PEOPLE Magazine recently released its Sexiest Man Alive issue, and per usual, it’s whiter than white — like snow white, white. In its nearly 40-year history, there have only been four Black men (technically five if you count Dwayne Johnson) to snag the title:
- Denzel Washington (1996): First Black recipient, acclaimed actor in films like Malcolm X and Training Day, and an iconic choice for his charisma and talent.
- Idris Elba (2018): Popular selection for his rugged charm, known for roles in The Wire and blockbuster films, long-awaited recognition.
- John Legend (2019): Notable for his smooth voice and kind demeanor, Grammy-winning musician, relationship with Chrissy Teigen, and advocacy work added to his charm.
- Michael B. Jordan (2020): Recognized for roles in Black Pantherand Creed, selected as a tribute to his physical appeal and influence in Hollywood, gained influence through his production company and activism efforts.
While we absolutely love these men, it shouldn’t be so few and far between that Black men are honored for all they are. Black men are beautiful, complex, and worthy of recognition. From their melanin-rich skin that glows effortlessly to their distinct style and undeniable swag, there’s just something about the way they show up and own every space they enter.
Whether it's their moisturized beards, captivating smiles, or the way they carry themselves with confidence and grace, fine Black men are a testament to the power of Black excellence. They are artists, athletes, thinkers, and change-makers, and it's time we give them all the flowers they deserve—because there's truly nothing like a fine Black man.
In light of PEOPLE's list, we thought it was the perfect time to round up some fine Black men who aren’t celebrated enough. These men represent a new wave of talent across various creative industries, making significant contributions to music, film, and fashion while breaking new ground in their respective fields.
Zack Fox
Zack Fox
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Comedian, Rapper, and Artist: Zack Fox is known for his sharp comedic timing and irreverent humor, both in his stand-up and online presence. He made waves with his viral song "Jesus Is the One (I Got Depression)," showcasing his unique blend of comedy and music.
This man has been going viral lately for his fineness. Some folks are deeming him “cerebrally fine.” So much so that Zack Fox's mother is confused by the thirsty comments women leave for him online, leading to awkward conversations between them like what “til the room stinks” means.
Skip Marley
Skip Marley
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Reggae Artist: The grandson of the legendary Bob Marley, Skip Marley, carries on the family legacy with modern reggae hits like "Slow Down" featuring H.E.R. His music blends traditional reggae vibes with contemporary R&B. Then again, fine is just in his DNA.
Jharrel Jerome
Jharrel Jerome
Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images for IMDb
Actor and Rapper: Jharrel Jerome won an Emmy for his powerful portrayal of Korey Wise in the Netflix miniseries When They See Us. He's also a rapper, releasing music under the stage name "J Rome." Between the charming smile to the luscious beard, he is just a gem.
Jabari Banks
Jabari Banks
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Actor: Jabari Banks stars as Will Smith in the reboot of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,Bel-Air. His breakout role showcases his charisma and acting chops, quickly making him a rising star in Hollywood. Even the way he wears his hat to the side is quintessential fine-ass man energy.
Keith Powers
Keith Powers
Naom Galai/Getty Images for Netflix
Actor and Model: Known for his roles in Straight Outta Compton, The New Edition Story, and most recently, Netflix's Uglies, Keith Powers has become a familiar face in film and television, with a striking presence both on-screen and in the fashion world. I am personally in love with this man. When he took to TikTok to rap some BossMan Dlow lyrics, he had us all sat.
Kofi Siriboe
Kofi Siriboe
Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Essence
Actor and Model: Kofi Siriboe gained fame for his role as Ralph Angel Bordelon on the critically acclaimed TV series Queen Sugar. He's also known for his performance in the film Girls Trip. According to Ebony Magazine, “He was so spirited, cool, calm, and collected to the point where you felt safe and good in his presence. Few people have that type of effect on others, and it is an aura that goes well beyond his looks.”
Tyler James Williams
Tyler James Williams
JC Olivera/Getty ImagesActor and Singer: Starting as the lead in Everybody Hates Chris, Tyler James Williams has evolved into a versatile actor, currently starring in the Emmy-winning series Abbott Elementary. Nobody hates Chris anymore. His role as Mr. Eddie on Abbott really changed the game. Actually, it’s his broad shoulders and arms that changed the game.
Aminé
Aminé
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Rapper and Singer: Aminé broke onto the scene with his hit single "Caroline" in 2016. Known for his playful, vibrant style, he's become a staple in the alternative hip-hop scene with albums like "Good For You" and "Limbo." Known for his bold fashion statements, the artist draws inspiration from icons like Kanye West and André 3000. His vibrant color choices and eclectic cultural references reflect his unique personality, seamlessly intertwining with his music to create a captivating and immersive experience.
Aaron Pierre
Aaron Pierre
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Actor: If you haven't watched this commanding star's breakout role in Rebel Ridge by now, do yourself a favor and tap in. With that and his turn as Malcolm X in the National Geographic limited series Genius: MLK/X, Aaron Pierre has quickly established himself as a standout talent in the acting world, bringing depth and nuance to every role he takes on. The 30-year-old is known for his appearances in projects such as Old and is the voice of Mufasa in the upcoming live-action prequel, Mufasa: The Lion King. With a commanding presence and a gift for embodying dynamic characters, Pierre continues to leave an indelible mark on-screen.
Jaden Smith
Jaden Smith
Marc Piasecki/WireImage
Rapper, Actor, and Activist: The son of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, Jaden has carved out his own path in music with hits like "Icon" and fashion through his brand MSFTSrep. He’s also an advocate for environmental issues. He fearlessly experiments with vibrant hair colors like neon pink, red, and green and even goes as far as bleaching his eyebrows. Rather than sticking to a signature hairstyle, Smith keeps his look fresh by effortlessly shifting between twists, locs, and a clean-shaven head, keeping us wanting more.
Smino
Smino
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Rapper and Singer: Hailing from St. Louis, Smino is known for his soulful, genre-blending sound. His albums blkswn and NOIR showcase his innovative approach to music, mixing elements of hip-hop, soul, and R&B. Smino's music explores the complexities of the Black experience in America, honoring his heritage while acknowledging the challenges faced by his community. His experimental vocal style adds a unique dimension to his music, and his commitment to self-love encourages listeners to embrace their true selves. All of this just makes him cool which makes him fine.
Tyler, The Creator
Tyler, the Creator
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Rapper, Producer, and Fashion Icon: A founding member of the Odd Future collective, Tyler has made a name for himself with genre-defying albums like "IGOR" and "Call Me If You Get Lost." He’s also the creator of the fashion brand Golf Wang. We can’t help but agree with The Talon, who reported, “Folks love to be around people with humorous personalities no matter what, so having your favorite artist have an entertaining character aside from music can make any fan love their favorite artist. They appear more lovable to fans. In this case, Tyler, The Creator is a prime example of a witty music artist, considering his interviews, videos, and even a whole TV show based on comedy sketches and playing pranks with other hilarious artists.”
Steve Lacy
Steve Lacy
Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images
Musician and Producer: Steve Lacy, a member of the Grammy-winning band The Internet, has also had a successful solo career. His album Gemini Rights features the viral hit "Bad Habit," showcasing his blend of R&B, funk, and rock. After reading his feature inGQ, it’s clear he is absolutely who he thinks he is. He's calm, wise, and experienced despite his young age. He works hard and has collaborated with many notable artists like Tyler, the Creator, Solange, J. Cole, Blood Orange, Mac Miller, Vampire Weekend, Isaiah Rashad, and more. “This type of conscientious poise — the ongoing awareness of who he is, and what the moment requires from him — is what many associate with Lacy. Lacy is cool.”
Kaytranada
Kaytranada
Olivia Wong/WireImage
DJ and Producer: Kaytranada is celebrated for his eclectic beats and genre-blending productions. His debut album "99.9%" won a Polaris Music Prize, and he’s known for collaborations with artists like H.E.R., Kali Uchis, and Anderson .Paak. The Kaytranada Effect extends beyond his magical production. His soulful and vibey music is a direct reflection of his fineness. There’s a certain mystique about Kaytranada. His low-key personality and reserved nature create an aura of coolness that draws people in
Vince Staples
Vince Staples
Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images
Rapper and Actor: Vince Staples is known for his sharp lyricism and social commentary. His albums like Summertime '06 and Big Fish Theory offer a gritty look at life in Long Beach, California. Is it me, or is the gap particularly sexy? Vince gives 90’s fine, and it’s just so good. Whether through his style, confidence, or overall look, he looks good in a way that feels classic and nostalgic.
Damson Idris
Damson Idris
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Actor: British-Nigerian actor Damson Idris rose to fame as Franklin Saint in the FX series Snowfall, earning acclaim for his portrayal of the ambitious drug dealer navigating the 1980s crack epidemic. In 2022, The Hollywood Reporter named him TV’s Hottest Antihero, saying, “Idris’ stardom and cachet have risen as well. He has posed in his drawers for Calvin Klein and in January walked the runway for Prada in Milan. He texted with Idris Elba about the ultimate fate of Franklin Saint.
"He also has partied with Jamie Foxx at his house, received piano lessons from rapper Saweetie (as seen in a video he posted), and watched the 2022 Super Bowl en suite with Jay-Z, Beyoncé and Rihanna. Idris is also set to host the Essence Black Women in Hollywood Awards on March 24.”
Luka Sabbat
Luka Sabbat
Stephane Cardinale - Corbis/Corbis via Getty Images
Model and Actor: Luka Sabbat is a fashion icon and influencer known for his distinctive style. He starred in the TV series Grown-ishand is recognized for his collaborations with major fashion brands. He told L’OFFICIEL, “My style is in line with who I am. It represents my taste in fashion, music, lifestyle… It’s very personal to me, and says a lot about me. Style is deeply rooted in the community, whether it’s music, film, or subcultures like punk or goth. It’s a way of saying “This is who I am” before you even talk to someone.”
Rome Flynn
Rome Flynn
Rich Polk/Getty Images for Paramount+
Actor and Singer: Rome Flynn is known for his roles in How to Get Away with Murder and The Bold and the Beautiful. He’s also pursuing a music career, blending R&B and pop influences. Back in 2020, when xoNecole got to chat with the star, he opened up about dating, love, and his career. The tribe took to the comments to share, “I like his mentality and how well spoken he is. Makes him even more attractive” and “He's really down to earth and level headed. I'm sure he'll continue to grow in his craft and find love.” Another commenter said, “Rome is genuinely a beautiful human being, i love how honest he is and not many people are open and honest like this anymore... Truly refreshing.”
Trevor Jackson
Trevor Jackson
Paras Griffin/Getty Images
Actor, Singer, and Dancer: Trevor Jackson starred as Aaron Jackson in the TV series Grown-ish and has a thriving music career, with R&B albums like The Love Language. When it comes to his potential partner, he previously told us that he would love to be mentally and spiritually aligned. "I feel like we gotta hang out and I think when you really like someone, you can hang out with them and not have to do anything physical with them. I think that's someone I can really laugh with, lay down [with], and not be worried if they're gonna be crazy."
LaKeith Stanfield
LaKeith Stanfield
JC Olivera/Getty Images for Sony Pictures
Actor and Musician: LaKeith Stanfield has starred in critically acclaimed films like Sorry to Bother You and Judas and the Black Messiah. He’s also a rapper, releasing music under the moniker "Htiekal." In an interview with Black Girl Nerds, he said, “I love seeing us. I love seeing Black family dynamics, where the family is full and everyone’s present. Everyone’s there and they’re just a normal family. I love seeing those two pictures, because I think they’re just not there often. There can’t be enough of that. I’m interested in making people realize that there are plenty of Black families that exist together now, and they’re cool. Things like this just humanizes us.
Jeremy Pope
Jeremy Pope
Arturo Holmes/MG24/Getty Images for The Met Museum/Vogue
Actor and Singer: Jeremy Pope is a Tony-nominated Broadway star known for his roles in Choir Boy and Ain’t Too Proud. He also gained recognition for his work in Ryan Murphy’s Netflix series Hollywood. With his captivating presence and striking features, Jeremy has become a heartthrob who embodies our collective fantasies. His eyes, as deep and alluring as a midnight sky, draw you in like a gravitational pull.
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Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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And just why would a plant that contains dung (wild, right?) be associated with intimacy? Well, two things that mistletoe symbolizes are vivacity and fertility — and since kissing is oftentimes a precursor to foreplay which then leads to sex…there you have it.
Although you may not have known any of this until just now, if you’re not currently in a serious relationship and yet you do happen to have a mistletoe hanging somewhere in your house and/or you’ve got plans to put some somewhere on your body over the next several days (check out “Mistletoe Around Your Waist (And Other Christmas-Themed Sex Ideas)”) — this article was written with you in mind.
Why the Holidays Are a Prime Time for Casual Sex
Why is that? Well, since people reportedly have more sex during the holiday season (more on why in a bit), I just wanted to make sure that before you let the presence of mistletoe (and hormones) overtake you as you take that text from an ex or respond to that DM from some month-long-correspondence-exchange guy that you stop to consider what you may be getting yourself into…beyond just (possibly) a “’tis the season” orgasm. Or two.
Never Forget What “Casual” Means
GiphyAs long as I am able to speak on casual sex, I will forever profess that it continues to be one of the greatest oxymorons of our time — to me. When you stop to consider that Scripturally, sex was designed to bond married couples (I Corinthians 6:16-20-Message), that babies can be made from sex, and that there are hormones during the act of sex that can cause you to bond to someone in a way that nothing else can (whether you’re close to them or not) — I don’t know why anyone would want to look at sex from a casual space; especially since casual means things like apathetic, careless, without serious intention, without emotional intimacy and indifferent.
Shoot, even some of the most promiscuous guys I know say that sex is better when they have some sort of emotional bond with their partner. So, if you’re about to consider involving yourself with someone sexually on a casual level over the next several days, please take a moment to really ponder what that means (in spite of how much culture tries to downplay it); then decide if “casual” is what you’re after — and if it’s what you are truly deserving of.
Keep the Holiday Season in Its Proper Perspective
GiphyRemember how I said in the intro that research has revealed that sex tends to experience an uptick right around this time of the year? There are several reasons why that is the case. For one thing, cuffing season is upon us and we all know that is when cold weather will make (many of) us look for a cuddle buddy (by the way, if you’ve never seen Big Jahh’sCuddle Seasonseries before, it’s pretty funny and is currently on Tubi). Another reason why sex happens more is because people are taking time off which means that they have more time for, umm, lay activities. Another reason? Nostalgia, chile.
As you’re taking walks down memory lane, it’s real easy to think about that romantic ice skating date you had with a guy five years ago or when you and your ex-boyfriend binge-watched Christmas movies all weekend one year. Suddenly, when one of those fellas pop up on your phone, you’re strongly considering recreating those moments. Be careful. I’ve got a friend right now who is in one of the dumbest relationships EVER (for the billionth time, I might add) — and it’s pretty much all because she doesn’t know how to leave the past in the past. She doesn’t know how to let nostalgia…go.
Oh, and one more reason worth mentioning for why holiday sex is so rampant is because science actually says that the fall and winter seasons are the best time for copulation (check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”). Whew.
What all of this is basically saying is the holiday season sets up an ideal atmosphere for sex, including casual sex. However, just because it puts you in the “feels” that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use your brain. Bottom line, is having someone to cuddle up with worth it if they are just gonna go ghost on you before Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, all because there was nothing truly substantial to keep them there in the first place? Just something to think about.
We Tend to Be Riskier During the Holiday Season. Be Careful.
GiphyYou know, I once read that DUI offenders find themselves drinking a whopping 33 percent more during the holiday season, and Americans overall drink twice as much as they usually do right through here. And you know what? It should be no shocker that when you are inebriated, it not only increases your chances of engaging in sex with partners you may not have chosen with a sober mind, but it also increases your chances of participating in unprotected sex too (a part of the reason why it does for us is that alcohol also elevates our testosterone levels which, yes, makes us hornier).
And since STIs/STDs continue to be on the rise and we’re about to be in an administration that doesn’t seem to be big fans of readily available forms of birth control — yeah, definitely watch how much alcohol you consume and always (and I do mean ALWAYS) keep some condoms at your personal disposal.
After Weddings, Marriage. After the Holidays, “Real Life.”
GiphySometimes, when I’m in a coaching session with a single woman who seems to be almost obsessed with the idea of getting married, something that I will say to her is, “Please remember that you are a BRIDE for a day and a WIFE for the rest of the days following your wedding.” Meaning, marriage isn’t one nonstop party where most of the focus is on you and everything that you want is at your disposal for the rest of your entire life.
And you know what? Along these same lines, after all of the décor, music, and sentimentality of the holiday season is over, real life sets back in and you’re going to have to deal with whatever decisions you made during the holidays — good, bad, or otherwise. So, if you’re considering engaging in some casual sex, in part, because those Hallmark holiday movies have gotten to you, please remember that movies are scripted and reality checks can be quite costly…when you don’t prepare for them.
Always Remember, YOUR BODY IS A GIFT
GiphyConsidering we are so close to Christmas, of course, I had to find some kind of pun to end this with. And honestly, when I think of the main definition of "gift" (“something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present”), I do think in this culture of transactional dating that everyone is doing (check out “Guess What? Dating Was Never Supposed To Be Transactional.”) that people really should ponder what a gift actually is. SMDH. Is your time really a gift — or is it more like a bribe (or spider’s web)?
However, when I speak of a gift for this last point, I mean that when someone is able to be with you sexually, it should be seen as a privilege because you should be seen as a blessing…starting with how you see yourself. It’s a lot harder for someone to process you in that manner if 1) they barely know you; 2) some real conversations aren’t had on the front end of coitus, and 3) you’re not being honest with yourself about what you want and need beyond sexual stimulation. Remember, you are a gift. Gifts are special.
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So, this holiday season, if casual sex has some real potential to be a part of your memories this year, please take everything that I just said into account. Be wise. Be safe. And be mature enough to acknowledge that sex has consequences. Then move accordingly in front of that roaring fire or tinseled Christmas tree of yours. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy