With articles out in cyberspace like "Jada And Willow Smith Both Reveal They've Considered Getting A BBL In The Past" and "The 'BBL effect': Plastic surgeons say they're seeing record numbers of patients as people look to lift their bodies — and their booties — out of the pandemic", there's no way around the fact that the desire for a bigger, fuller and/or rounder butt, for a lot of women, isn't going away any time soon.
Still, with all of the risks that can come with getting a BBL (bruising, blood clots, infection, heart issues, and even death in some cases), I thought it was important to remind our audience of something that more and more people seem to be losing sight off — there are natural ways to enhance your derriere too. Ones that are much healthier, far less expensive, and can benefit your health and well-being in other ways as well.
One way to get your butt to where you want it is through exercise. Glutes, squats, and lunges are classically effective when it comes to building muscle mass on your backside. And you know what? Something that can make this easier to do is eating certain foods that will literally "feed your muscles."
12 Foods To Eat for a Bigger Butt
If you want a bigger butt, here are 12 foods that can help to make that happen while doing your body a lot of good from head to toe in the process. So, where's your grocery list at, sis? Let's do this.
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1. Foods To Eat for a Bigger Butt: Avocados
Avocados are one of my favorite fruits and ever since I've learned how easy it is to make guacamole — chile, you can't tell me a damn thing! As far as health benefits go, they contain more potassium than bananas; are full of fatty acids; are considered to be an aphrodisiac thanks to all of the vitamin E (which helps to support sex hormones) that are in them; can help your body to better absorb nutrients and are packed with antioxidants — ones that especially are great for maintaining your vision.
As far as your backside goes, avocados are bomb because they've got healthy fats that can help to reduce bodily inflammation while reducing the stress and strain that your body can sometimes go through when you're in the process of trying to build muscle, including your glutes.
2. Nuts
If you're looking for a way to get some fat and protein into your system without consuming any meat, eating nuts is certainly one way to do it. Since nuts are also full of fiber, they can be a good way to stay regular as well. Aside from that, nuts are good for you because they're a solid source of copper, manganese, and selenium, and they can assist with lowering your cholesterol levels. Also, some medical experts believe that they support heart health too.
Butt-wise, nuts are great because all of the fat and protein in them can help you to develop strong and solid muscles while still causing your butt to have some "movement" (a lot of BBLs do not).
3. Foods To Eat for a Bigger Butt: Oatmeal
If nothing makes you happier than having a hot heaping bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, you're actually doing your body a lot of good because this is a food that's considered to be incredibly nutritious. Oatmeal is off-the-charts when it comes to how much manganese it contains (around 190 percent of the recommended dietary intake), plus it's got fiber, protein, phosphorus, copper, zinc, iron, vitamins B1 and B5 and so much more.
Some other things worth noting are the antioxidants in oatmeal can help to reduce inflammation and lower your blood pressure, there are properties in oatmeal that can also balance out your blood sugar levels and some studies even say that feeding a baby oatmeal can reduce their chances of getting asthma up the road. If you want a fuller butt, oatmeal is the lick because it's also got micronutrients in it. The cool thing about that is those are great when it comes to increasing muscle mass over time.
4. Brown Rice
Looking for a way to up your dietary fiber intake? Brown rice has your back (pun intended). Good thing too because the combination of the fiber and magnesium that's in brown rice can help to lower your risk of having a heart attack or stroke up the road. It's also a great source of protein and several forms of vitamin B. Plus, it's gluten-free if that's the kind of diet that you're after. If you're looking for a kind of food that is easy to digest, contains amino acids like glutamine, glycerin, and GABA to help manage depression-related symptoms and you want some extra energy as you're exercising so that you can get your butt just where you want it to be, brown rice has you — all the way around.
