Anyone who has turned 30 can look around and realize they might not have the same group of friends they had when they turned 20. Life happens, we relocate, we take on different journeys in life, and we just don't have the convenience of going across campus to binge TV. As much as we want to be the real-life version of Girlfriends – channeling our inner Joan, Toni, Maya, or Lynn, as we get older, our circle gets smaller and smaller. It might even turn into a triangle (or a line for those who just don't have time for the BS). Still, there's a type of friend that each of us needs during this phase in our life.
If we think our 20s are significant, our 30s are defining. But they can be the best years with these types of friends in your life.
1.Your Person:
This is your BFF, your ride-or-die. The Oprah to your Gayle. The Kelly to your Beyonce. We all need that one friend who just gets us. They've been with us through thick and thin and aren't going anywhere. They're supportive, but not afraid to tell us the truth out of love. They love us for who we are, and the feelings are clearly mutual. They know all of our secrets but would never reveal them because we know theirs too. You can be yourself around them, free of judgment, and they feel the same. It's the definition of a true friendship.
2.The Optimistic Friend:
Whether these are the years you'll experience life's biggest heartaches, or the happiest moments that will always make you smile, or both, you need a positive-vibes-only friend by your side. The optimistic friend is the one who always finds the positive in any situation. No, they're not wishing on rainbows and unicorns, but they understand that whatever is going on, you'll get through it. And they will always be there to remind you of that. They support you first and ask questions later. They're not perfect, but their attitude definitely inspires you to be better and have an amazing outlook on life.
3.The Reliable Friend:
Gone are the days of the flaky friend. Who has time for that? This isn't a push to just go and cut people off (unless you feel that's what you need), but when you're reflecting on the friendships in your life, who do you know you can depend on, no matter what? The reliable friend is a must-have in our 30s. This is a time in our lives when we're building our careers, our families, and our lives. The whole decade is a staple, and we need a friend who will show up and be consistent… and pretty much do what they say they'll do as we reciprocate the love.
4.The Beyond The Surface Friend:
Have you ever realized that some friendships that were once the closest don't really go beyond the surface anymore? Or maybe they never have. Some friendships are meant to be fun and exciting, but others are purposed to be more than social events and group chats. The beyond-the-surface friend goes deeper than the typical associate. You don't just talk about life, you do it together, no matter how much distance comes between you over time. This is one of the many types of friendships that take work. But when we have milestone moments, they're the ones who we want there with us.
5.The Adventurous Friend:
I literally have a friend who will ask, "Do you want to go to Aruba?.. Like, next week?" Sis keeps me on my toes! Obviously, seven days isn't enough time to plan or save for an international trip, but the type of friend who isn't afraid to be spontaneous is definitely needed during our 30s. They let us know it's OK to let our hair down and actually have fun! Everything doesn't have to be so serious all the time. Our best memories don't have to be the ones we plan. In fact, some of them are experienced on the fly when we least expect it. And we can live it to the fullest, thanks to our adventurous friend who isn't afraid to take a risk, try something new, and push us to do the same.
6.The Work Friend:
Who doesn't love a good work friend?! Someone who understands what you go through from 9-5. While the friendship starts out at work, sometimes it can grow into so much more. You might find yourself inviting them to your birthday parties, weddings, and baby showers. But the best part is, thanks to being around them basically all day every day, this is one of the friendships that are the most organic. You might only chat at work, or you could vent to each other after hours or during lunch. Either way, there's nothing like having a solid work friend in our 30s.
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Featured image by Giphy
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak