Hindsight is one heck of a teacher. When I think about what it's taught me when it comes to friendship, if there's a little gem of insight I'd like to give to all parents out there, it's this — just because your friends have children, that doesn't automatically mean that your kids should play with their kids.
I say that because the worst "friend" I've had in my entire life (and that's saying something!) is someone who was the firstborn child of one of my mother and stepfather's friends. And she was evil. Pure evil. My first memory of her was of her locking me out of her house, trapped with her big dog and her laughing at me as he tried to attack me.
It was basically the perfect metaphor for the rest of our so-called friendship. Throughout elementary, high school, and even my first couple of years of college, she was the epitome of a bad friend. But because she was my first introduction to friendship, I didn't have a healthy standard. In many ways, as toxic as she was, she set the standard. And so, anyone who treated me even a little better than she did, I thought they were awesome, when the reality is a lot of them simply weren't "as abusive".
Sometimes, when I'm giving relationship advice, I'll use the grades on a report card to drive home a point. "If you're always used to getting an 'F', a 'C' will feel like a 'A'." In other words, if you're used to being treated poorly and someone comes along and does it less than others have, or they do something good for you every blue moon, you might think you're being treated well when really, it's just not as bad as before.
That's why I'm a firm believer that friendships should have deal breakers. It's not about a lack of loyalty or not allowing someone to make mistakes. It's about recognizing when someone isn't being a true friend so that you don't have to put more time, effort, and energy into something that is fruitless.
It's about being a friend to yourself first so that you're able to set the standard — and raise the bar when needed — for how others should treat you.
And just what should some of those deal breakers be? Check them out below.
Deal Breakers In Friendships
1.Consistent Selfishness
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I'm a big giver. I like having that quality. But there have been numerous times when I've realized I'm doing 70-80 percent of the giving in my friendships; not just monetarily but with my time and emotional-investing too. As a friend, when one of my friends are in need, I figure it out. Period.
But what I started to realize is when I needed something, a lot of my friends were unavailable. The few times I would bring up the pattern, they would say things like, "Shellie, if your motive was right, you wouldn't be going tit-for-tat." Whatever. If this friendship was balanced, it would be impossible to do that because the mutuality would be consistent. Selfish means "self-consumed". If you're trying to establish or maintain a friendship with someone who is really only consumed with themselves, good luck, sis. You're gonna need it.
Feature image by Getty Images.
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Breaking Up With Toxic Friends Won't Be Easy, But It's So Necessary – Read More
How To Build A Squad of Empowering Friends – Read More
- What are deal breakers for you in a friendship? - Quora ›
- The Top 10 Relationship Deal Breakers | Psychology Today ›
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RELATED
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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It was unexpected to stumble upon the revelations of Denzel's past struggles with substance abuse in this particular piece. This discovery brought to light a profound truth about the wisdom that often accompanies aging – a sense of shamelessness and an unapologetic embrace of one's true self. It's truly inspiring to witness Denzel Washington embodying this wisdom so gracefully in his 70s because he has been giving it all the way up in interviews this year like never before.
The journey of life is often fraught with challenges and missteps, and it's not uncommon for us to grapple with personal demons along the way. Substance abuse, in particular, can be a formidable adversary that leaves lasting scars. Yet, as Denzel's story suggests, there is hope for redemption and transformation.
Denzel Washington, a revered figure in the entertainment industry, has long been admired for his talent and charisma. However, this revelation adds another layer to his persona – that of a human being who has faced his own struggles and emerged from them with a sense of grace and acceptance. His willingness to acknowledge his past without shame serves as a powerful reminder that we are all flawed and that our imperfections do not diminish our worth.
In Act II the Training Day star talks about how it all started. “Prep school in the seventies: acid! Loootta acid. I said, Ho! My God. Yeah. Ha!” the actor shared. “I was in a little private, semi-military school called Oakland Academy, in New Windsor, New York. Up by Poughkeepsie. My mother sent me up there because I had tested well in school, but I had one foot in the streets. I can’t remember if I was already selling drugs at that point. (Yeahhh, well . . . sometimes you do what you’re around.)”
Photo by Samir Hussein/WireImageDenzel recounts his first acid trip, where he was scared by the hallucinations and stayed out in the woods until 4 a.m. His friends laughed off his fears, attributing them to the drug. Denzel also mentions using weed and occasionally alcohol, though he wasn't fond of the latter due to the difficulty of obtaining it in Newburgh.
One of the most powerful messages in this article from Denzel literally brought me to tears:
“Things I said about God when I was a little boy, just reciting them in church along with everybody else, I know now. God is real. God is love. God is the only way. God is the true way. God blesses. It’s my job to lift God up, to give Him praise, to make sure that anyone and everyone I speak to the rest of my life understands that He is responsible for me.
"When you see me, you see the best I could do with what I’ve been given by my lord and savior. I’m unafraid. I don’t care what anyone thinks. See, talking about the fear part of it—you can’t talk like that and win Oscars. You can’t talk like that and party. You can’t say that in this town."
When Kevin Spacey took home the Oscar for American Beauty over Denzel, it triggered something in him. “I went through a time then when Pauletta would watch all the Oscar movies—I told her, I don’t care about that. Hey: They don’t care about me? I don’t care. You vote. You watch them. I ain’t watching that.” He went on to say, “I gave up. I got bitter. My pity party. So I’ll tell you, for about fifteen years, from 1999 to 2014 when I put the beverage down, I was bitter. I don’t even know offhand what movies I made then—I guess John Q, Manchurian Candidate. But I didn’t know I was bitter.”
So, wine became a great way to cope. “Wine is very tricky. It’s very slow. It ain’t like, boom, all of a sudden. And part of it was we built this big house in 1999 with a ten-thousand-bottle wine cellar, and I learned to drink the best.” He would call Gil Turner’s Fine Wines & Spirits on Sunset Boulevard to order two expensive bottles of wine to avoid drinking more.
“I never drank while I was working or preparing. I would clean up, go back to work—I could do both. However many months of shooting, bang, it’s time to go. Then, boom. Three months of wine, then time to go back to work.”
Denzel recognized that drinking was a fifteen-year pattern. His truth: it didn’t start in ’99 — it started earlier and it had more to do with how he grew up with friends like Frank who was a known killer. “It probably started then—well, to be honest, that is where it started. I never got strung out on heroin. Never got strung out on coke. Never got strung out on hard drugs. I shot dope just like they shot dope, but I never got strung out.
"And I never got strung out on liquor. I had this ideal idea of wine tastings and all that—which is what it was at first. And that’s a very subtle thing. I mean, I drank the best. I drank the best. And fifteen years into it: Send me two bottles, and make it good stuff, but just two. And I’d drink them both over the course of the day.”
While he wasn’t drinking when he filmed Flight, where he portrayed William "Whip" Whitaker Sr., an alcoholic airline pilot who miraculously crash-lands his plane after a mechanical failure, he’s sure he did when they wrapped. “That was getting toward the end of the drinking, but I knew a lot about waking up and looking around, not knowing what happened. But look: I was put on this planet to do good. I’ve been blessed with this ability to act, and I’ve tried to use it for goodness’ sake. For God-ness’ sake,” the actor said.
(L-R) Malcolm Washington, Katia Washington, Pauletta Washington, and Denzel Washington attend the 47th AFI Life Achievement Award honoring Denzel Washington.Michael Kovac/Getty Images for AFIDuring Flight, he thought about those who had been through addiction, and he wanted good to come out of that. He revealed, “It wasn’t like it was therapeutic. Actually, maybe it was therapeutic! It had to have been.”
Because Denzel’s had so many journeys, so many different kinds of people to play, he named, “And even the heroes—I’m not them. I’m not Stephen Biko. I played Stephen Biko. I’m not Malcolm X. People talk to me like I’m Malcolm X to this day. I’m not Malcolm X. I could not stand up to the pressure that he was under. But I’ve been blessed with the ability to interpret what that does. Be it a leader of the Nation of Islam or a falling-down alcoholic.”
This December marks a decade of Denzel’s sobriety.
“Things are opening up for me now—like being seventy. It’s real. And it’s okay. This is the last chapter—if I get another thirty, what do I want to do? My mother made it to ninety-seven,” he declared.
Just this weekend, on Saturday, Dec. 21 Denzel celebrated a milestone in his faith journey: he was baptized at Kelly Temple Church of God in Christ located in the Harlem, New York City. Proving one of his gems in the article to be more than true, “Even in the darkest stories, I’m looking for the light.”
The Glory actor recognized that it was unusual to officially join a faith community at his age, when he was given the microphone to speak about the important event. "In one week I turn 70. It took a while, but I'm here," Denzel said. Now, he’s got a minister and baptism license to go along with his Oscars and Golden Globe awards.
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Featured image by Noam Galai/Getty Images for SiriusXM