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5. Foods To Eat for a Bigger Butt: Bananas
You might've heard that if you've got a muscle cramp, you should probably snack on a banana. That's because it's a good source of potassium and potassium is what helps to slow the contractions that cause the cramping down. Bananas are also a beneficial fruit because they have vitamins B6 and C in them, along with copper, manganese, fiber, and protein. If you want to balance out your blood sugar levels, have a banana.
If you want to improve your digestive health, have a banana. If you want to get more antioxidants into your system, have a banana. And, if you want to snack on something sweet that can help you to lose weight, feel fuller longer, and also give you the energy to get your butt into shape — you already know…have a banana.
6. Eggs
I'm kinda thinking that it comes as no surprise to any of you that eggs are an amazing source of protein. That's not all, though. They're also a good source of selenium and various forms of vitamin B. Also, the yellow yolk of the egg is loaded with choline which is awesome for the growth of your baby if you happen to be pregnant. Choline is also helpful when it comes to providing your cells with the fat that they need in order to fully develop.
Not only that but the antioxidants lutein and zeaxanthin are awesome for your vision and word on the street is they can even do their part to decrease your chances of having a stroke. And since eggs are one of the greatest sources of protein per serving there is, I'm sure you get why they're another food that can feed your glutes, so that your butt can appear bigger and fuller (with exercise, of course). Where's your omelet at?
7. Foods To Eat for a Bigger Butt: Mushrooms
Something that I really like about mushrooms is they have a kind of "meaty texture" that makes them a good substitute if you're trying to eat more vegetarian or vegan meals (check out "10 Foods That Make Eating Less Meat...Easier"). Aside from that, mushrooms are cool because, nutrient-wise, they've got vitamin D, antioxidants, zinc, potassium, and loads of other vitamins and minerals in them. All of these nutrients work together to boost your immunity, maintain heart health, and support gut health.
Anyway, mushrooms can help you get your butt to where you want it to be because they also are high in protein and again, protein is good for muscle development. And since mushrooms are a vegetable, consuming them is how you can build muscle mass without relying on animal products to do it.
8. Beef
Sometimes, nothing brings me more joy than a juicy hamburger or a T-bone steak. Lawd, have mercy! And so long as you consume beef in moderation, there are some solid health benefits that come with eating it. First, meat is definitely a strong source of protein. Also, it's got vitamin B12, zinc, selenium, iron, and phosphorus in it. Something else that's cool about beef is it has the antioxidant glutathione in it. That's dope because it helps to strengthen your immunity, fight aging signs, and even increase longevity.
When it comes to beef getting your butt to where you want it to be — whew. First, the organic compound creatine that's in it helps to give your body the energy that it needs in order to build muscle mass as the protein in beef helps to increase muscle mass. In fact, beef contains all of the amino acids that are required for a food to be categorized as being a "complete protein". So, if you like nothing more than steak fajitas on the weekend, dig in, sis! Your taste buds will thank you. Your backside will too.
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9. Foods To Eat for a Bigger Butt: Quinoa
Initially, I wasn't a fan of quinoa at all. Then, I learned that it's all about how it's prepared. Now, I dig it. As far as health benefits go, it's a protein-filled and gluten-free seed that is classified as being a whole grain. Quinoa is high in amino acids, fiber, iron, B-vitamins, calcium, iron, manganese, magnesium, zinc, copper and a host of other nutrients. A really great thing about quinoa is it can help you to manage your blood sugar levels.
Not only that but it's loaded with antioxidants, can assist with you shedding a few pounds (because it is able to boost your metabolism levels) and it contains anti-inflammatory properties too. Butt-wise, because it has so much protein in it (around eight grams a cup), it's a great building block for muscle mass and tone.
10. Greek Yogurt
Nothing will give you a protein, probiotic, vitamin B12, and calcium fix quite like a serving of Greek yogurt will. That said, if you've always wondered what the difference is between Greek yogurt and regular yogurt, Greek yogurt contains less sugar and more protein while regular yogurt has fewer calories and more calcium. Anyway, Greek yogurt can give you a metabolism boost, help to keep your bones strong and it's also great for your butt because it can also help to build muscle mass (thanks to its protein) while keeping your gut in good shape (thanks to its probiotics). This ultimately means a nice ass and a slim waistline — naturally so.
11. Foods To Eat for a Bigger Butt: Salmon
I can honestly eat a homemade salmon Caesar salad, at least a couple of times a week. Salmon is great for you, one because of all of the fatty acids (omega 3s) that are in it. Fatty acids are good because they are a "healthy fat" that helps to fight inflammation, lower your risk of heart disease, lower your blood pressure, keep your skin and hair moisturized from the inside out and so much more. Besides that, salmon also contains protein, B vitamins, potassium, selenium, and the antioxidant astaxanthin which reduces oxidative stress.
And if you want to have a little jiggle to your booty, salmon can actually help to make that happen. The reason why is because something that a lot of people with a big butt and thick thighs have in common is they are high in omega-3s. Now this is no reason to go overboard or anything. Still, it is good food for thought, next time you're baking some salmon for dinner.
12. Lentils
Even though a lot of people consider lentils to be beans, they are also seeds— seeds that are a huge source of protein, fiber, folate, iron, phosphorus, manganese, and potassium. The polyphenols in lentils have anti-inflammatory properties, its tannins help your system to absorb iron so that your blood can remain healthy and the phytic acid in these types of seeds has powerful antioxidant and anticancer properties in them.
And all of this helps your body to increase more muscle mass which ultimately can include a bigger butt. So, the next time you're in the mood for some lentil soup, now you've got another reason to indulge. You're just a few bowls away from building a bigger butt. And oh, what a delicious way to do it, right?
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Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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And just why would a plant that contains dung (wild, right?) be associated with intimacy? Well, two things that mistletoe symbolizes are vivacity and fertility — and since kissing is oftentimes a precursor to foreplay which then leads to sex…there you have it.
Although you may not have known any of this until just now, if you’re not currently in a serious relationship and yet you do happen to have a mistletoe hanging somewhere in your house and/or you’ve got plans to put some somewhere on your body over the next several days (check out “Mistletoe Around Your Waist (And Other Christmas-Themed Sex Ideas)”) — this article was written with you in mind.
Why the Holidays Are a Prime Time for Casual Sex
Why is that? Well, since people reportedly have more sex during the holiday season (more on why in a bit), I just wanted to make sure that before you let the presence of mistletoe (and hormones) overtake you as you take that text from an ex or respond to that DM from some month-long-correspondence-exchange guy that you stop to consider what you may be getting yourself into…beyond just (possibly) a “’tis the season” orgasm. Or two.
Never Forget What “Casual” Means
GiphyAs long as I am able to speak on casual sex, I will forever profess that it continues to be one of the greatest oxymorons of our time — to me. When you stop to consider that Scripturally, sex was designed to bond married couples (I Corinthians 6:16-20-Message), that babies can be made from sex, and that there are hormones during the act of sex that can cause you to bond to someone in a way that nothing else can (whether you’re close to them or not) — I don’t know why anyone would want to look at sex from a casual space; especially since casual means things like apathetic, careless, without serious intention, without emotional intimacy and indifferent.
Shoot, even some of the most promiscuous guys I know say that sex is better when they have some sort of emotional bond with their partner. So, if you’re about to consider involving yourself with someone sexually on a casual level over the next several days, please take a moment to really ponder what that means (in spite of how much culture tries to downplay it); then decide if “casual” is what you’re after — and if it’s what you are truly deserving of.
Keep the Holiday Season in Its Proper Perspective
GiphyRemember how I said in the intro that research has revealed that sex tends to experience an uptick right around this time of the year? There are several reasons why that is the case. For one thing, cuffing season is upon us and we all know that is when cold weather will make (many of) us look for a cuddle buddy (by the way, if you’ve never seen Big Jahh’sCuddle Seasonseries before, it’s pretty funny and is currently on Tubi). Another reason why sex happens more is because people are taking time off which means that they have more time for, umm, lay activities. Another reason? Nostalgia, chile.
As you’re taking walks down memory lane, it’s real easy to think about that romantic ice skating date you had with a guy five years ago or when you and your ex-boyfriend binge-watched Christmas movies all weekend one year. Suddenly, when one of those fellas pop up on your phone, you’re strongly considering recreating those moments. Be careful. I’ve got a friend right now who is in one of the dumbest relationships EVER (for the billionth time, I might add) — and it’s pretty much all because she doesn’t know how to leave the past in the past. She doesn’t know how to let nostalgia…go.
Oh, and one more reason worth mentioning for why holiday sex is so rampant is because science actually says that the fall and winter seasons are the best time for copulation (check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”). Whew.
What all of this is basically saying is the holiday season sets up an ideal atmosphere for sex, including casual sex. However, just because it puts you in the “feels” that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use your brain. Bottom line, is having someone to cuddle up with worth it if they are just gonna go ghost on you before Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, all because there was nothing truly substantial to keep them there in the first place? Just something to think about.
We Tend to Be Riskier During the Holiday Season. Be Careful.
GiphyYou know, I once read that DUI offenders find themselves drinking a whopping 33 percent more during the holiday season, and Americans overall drink twice as much as they usually do right through here. And you know what? It should be no shocker that when you are inebriated, it not only increases your chances of engaging in sex with partners you may not have chosen with a sober mind, but it also increases your chances of participating in unprotected sex too (a part of the reason why it does for us is that alcohol also elevates our testosterone levels which, yes, makes us hornier).
And since STIs/STDs continue to be on the rise and we’re about to be in an administration that doesn’t seem to be big fans of readily available forms of birth control — yeah, definitely watch how much alcohol you consume and always (and I do mean ALWAYS) keep some condoms at your personal disposal.
After Weddings, Marriage. After the Holidays, “Real Life.”
GiphySometimes, when I’m in a coaching session with a single woman who seems to be almost obsessed with the idea of getting married, something that I will say to her is, “Please remember that you are a BRIDE for a day and a WIFE for the rest of the days following your wedding.” Meaning, marriage isn’t one nonstop party where most of the focus is on you and everything that you want is at your disposal for the rest of your entire life.
And you know what? Along these same lines, after all of the décor, music, and sentimentality of the holiday season is over, real life sets back in and you’re going to have to deal with whatever decisions you made during the holidays — good, bad, or otherwise. So, if you’re considering engaging in some casual sex, in part, because those Hallmark holiday movies have gotten to you, please remember that movies are scripted and reality checks can be quite costly…when you don’t prepare for them.
Always Remember, YOUR BODY IS A GIFT
GiphyConsidering we are so close to Christmas, of course, I had to find some kind of pun to end this with. And honestly, when I think of the main definition of "gift" (“something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present”), I do think in this culture of transactional dating that everyone is doing (check out “Guess What? Dating Was Never Supposed To Be Transactional.”) that people really should ponder what a gift actually is. SMDH. Is your time really a gift — or is it more like a bribe (or spider’s web)?
However, when I speak of a gift for this last point, I mean that when someone is able to be with you sexually, it should be seen as a privilege because you should be seen as a blessing…starting with how you see yourself. It’s a lot harder for someone to process you in that manner if 1) they barely know you; 2) some real conversations aren’t had on the front end of coitus, and 3) you’re not being honest with yourself about what you want and need beyond sexual stimulation. Remember, you are a gift. Gifts are special.
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So, this holiday season, if casual sex has some real potential to be a part of your memories this year, please take everything that I just said into account. Be wise. Be safe. And be mature enough to acknowledge that sex has consequences. Then move accordingly in front of that roaring fire or tinseled Christmas tree of yours. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy