This Woman Went From Welfare to Creating A Lash Empire
Marlene Aymone certainly knows a thing or two about the sacrifice that comes with being your own boss.
She passed up opportunities for a steady income to start her luxury eyelash line, Lena Lashes and almost lost her marriage in the process. She was even on the brink of losing her son due to the late nights and early mornings required to keep her company running.
But with sacrifice comes great reward, and thanks to social media, the wife and mother of two, who at one time only had $26 to her name, has built an incredibly successful business within just a couple of years.
“I was expecting to sell a few thousand a month, not a huge volume every single month," Marlene says of her seemingly overnight success.
Beauty blogger Raye Boyce rocking a pair of Lena Lashes
There's something about a good pair of lashes that takes even the most beautifully beat face to the next level. Slick on a pair of the peep enhancers and suddenly you can't help but to smize in front of the camera, fluttering your faux lovelies as if they were your own. Marlene refers to them as an addiction, and with social sites like YouTube and Instagram catering to beauty enthusiasts, there has been an increasing demand for her product from both casual consumers to celebrities and influencers.
Like most fairytales, though, Marlene's journey to profitability wasn't picture perfect. Just two years ago, the entrepreneur was going to grad school on a full fellowship and teaching science to kids in underperforming schools. The money was decent, but her passion was in the beauty industry, so when her head wasn't buried in textbooks, she was selling hair bundles and doing makeup tutorials on YouTube.
“I was like, okay, I want to try something else because there were so many people selling hair and it's expensive to promote and sell. I needed to find something that was a little easier to promote."
Marlene took her love for makeup and developed it into a side hustle and, in the process, came up with the idea for starting her own eyelash line.
Taking $750 from her savings, she began researching suppliers in Asia and bought $250 worth of inventory and put the rest of the cash towards creating her website. But the pressure of being an entrepreneur hit hard before she could even make her first sale. Juggling her marriage, a two-year-old, and a hectic work and school schedule had her questioning whether or not she was making the right decision, and she feared that her company wasn't going to give her a return on her investment.
Her husband was even less supportive of her vision and told her that she was wasting her time thinking that she could build a successful business using social media as a primary promotional platform. “He would say things like, 'This is beneath you; you're so smart and you're so intelligent, but now you're doing Youtube videos. Like what is this? You don't care about the family.' He started having these feelings of resentment and being bitter on the inside."
Sinking into a revolving state of depression, Marlene convinced herself that there was something wrong with the product and shelved her products for a year until her mother encouraged her to sell the inventory that she had. In February of 2014, she began shipping out her product. Business was steady and things seemed to be looking up, but two months in, she opened an email from her husband who had relocated to Georgia for work just a few months prior. He was filing for divorce.
“He had talked about divorce a few times, but I thought he was just trying to scare me. My husband's African-American and I'm from West Africa. So he knows that African people, we take marriage very seriously. I was like, he's just doing that to scare me because he knows I'm African, alright cool."
Photo Credit: Lena Lashes
The joke became real when she saw his attorney's name at the bottom of the divorce papers. At the time, her son was staying with her husband while she continued going to school and running her business. The pending divorce meant that she could possibly lose custody of her child, so she packed her bags and the little inventory that she had and moved to Columbus, Georgia, determined to fight for the courts for sole custody. “I didn't have any money; it wasn't something I was preparing myself for. You don't really think that, oh yeah I'm going to be divorced tomorrow so let me start saving some money."
"You don't really think that oh yeah I'm going to be divorced tomorrow so let me start saving some money."
She rented an apartment and brought her son to live with her, but with no money to her name and mounting attorney fees, she had to apply for welfare, and sank deeper into depression. Though she had hit rock-bottom—sleeping on an air mattress in an unfurnished apartment with only $300 to feed her and her child—she decided that fighting for her dream was better than being broke. She shipped out her remaining inventory to influencers in the makeup industry who were following her on Instagram in exchange for promoting her products, leaving her down to just $26 in her bank account.
“Luckily it paid off, and from there, we started having bigger YouTubers wear and promote the lashes, and it started to grow from there," says Marlene. She compares her journey to Radio One founder Cathy Hughes, who went from sleeping on the floor of her radio station to creating a media empire. “She had no money, all she had was her vision."
Beauty vlogger Jackie Aina rocking Lena Lashes and Liquid Lipsticks
By December, Marlene was off of food stamps and the money was rolling in thanks to social influencers helping push her products on YouTube. Her husband had even called off the divorce. But Marlene ran into another issue—she didn't have the supply to meet the demand, and though she had proof that she was running a profitable business (she was making so much money that she was being audited by PayPal and Square every month), she struggled to get the capital needed to purchase enough products in advance.
It's something that still greatly bothers the now 31-year-old as she looks to expand her business into storefront locations outside of her current location in New Orleans. Being a minority in the beauty industry means often being overlooked for opportunities for funding, and having to work harder than her Caucasian counterparts to prove the profitability of her idea. “If you're Black and you ask for a loan, they'll ask you for your granddaddy's freedom papers. When you're black, everything has to be perfect."
"If you are black and ask for a loan, they'll ask you for your granddaddy's freedom papers."
There's also the issue of black-owned businesses being stereotyped as not having the same level of customer service as another company, causing many not to support their own. “You pay people to do customer service, and when you pay people you have to put them on your payroll, you have to pay Medicare and social security taxes and worker compensation," says Marlene. “Those costs add up. I can't afford to have 24/7 customer service support."
There's no denying that being an entrepreneur, especially a black one, is hard. Damn hard. But Marlene, who refers herself as the Walt Disney of lashes due to her pretty packaging and creative collections, is determined not to give up on the one thing that has kept her going when she hardly had a dollar to her name. “I look at my lashes like my babies, because when I didn't have anything, my lashes got me through bad situations, so it's always a pleasure for me to come up with collections and release new lashes."
“I look at my lashes like my babies, because when I didn't have anything my lashes got me through bad situations."
Beauty blogger Jae wearing the "Dante" liquid lipstick.
Though she's getting better, there are still moments when she battles with depression due to the demands of the business. “The whole thing about depression is that it allows fear to grow, so your fears keep growing and growing to a point where you feel like you are completely defeated. Depression also causes you to self-sabotage. Every time we have an opportunity, depression will tell you don't go because it's not going to work out. Or don't go because you're not smart enough; don't do it because you wont succeed. It always causes you to commit self-sabotage."
She credits prayer and making a point of getting out amongst people to helping her to stay strong in moments where her anxiety attempts to get the best of her. “Don't isolate yourself. Depression will tell you to stay in the house, stay by yourself. Sometimes people who are depressed, they have a saying of, 'I like to stay by myself, I like to stay home.' No, it's depression. It's not normal for women to want to live isolated, so talk to people."
Balancing being a mom and a boss is no easy feat either. When she was pregnant with her second child, she missed prenatal appointments after her first trimester, and after he was born, she would breastfeed him in the office while taking orders. Her marriage has also taken a few hits on days when she's too tired to be intimate. “Men are just like us. Sometimes we don't realize it because they have muscles and they're big, so we're like well he's strong anyway; he'll be alright. And it's like, not really because they're also emotional creatures too, and they take rejection the way we take rejection."
Marlene has been in the business long enough to see even the most picture-perfect relationships fall to pieces when the roles reverse and the woman becomes the primary breadwinner. She, too, is making more money than her husband, who works as an engineer at an oil company, but makes a point to remind him of his value. “I would tell women even if you start marking more money, still be a wife, still be kind, we know you make the money, you don't need to rub it in his face. It does something to you as a woman to know that you have a strong man by your side because when you go home, life is kind of tough. When you have bad days, he can't even uplift you because you crush his self-esteem."
"It does something to you as a woman to know that you have to a strong man by your side."
Helping other women become more confident and her desire to put her sons in a position to where they won't have the same struggle of following their dreams also gives her just the bit of juice she needs to keep going.
“I just hope that they'll be able to have a really good life, and if they are able to start something one day, I'll be able to give them the money so they can start their own businesses, and be who they want to be," she says. She apologizes as the tears start streaming, “I don't want my kids to go to college and have to worry about financial aid and being in debt. I want my kids, when they become adults, to have a big advantage over other people by not having debt."
She might not be donning the cape of a traditional super hero, but there's no denying that Marlene is a super woman both on and off the job.
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images