When people think of the higher self, they often think of something separate from the physical body, or possibly some old Indian esoteric theory or myth.
Some people don't even think about it at all. Some even confuse the higher self with the human conscious or soul. The truth is, the higher self is an elevated form of consciousness that exists whether you are aware of it or not. Being able to communicate openly with your higher self is what the true meaning of "woke" is.
According to Roxane Burnett, "Your Higher Self is, in simple terms, the highest aspect of you that can be attained and held in the physical body. It is the part of you that knows, sees, and understands at the highest level possible, while the physical part of you still continues to move around in the third dimension. Anchoring the wisdom of the Higher Self into your physicality is very much a part of our human spiritual evolution and purpose."
The process of "anchoring the wisdom of your omniscient higher self into your physicality," is called "Integration." Before completely understanding this process, one must go through the journey of spiritual Ascension. Opening, healing, tuning, and balancing your chakras will most definitely aid in this transformation.
Related: How Opening Your 7 Chakras Can Transform Your Mind, Body & Spirit
This read will list 5 universal and collective higher self truths that will help you navigate through life struggles with more clarity and ease.
1. You Are The Co-Creator Of Your Reality
When I was growing up, my mother used to always say, that "it is not up to man to direct his step." It always annoyed me because I wrote it off as some religious rhetoric that preached against having an "independent spirit" or the desire to live out your own life how you saw fit. Now that I am older, and have learned how to tap into my higher self, I finally realize the true meaning of that scripture.
It means that at a higher conscious level, we are truly creating our experience from our higher selves. This is where the ideas of "creating your own reality," "manifestation," and the "law of attraction" is powered. We have been born into a consciousness that tells us the world outside ourselves is what creates the circumstances of our lives.
In reality, everything about our existence is created from within.
Think of your higher self as a puppet master in a higher dimension, controlling your thoughts and your actions. That puppet is you. While you can't control the actions of others or the external unforeseen circumstances that affect you all the time, you can most definitely receive guidance from your puppet master, or your higher self as to what the next steps are to take in this journey called life.
When you fully become aware of your "creator consciousness," you can actively begin to change your reality. Tapping into this consciousness is tapping into the wholeness of yourself and the infinite connectedness to everyone and thing that exists in and out of your realm of awareness.
In this awareness, you go from being a victim to victor, feeling power-less to power-ful.
You truly become a free spirit.
2. Everyone You Meet Is A Reflection Of Yourself
Everyone who comes into your life does not come by chance. Think of people in your families or your circles as part of your individual human manifestation and you are part of theirs. This idea is also related to the "Six Degrees of Separation" theory. Each relationship, no matter how long, deep, or brief, is a mirror into your own soul.
On a higher level, if your spirit is wounded in any way, you will attract someone to you whose own energetic wounds will reflect yours.
For instance, I once had an old roommate who assumed that I abandoned her in the city after she had taken quite a while during a walk-in interview. I waited for some time out in the sun before I decided to go grab a slice of pizza for her and I. When I returned, she was nowhere to be found and her phone was off, so I went home. Once I got home, she went off on me for leaving her in the city. My rebuttal was that I did not leave her and that I actually was looking out for her, as I tossed her pizza on the kitchen table. She triggered me into a full-fledged panic attack.
Her fear of abandonment mirrored my frustration with feeling underappreciated and unreciprocated by my friends and family. From a higher level of awareness, I was able to understand why I was triggered in her reaction to how I triggered her.
This understanding can help you better deal with conflicts with people in your life. Using your higher self to understand arguments allows you to acknowledge your own trauma that you find in the reflection of others. It is in this moment that you can heal your own pain and empathize with the trauma of the person who pulled the trigger.
3. Everything Happens For A Reason
People have been using this saying wrong since the times of Aristotle. There is a difference between things happening as a result of cause or effect, versus as a result of something that is divinely purposed.
When an electrical fire starts in a building, killing an innocent family, the reason for this may be that there was a faulty wire within the walls that went under the radar because the landlord did not keep up with his building inspections. The term becomes true of divinely orchestrated purpose when you are walking in your truth, guided by your higher self. Every soul has a purpose.
When your soul has a purpose, you spend your lifetime, through trial and error, learning what your purpose is.
During this time, certain karmic situations and relationships happen in order for you to learn lessons that bring you closer to fulfilling your purpose. The way in which these lessons unfold, is "what happens for a reason." Since you are the co-creator of your reality, certain things happen in your experience that are most definitely orchestrated by your higher self.
This is what the saying, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" means. If you are indeed directing your step, wouldn't you know from a higher level of awareness what you can or cannot deal with? Don't you get back up with every lesson that makes you fall, with a new awareness, understanding, motivation, or redirection?
That does not happen for no reason.
As for all the folks that lose their physical bodies along their current lifetimes, due to things beyond their control, I believe it is up to that soul to incarnate into another lifetime and continue living its soul purpose.
4. Intuition Is Direction From Your Higher Self
Your intuition acts as divine direction from your higher self. Whenever you have a gut feeling or intuitive hunch about something, you are receiving a message from a higher form of consciousness. When you get a tingle that rises up your spine, or if the hair on your arms or neck stand up, this is a physical response to intuition, and something you should pay attention to. Intuition is also known as "The Sixth Sense." It extends past our 3D physical senses of, sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste.
Intuition is pure cognitive information that is not interfered by conscious reasoning. This intuitive guidance comes in the form of dreams, signs, synchronicities, clairvoyance, claircognizance, clairsentience, and clairaudience. Intuition also brings forth creativity, innovation, change, and free thinking.
Intuition connects you to the highest form of truth, which cannot come from outside of you, rather within.
The heart and the mind can both succumb to ego, which can be swayed by illusion, and 3D low vibrational energies. When you connect to your higher self, you connect to your ultimate truth, which collectively unites all humanity. This means that intuition is energetic. It is mind-blowing to understand that we have the ability to tap into something that comes directly from higher realms, connected to a field of energy or collective consciousness web, measured in vibrations and frequency.
5. Your Higher Self Doesn't Recognize Time
Your higher self exists in a space that transcends linear time tables. It doesn't have to worry about running late, or clocking in, and it doesn't place timers on when it wants to start a family, or open a new business. It exists perfectly in a higher frequency that is untouched by a three-dimensional understanding of time, or anything for that matter. I am learning that the old way of viewing time is not only toxic, but it causes panic, anxiety, unrealistic expectations, and self-doubt.
As we all begin to ascend, our attachments with time, or the expectation of when things should happen, will begin to dissolve in a very painful way, however, it will not remain painful, if you learn to replace your expectation of time with your realization of surrender. I have driven myself crazy waiting for my soulmate to show up, or waiting for a response for a new job, or waiting for other people to be ready to meet me where I am, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I have finally realized that I am causing my own demise by depending on my own 3D expectation of time.
There is divine timing and order to everything.
You must trust that you are infinitely guided by your own higher self. I will no longer ask my spirit guides how long something is going to take. I will only ask them to steer me in the right direction. The next time you feel yourself stressing over time. Just STOP. Put a middle finger up to it, breath, and just be present.
When you are so wrapped up in time, you are missing the opportunity to absorb divine information from your higher self. Be quiet and listen. If time waits for nobody, why do we wait for time?
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Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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The award-winning singer/ songwriter was previously married to Crystal Renay, and they share three children together. He also has two kids from his ex-fiancée, Monyetta Shaw. Following his divorce from Crystal, Ne-Yo made headlines when he revealed that he was in a relationship with more than one woman. According to the "So Sick" artist, he realized monogamy wasn't for him.
"Society tells you that you're supposed to be with one person, you get married, and y'all supposed to be together forever. I am not shitting on marriage. I am not shitting on anyone who has figured out how to make that thing work for them. Again, everything's not for everybody. Monogamy is for you. It's not for me," he said. "I realized this. I know this now, and it's like a weight lifted off my shoulders."
Ne-Yo explained how he spent his life lying about who he was to appease others and that now that he is open about his lifestyle, it allows the right people to gravitate toward him. This newfound freedom, he said, has even helped him to improve his relationships with other people, including Crystal.
Photo by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images
"The reality is this, you're either going to be, again, unapologetically who you are, or you're going to spend a whole lot of time lying, trying to be somebody that you're not," he said.
"I spent a lot of time lying, trying to be somebody that I was not, and now that I realize who I am, it's like all of my relationships have improved from friendships on down to my ex-wife. We're actually at the place we can call each other friend again, because now it's, this is me. This is me. This is who I am. Love it or leave it alone."
The former couple first got married in February 2016, but after four years, they announced they were separating. However, they reconciled and renewed their vows in April 2021. Their reunion didn't last long, though, as the reality TV star accused the "Champagne Life" singer of continually cheating on her. Their divorce was finalized in January 2023.
When Crystal spoke with xoNecole in March, the model said that she was still healing from her divorce and is currently rebuilding her life. She offered tips to others who may be facing a similar dilemma.
“I would definitely say pray, pray as much as you can. Try to take your emotions out of your reactions to things because it’s always going to be something that you don't like in the situation,” she told us.
“But we can't move off of emotion because 10 times out of 10, a few months later, you're not going to feel like that. So, I'm a firm believer in not doing things that I will regret later. So I would just say be patient with yourself and stay positive.”
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