Don't even act like you didn't know this was coming. As we're entering the "out with the old, in with the new" portion of the 2019 program, this is when you won't be able to get online without seeing at least two articles a day on what will be trending in the new decade. However, what might be harder to find than anything else are the healthy food trends that you should take special note of.
In 2020, things will be interesting. "Interesting" in the sense of being a little all over the place, super intriguing and definitely what will require a little more effort on our parts. But if you're looking to expand your palate and also spend a little more time in your own kitchen in the new year, these are things that will help you to accomplish both goals—exquisitely and effectively so.
1.West African Foods
When I read that West African foods would be big in 2020, I immediately smiled. I know several people from Ghana and pretty much every single one of them are gorgeous. GORGEOUS. Anyway, as far as the types of foods that part of the world eats—millet, teff, fufu, yams, avocados, black-eyed peas, mangos, pineapple, ginger, lemongrass, coconut, peanut oil and the combo of tomatoes, onions, and bell peppers as a base for dishes are all extremely popular.
If 2020 is the year that you want to expand your diet with something unique, another popular West African food is sorghum. It's a cereal grain that is gluten-free, rich in fiber, high in protein and iron, and is able to help with controlling your blood sugar levels. You can buy it as a grain; some people enjoy it in syrup form as well.
2. CBD Foods and Drinks
OK, so in the spirit of responsible writing, I would be remiss if I didn't share this off the rip—"CBD-Infused Food and Beverages Are Still Illegal Under US law. So Why Are They Everywhere?". From what I read, this is battle that the FDA knows that they probably won't win; especially since there are currently over 1000 CBD-infused foods and drinks available online alone. That said, yep, it is another food trend that is only going to get bigger in the new year.
And just what are the benefits of consuming foods (and drinks) that have cannabidiol—the non-intoxicating chemical compound that's found in the cannabis plant)—in it? Well, the properties in CBD are anti-inflammatory, anti-anxiety and anti-spasmodic. This makes CBD great at treating pain, depression, keeping diabetes at bay, strengthening the heart and even getting rid of acne if it's consumed on a semi-consistent basis.
If you'd like to see a few examples of CBD foods, it's worth your time to read "What Are CBD Foods and Why Are They Everywhere?" A Hemp Bar or two might be just what the doctor ordered (relatively speaking).
3. Nut and Seed Butters and Spreads
If you'd like to put a spread on your toast or crackers, but you don't want it to be butter, go to your local health food store to pick up some nut or seed butters instead. Some examples of a nut butter include cashew, almond, hazelnut, walnut and, of course, peanut. Some seed butters include pumpkin, watermelon, and sunflower. All are packed with protein, have their own unique flavor, and are full of vitamins and minerals.
4. Jackfruit
Believe it or not, jackfruit is being used more and more as a meat substitute. So, if you're vegetarian or are attempting to go vegan in the new year, this is a food that you'll definitely want to have on hand. Jackfruit contains a significant amount of vitamins A and C. It also has about two grams of protein and six grams of fiber in it per serving. Unripe jackfruit is ideal for meat-like recipes while ripe jackfruit is oftentimes put into smoothies and baked goods. As far as where to cop some, you should be able to find it pretty easily at your local Whole Foods or Trader Joe's stores.
5. Mocktails
Mocktails (fake cocktails) will also be big in 2020. As I was reading a few articles on this particular food trend, some of the authors brought up a valid point. With mocktails, not only do you not have to work around the after-effects that alcohol can bring, drinking and serving them can save you a heck of a lot of money too. So, if you've got a party coming up, consider offering a couple of mocktails as alternatives. If you have no clue of where to even begin when it comes to building your mocktail mental library, this link features 50 mocktail recipes to get you started.
6. Lotus Seeds
The lotus plant is the kind of plant that is popular in parts of Southeast Asia. The seeds themselves contain a good amount of calcium, magnesium, manganese, pantothenic acid, phosphorus, potassium, protein and thiamin.
As far as its health benefits go, lotus seeds have a good reputation for treating insomnia, strengthening your digestive system, fighting aging signs, healing gum disease, giving an energy boost and supporting newly pregnant moms by giving their babies what they need to have a strong nervous system.
Believe it or not, Walmart sells lotus seeds. So does Amazon. As far as how to eat them, many mash the seeds up with some sugar and salt and serve it as a paste on pancakes, etc. You can check out an easy-to-make recipe here.
7. Middle Eastern Spices
If you enjoy Middle Eastern cuisine, commit to preparing more dishes from the comfort of your own home by stocking up on some traditional Middle Eastern spices. Ones that top the list include turmeric, cumin, cardamom, cinnamon, Baharat, sumac, nutmeg, allspice and anise seed. If you want to impress your own damn self with your knowledge of Middle Eastern foods, also pick up some ras el hanout. It's a spice that is a combo of sweet, spicy and savory. It's so good that its name literally translates to mean "top shelf". (You should be able to find all of those at your local grocery store, by the way.)
8. Fruit and Veggie Flours
Here's the deal—when things are refined, a lot of what makes them good in the first place are removed. Such is the case with refined white flour (read "The Dark Side of White Flour"). But if you like to bake, even half as much as I do, an alternative you might want to try that just happens to be another big food trend for next year are flours that are made from fruits and vegetables. Two that are going to be getting a lot of shine are banana flour and cauliflower flour. Both contain a similar texture to refined white flour while also having the nutrients that naturally come with them. It truly is the best of both worlds.
9. Biodynamic Wine
C'mon, wine experts. You tell me what biodynamic wine is. Basically, it's the kind of wine that is prepared in such a way where it has no chemicals at all in it; not only is this kind of sustainable processing good for the planet, it's healthier for you in the long run as well. This is an alcohol trend that's been growing for a couple of years now, so it's not hard to find. But if you'd like a cheat sheet on how to get the best kind of biodynamic wine at an affordable price, check out "The Best Biodynamic and Organic Wines For Under $30".
10. Alternative Sweeteners
If there are two things that all of us could stand to consume a heck of a lot less of next year, it's dairy (eww) and white sugar (double eww). As far as sugar goes, consuming less of it doesn't mean that you can't still appease your sweet tooth. The key is to do it in a healthier fashion. Molasses is packed with iron. Coconut sugar is unrefined, so it contains all of the nutrients that coconuts do. Monk fruit is actually 150 times sweeter than sugar, which means you can use much less of it, which means you don't have to worry about accumulating as many calories as with sugar. All you need to do to enjoy date paste is to combine ¾ teaspoon of water, ½ teaspoon of vanilla extract and a cup of dates. Mash it all up and you're good to go.
And then there's honey. Honey helps to lower cholesterol levels, is an energy booster, is a great sugar substitute for diabetics, is loaded with antioxidants and, has antibacterial and antifungal properties in it too. The best kind of honey to get is raw (unrefined) honey.
You can click here to figure out which brand would prove to be best for you.
11. Supporting Local Farmers
Another way to be more responsible with your diet is to support local farmers by going to farmer's markets more often. The food is fresher, it helps to stabilize our local economies, it's sustainable, it's a wonderful way to stay connected within your community and, oftentimes it's cheaper than going to the grocery store. Everything about the farmer's markets is worth making a weekend run. Try and do more of that next year, will you?
12. Meal Kits
Just last week, I was talking to a male friend of mine who is the consummate bachelor. He admittedly sucks in the kitchen and shared that one of the best things that's happened to him lately are meal kits. His exact words were, "It's a lot healthier than eating out and it makes me feel like I know what I'm doing, even though I don't." If you can relate to where he's coming from, meal kits are also pretty cool because they come with all that you need to prepare a full meal in a box. If you'd like to try "meal kitting" next year—Sun Basket has a great reputation among vegetarians and Home Chef has the best reputation overall. Some other companies that are also popular include Blue Apron, Hello Fresh and Purple Carrot.
Or, if you still want to go out, but you want to eat healthier and preferably at Black-owned establishments, check out Eboneats.
Or, if you happen to live in Georgia or New Jersey, Eat Clean Bro does meal prepping. Here's to eatin' right in 2020, y'all. For real, for real.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Plantain Flour, Spirulina & Other Uncommon Foods To Add To Your Diet
The Foods You Should & Shouldn't Be Eating On A Plant-Based Diet
10 "Healthy" Foods That Actually, Well...Aren't
Here Are Some "Holiday Season Foods" That Are Actually Good For You
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Personally, that is just one of the things I experienced while growing up, although the main reason why I’ve been estranged from my mother for (I think) about six years now (I honestly haven’t really been keeping track at this point) is because she simply doesn’t respect my boundaries. Even well into my adulthood, she has refused to do it and it was messing with my inner peace and personal growth on a few different levels — and y’all, I don’t care who it is, no one should have that kind of power over someone else’s life (if you want to read more about my journey with estrangement, I tackle the topic in my latest book).
And before some of you come with the ever-so-manipulated Bible verse “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), I hope you also remember that there is a Scripture that says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 — NKJV) To provoke is “to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity)”; know what else it is: “to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.” Funny how it is not preached or taught nearly enough that parents are absolutely not supposed to raise their kids or treat their adult children in a way that angers, enrages, exasperates, or vexes them — and think about it: when’s the last time you heard a sermon on that? I’ll wait.
Besides, unless you’re someone who has made the courageous decision to put distance between the person/people who’ve raised you, you honestly don’t get how much of a sacrifice it can be. Very few of us are flippant about that decision. Very few of us saw our adult life without our parent(s) in it. Very few of us wanted to deal with all of the “fallout” that comes with making that kind of choice because listen, for me, it’s almost like being in witness protection in the sense of having to also leave certain people who are associated with her alone as well because either they also don’t respect boundaries or they try further victimize me by attempting to impose their opinions into something that they absolutely shouldn’t (for instance, when I shared what I went through with her, one of my closest friends at the time, more than once called me “petty”…yeah, he had to go; you don’t have to defend why you need to protect yourself…if you are doing that, those are unsafe people you are talking to).
It’s not like I’m rare either. In fact, it’s been reported that close to 30 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one of their parents (you can read about it here, here, here, here, and here). And with that being said, today, we’re going to hear from 10 women (well, technically 12 if you include the videos at the beginning and end) as they share their own reasons why they made the decision to go “no contact” with their own parent/parents.
If you are estranged, I hope you will see that you are not alone. If you aren’t, I hope it will help you to have more compassion for those who have made this kind of choice. Because although “adulthood is surviving childhood” is true for many of us, it actually wasn’t supposed to be that way. And so, we’ve had to take great lengths to go from “surviving” to “flourishing”…even if that meant doing it without the ones who — alongside God, of course — created us.
Article continues after the video.
*Middle names are used so that people can speak freely*
1. Michelle. 32. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“My mother is a narcissist — only I didn’t know it because I didn’t have much to compare her to because she kept me away from a lot of…everything. Ironically, that is a telling sign that you’ve got a narcissistic parent: they think you are an extension of them, so they try and make you do everything just like them. Since they are so bad at respecting boundaries, they don’t care how old you are — they think they have a say in every decision that you make because their ego is bigger than their love.
It took me years of therapy to recognize this but once I did and I told my mom that she was hypercritical, that she used to pit me and my siblings against each other, that she only knows how to gaslight and manipulate — she played the victim and told me that if I couldn’t accept her as she was, we couldn’t have a relationship.
That’s another thing about narcissist: they hate accountability. I think there should be more articles about parents who are estranged from their kids because they pull that ‘my way or the highway’ BS. I didn’t exactly leave my mom, but I did tell her what I wasn’t going to tolerate. We haven’t spoken in four years, ever since I drew that line. She left because she didn’t know how to humble herself, and I am fine with that. Arrogant people are toxic to be around.”
2. Iyan. 36. Estranged from Her Parents for 11 Years.
Giphy“I don’t think that a lot of parents get that they act like their kids should idolize them, which is crazy. We’re not toys or puppets who are supposed to do whatever they say, whenever they say it. Even as a parent myself, I think there is a difference between a child’s individuality and a child obeying me. Too many other parents have too much ego to think the differences through. To your question — I am estranged from my parents because they disapproved of who I chose to marry. He’s not the same faith as them but I don’t think that would even matter because they damn near betrothed me when I was a kid.
They wanted to choose my career path, my husband, my role in church — everything. It got to the point where they were disrespecting my husband, our relationship, and my feelings, and so it was time to boomerang their own Bible and remind them that when you get married, you ‘leave and cleave’ to your spouse and move on from your family. If your family accepts that, they can be in your life. If not, you’ve got to move on. They chose for me to be estranged, not me. I put my husband first, just like I was supposed to.”
3. Jahkai. 29. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“Sometimes I think that people just have children so that they can have someone to boss around as kids and intimidate when they become adults. My mother is one of those people because it’s like her whole existence centers around trying to force me to live the life that she wants me to live. I used to be so afraid of her, even if that just meant afraid of her rejection, that I would go along with it.
Then I got pregnant with my daughter and saw that she wasn’t even going to respect me as a mom — and when I saw signs that she was going to try and pull that shit with my own child? The claws came out. I tried expressing my concerns and setting some boundaries, but she dismissed my feelings and walked right over my boundaries, so she had to go. There was no way that she was going to try and raise the child I birthed. My child needs peace. So do I.”
4. Gillian. 24. Estranged from Her Parents for Almost Two Years.
Giphy“I’m bisexual. That’s the beginning and end of it. I personally think it’s creepy when a parent can be so invested into their grown child’s sexuality that it ends up wrecking their own world. You sleep with who you want to sleep with, and I will do the same.
My parents don’t see it that way. They told me that unless I stop loving women, we have nothing to talk about. You only love me if I love who and how you love? That doesn’t sound like love at all.
I don’t expect my parents to agree with my life or even like it. I just don’t want you penalizing me because we are different. Seems really immature to be any other way…to me, anyway.”
5. Aubrie. 27. Estranged from Father for Four Years.
Giphy“My father always wanted me to be an accountant, and I hate math. That’s insane. That’s what happens when you don’t make the time to get to know your own children. So many parents are egomaniacs in that way — just because I look like you doesn’t mean that I am you. Until my sophomore year in college, I just held my tongue and suffered through my education because when I was living at home, I didn’t really have a choice, and when I went to school, my parents paid for my education.
They didn’t want me to have any debt, and I appreciated that, but my spirit was going into debt anyway because my dad had me on a path that I didn’t like or want, and my mom was too weak to speak up for either one of us. By my junior year, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get student loans, so that I could start over and major in English. That pissed my dad off two ways because I was changing my major and I was going to take on debt.
We’re not estranged in the classic sense. It’s more like he doesn’t come to the phone whenever I call, and he grunts words over the holidays. So, I call less and go home even less than that. We’re headed towards ‘no contact’ if he doesn’t get over the fact that he has a life, and so do I.”
6. Lameeya. 41. Estranged from Her Mother for Eight Years.
Giphy“My mother? I just don’t like her — I never really have. I can’t stand how we’ll all agree that you should choose your friends wisely, but when it comes to your blood, it’s like you should be all in their lap simply because they are related to you. Toxic is toxic, and my mother is the embodiment of that. She plays mind games. She manipulates. She gaslights. She’s spoiled and entitled. I would never pick her as a friend. She drains me in every way. It’s like whenever I would even sense that she was going to call or come around, I would get hives, and it got to the point where it didn’t make sense that I should suffer just because she’s my mother. Who came up with that?”
7. Sloane. 25. Estranged from Her Mother for One Year.
Giphy“I grew up COGIC. If you know, you know. When you’re a kid, you don’t know any different or better, but once I started to seek out my own path, I realized that Christianity just wasn’t for me. My mother damn near lives at church and so, of course, I was declaring that I wanted to go to hell in her eyes when I told her that I had chosen the Baháʼí faith. Christians can be so rude. Somehow, they want you to respect what they believe, but they are so comfortable preaching hell and damnation if you don’t think like them.
Anyway, a part of why I chose Baháʼí is because it’s very peaceful to me, and religion never brought me peace in my mother’s house. Now that I’m all about this peace-filled life, anything that is ‘anti’ it has to go. She was on the top of my list. If you can’t respect what makes me ‘me,’ why are you here? It’s just been a year now. If we remain out of contact, that’s kind of on her, but I have no desire to hear her preach every time we speak. Be my mom. I don’t want a pastor.”
8. Torrin. 33. Estranged from Her Parents for Six Years.
Giphy“You have your own dysfunctional issues going on if you think that you owe someone your sanity simply because they birthed you. A good parent doesn’t just give you life — they provide a safe environment for that life, and my parents didn’t.
My mother was hell on wheels, and my father was a weak man who let her be that way. She was controlling, erratic, and exhausting, while he just let it all happen.
I recently read that Khloe Kardashian said that her mom didn’t like it when she first started therapy. Controlling parents never do. It took me a lot of therapy to stop beating myself up mentally the way that my mother did emotionally and sometimes physically, but once I got that she was the problem and healing was the solution, I had no problem letting them both go: her for being abusive and my father for being complacent.”
9. Kristine. 40. Estranged from Her Mother for Six Months.
Giphy“You always want your parents to get along with your husband — I just didn’t bet on my mother loving him more than me, especially now that we are divorced. That man cheated on me, more than once, and although I didn’t tell my mom while we were married about it, once we separated and I explained why I made what was a really difficult decision for me, she kept finding excuses for him and even tried to make me feel bad for not trying to make it work. Divorces are hard, and the last thing I needed was my mother trying to ‘beat me up’ for standing up for myself.
Now I’ve got questions about her marriage because if you think that I should tolerate nonsense, have you been tolerating your husband’s? Has he been tolerating yours? You get a certain age, and you start to wonder how much projecting your parents do onto you. Anyway, we haven’t talked to each other in six months. She and my ex apparently still go out to dinner, though. You two enjoy.”
10. Madolyn. 45. Estranged from her Father for 20 Years.
Giphy“I had an abusive father. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up, and so fear instead of love kept me in communication with him once I became an adult. The plot twist is, he got clean while I was in college, but he suddenly had all kinds of amnesia about the pain that he caused. His apologies were sh-t like ‘I don’t remember that, but if you need me to apologize, okay.’ So, our lives were a living hell, and that’s all you’ve got because it hurts you too much to face it? Ain’t that a bitch.
The last time we spoke was right before I turned 25. I think someone is more harmful when they can’t own their sh-t than when they are actually doing it, because that means they could do it again. No thanks. I’ll take wholeness.”
____
As you can see, being estranged from a parent, going “no contact” with them, it has many layers, reasons, and scenarios. For me, as I listened to all of these women, what did come to my mind, though, is — how beautiful is it that, if the “beauty for ashes” in their stories is they had the strength to become self-aware, self-sufficient and healthy adults in spite of the cracks in their foundation, then there is a silver lining in it all. You should never feel guilt or shame for protecting yourself in ways that your parents absolutely should have. NOT. EVER.
And so, the sacrifice was well worth it — because ladies, look at you now. Salute.
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