There’s a reason why foreplay is so important. Aside from the fact that it helps people to get more into the mood, that type of sexual stimulation helps to activate a woman’s system so that she’s able to naturally produce vaginal lubrication. This is crucial to pleasurable and satisfying sex because, without “extra wetness,” penetration and the friction that comes along with it can be uncomfortable, if not outright painful.
The issue is that even if you are blessed with a partner who is a foreplay master, things like hormonal shifts, a poor diet, and even certain types of medications can make getting wet a bit of a challenge.
10 Foods That Make You Wetter
Good thing there are certain foods that you can eat that come with nutrients and properties that can make natural lubrication easier for you. If you’re curious to know what some of those happen to be, I’ve got 10 foods (along with some recipes), four supplements, and a diet tip that will get — or keep — your vagina right where it should be in the bedroom. Let’s do this.
1. Sweet Potatoes
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If you know you’re low on the nutrient intake tip and you wanna ramp things up immediately, treat yourself to a sweet potato. It’s loaded with fiber, the antioxidant beta-carotene, vitamins A, B, C, and E, and potassium, and it’s a solid source of protein (if you happen to be vegan or a vegetarian). Health-wise, sweet potatoes are good for you because they help to regulate your blood sugar levels as well as lower your cancer risks. Some medical professionals say that they support eye health and can keep inflammation down as well.
The reason why they make the “wetter va-jay-jay” list is that vitamin A is a nutrient that helps to increase vaginal lubrication, and reportedly just one sweet potato can give you a whopping 400 percent of the daily vitamin A that your system needs. So, when do you plan on eating one, sis?
Sweet Potato Recipe: Chili Cheese Sweet Potato Casserole
2. Apples
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Coming in as the most convenient snack on this list is the apple. It’s small. It’s portable. And it’s really good for you. Not only is an apple another food that’s full of fiber, but it also contains vitamin C and antioxidants that help to fight off free radicals. Plus, if you’re wanting to keep heart disease and diabetes at bay while also doing something to keep your gut health in check, an apple is definitely what you’re looking for. Oh, and if you’re curious about which ones are healthier (green or red), reportedly, green ones have less calories, carbs, and sugar in them.
And yes, apples are great for vaginal lubrication, too. One study revealed that one a day can keep things flowing well, and since they’re also made up of 86 percent water — you’ve got every reason in the world to make sure there are plenty in your house.
Apple Recipe: Apple Cobbler
3. Spinach
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Something that I just can’t seem to get enough of these days is sauteed spinach. I think it’s because it’s so quick and easy to make — just a bit of olive oil, butter, a dash, and salt and pepper in a skillet for a couple of minutes, and you’re all set. It’s a bonus that spinach is such a superfood too. After all, it has fiber, protein, vitamins A, C, and K, iron, calcium, and folic acid in it. Not only that, but it’s got a load of plant compounds that do everything from protect your vision and heart to help with reducing your blood pressure and oxidative stress levels as well.
Spinach is an ally for your vagina and how well it lubricates due to the nitrates that are in it. They help to increase blood flow, including to your vaginal region — and the more that helps, the wetter things tend to be.
Spinach Recipe: Crustless Quiche
4. Peanut Butter
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If you want to get some zinc, magnesium, vitamin B, and definitely some protein into your system, treat yourself to a teaspoon (or tablespoon) of peanut butter. The combination will help you with your workout regimen (especially if you want to build some muscle), manage your blood sugar levels, and it can even help you to maintain your weight (when consumed in moderation, do keep in mind that it’s got some fat up in it).
What makes peanut butter so helpful when it comes to your vagina is vitamin E has had a longstanding reputation for being an all-natural lubrication alternative, especially for women who are going through menopause. And since it’s a nutrient that works so well at moisturizing from the outside in, it would make sense that it would also be beneficial from the inside out, too, wouldn’t you say?
I’m such a fan that I shouted Vitamin E out in the article, “Here Are 12 Of The Supplements That Your Vagina Totally Needs.”
Peanut Butter Recipe: Homemade Peanut Butter (With Variations)
5. Kiwi
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Back when I penned the article, “Who Knew? 15 Foods You've Been Eating (Or Preparing) The "Wrong" Way.” for the site, one of the foods that I mentioned was kiwi. Basically, if you want to get the most out of it, you need to keep the skin on. If you do, you’ll be doing your body a world of good because kiwi boosts your collagen levels, contains magnesium (which makes your periods easier to handle), has depression-fighting properties, fiber, and vitamin C, and can help to lower your risk of having a stroke.
What will it do for your vagina exactly? Aside from the fact that the vitamin C in it can help to inhibit the bacteria that lead to vaginitis. Since kiwi is made up of 90 percent water, it’s a delicious way to avoid dehydration — from head to vagina to toe.
Kiwi Recipe: Kiwi Avocado Salsa Verde
6. Cucumber Juice
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It’s weird, but even though they don’t really taste like much of anything (cucumbers are made up of somewhere around 96 percent water which is probably why), I like snacking on cucumbers (especially with a bit of lime juice and some white pepper and salt). If you do as well, pat yourself on the back because they have protein, fiber, a ton of vitamin K, antioxidants, and other nutrients in them. And again, since there is so much water in cucumbers, you’re going to get a ton of hydration from such a low-calorie FRUIT (yep, you heard me right; cucumber is a fruit!).
Vaginally, when it comes to cucumbers, although you should ABSOLUTELY AVOID that “vaginal facial” mess that was all the rage several years back (you can read more about that here), some studies link vitamin K deficiency to a drop in estrogen. When that happens, it can definitely take a toll on vaginal lubrication, which is why munching on a cucumber or drinking a tall glass of fresh cucumber juice could be one of the best things to do as far as genital juiciness is concerned.
Cucumber Juice Recipe: Cucumber Juice
7. Mangoes
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I don’t know about y’all, but one of my favorite fruits of all time is the mango. Aside from the “stringiness,” the taste and texture are top-tier. Health-wise, the American Heart Association praises mango as being a “superhero of fruit” — and with good reason. Mangoes contain fiber, lots of vitamin C, protein, copper, folate, and lots of other nutrients. As far as health benefits go, it’s a fruit that is low in calories, fights diabetes, and is full of plant compounds that will keep free radicals from attacking your system while boosting your immunity at the same time.
Since there is also some vitamin A and E in this particular fruit, mango is another food that helps with vaginal dryness, especially since both nutrients are beneficial when it comes to treating vaginal atrophy (which can hinder natural lubrication).
Mango Recipe: Mango Kulfi
8. Fortified Orange Juice
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I actually find it interesting that just like the diamond ring started as a campaign for when De Beers was going broke (true story), the reason why orange juice is so much of a staple for breakfast is due to a similar reason. Apparently, a company by the name of Lord & Thomas used an ad back in the early 1900s to convince people that drinking OJ in the morning was a healthy way to start the day. Clearly, it worked because folks continue to rely on a glass of orange juice to give them a blood sugar rush (when they are low on energy), to strengthen their immunity (thanks to all of the vitamin C and antioxidants that it contains) and to get a good amount of vitamin D and calcium into their system.
Your vagina? The bottom line here is antioxidants, and organic acids help to keep bacteria out — the healthier your vaginal region is, the easier it is for lubrication to stay good and consistent. And why is it best that the juice be fortified? At the end of the day, that just means that it has extra nutrients in it, so try and look for orange juice that is fortified with vitamin D (it should say so on the label). Since we, as Black women, tend to be more deficient in that nutrient than other ethnicities, it’s a wise move all the way around.
Orange Juice Recipe(s): 25 Best Recipes with Orange Juice to Try Today
9. Eggs
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I don’t think it’s happenstance at all that right around the time that I’m about to (le sigh) PMS, I crave an omelet — or three. The high amounts of protein, B vitamins, and selenium (which help to keep female hormones in balance) all work with other nutrients in eggs to make them a world-class superfood. Eggs help to maintain eye health, lower your risk of heart disease and keep your cholesterol in a healthy state.
And yes, eggs are good for your vagina, especially as far as producing lubrication is concerned. Aside from selenium, which strives to make sure that an imbalance of hormones doesn’t “dry you out,” the B vitamins will boost your immune system as well as keep your nervous system from affecting how everything flows down below.
Eggs Recipe: Quick and Cheesy Omelet Roll-Up
10. DHEA
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Dehydroepiandrosterone's nickname is DHEA. To make a long story short, it’s a natural hormone that your adrenal gland produces. You need it because it helps to produce sex hormones like androgen and estrogen. If you take it in supplement form, it can help with things like obesity and depression, which is already pretty awesome; however, it makes this list because DHEA can also balance out your hormone levels so that vaginal atrophy (and erectile dysfunction in men) is less of an issue. And again, since dryness is typically a symptom of vaginal atrophy…well…there ya go.
11. Evening Primrose Oil
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Something that I am always and forever gonna sing the high praises of is evening primrose oil (check out “The 7 Supplements That TOTALLY Changed My Life”). Since taking it, it’s made PMS-related symptoms, random breakouts, and period-related breast discomfort so much less of an issue. Something else that’s cool about this particular supplement is there are studies to support that taking it on a regular basis can actually make it easier to get aroused and have orgasms — and since vaginal lubrication comes with being sexually stimulated…you definitely can’t miss by adding this oil into your diet. TRUST ME.
12. Black Cohosh
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If there is an herbal supplement that has a huge reputation for being beneficial in the realm of women’s health, black cohosh would be the one. Due to the fact that it also helps with balancing hormones, many sing its praises when it comes to treating menopause, helping with fertility issues, regulating menstrual cycles, and even decreasing the size of uterine fibroids (pretty impressive, right?).
And since it is respected as an all-natural alternative to menopause, if you’re going through that stage of life, black cohosh very well could make vaginal dryness and sexual discomfort altogether less of an issue that you will have to deal with.
13. Hyaluronic Acid
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How many times have you seen a skincare commercial that brought up hyaluronic acid? Believe it or not, it’s actually a substance that your system naturally produces — and here’s the thing: its main purpose is to keep your tissues nice and moist. So, you can already see why it’s featured in this article because whether you want supple skin, lubricated joints, or a wetter vagina, hyaluronic acid can make it happen for you. And although it has relatively no side effects, the main heads up on this one is if you’ve had cancer before or you currently do run it by your doctor. There are some studies that indicate that it can play a role in speeding up the growth of cancer cells if you’re not careful.
14. Less White Stuff
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White ain’t right. What I mean by that is carbs that have been overprocessed, like white flour, white rice, white pasta, and white bread, play a significant role in why obesity continues to be a very real issue and health risk in our country. A part of the reason is not only do those kinds of foods leave us NOT feeling full, but they also spike blood sugar levels. As far as your sex life goes, white foods can suppress your hormones which makes having a high libido (that can keep you wet) more challenging and your partner keeping a full erection more difficult as well.
15. Infused Water
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It’s somewhat of a disturbing reality that 75 percent of Americans are not only dehydrated but severely dehydrated — especially when you take into account that 60 percent of our bodies are made up of water. That’s why there was absolutely no way that I could pen a piece like this and not shout out the absolute importance (and relevance) of drinking plenty of water on a daily basis.
If you happen to be like me and find water to, as I say it, be like drinking “wet air” (BORING), make some infused water. The fruit and/or veggies that you put into it will not only add some flavor to liven things up, but you’ll also gain some extra nutrients from them too. That way, your system will be hydrated, and your vagina will be well lubricated. Drink up!
Infused Water Recipe(s): 23 Infused Water Ideas That Will Make You Forget About Soda
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- 8 Teas That Are Really Good For Your Vaginal Health ›
- 10 Ways To Have An "Extra Sweet" Vagina ›
- The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving ›
- Here's How To Increase Vaginal Lubrication. Naturally. ›
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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And just why would a plant that contains dung (wild, right?) be associated with intimacy? Well, two things that mistletoe symbolizes are vivacity and fertility — and since kissing is oftentimes a precursor to foreplay which then leads to sex…there you have it.
Although you may not have known any of this until just now, if you’re not currently in a serious relationship and yet you do happen to have a mistletoe hanging somewhere in your house and/or you’ve got plans to put some somewhere on your body over the next several days (check out “Mistletoe Around Your Waist (And Other Christmas-Themed Sex Ideas)”) — this article was written with you in mind.
Why the Holidays Are a Prime Time for Casual Sex
Why is that? Well, since people reportedly have more sex during the holiday season (more on why in a bit), I just wanted to make sure that before you let the presence of mistletoe (and hormones) overtake you as you take that text from an ex or respond to that DM from some month-long-correspondence-exchange guy that you stop to consider what you may be getting yourself into…beyond just (possibly) a “’tis the season” orgasm. Or two.
Never Forget What “Casual” Means
GiphyAs long as I am able to speak on casual sex, I will forever profess that it continues to be one of the greatest oxymorons of our time — to me. When you stop to consider that Scripturally, sex was designed to bond married couples (I Corinthians 6:16-20-Message), that babies can be made from sex, and that there are hormones during the act of sex that can cause you to bond to someone in a way that nothing else can (whether you’re close to them or not) — I don’t know why anyone would want to look at sex from a casual space; especially since casual means things like apathetic, careless, without serious intention, without emotional intimacy and indifferent.
Shoot, even some of the most promiscuous guys I know say that sex is better when they have some sort of emotional bond with their partner. So, if you’re about to consider involving yourself with someone sexually on a casual level over the next several days, please take a moment to really ponder what that means (in spite of how much culture tries to downplay it); then decide if “casual” is what you’re after — and if it’s what you are truly deserving of.
Keep the Holiday Season in Its Proper Perspective
GiphyRemember how I said in the intro that research has revealed that sex tends to experience an uptick right around this time of the year? There are several reasons why that is the case. For one thing, cuffing season is upon us and we all know that is when cold weather will make (many of) us look for a cuddle buddy (by the way, if you’ve never seen Big Jahh’sCuddle Seasonseries before, it’s pretty funny and is currently on Tubi). Another reason why sex happens more is because people are taking time off which means that they have more time for, umm, lay activities. Another reason? Nostalgia, chile.
As you’re taking walks down memory lane, it’s real easy to think about that romantic ice skating date you had with a guy five years ago or when you and your ex-boyfriend binge-watched Christmas movies all weekend one year. Suddenly, when one of those fellas pop up on your phone, you’re strongly considering recreating those moments. Be careful. I’ve got a friend right now who is in one of the dumbest relationships EVER (for the billionth time, I might add) — and it’s pretty much all because she doesn’t know how to leave the past in the past. She doesn’t know how to let nostalgia…go.
Oh, and one more reason worth mentioning for why holiday sex is so rampant is because science actually says that the fall and winter seasons are the best time for copulation (check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”). Whew.
What all of this is basically saying is the holiday season sets up an ideal atmosphere for sex, including casual sex. However, just because it puts you in the “feels” that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use your brain. Bottom line, is having someone to cuddle up with worth it if they are just gonna go ghost on you before Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, all because there was nothing truly substantial to keep them there in the first place? Just something to think about.
We Tend to Be Riskier During the Holiday Season. Be Careful.
GiphyYou know, I once read that DUI offenders find themselves drinking a whopping 33 percent more during the holiday season, and Americans overall drink twice as much as they usually do right through here. And you know what? It should be no shocker that when you are inebriated, it not only increases your chances of engaging in sex with partners you may not have chosen with a sober mind, but it also increases your chances of participating in unprotected sex too (a part of the reason why it does for us is that alcohol also elevates our testosterone levels which, yes, makes us hornier).
And since STIs/STDs continue to be on the rise and we’re about to be in an administration that doesn’t seem to be big fans of readily available forms of birth control — yeah, definitely watch how much alcohol you consume and always (and I do mean ALWAYS) keep some condoms at your personal disposal.
After Weddings, Marriage. After the Holidays, “Real Life.”
GiphySometimes, when I’m in a coaching session with a single woman who seems to be almost obsessed with the idea of getting married, something that I will say to her is, “Please remember that you are a BRIDE for a day and a WIFE for the rest of the days following your wedding.” Meaning, marriage isn’t one nonstop party where most of the focus is on you and everything that you want is at your disposal for the rest of your entire life.
And you know what? Along these same lines, after all of the décor, music, and sentimentality of the holiday season is over, real life sets back in and you’re going to have to deal with whatever decisions you made during the holidays — good, bad, or otherwise. So, if you’re considering engaging in some casual sex, in part, because those Hallmark holiday movies have gotten to you, please remember that movies are scripted and reality checks can be quite costly…when you don’t prepare for them.
Always Remember, YOUR BODY IS A GIFT
GiphyConsidering we are so close to Christmas, of course, I had to find some kind of pun to end this with. And honestly, when I think of the main definition of "gift" (“something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present”), I do think in this culture of transactional dating that everyone is doing (check out “Guess What? Dating Was Never Supposed To Be Transactional.”) that people really should ponder what a gift actually is. SMDH. Is your time really a gift — or is it more like a bribe (or spider’s web)?
However, when I speak of a gift for this last point, I mean that when someone is able to be with you sexually, it should be seen as a privilege because you should be seen as a blessing…starting with how you see yourself. It’s a lot harder for someone to process you in that manner if 1) they barely know you; 2) some real conversations aren’t had on the front end of coitus, and 3) you’re not being honest with yourself about what you want and need beyond sexual stimulation. Remember, you are a gift. Gifts are special.
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So, this holiday season, if casual sex has some real potential to be a part of your memories this year, please take everything that I just said into account. Be wise. Be safe. And be mature enough to acknowledge that sex has consequences. Then move accordingly in front of that roaring fire or tinseled Christmas tree of yours. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy