Let’s face it, gentle parenting gets a bad rap. Many of us became familiar with the term "gentle parenting" during the pandemic, and since then we’ve seen an uptick in social media creators showcasing examples of gentle parenting online. Despite their best efforts, however, there still remains misunderstanding and confusion about what gentle parenting actually is. In fact, if you ask the average parent, particularly parents of color, they will almost unanimously describe it as ineffective, permissive, and even dangerous.
Some teachers have even come out to declare that gentle parenting is causing behavioral problems in school.
These suppositions all operate under the premise that gentle parenting lacks structure and discipline. They believe that the parents who adhere to this parenting philosophy eschew maintaining any sort of authority in their household in favor of being their child’s friend.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, the psychologist and parenting expert who is credited with introducing the idea of gentle parenting describes it as parenting that "focuses on building connection, having empathy for what children are feeling and mindful discipline, with a focus on teaching and guiding, and setting up age-appropriate boundaries and limits."
What’s often overlooked, however, is that gentle parenting falls under the umbrella of authoritative parenting:
According to the American Psychology Association, authoritative parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children. Current and past research overwhelmingly tells us that authoritative parents are more likely to raise children who are confident, emotionally secure, and academically successful.
Why Ockwell-Smith opted to rebrand an existing parenting philosophy isn’t entirely clear, but what is clear is that maintaining authority and boundaries are core tenets of gentle parenting.
Striking a balance between gentleness and authority can sometimes feel like navigating a tightrope, though. On one hand, we want to nurture our children with empathy and understanding, while on the other, we need to instill discipline and respect. And despite popular and ill-informed opinions, you can be and still are an authority figure in your household if you are a gentle parent.
Without further adieu, here are five practical ways you can embrace gentle parenting without sacrificing your sense of authority:
1. Setting Clear Expectations:
Authority doesn't have to come in the form of harsh demands or rigid rules. In fact, setting clear expectations can be one of the most effective ways to establish authority while remaining gentle.
Children thrive on structure and predictability, so outlining expectations helps them understand what's expected of them. However, it's crucial to communicate these expectations in a calm and respectful manner.
Instead of barking orders, try having a conversation with your child about what behavior is acceptable and why. By involving them in the process and explaining the reasoning behind your expectations, you not only foster a sense of understanding but also demonstrate your authority in a gentle way.
2. Using Positive Reinforcement:
While consequences for misbehavior are necessary, positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool for gentle parenting. Instead of solely focusing on what your child is doing wrong, make a conscious effort to acknowledge their positive behavior. This not only boosts their self-esteem but also reinforces the behaviors you want to see more of. It can be as simple as giving a "thank you" for cleaning up their toys. Positive reinforcement creates a nurturing environment while still upholding your authority as a parent.
3. Practicing Active Listening:
Effective communication is key to any relationship, including the one between parent and child. Practicing active listening is a fundamental aspect of gentle parenting that allows you to connect with your child on a deeper level.
Instead of dismissing their feelings or rushing to provide solutions, take the time to truly listen to what they have to say.
Validate their emotions, even if you don't necessarily agree with them, and show empathy towards their experiences. By demonstrating that you value their thoughts and feelings, you build a foundation of trust and respect that strengthens your authority in a gentle way.
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4. Offering Choices and Empowerment:
Giving your child a sense of autonomy and control can go a long way in fostering a positive parent-child relationship. Instead of always dictating what they should do, offer them choices whenever possible. This not only empowers them to make decisions for themselves but also teaches them valuable problem-solving skills. Of course, the choices should be age-appropriate and within the boundaries of your expectations as a parent.
By allowing your child to have a say in certain matters, you demonstrate that you trust and respect them, which in turn reinforces your authority in a gentle manner.
5. Leading by Example:
Perhaps the most powerful way to balance gentleness and authority is by leading by example. Children are incredibly perceptive and often mimic the behaviors they see in adults. Therefore, it's essential to model the traits and values you want to instill in your child.
Whether it's practicing patience, showing empathy towards others, or handling conflicts peacefully, your actions speak volumes.
By embodying the principles of gentle parenting in your own behavior, you not only reinforce your authority but also inspire your child to follow suit.
Gentle parenting is not synonymous with permissiveness or a lack of authority. By incorporating these five practical strategies into your parenting approach, you can cultivate a nurturing and respectful relationship with your child while still maintaining your sense of authority.
Remember, it's not about being a dictator or a pushover—it's about finding that delicate balance between empathy and discipline that ultimately fosters a loving and harmonious parent-child bond.
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- What Is Gentle Parenting & How To Incorporate It In Your Parenting Style ›
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Anyway, one of them was recently expressing in the chat that, although, according to her doctor, her hormone levels seemed to be fine, she felt like certain perimenopause symptoms were telling her otherwise. She’s probably right because the reality is you can be in a state of perimenopause — the transitional phase that comes right before menopause — anywhere from 4-10 years (keep in mind that the average age for entering menopause is 51).
And so, after hearing about some of what she was experiencing and recommending things like evening primrose oil and raspberry leaf tea, it reminded me that I should also pen an article on seed cycling — a practice that is gaining more traction when it comes to all-natural ways of keeping certain hormones in balance.
If you’re curious about what seed cycling is all about, I’ve got a few details that may interest you — and might provide you with some perimenopausal relief — below.
What Is Seed Cycling and Why Is It Becoming More Popular?
GiphyProbably the easiest way to define seed cycling is it’s all about consuming certain seeds during certain times of the month in order to balance out your hormones — well, not only balance hormones but boost fertility and also decrease symptoms that are directly related to menopause.
The thought process of seed cycling is if you consume certain seeds during the first half of your menstrual cycle, it will help to balance out your estrogen levels; then if you consume certain seeds during the other half of your menstrual cycle, it will balance out your progesterone levels.
So, which seeds are you supposed to take?
Flax and pumpkin seeds during the first 14 days of your cycle and then sesame and sunflower seeds during the last 14 days. And what if your period isn’t on a 28-day cycle? Well, then what you would do is take flax and pumpkin seeds during your follicular phase (the first day that you start your period through the day that you ovulate) and sesame and sunflower seeds during your luteal phase (the time that happens right after your ovulate and ends once your period starts). And why these seeds in particular? Were they just pulled out of thin air? Nope.
Flaxseeds contain phytoestrogenswhich is a form of plant-based estrogen. Estrogen is low at the beginning of your menstrual cycle, so phytoestrogens can help your body build up your uterine lining. When you are going through the latter stages of perimenopause/menopause, estrogen levels can significantly decrease; phytoestrogens can help to bring your levels back up. That said, as far as periods are concerned, flaxseeds can help to regulate your cycle (which can also make it easier for you to conceive, if that is something that you are trying to do). As far as perimenopause and menopause are concerned, they can help to make their symptoms more bearable.
Pumpkin seeds are a rich source of magnesium and manganese which help to ease PMS symptoms and reduce menstrual discomfort. When it comes to perimenopause and menopause, magnesium can reduce anxiety and depression and help you to sleep better which can reduce symptoms that are associated with both conditions. And manganese? Manganese helps to regulate blood levels and improve bone density. Pumpkin seeds also contain a considerable amount of zinc that helps to regulate hormones. Fertility-wise, pumpkin seeds can increase testosterone levels and they can help you to have a healthier pregnancy.
Sesame seeds also have phytoestrogens in them; however, the reason why sesame seeds are recommended for seed cycling is because the zinc, selenium, vitamin E, and fatty acids in them are what help to give your progesterone levels a boost during the second half of your menstrual cycle. Progesterone not only creates a healthy uterine lining, if an egg isn’t fertilized, but it also helps your body to shed the lining. When it comes to perimenopause/menopause, progesterone is needed because it can help reduce the impact of hot flashes and menopause-related insomnia. When it comes to conceiving, sesame seeds can help to reduce inflammation and boost your immunity — making it easier for your body to get pregnant.
Sunflower seeds are loaded with vitamin Eand that alone makes them great when it comes to your menstrual cycle and dealing with perimenopause and menopause-related symptoms. That’s because vitamin E helps to reduce period discomfort and, if you happen to have heavy cycles, it can help to decrease the amount of blood that you lose during your cycle as well. For those dealing with perimenopause and menopause, vitamin E helps to bring relief to symptoms like hot flashes and vaginal dryness. Sunflower seeds can also aid in fertility, thanks to the fatty acids in them that can make it easier to conceive.
So, as you can see, there is a method to the madness when it comes to the seeds that are selected for seed cycling. Okay, but how do you actually incorporate seed cycling into your lifestyle? Good question.
How to Do Seed Cycling in Order to Receive the Most Optimal Results
GiphyIf you want to try seed cycling in order to see if it helps you and your hormones out, this is what you will need to do:
During days 1-14 (again, your follicular phase), you will need to take one tablespoon of ground flaxseeds and one tablespoon of ground pumpkin seeds.
During days 15-28 (again, your luteal phase), you will need to take one tablespoon of ground sesame seeds and one tablespoon of ground sunflower seeds.
The strategy here is if you do this consistently for 3-4 months, you should start to see an improvement when it comes to the imbalance of your hormones. It should also go on record that some health experts recommend adding 1200-1500 mg EPA/DHA to the follicular phase of seed cycling and evening primrose oil to the luteal phase. That’s because EPA/DHA are fatty acids that help to reduce bodily inflammation and evening primrose oil helps to decrease PMS symptoms as well as hot flashes.
As far as side effects go, there currently aren’t any drastic ones that have been reported. The main thing to keep in mind is that you may experience some gas, bloating, or changes in your bowel movement patterns for a moment. That’s because certain seeds are filled with fiber.
How These Seeds Will Benefit Your Health Regardless
GiphyNow that you know more of what seed cycling is all about, you might be wondering if it’s truly worth your while. The truth is that research is still being conducted which means that there are articles out in cyberspace that tend to Elmo shrug seed cycling more than anything else. My two cents? I mean, the fact that the four seeds listed have other health benefits, if you’re someone who prefers to take all-natural approaches to your health, it can’t hurt to up your intake of flaxseeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, and sunflower seeds anyway. Here are a few (additional) reasons why.
Flaxseeds. Aside from the fact that flaxseeds are a beneficial source of fiber and protein, they are also good for you because they are rich in omega-3s (which reduce inflammation and decrease cholesterol levels), they can help to keep your blood sugar levels in check, they are good at assisting with weight management and they can strengthen your digestive system.
Pumpkin seeds. If you’re currently trying to eat less meat yet you don’t want to do it at the sacrifice of your daily protein needs, pumpkin seeds are the answer to your prayers. They are off-the-charts when it comes to how much protein is in them (almost nine grams per serving), plus they contain a solid amount of copper, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, zinc, and antioxidants. If you want to improve your bladder health, pumpkin seeds can help to make that happen. If you want a stronger heart, pumpkin seeds offer support in that department.
Something else to keep in mind is, that since pumpkin seeds have antimicrobial, anti-inflammatory, antioxidative, and anti-ulcerative properties in them, they can also help your body to heal from minor issues and wounds faster — which is always a good thing.
Sesame seeds. If you are looking to get more fiber and protein in, lower your cholesterol and blood pressure levels, keep your bones in good shape, uptick your vitamin B intake, and/or strengthen your immune system, these are the areas where sesame seeds can be of great assistance. Something else that’s cool about sesame seeds is they have a reputation for helping to keep your liver and kidneys in peak condition as well.
Sunflower seeds. As far as snacking goes, probably the most popular seeds (on this list, anyway) are sunflower seeds. If they are something that you enjoy indulging in, you can feel good about that since they contain properties that fight cancer, help to regulate your thyroid, assist with preventing muscle cramps, provide you an energy boost, reduce your blood sugar levels, and make your gut (where 80 percent of your immunity resides) healthier.
Hmph. Looks to me that if you take these seeds in, your health is only going to improve — if that includes when it comes to your hormones, then that is just a bonus.
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Now that you know more about seed cycling, of course, it is totally up to you if you want to give it a shot. Again, though — since all of these seeds are good for you, what do you have to lose in trying it?
I don’t see one damn thing, y’all. Not one.
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