I can't recall the last time I made a New Year's resolution. It's not that I loathe them. It's just that they kind of remind me of one of my exes who used to constantly make promises, and then reassurances, only to break them.
He wasn't a jerk. He was actually a nice guy who, for the most part, had his heart in the right place (at least relatively speaking). In hindsight, I think our disconnect was the fact that since my top love language is words of affirmation, he thought that so long as he said he was going to do something, following through wasn't that big of a deal. To me, New Year's resolutions and my ex have a lot in common.
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Every year, millions of us think that so long as we put on record what we intend to do, we don't really need to put our words into action. There's data to support my lil' theory too. I recently checked out an article that said as much as 80 percent of people annually break their New Year's resolution — or resolutions — by February. There are a million-and-one theories — ones that are probably more like excuses — behind why.
Some say they break their resolutions because they don't have the time to keep them.
Others say they break their resolutions because they were unrealistic to begin with.
Then there are those who struggle because they don't see immediate results.
I have another theory. I think the reason why a lot of individuals fail at keeping their resolutions is because they should've never made them to begin with; their entire perspective on reaching a certain goal stresses them out before they even start, and that is what dooms them to fail from Day One.
Does that mean I think that we shouldn't have aspirations for the New Year? No. I just believe we'd get a lot more accomplished if we focused on creating a New Year's bucket list instead. Think about it.
Say that you want to lose weight by summer. A resolution would come in the form of "lose 25 pounds". A bucket list entry could be something like go hiking in Colorado or taking yoga at a fabulous spa.
Maybe you want to stop spending so much money on frivolous stuff. A resolution would be to not eat out more than once a month. A bucket list entry would be to plan an international trip for the fall.
What if your resolution is to finally get over your ex? A resolution would be to block him from social media. A bucket list entry would be to try speed dating or to hire a professional matchmaker.
See the difference?
Whenever we focus on making resolutions, already it can put some (sometimes totally unnecessary) pressure on ourselves because all we're really thinking about is what we're going to stop doing and/or how much work is going to be involved in changing our life or breaking a habit.
But when we're more in the mindset of creating a bucket list, it gives us new and exciting things to look forward to — and if they are centered around things that we want to let go of or do differently, that's a mere bonus.
So, sometime this coming weekend, do yourself a big favor. Turn off the tube. Put on some of your favorite music and pull out a piece of paper and a pen. Write down 5-7 things that would normally be a New Year's resolution. Then, instead of framing it as a resolution — something that you need to "resolve" — think of how you can turn it into a bucket list entry instead.
Do you wanna cook more? Put "taking a cooking class" on your bucket list. Wanna conquer fear? Put "Go ziplining at Hunter Mountain" on your bucket list. Tryin' to reconnect with your spouse? Put "Plan the ultimate romantic date" on your bucket list.
It will give you things to look forward to. FUN THINGS that won't stress you but will excite you instead! I guarantee it.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Originally published on December 30, 2018
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak