It's amazing what the Most High prepares us for, sometimes without us even understanding why. At the top of the year, when some of the people in my world asked me what I would be focusing on in 2020, I said, "I feel the need to praise and support Black men more. That will be my mission." All this year, I've been intentional about complimenting Black men, both young and not-so-young. I've found ways to use my gifts to help them when and wherever I can. I purchased a shirt (that you can get here) that simply says, "Black Men Are Not Your Enemy" (they have one that says the same about Black women too, by the way).
And perhaps, that's why, the moment that I saw the video—the video that will be forever embedded in my brain that I will not be sharing here because I want to be sensitive to those who are triggered by such graphic visuals—I was immediately shook to the point of tears (Darnella Frazier, thank you for your courage in capturing the footage; we know things would be looking very different right now if you hadn't. We're holding you up, sis). Did I really just watch a man, yes, a Black man, die—no, be murdered—on a live video? By a cop? A cop who has a history of using "excessive force" with other civilians (and used to work with George at the same club months before. SMDH)? While three other cops watched? In front of over a dozen bystanders who pleaded with him to get off of George Floyd's neck? As George pleaded the same?
Even now, as I'm writing this, I'm having to take deep breaths because reliving what my brother—our brother—went through is gut-wrenching, heartbreaking and so hard to process, let alone digest. The pic that leads this story? It's selected by design to remind us that he lived the same regular day-to-day life that we all do. As someone who's lost a fiancée, I feel for his. Every time I read about how much of a "gentle giant" he was, I find myself getting triggered all over again. And what did he lose his life over? A freakin' counterfeit twenty dollar bill. One that Mahmod Abumayaleh—the owner of the store where George was last seen alive—said was very possibly one that George didn't even know was fake. One that, either way, shouldn't have resulted in the loss of his life. Have mercy, there are no words. Yet, I will try and find some. So that I can let those who knew and loved him know, in my own small way, that his living—and dying—will not be in vain by sharing these five points and suggestions.
Someone Just Died. Senselessly So. It's OK to Feel…However You Do.
There is no handbook for shock—or grief. That's why, there is no reason why any of us should feel apologetic about however we feel about George's death. Or how he died. With articles running like, "Prosecutor says he won't 'rush' to charge cops involved in George Floyd death", I totally get why there are Twitter posts like:
It's also why I appreciate others like:
And, while there are actual Black women (what in the world, Candace?! There are more than just white Karens in the world…clearly) who are posting thought-less videos about how Black people are acting like "trained chimpanzees" in response to their pain, I totally understand why actors like John Boyega are standing firm in saying things like this:
Y'all, we have every right to be angry. So, for all of the folks who are using the ever-so-popular, gloss-over-the-problem phrases like, "don't hate, love", please remember that even God Himself got angry, at times. The Bible says, "Be angry and do not sin" (Psalm 4:4, Ephesians 4:26-27). The Bible also says, "SEEK JUSTICE" and "REBUKE THE OPPRESSOR" (yes, I am yelling those phrases—Isaiah 1:17).
By the way, while we're here, one definition of hate is "unwilling". It is not "unloving" to be unwilling to put up with injustice. Please let's stop it with any narrative that presumes otherwise.
Yet what gave me the extra internal push to pen this piece was when I saw videos like the one from this absolutely beautiful young Black man, Keedron Bryant, singing about being "a young Black man, doing all that I can":
And a video that was posted by the Emmy-nominated actor Asante Blackk (who played the younger Kevin Richardson inWhen They See Us), as he shared how his parents' anniversary had a bit of a dim light on it due to how "traumatizing it is, growing up as a young Black man in this country":
Both of these are a very vivid reminder that, every time a life is taken, senselessly so, it has a domino effect. And, just like it takes a village to raise a child, it takes that same village to acknowledge, to mourn, to comfort, to speak up, to defend, to rally—to do what needs to be done to bring about real and lasting change. To do so, yes, as Malcolm X once said, "By any means necessary."
I won't pretend to act like I have even an inkling of all the answers. But as so many of us are sitting in our homes, staring at our computer monitors (or smartphone screens), still in utter disbelief of what this week has brought about, I did want to share a few gentle nudges about what we all can do to keep from being stagnant in our shock, fear, confusion—or all three.
5 Ways to Get Through This Time of Injustice
1. Speak Out
God gave us all gifts and platforms. One of mine is the gift of writing. That's a part of the reason why I thought it would be a slap in the face of my Creator to not use it to say something about this horrific loss. My godchildren's mother wrote a song entitled "We Are Seeds" with a visual that addresses police brutality (and ICE). Maybe you've got a T-shirt line. Maybe you have a podcast or YouTube channel. Even if it's just your social media account, it's not enough to just talk amongst your family members, friends and co-workers.
Author Germany Kent once said, "To say nothing is saying something. You must denounce things you are against or one might believe that you support things you really do not."
Your gifts and platform aren't just for yourself or your own personal gain. You are more powerful than you know. Find a way to speak out about what has transpired—what has been transpiring among our people. Not later. As soon as you possibly can. You never know who you'll motivate and inspire to do the same.
2. Be a “Professional Student” When It Comes to Social Injustice
Something that a friend of mine and I were talking about this week is how there needs to be more leaders when it comes to social injustice and that we ALL need to be willing to become constant students of the issues that affect our community as well. I don't know about y'all, but when I was growing up, I was made to watch the Eyes on the Prize series and march on MLK Day. Ignorance about social justice and injustice was not an option. I didn't have access to the world wide web until college, but now, all sorts of information are at our constant disposal. You can immediately read articles like "Number of people shot to death by the police in the United States from 2017 to 2020, by race", "Risk of being killed by police use of force in the United States by age, race–ethnicity, and sex" and "Addressing Police Misconduct Laws Enforced by the Department of Justice", "Fighting Police Abuse: A Community Action Manual" and "Having 'The Talk': Expert Guidance On Preparing Kids For Police Interactions".
Speak with any lawyers you might know. Read about the laws in your own state. If you personally know a cop, get their insights and perspectives. Soak up as much information as you can. Then pass what you know down to your children. Knowledge will never stop being powerful. Let it fuel you.
3. Encourage Non-Blacks to Be ANTI-RACIST
You don't need me to tell you what it's like to be Black in America or what the headlines have been saying, especially as of late (RIP to you as well, Sir Ahmaud Arbery). As someone who went to a racist "Christian" high school, please believe that this has brought back all kinds of feelings of what it's like to be around people who aren't Black who think they aren't racist when…they actually very much so are. It can be very tempting to want to see all people who don't look like us as an enemy. Yet I must say that I have seen many people who aren't my ethnicity show up and show out during this time. No, it's not because they don't see color (maybe one day, I'll get into how that phrase makes me cringe); it's because they know that all hues deserve honor, respect and dignity. It's because they aren't just "not racist"; they are, as biologist Corina Newsome so powerfully, eloquently and concisely stated in a tweet a few days ago, anti-racist. They don't just think it's OK to not pre (or mis) judge someone based on their ethnicity, they encourage those around them to not be that way too.
There are articles like "Black People Need Stronger White Allies — Here's How You Can Be One", "'Unarmed Black Man' Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means" and "If You're a White Woman and You're Uncomfortable Right Now, That's a Good Thing" out in cyberspace that are sounding the alarm that racism is a human issue, not just a "non-white problem". Listen, I know that some people are intentionally ridiculous, I won't fight you on that. But others need to be educated. They need to hear our thoughts, our perspective—our history (because Lord knows that schools aren't boiling over with Black history and education). Share it.
4. Treat EACH ONE Like They’re the First One
There was absolutely no way that I was going to write without asking us all to take a moment of silence out for Ms. Breonna Taylor. A certified EMT who was killed as officers were in the midst of issuing a no-knock search warrant in a narcotics investigation. After firing 20 shots, with eight hitting Breonna, the officers "realized" they were looking for someone who was already apprehended. This happened on March 13. A lot of us didn't know about it until well into April and even May.
There has been a lot of anger surrounding the fact that, not only did it take so long for her story to become national—and even international—news, but it seems like her name is not being spoken as loudly as George and Ahmad's. I just want to take a moment to say that as a Black woman, her loss literally hits differently. She matters in a very unique and significant way. We will seek her justice, just as much, as well. Because we should never get so used to this kind of recklessness and brutality that everyone just…runs in together. Breonna, you also did not die in vain. We honor you and your legacy. We will not rest until justice is sought out on your behalf too. Rest in peace and power, sis. And Kenneth Walker—Breonna's boyfriend who fought to protect his and Breonna's life and then was unjustly arrested because of it—we appreciate you standing up for the woman you loved. That is manhood infinity. We see you. You are in our prayers.
5. Be Unapologetic About Being Revolutionary
Marc Lamont Hill recently shared his thoughts about George Floyd and the protests surrounding his death on Facebook. His message was entitled, "These Are Not Riots". I won't lie, as I was listening to some of what he said, Public Enemy's "Fight the Power" started to get louder and louder in my head.
As I watched the video, I thought to myself, "George is not a victim so much as he's a martyr." What I mean by that is a martyr is someone who endures great suffering, sometimes to the point of death, oftentimes for a greater cause than they would ever know. What happened this past Memorial Day has clearly lit a fire in so many of us that revolutions— a radical and pervasive change in society and the social structure—are needed sometimes. This, fam, is one of those times.
Regardless of what your personal thoughts and feelings of Cuban revolutionary Ernesto Che Guevara may be, one thing that he said is spot-on: "If you tremble with indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine." Just like each church-goer has their own way of praising the Lord, each of us have our own way of seeking justice on behalf of George Floyd and oh so many others. Let's be smart. Let's be safe. But yes, let's be radical too. Because as someone once said, "Nothing changes…if nothing changes."
George, as you cried out for your mother who passed last year in the very last moments of life, I truly believe that angels came to comfort you. I don't know one person, personally, who is not grieving along with your family that remains. Although it's not enough to say, we are so very sorry. Yet please know that this is not a passing news story for the Black community. This has raised a righteous anger and awareness in us that will not leave us any time soon. A change is gonna come. A revolution is in motion. You did not die in vain. From the depths of my heart, I can promise you that. Rest now. We've got you—and Ahmad, Breonna, Tamir, Alton, Sean, Atatiana, Philando, Korryn, Mike, Trayvon and…
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Check out the following 15 things that you can do (five per category), beauty-wise, to embrace all that spring has in store — things that will have you out here looking even more radiant than you already do!
Hair
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1. Clarify your hair. Sweat, dead skin cells, product build-up, minerals in your water, excessive sebum, whatever falls into your hair when you’re outdoors (like pollen) — all of these things play a significant role in why it’s important to clarify your hair from time to time and clarifying is simply about using things that will help to get rid of the residue that’s on your strands. Clarifying is actually why I don’t cosign with people who say that you should NEVER use sulfate shampoos; I just believe that you should ONLY use them to clarify your locks (so long as they aren’t too harsh on your hair).
So, what are some signs that your hair needs clarifying?
If your hair feels oily or sticky; if it’s hard for it to hold a style; if your scalp is itchy or irritated; if you notice that your hair is shedding more than it should (which is 50-100 strands a day); if your hair is dull and/or (bonus) if you are about to color-treat your hair (because build-up will make it difficult for the color to “take”). You can clarify your tresses with a clarifying shampoo (check out a list here). Or, if you’d prefer to take the all-natural route, apple cider vinegar, baking soda, bentonite clay, and even Aloe vera are awesome options (click on each of the words to learn why and how to apply them in this way).
2. Exfoliate your scalp. Honestly, the main way that I know it is time for me to wash my hair is when my scalp tells me so. When it’s itchy and/or flaking, that’s my cue. Oftentimes, what I will do is either provide my scalp with a good rinse (I really like TPH BY TARAJI Master Cleanse Scalp Treatment) or a scalp exfoliant. That’s because, just like your hair can experience residue, your scalp can as well (especially when it comes to dead skin cells and product build-up). Plus, a scalp that isn’t exfoliated can end up having clogged hair follicles which can ultimately mess with your hair growth.
If you want to go the exfoliant route, there are scalp scrubs that you can buy. You can also crush some aspirin up, add a bit of water to it, and rub it on your scalp, create a brown sugar and oatmeal scalp scrub or you can check out some other recipes here.
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3. Address those ends. It can’t be said enough that, if you’re trying to grow out your hair, it doesn’t matter how much you take care of the roots of your hair if you’re neglecting your ends in the process. In fact, a huge part of the reason why a lot of people don’t end up reaching their hair (length) goals is because their locks end up breaking off just about as fast as their hair grows from their scalp. One way to avoid this from happening is to “baby” the entire mess out of your ends — and y’all, a product that I’ve been using that helps me to do this oh so very well is Amika Starfruit Oil. Listen, stuff that has worked for me personally, I do my best to shout-out and this product right here? It’s the truth! It’s a lightweight oil that feels kind of like a serum that really does create shine, lessen frizz and help to make your hair feel so much stronger — including your ends. Now, it ain’t cheap; still, a little bit goes a long way which makes it worth the expense (at least it does to me). Anyway, whether it’s getting a trim, dusting your ends (removing split ends and fairy knots on your own) or just giving your ends some much needed TLC, this would be the time to do it…especially so.
4. Toss out expired hair products. Be honest with me and yourself — you know you’ve got some hair products that should’ve gone on to glory a long time ago, simply because the lettering is faded and/or you really can’t remember when you purchased it (check out “Resolving To Kick Your Product Junkie Habit? Here's Your Game Plan For 2024.”). I’ll be real with you, unfortunately, most hair products don’t come with an expiration date; however, a good rule of thumb to follow is if your products change color, smell, or texture, it’s probably time to toss ‘em out.
And when it comes to shampoos and conditioners specifically, many experts say that around six months is when it’s time to get some new stuff. Oh and also, please wash your brushes, combs and clean out the teeth of your hair dryers, and thoroughly wipe off your flat irons. You’d be amazed how much gunk can get caught up in all of those things. #yuck
5. Replenish your collection with lighter water-based ones. Since warmer weather tends to lead to hair that has more oil and residue than during the cooler months, if you’re going to buy some new hair products make sure that they contain less oils and butters and more water instead. The reason why is because the last thing that you want is for it to be a nice spring-like day with the wind blowing and yet your hair doesn’t move one bit because it’s so weighed down by all of your hair products. If you’d like a few recommendations of what to get for this season, check out BuzzFeed’s “27 Products That’ll Take Your Hair From Winter Drab To Spring Fab.”
Skin
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1. Get a professional facial. It’s pretty common that, as it heats up outside, you may want to wear less make-up — at least during the daytime hours because between the sweat and everything? It can just be easier to take the “less is more” approach. If that is exactly how you roll (or you do like make-up and you would like for it to go on more smoothly), consider getting a professional facial as soon as possible. I’m good for getting a back facial at the turn of every season and there is nothing like having a professional esthetician get all up in your skin and treat issues in ways that you simply can’t (because you haven’t been trained to).
When it comes to your face, professional facials are bomb because they can deeply cleanse, exfoliate, hydrate, improve the texture, and treat trouble areas all at the same time. I promise you, after getting a facial from someone who really knows what they are doing, your skin will glow on a completely different level!
2. Clean all of your make-up tools. Chile, guess how often the average American changes their sheets (SMDH): every 24 days…that’s damn near once a month. Now guess how often you’re supposed to do it: no less than once a week and actually every 2-4 days if you have pets or allergies. If most folks aren’t doing this, I can only imagine how few are cleaning their makeup brushes, etc. And how often should you do that? Every 7-10 days (more often than that, if you can). And although you shouldn’t wait for spring to do this, this is just a reminder to set aside a day to clean everything at once.
For tips on how to properly clean your brushes, check out the YouTube channel ItsMyRayeRaye’s post here. Tips on how to clean cosmetic sponges? Roxslayofficial’s page can help you out here. And if you tend to put your brushes and sponges in a drawer in your bathroom, invest in a nice vase for your brushes or something like a magnetic brush organizer. As far as your sponges go, a cute soap dish that has holes in it or an egg case will work.
3. Look for skincare products that contain antioxidants and ceramides. Since there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll be out in the sun more often, you need to make sure that your skin is protected from the damage that free radicals, air pollution, and UV rays can do. One way to do this is by looking for skincare products that are packed with antioxidants. Ones that immediately come to mind include vitamin C extract, and vitamin E oil as well as products that have niacinamide (vitamin B6) and polyphenols listed on the label.
Something else to look for is skin products that contain ceramides;they are lipids that easily makeup 50 percent of the outer layer of your skin. When you apply skincare items that contain them, those ceramides help to hydrate your skin, protect the barrier, and slow down the signs of aging. I use ceramides on my neck at night and baby, no regrets. Not a damn one.
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4. Go without make-up more often. Whenever someone tells me that I don’t look my age, I thank genetics and the fact that I didn’t start wearing make-up (other than mascara and lipstick which is pretty much how I get down now) until I was well into my 20s. There is no way around the fact that prolonged cosmetic use (especially when it comes to certain ingredients), yes, can speed up the aging process of your skin. It can also lead to breakouts; cause your pores to appear larger than they actually are; throw off the pH balance of your skin; create the appearance of fine lines, and it can weaken your skin’s barrier. That’s why it’s a good idea to give your skin a break by going make-up-free sometimes.
Since spring cleaning is the theme, focus more on skincare than cosmetics so that, by the time the summer season arises, if you go swimming, you don’t have to worry about going au naturel because your natural skin will be so on-point on its own (check out “I've Been Doing At-Home Chemical Peels. Here Are The Pros And Cons.,” “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday” and “These 12 Things Will Make Your Skin Glow All Of The Time” for some prepping tips).
5. Don’t forget about sunscreen. BLACK WOMEN NEED SUNSCREEN — and yes, I am yelling it because I know far too many of us who were told that because our skin is so beautifully melanated, sunscreen isn’t really necessary. The lies you tell. Problem is, when you read articles like Healthline’s “The Sunscreen Gap: Do Black People Need Sunscreen?” you’ll notice that — surprise, surprise, and totally insert my sarcasm here — some medical professionals don’t emphasize the importance of us using sunscreen which causes some of us not to prioritize it.
However, the reality is that UV rays can damage our skin just like anyone else's, not to mention that sun drama can also lead to things like hyperpigmentation. So, if you’ve never used sunscreen before, make this the year that you absolutely do. Some of the best sunscreens for our skin are located here, here, and here.
Nails
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1. Opt for a shorter length. Not to brag but I actually have some really pretty hands and nails. That’s why, before the pandemic, I was in the nail shop all of the time; however, once we went into lockdown, I decided to keep my nails low and I haven’t really grown them out since. Something about watching all of those videos about how many germs get trapped up in there just creeped me out, chile.
Anyway, since it’s spring and you’ll be outdoors, pollen is flying everywhere and you may be doing things (like outdoor sports) that require you to use your hands in a more active way if your nails are currently on the longer side right now, you might want to go with a shorter length. Not only is it hygienic and practical, from what I’ve seen (here, here, and here), but it’s shorter nails that are also trending right through here too.
2. Do a deep hand and foot soak. While certain — cough, cough — folks are out here debating about how often you should wash your feet (the things that have tons of sweat glands and literally spend most of their time on the floor or ground), I’m encouraging you to go above and beyond and do some regular foot (and hand) soaking. They’re relaxing. They exfoliate your skin. They can also help to deeply hydrate your skin. They increase blood circulation. They also help your hands and feet to look youthful for a longer period of time.
Although there are a variety of different hand (here) and foot (here) recipes to choose from, one of my faves is to soak in an herbal tea blend — one that also has some Epsom salt and coconut milk in it. Chamomile tea can help to soothe you. Sage contains medicinal properties. Hibiscus can help to even out your skin tone. Epsom salt is great because it also helps to exfoliate and hydrate. Coconut milk is awesome because it deeply moisturizes, stimulates the production of collagen and it also exfoliates too. Soaking your hands and feet for about 30-45 minutes can make your skin’s texture feel totally different. Try it and see!
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3. Pamper your cuticles with an essential oil blend. The base of your fingernails and toenails is your nail bed and right underneath those are your cuticles; the purpose of your cuticles is to keep bacteria from infecting your new nails as they grow out from your nail bed. Honestly, it wasn’t until I started getting hangnails that I started to pay my cuticles some real attention (in between professional manicures). I was getting them because my cuticles were dry which means that I was neglecting them. Now, I’m on top of that because hangnails are ANNOYING (and sometimes even painful).
I care for my cuticles by keeping my cuticles trimmed, pushing them back and making sure that they are well moisturized. Although there are cuticle creams that you can buy, I prefer to apply a blend of tea tree oil (it kills bacteria and fungus), geranium oil (it has astringent and anti-inflammatory properties), and avocado oil which deeply moisturizes. It makes my cuticles feel and look great.
4. Go without polish for a while. Listen, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna do, it’s get a pedicure — usually twice a month. I’m so serious about it that, even the day that my house literally blew up a few years ago (check out “My House Burned Up. Three Days Before Christmas. What It Taught Me.”), after I assessed the damage (95 percent of my stuff was gone) and talked to the fire marshal about what caused it (my HVAC), I went on to my nail appointment (dead serious). Polished toes always make me feel better and you can’t steal my joy. That’s why I hate it when my nail tech will tell me that it’s time to take a polish break sometimes.
Still, I heed the advice because, when your fingernails and toenails aren’t given the opportunity to breathe, that can lead to fungal and bacterial growth, weaker nails, dry nails, permanently stained nails, and all sorts of other drama. Ideally, since your toenails especially are covered up more in the fall and winter months, that would be the most ideal time to follow through with this particular suggestion. If you didn’t do that, though. Give your nails a month or so without any polish over the next few weeks. It might feel rough at first but it’s worth it in the long run.
5. Return to polish with lighter hues. When it comes to nail polish hues, I tend to lean into the darker ones. Spring isn’t really the time for that, though. Yeah, if ever there is a time to go with some Easter egg colors, the spring season would be it. And as far as spring color trends for this year go, you’re super stylish if you go with light neutrals, bright green, or pearly shades — or you can get super creative via InStyle’s “20 April Nail Ideas to Freshen Up Your Manicure.”
And speaking of polish (and spring cleaning), I’m pretty sure you’ve got some old bottles that need to go. For the most part, their shelf life is between 12-24 months. If it’s been longer than that, let them babies go. It’s spring. Time for new things, sis. NEW THINGS!
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