit.Out. Of. Me! Any upper 20's people struggling with this age thing besides me?"
It's a battle between wanting to be great and realizing that the key to greatness lies within the journey. During those moments of questioning, she has to get real and put herself in check. Her mantras?
You are where you're supposed to be.
You're going to be good. Everything is fine. Be grateful!
Whatever you feel like you haven't figured out yet, you will figure it out. You gotta do the work though!
If this were an episode of Being Mary Jane, these would be statements worthy of a sticker on the mirror—a daily reminder that thoughts breed actions.
It's this new mentality that is the key to her contentment. She stresses the importance of making an effort to be happy, not because every day is going to be easy, but because in order to get what you want, you have to work for it. “It makes the quality of living so much better when you just appreciate where you are," she tells us. “Even if it's not the best, even if you're having hard times, just appreciate the fact that you're here."
And it doesn't take much to put a smile on her face. Just being around family and good girlfriends makes her more appreciative of life. She's currently back in Philly where she was born and raised, getting some much-needed love and laughter and reminiscing with her high school confidants about the days when the most stressful part of life was hitting the books and talking to boys. She's even considering going to her high school reunion, just to relive those cherished moments one last time.
Philly may not be where she makes her final home, but it's definitely allowing her to transition into the woman that she wants to be—one of confidence and clarity, and even a bit of wisdom.
To her younger self, she offers this advice:
“Just focus on the time that you have now. And appreciate everything that you have now and stop looking and trying to get older and looking for the next phase in your life."
Real words that only age and experience would enable her to speak.
And that's keeping it 100.
Interviewed by Soraya Joseph. Article updated and republished 5.21.2017
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert