It's kind of rare that a day doesn't go by when there's not a headline that features Oprah, Gayle King or them both. But when I caught the one that I saw today on People's site, I immediately hit up my editor to see if I could expound on it a bit. The title? "Oprah Winfrey Says BFF Gayle King Has 'Always Felt Not a Shadow but the Light' from Her Success". I adore that because that is just what a friendship should be.
Since I wanted to hear more, first, I watched the feature interview with Gayle about how she and Oprah have been friends since 1976; how she was a production assistant at the time, Oprah was anchor and staying at Oprah's house during a bad storm one night solidified their friendship forever. How? Well, they basically had a "C.S. Lewis moment" based on when he once said, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'" For them, their ethnicity, being close in age and sharing similar philosophies (oh and agreeing on who they liked and who they thought were assholes; that's a direct Gayle quote, by the way) are the very things that still keep them so close even now.
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Something else that stood out to me is the story Gayle shared about the nicest thing that Oprah has ever done for her. She said that on her first New Year's Eve following her divorce, Oprah and Stedman drove four hours to surprise her. Stedman made spaghetti and they stayed with Gayle so that she wouldn't have to be alone. (So, Sex & the City fans, when Carrie did that for Miranda in the first movie, that wasn't original or merely fictional; Oprah and Gayle did it first). And now, some forty-plus years later, here Oprah and Gaye still stand. Strong and secure Black women. Powerhouses in their own right (let's not forget that Gayle negotiated a pretty impressive deal with CBS earlier this year). And, what I really admire, complete and total fans of one another.
So much, in fact, that for the first time ever, Gayle is gracing the cover of O, The Oprah Magazine in September, alongside her bestie.
As I went to Oprah's actual website to check out the cover story, this part, in particular, stood out to me:
For years, people have marveled at our friendship—and sometimes misunderstood it. But anyone who has a soulful bond with a friend, a friend who would do anything for you, who revels in your happiness and is there to comfort you in your sadness, gets it exactly.
In our friendship, they see their own connections. It's why people often introduce their best friends to me as "She's my Gayle."
Amen. Your friends, your true friends, won't only do anything for you, they will revel in your happiness. That includes your success. (Bookmark that for a moment. I'll be coming back to it.)
As I continued to read on, it's pretty obvious that Oprah not only adores her BFF, but she highly respects her too. It's evident in her words that if anyone saw Gayle's current success coming a mile away, and is totally thrilled because of it, it is her. Plus, I appreciate that Oprah addressed something that I'm sure just about all of us have wondered at one time or another—did Gayle ever feel resentment, envy or that it was some sort of backhanded compliment to be referred to as "Oprah's best friend" all these years. According to Oprah, absolutely not.
Now that Gayle's a shining star on 'CBS This Morning', people often ask her how she felt being in the shadow of my success. The truth is, she always felt not a shadow, but the light. We couldn't have remained friends if she'd perceived it as a shadow. I would have sensed that, and I wouldn't have been able to be as open.
A true friend can't be jealous of you, or want to take advantage of you in any way.
Rinse and repeat— A true friend can't be jealous of you, or want to take advantage of you in any way.
As I finished up, what I consider to be, Oprah's letter of deep love and profound adoration for her friend, I thought about some of my own relationships. Although I didn't plan for it to play out the way that it has, I also have friends who are in the spotlight. Sometimes people ask me how I am able to make it all work. If I were to offer up a bullet point list, here would be my top five:
Know That You Each Have Your Own Purpose in Life
I'll be honest. Something that particularly impresses me about Oprah and Gayle's friendship is the fact that they are basically in the same line of work and there are no moments of competitiveness or jealousy; especially since the media world is naturally competitive on its own. For them to be able to navigate through all of that, it speaks to their own heightened level of self-awareness that they each have a purpose in this life. Oprah can't do what Gayle can in the way that she can do it, and vice versa.
And you know what? That point right there applies to all of us. One of my favorite quotes of all time is "If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary." (A man named Larry Dixon said that.) By the mere fact that you are even on this site, I can only assume that you are a pretty ambitious individual. That probably means that some of your inner circle is pretty accomplished as well. No matter how popular, successful or rich one of you may be more than the other, that has nothing to do with the value of each purpose. God placed you both here to do something specific. Knowing this—and reminding one another of this too—can help to keep the green-eyed monster away. For good.
Be Intentional About Celebrating One Another
The Greek playwright Aeschylus once said, "Few men have the natural strength to honor a friend's success without envy." I can see how that would be the case. In my world, a lot of my friends who are in the spotlight are musicians. I'm a writer. So, for the most part, there is no "clashing" to be had. But I will say that when one of them calls me up to say they won an award or they've landed a television special, I celebrate it. And you know what? When I got my book deals or even when I landed this gig with xoNecole, they celebrated that with just as much enthusiasm.
True friends are able to get excited about one another's accomplishments because true friends want to see one another thrive. Because really, when you truly love someone, why wouldn't you want them to win?
Unless you're not "in it" for the friendship, just the opportunities or the "perks" that come with being associated with you. That's not only mad shady but brings me to another point.
Test Your Motives (and Theirs)
There's a Scripture in the Bible that serves as a pretty good character warning—"We justify our actions by appearances; God examines our motives." (Proverbs 21:2—Message) What I like about it is it's a reminder that no matter how good you may be (or think that you are) at hiding your true intentions about something, God always knows. And eventually, those intentions tend to come out. Although there have been times when I've used my media contacts to help out a friend, more times than not, they did not ask; I offered (because again, friends like to see their friends win). But the reason why I am confident that none of my inner circle has ulterior motives is because, unless we're trying to figure out a time to hang out or one of us needs some advice about something, our professional lives don't really come up all that much.
Just last night, I was hanging out with a friend who has an ever-growing platform. Do you know what we talked about more than anything? Past memories and our current relationships (which for me is nada). He wasn't looking to see how I could finesse him nor was I. He's my homie. His accomplishments are a part of him, not all of him. True friends embrace one another's totality. Do you? Do yours?
“Get Off of the Clock” Sometimes
I don't do social media, but I will set a Google alert for some of my friends. Why? Because if search engines didn't tell me about some of the things they've got going on, I wouldn't know any other way. Why? Because most of our relationship consists of day-to-day stuff. We look forward to being able to discuss the things that are probably only truly significant to us.
You can't convince me that Oprah and Gayle don't share moments when they don't do anything but binge-watch television, crack jokes or hang out just for the sake of it. I doubt any friendship could last if all both people did was "talk shop" all of the time; shoot, that's what co-workers are for. Without a doubt, a great way to nurture your friendship is to be off of the clock more than you're on it with each other.
Friendships are supposed to be a source of relaxation and fun. It can only do that when both people are safe places to chill out.
Be Honest About Your Feelings
A husband that I truly respect once said something about his wife that I will never forget—"My job is to present my wife in her best light at all times. She has flaws, but you won't ever hear about them from me." That said, there's no way that Oprah and Gayle—or any other set of friends—can be authentic and not have "moments"; it's just not our business to know about them.
At the same time, that's not to say that I don't have respect for "Kelly Rowland moments" either. Some of y'all might remember back in 2013 when the song "Dirty Laundry" came out and she admitted that she had times when she felt jealous of Beyonce's success. It's a reminder that another necessary component for a friendship's success and longevity is honesty.
And so, if you're feeling some type of way about a friend's accomplishments, don't tell someone else or be passive aggressive about it on social media—tell them directly. A true friend will love you through those feelings and support you in getting past them so that, you can stop feeling like you are in their shadow; so that, like Gayle with Oprah, you can beam in the light alongside them.
If you live on this earth long enough, you'll come to embrace that one of the best gifts it has to offer is a true friend. Oprah and Gayle just reminded us of that. So today, take out a moment to be intentional about shining some light on your besties—to be their fan as well as their friend. If they've been a true one, they deserve it. Right?
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Good Friends Are Hard To Find! Here's How To Show Yours You Appreciate Them
10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships
Featured image by Getty Images
- Oprah Opens Up About the Start of Her Gayle King Friendship ›
- Gayle King and Oprah Uncensored - The O Magazine Interview ›
- A Timeline of Oprah and Gayle King's Enduring Friendship ›
- Oprah Winfrey, Gayle King finally reunite after negative COVID-19 test ›
- Oprah Reflects on "Timeless" 40-Year Friendship With Gayle King ›
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Anyway, one of them was recently expressing in the chat that, although, according to her doctor, her hormone levels seemed to be fine, she felt like certain perimenopause symptoms were telling her otherwise. She’s probably right because the reality is you can be in a state of perimenopause — the transitional phase that comes right before menopause — anywhere from 4-10 years (keep in mind that the average age for entering menopause is 51).
And so, after hearing about some of what she was experiencing and recommending things like evening primrose oil and raspberry leaf tea, it reminded me that I should also pen an article on seed cycling — a practice that is gaining more traction when it comes to all-natural ways of keeping certain hormones in balance.
If you’re curious about what seed cycling is all about, I’ve got a few details that may interest you — and might provide you with some perimenopausal relief — below.
What Is Seed Cycling and Why Is It Becoming More Popular?
GiphyProbably the easiest way to define seed cycling is it’s all about consuming certain seeds during certain times of the month in order to balance out your hormones — well, not only balance hormones but boost fertility and also decrease symptoms that are directly related to menopause.
The thought process of seed cycling is if you consume certain seeds during the first half of your menstrual cycle, it will help to balance out your estrogen levels; then if you consume certain seeds during the other half of your menstrual cycle, it will balance out your progesterone levels.
So, which seeds are you supposed to take?
Flax and pumpkin seeds during the first 14 days of your cycle and then sesame and sunflower seeds during the last 14 days. And what if your period isn’t on a 28-day cycle? Well, then what you would do is take flax and pumpkin seeds during your follicular phase (the first day that you start your period through the day that you ovulate) and sesame and sunflower seeds during your luteal phase (the time that happens right after your ovulate and ends once your period starts). And why these seeds in particular? Were they just pulled out of thin air? Nope.
Flaxseeds contain phytoestrogenswhich is a form of plant-based estrogen. Estrogen is low at the beginning of your menstrual cycle, so phytoestrogens can help your body build up your uterine lining. When you are going through the latter stages of perimenopause/menopause, estrogen levels can significantly decrease; phytoestrogens can help to bring your levels back up. That said, as far as periods are concerned, flaxseeds can help to regulate your cycle (which can also make it easier for you to conceive, if that is something that you are trying to do). As far as perimenopause and menopause are concerned, they can help to make their symptoms more bearable.
Pumpkin seeds are a rich source of magnesium and manganese which help to ease PMS symptoms and reduce menstrual discomfort. When it comes to perimenopause and menopause, magnesium can reduce anxiety and depression and help you to sleep better which can reduce symptoms that are associated with both conditions. And manganese? Manganese helps to regulate blood levels and improve bone density. Pumpkin seeds also contain a considerable amount of zinc that helps to regulate hormones. Fertility-wise, pumpkin seeds can increase testosterone levels and they can help you to have a healthier pregnancy.
Sesame seeds also have phytoestrogens in them; however, the reason why sesame seeds are recommended for seed cycling is because the zinc, selenium, vitamin E, and fatty acids in them are what help to give your progesterone levels a boost during the second half of your menstrual cycle. Progesterone not only creates a healthy uterine lining, if an egg isn’t fertilized, but it also helps your body to shed the lining. When it comes to perimenopause/menopause, progesterone is needed because it can help reduce the impact of hot flashes and menopause-related insomnia. When it comes to conceiving, sesame seeds can help to reduce inflammation and boost your immunity — making it easier for your body to get pregnant.
Sunflower seeds are loaded with vitamin Eand that alone makes them great when it comes to your menstrual cycle and dealing with perimenopause and menopause-related symptoms. That’s because vitamin E helps to reduce period discomfort and, if you happen to have heavy cycles, it can help to decrease the amount of blood that you lose during your cycle as well. For those dealing with perimenopause and menopause, vitamin E helps to bring relief to symptoms like hot flashes and vaginal dryness. Sunflower seeds can also aid in fertility, thanks to the fatty acids in them that can make it easier to conceive.
So, as you can see, there is a method to the madness when it comes to the seeds that are selected for seed cycling. Okay, but how do you actually incorporate seed cycling into your lifestyle? Good question.
How to Do Seed Cycling in Order to Receive the Most Optimal Results
GiphyIf you want to try seed cycling in order to see if it helps you and your hormones out, this is what you will need to do:
During days 1-14 (again, your follicular phase), you will need to take one tablespoon of ground flaxseeds and one tablespoon of ground pumpkin seeds.
During days 15-28 (again, your luteal phase), you will need to take one tablespoon of ground sesame seeds and one tablespoon of ground sunflower seeds.
The strategy here is if you do this consistently for 3-4 months, you should start to see an improvement when it comes to the imbalance of your hormones. It should also go on record that some health experts recommend adding 1200-1500 mg EPA/DHA to the follicular phase of seed cycling and evening primrose oil to the luteal phase. That’s because EPA/DHA are fatty acids that help to reduce bodily inflammation and evening primrose oil helps to decrease PMS symptoms as well as hot flashes.
As far as side effects go, there currently aren’t any drastic ones that have been reported. The main thing to keep in mind is that you may experience some gas, bloating, or changes in your bowel movement patterns for a moment. That’s because certain seeds are filled with fiber.
How These Seeds Will Benefit Your Health Regardless
GiphyNow that you know more of what seed cycling is all about, you might be wondering if it’s truly worth your while. The truth is that research is still being conducted which means that there are articles out in cyberspace that tend to Elmo shrug seed cycling more than anything else. My two cents? I mean, the fact that the four seeds listed have other health benefits, if you’re someone who prefers to take all-natural approaches to your health, it can’t hurt to up your intake of flaxseeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, and sunflower seeds anyway. Here are a few (additional) reasons why.
Flaxseeds. Aside from the fact that flaxseeds are a beneficial source of fiber and protein, they are also good for you because they are rich in omega-3s (which reduce inflammation and decrease cholesterol levels), they can help to keep your blood sugar levels in check, they are good at assisting with weight management and they can strengthen your digestive system.
Pumpkin seeds. If you’re currently trying to eat less meat yet you don’t want to do it at the sacrifice of your daily protein needs, pumpkin seeds are the answer to your prayers. They are off-the-charts when it comes to how much protein is in them (almost nine grams per serving), plus they contain a solid amount of copper, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, zinc, and antioxidants. If you want to improve your bladder health, pumpkin seeds can help to make that happen. If you want a stronger heart, pumpkin seeds offer support in that department.
Something else to keep in mind is, that since pumpkin seeds have antimicrobial, anti-inflammatory, antioxidative, and anti-ulcerative properties in them, they can also help your body to heal from minor issues and wounds faster — which is always a good thing.
Sesame seeds. If you are looking to get more fiber and protein in, lower your cholesterol and blood pressure levels, keep your bones in good shape, uptick your vitamin B intake, and/or strengthen your immune system, these are the areas where sesame seeds can be of great assistance. Something else that’s cool about sesame seeds is they have a reputation for helping to keep your liver and kidneys in peak condition as well.
Sunflower seeds. As far as snacking goes, probably the most popular seeds (on this list, anyway) are sunflower seeds. If they are something that you enjoy indulging in, you can feel good about that since they contain properties that fight cancer, help to regulate your thyroid, assist with preventing muscle cramps, provide you an energy boost, reduce your blood sugar levels, and make your gut (where 80 percent of your immunity resides) healthier.
Hmph. Looks to me that if you take these seeds in, your health is only going to improve — if that includes when it comes to your hormones, then that is just a bonus.
___
Now that you know more about seed cycling, of course, it is totally up to you if you want to give it a shot. Again, though — since all of these seeds are good for you, what do you have to lose in trying it?
I don’t see one damn thing, y’all. Not one.
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