I Did Everything You’re NOT Supposed To Do On My First Solo Travel Adventure
I looked back at the hotel, once, then twice, truly questioning if I was going to abandon all of the rules I had set for myself prior to leaving for my first solo trip. I had watched Taken, received countless lectures about the dangers of solo traveling as a young single woman, was fully aware that what I was about to do could backfire in my face, and yet, here I was throwing all of my self-preservation and home-training out of the window.
"Are you coming?" he asked, opening the car door for me.
"Sure!"
Let me preface this article by explaining that I'm typically not a reckless person nor do I advocate for intentionally putting yourself in harm's way, but an overwhelming amount of the research and "do's and dont's" I received prior to leaving for my trip seemed too stringent for this particular vacation. While most "rules" were grounded in ensuring my overall safety, I did not want to travel to a mainstream, touristy location. I did not want to solely interact with the guests in the hotel. I did not want to just stay by the pool the entire trip.
Whether I was going alone or taking others with me, I was going. I wanted an adventure! And, boy, did I have one. Here are 5 solo travel rules that I broke on my first trip to Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, that ultimately led to me having one of my favorite vacations so far:
“Stay on the premises around the resort.”
Courtesy of Lydia Lee
The funniest part about this first rule is that I actually believed I was going to stay put all weekend. Prior to my trip, I had researched the hotel spa and all of the wonderful amenities on the grounds and pictured myself relaxing and winding down from all of the craziness that is New York City.
Fast-forward one hour into my trip, I had already met someone by the pool and we were making plans to explore the Colonial Zone of Santo Domingo.
To me, the best part about solo traveling is that you have total autonomy over your free time. No more waiting for your girls to get ready. No more skipping museums because your friends don't like history. No more sharing a messy hotel room with multiple people. If you want to socialize and explore with others you can, but if you want to rest and relax by yourself, no one is stopping you.
Tip: As great as the hotels and resorts are, don't be entirely against exploring the local areas. The true culture of a city you're visiting often is not fully realized when solely staying in the hotel. If you're nervous about exploring by yourself or going with someone you recently met, try scheduling a walking, bike, or bus tour on Viator.
“Don’t leave the hotel with people you don’t know.”
Courtesy of Lydia Lee
The #1 rule I seemed to receive from most people prior to embarking on my solo trip seemed to revolve around the very real dangers of sex trafficking and date rape.
While not to be taken lightly, I met a guy from Toronto who was around my age, was in the DR on business, had a car, and also wanted to explore – all within one hour of arriving at the hotel. Conventional wisdom should have led me to decline exploring a foreign country with someone I barely knew, but for better or worse, his vibe seemed genuine. I trusted him.
Throughout the time I was there, we went onto explore the colonial ruins of the Santo Domingo, went shopping in local markets, listened to local music performances, and later drove an hour away to take a day trip to the beach in Boca Chica. Had our time together gone sour or I actually ended up in a dangerous situation, perhaps I would feel differently about interacting with men I don't know. But, for this particular trip, it made the difference.
Tip: Trust your gut. If someone or something makes you uncomfortable, steer clear. But, if you happen to meet someone and the vibe seems right, and most importantly, you feel safe, don't entirely discount leaning in.
“Foreign cities are dangerous. Avoid interacting with the locals.”
Courtesy of Lydia Lee
Particularly in regard to Santo Domingo, I read a lot on the city and reputation before this vacation. My decision to travel to Santo Domingo was primarily cost driven – my flight was only $240! But, unlike other cities in Puerto Rico and Costa Rica, the travel reviews I read on a number of blogs were less than favorable, especially in regard to safety.
This just might be me, but I feel like every city is "dangerous" in certain areas. Whenever I tell people from my hometown that I live in Brooklyn, they ask if I feel safe since it's supposedly "dangerous". As with any urban metropolis, I often ask people who actually live in a respective city to tell me where to explore and which areas to avoid. Using suggestions from Dominican staff and visitors at the hotel, I then tailored my list of places to visit in Santo Domingo, and it turned out great.
Prior to my trip, I wasn't expecting to love the local culture as much as I did. My family is originally from Jamaica and I felt a surprisingly comparable vibe between parts of Santo Domingo, DR and Kingston and Spanish Town, JA where my parents are from. Like Kingston, a large majority of the city is black or of some variation of black descent, and I really felt like I belonged (when I wasn't speaking Spanglish of course). I would ask questions, try different types of foods, and attempt to start up conversations with a number of people I met throughout my trip. Their warmth and overall friendliness really made a huge impact on my experience. Honestly, it might have made the whole trip.
“Be wary of consuming local foods and drinks.”
Courtesy of Lydia Lee
Similar to the above point, local is not synonymous with unclean or unsafe.
I remember meeting a lady in the hotel who was complaining, going on and on, about how dirty she heard the fruits and vegetables were and how she only wanted to eat food prepared directly in front of her. While water purity can be an issue in some countries, I feel like it's a waste to travel thousands of miles away to a foreign country just to eat chicken nuggets and Cheerios.
I probably ate and drank my whole trip – fried fish on the beach, mangu and salami, papayas, guava, mangoes, rum punch, mojitos, piña coladas – you name it, I had it. And, it was glorious.
Tip: Don't be lame. Try new foods and drinks! If you have concerns about water purity and food sanitation, bottled water and beverages are easily accessible and avoid eating food that has been sitting out for a while.
“Try not to stand out.”
Courtesy of Lydia Lee
While my skin color may have allowed me to blend in most spaces, it was pretty apparent that I was a tourist (especially when taking pictures). But, I don't think being a tourist is inherently a bad thing.
I believe that there is a big difference between being a tourist who simply visits versus appreciates a new place. I have visited countries where tourists are blatantly rude and disrespectful, leaving trash everywhere and talking down to locals. I felt in my core that I loved where I was visiting, tried my best to speak their language, and projected positivity and appreciation overall.
This does not mean walking around naively, flashing money or behaving in ways to attract negative attention, but it does mean not being afraid to engage with those around you and to stand out.
Tip: Being street smart does not mean completely shutting yourself off from the local environment around you. If you feel it's appropriate, don't be afraid to take pictures or even ask someone to take pictures of you. Again, be aware and read the overall vibe, but don't let fear and misconceptions stop you from exploring the world.
Featured Image by Lydia Lee (@hello_lydia).
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Originally published on March 9, 2019
Lydia is a recent Ivy League graduate and lifestyle writer based out of NYC. Storytelling her way through her 20-somethings, her lens is all things career, self-care, and #BlackGirlMagic. Meet Lydia on Instagram @hello_lydia.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Since turning 30, three years ago, I have been on a journey of self-improvement and healing. During this time, I've adopted daily practices like meditation, journaling, and speaking affirmations over my life. I also began reading spiritual and self-help books like The Alchemist and The Mountain Is You.
These tools have changed my life drastically as I have become more self-confident and developed more self-love. Lately, one of my go-to's for a spiritual boost is listening to podcasts. There are so many podcasts to choose from nowadays, and they aren't created equally.
However, if you're looking for a podcast that speaks to your soul and helps you in your personal development, then check out the 10 podcasts below.
Balanced Black Girl
Balanced Black Girl is a podcast focusing on personal development, self-care, and more. Hosted by Les, adding this podcast to your list is a great start to developing better habits.
Take Back Your Mind
Take Back Your Mind is a podcast by Agape Church founder and pastor Michael B. Beckwith. This podcast touches on various topics like spirituality, purpose, mindfulness, and more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
On Purpose with Jay Shetty features many guests, from Big Sean to former First Lady Michelle Obama, as they open up about their tips for success and biggest life lessons.
Keep It Positive, Sweetie
Sistas actress Crystal Renee Hayslett created the Keep It Positive, Sweetie podcast, which hones in on discussions like family, second chances, and the art of submission.
Diary of A CEO
Diary of A CEO is more than a business podcast. It highlights many conversations like how to sleep better, the benefits of fasting, and how to reduce toxins in your body.
Being Her
Margarita Nazarenko has built a loyal fanbase on social media from her straight, no-chaser advice on dating, and recently, she launched a podcast called Being Her. The podcast digs a little deeper into feminine energy, manifestation, and, of course, dating.
Healed Girl Era
Gia Peppers hosts the Healed Girl Era podcast, and the name says it all. If you're in your healed girl era or want to get in your healed girl era, then this podcast is for you as Gia and guests tackle topics like self-love and finding your joy.
Super Soul
Oprah's Super Soul podcast features interviews from a wide range of thought leaders in health and wellness, spirituality, and entertainment.
Everybody's Crazy
Everybody's Crazy is hosted by best friends April McDaniel and Savannah James as they open up about their friendship and navigating life. However, their girl talk doesn't shy away from tough conversations like grief and mom guilt and how to overcome it all.
Therapy For Black Girls
Therapy For Black Girls is a mental health podcast hosted by psychologist Dr. Joy Harden Bradford. The podcast covers everything, from dealing with depression to superwoman syndrome.
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Feature image by lechatnoir/ Getty Images