I Found Out I Was Suffering From Genetic Depression. Here's How I Overcame It
“Black people don't go to a psychologist."
That is what I told myself at sixteen when I had thoughts of wanting to sit in my room all day and create master plans disappearing from society.
Six years later, those same words landed me an open spot in the Psychiatric Emergency Services section of Grady Hospital for twenty-four hours, and nobody knew of my whereabouts, but me.
I am in the midst of telling my story, but before I continue, I am going to introduce myself.
My name is Kandice Hill. I am a native of Miami and recent graduate of Florida A&M University. I love matte lipstick, Jermaine Lamarr Cole, boyfriend jeans, giant Polar Pops at Circle K, binge-watching episodes of Power, and just about every thing else that a young woman in her early twenties loves. But there is something slightly different about me that very few people notice from the outside: I suffer from Depression and Anxiety Disorder.
Unlike most people, I did not enjoy my time in grade school. I would go to school, complete my homework, and go to sleep. I was naturally an introvert, and I had no reason to be because I had a loving family and supportive clique of friends and a decent boyfriend.
My mother grew concerned of my excessive sleeping and she set up an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist. There, I found out that I suffered from depression and that it was genetic (my father and paternal grandmother suffered from it too). At the time, I thought that being depressed meant that I was crazy. I thought it was a White thing. I thought I could just go to church and pray about it and it would go away. Naturally and irresponsibly, I decided not to treat my depression. My mother ordered me a prescription of anti-depressants and I would lie about taking them. I went on with my life as if I was never told I had a life changing condition.
I graduated from high school and completed college in expected time. I was just fine. I never experienced a mental episode or anything. I even graduated with honors! But one day while doing an icebreaker during training for my first job, years of not treating my condition finally caught up with me. Out of nowhere, my heart starting beating really fast. I was in a panic, but I did not know why. I was in a new big city teaching high school English to children that I loved dearly. I had new friends. I had an Atlanta boo. I had to ask myself, what is the problem? Why is your heart beating?
I drove myself to the nearest hospital because I was concerned. As I arrived, I was sent to a nurse who had asked me of series of health-related questions. In a matter of minutes, I began to cry. Suddenly, I started hyperventilating and I passed out.
An hour later, I woke up in a bed. I had no idea why I was there. I was a twenty-one year-old recent graduate confined to a room with older people who were yelling and screaming and talking about how they had plans of killing themselves. Later, a nurse came up to me and asked me why I was there. She said I was young, and that I looked out of placed. At that moment I knew I had to make a change in my life. It was clear to me that I did not belong there and if I did not treat my condition, I would be coming back.
I requested that I speak with a licensed social worker that could refer me to psychiatrist to receive medication for my depression. The social worker advised that I return to my hometown and seek treatment there.
I was crushed. I had a job right out of college and that was taken away from me because of my own personal misconceptions about suffering from depression. I went back home as advised, and I spent a month using intense therapy and finding myself.
When I was younger my grandmother would always tell me, “In life you either gonna pay on the front end or you gonna pay on the back end. Just know you gonna always have to pay. So pick one or life will pick it for you."
I was indeed paying on the back end. For a month I had to put my entire life on pause. I had to remove myself from social media, which was contributing to my depression, and really take responsibility for my mental health. During the day, I took my medicine, sat on my front porch, and occasionally volunteered at the neighborhood food bank. Sometimes felt like a failure because deep down I knew my classmates were somewhere posting pictures of their news jobs and children and spouses on the Internet. But at the end of the night, I filled myself up with aspirations to assure me that I was doing the right thing.
Now, I have a job that I love (I'm a Retail Intelligence Agent for New Balance and ThirdChannel). I grew up thinking that medication was for white, crazy people and I missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime.
There are millions of African Americans suffering from depression that aren't even aware of it. Often times the signs are there but we're afraid to admit that it may be more than just a fleeting moment, and instead of getting the help that we need, we wait until it's too late. I hope that after sharing my story, the numbers will decrease and people will see that there's nothing wrong with admitting that you're hurting. What's more important is being able to get the help you need in order to live the life that you dream of.
If you suffer from depression or have overcome it, let me know below! I'd love to hear your story.
Image via Istockphoto/Getty
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Yara Shahidi Shares Her Formula For Manifesting The Career Of Her Dreams
Yara Shahidi is a walking testimony of what it looks like to live out your wildest dreams, and she has managed to do it all in the harsh limelight of Hollywood without selling her soul. From acting and producing to hosting The Optimist Project podcast with SiriusXM to being a full-time college student at Harvard, now graduate, the 24-year-old has built a career that inspires while staying true to her values.
But how does she balance such a demanding yet "well-rounded" life while continuing to manifest new opportunities?
In a recent episode of The School of Greatness podcast with Lewis Howes, Yara opened up about her unique formula that has been instrumental to her success: following her curiosity. When asked how she manifests things in her life, Yara explained to the host, “There are many different ways. For some of the bigger things, it really is kinda getting downloads and moments of like, ‘Oh, I think that’s next.’”
She added, “Chasing curiosity means that my purpose is constantly unfolding in front of me. All I have to do is pay attention.” She described these intuitive “downloads” as waves of excitement or curiosity, deeper than that, as moments that spark her interest and give her clues about what to pursue next.
"Chasing curiosity means that my purpose is constantly unfolding in front of me. All I have to do is pay attention."
“A lot of what I think I’m interested in tackling comes from a wave of curiosity,” she said. “Like, for some reason, this is grabbing my attention, and I really couldn’t tell you why.” For Yara, those seemingly random sparks often turn into something deeper and more meaningful for the Bloom actress. She even recalled her podcast The Optimist Project flourishing as a result of a seed planted in her mind as a result of those waves of curiosity.
Whether it’s exploring new roles in her career or partnerships in the world of fashion and endorsements, her method of following the lead of those curiosities has led to incredible results.
One story Yara shared illustrated the power of curiosity-driven manifestation. Seemingly out of nowhere, she wrote down every endorsement deal she thought of having, not as a goal-oriented thing, but more so just writing down on a whim different brands that came to her head as a result of the sparks she is often led by.
Two years later, she realized she and her team had accomplished every single one. “It truly starts as this vision board,” she explained as she recounted the power of her and her team’s alignment on their curiosities. By letting her curiosity guide her, she’s been able to align those visions with the right opportunities. “What do we see?” she asks herself and her team, emphasizing the importance of shared alignment and intention in calling in the right opportunities for her life.
Curiosity is more than just a passing feeling for Yara, in fact, it’s a practice. From her TED Talk on the subject to her daily approach to life, she’s made it clear that tuning into what sparks joy and excitement is her formula for success. She noted that the curiosities are the true start of it all and the analytics or the “how” of achieving the goal comes later.
For Yara, it’s simple: let curiosity lead and trust the path to reveal itself.
Her journey reminds us that curiosity is often the key to uncovering our true purpose. By paying attention to what excites us, we can create a life that aligns with our values and dreams. As Yara’s story shows, following our curiosity might just be the first step toward manifesting the career and life we’ve always imagined.
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