It's no secret that going from internalizing our ideas to visualizing them increases the chances of our thoughts becoming things.
Cue in the power of vision boards — a crafty way of using pictures and objects pasted onto a board that you reflect on daily. The irony is, while vision boards are great at displaying and ingraining our dreams, many people are sleeping on 'em. But not Miss Union.
Recently, actress Gabrielle Union got honest about her more intimate goal initiatives when she revealed she keeps a pregnancy test on her own dream board. And not just any test, but a positive one. The author told Redbook:
"I make a vision board every year. Some of the pictures on my first one were of a haircare line, Kenya, and a Clearblue pregnancy test.... The only things that have not come to pass are a cosmetics line, Machu Picchu, and a baby."
But perhaps as important as the power of intention, is the necessity of specificity, something even Gabby is learning. Too often we are modest with our personal demands, as if we fear God or the universe will deem us greedy or ungrateful if we were to "ask for too much," in turn punishing us with absolutely nothing. So we can be very general in asking for our wants, versus being very specific about our desires.
"I've had the positive [pregnancy test] stick, but also a number of miscarriages, so maybe I just have to go more specific and show a woman with a human being traveling through her orifices. I'll put those things back on this year's board and see what happens."
Last year, the wife and stepmom opened up about coming down with a case of the (Clear)blues after suffering 8-9 miscarriages during her attempts at getting pregnant via IVF. However, despite the losses, Gabby doesn't discredit her wins, but instead, only reaffirms the power of being intentional when it comes to goal-setting and being very detailed and specific when it comes to the life you want.
Despite her strengths, Gabby also has her weaknesses when it comes to staying true to her intentions. Part of what contributes to this is a lack of self-compassion, something even Gabby was quick to admit she also struggles with. The 45-year-old later goes on to open up about the dangers of the self-doubt that settles in once you actually get what you want:
"Over the years, I'd been approached with ideas for things like my own clothing line, and I'd have those momentary feelings of, 'I got picked! Yay!' And then it was, 'Oh God, they're going to figure out that I have no value.' Part of that is I didn't have my own style. I was always looking to others for outside validation, so I would've basically been like,'Well, who's popular right now? Let's try to look like that person.' If you don't have your own style, how are you going to design a line?'"
"As goals manifest, I've been able to look at my boards and say, 'Damn, I put in a lot of work and deserve it.' That's helped me to stop feeling suspicious of joy. To not sabotage something before I've had a chance to do it because I assume I'll be rejected."
Okay, serious question ladies — when will we start accepting that when it comes to our own joy, and the wonderful things that we manifest into our lives, that we not only deserve it, we've earned it?
Unfortunately, Gabby's feelings of self-sabotage are all too familiar and common, especially in the ambitious woman. And while being a perfectionist may have its perks, self-condemnation is the curse of perfectionism, and perfectionism turns into punishment real quick when we fail to forgive our naturally flawed selves.
In the meantime, it's important to keep in mind that life is not about perfection, it's about perspective. Gabrielle Union doesn't simply use or view her vision board as a "wish list," so much as she does a "checklist." She's done this, so she deserves that! And quite frankly, so do you!
And while the 45-year-old star is still waiting and anticipating adding "mom" to her resume, she is making sure to count her blessings along the way. Word of advice, make a "happy list," folks:
"I started working with a life coach who asked me to list things that make me happy, and one of my top three was imitation crab! You're not on the right track if you say imitation crab. So the life coach started to ask questions: 'What don't you like? What annoys you? Have you ever experienced euphoria?' Examine those moments and you'll start to figure out who you really are."
Duly noted, Mrs. Union-Wade!
Read Gabrielle's full feature story for the March 2018 issue of Redbook here.
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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