I don't really believe that anyone likes confrontation, but we've all gotten into one at some point or another. Whether your employer blamed you for a shortcoming or a client accused you of poor customer service, we have to admit–it can be an ugly experience. When any two people from different walks of life come together, there is bound to be some friction at some point in time but conflict and confrontation aren't necessarily synonymous. In fact, they can be the very thing that strengthens a relationship if both parties are able to come to an understanding of the matter at hand.
A perfect example of this would be, you thinking the sky is navy and sis saying it's indigo. Your individual perspectives aren't as important as your abilities to see things from another angle and consider that perhaps neither opinion is wrong. You both gain a deeper understanding of one another thus improving your communication and the disagreement. You chose to fight, the right way, instead of taking flight. You're in fact stronger because of it. When we act out of character and act on our impulses, that's when things can go awry. Now you're yelling over each other, speaking out the side of your neck with your claws in each other's faces and no one feels heard, understood or respected.
Let's try a more intimate relationship like a lover. How does it feel going toe to toe with your life partner? You know we can be a bit vile when our feelings are hurt, ladies. If we're completely honest, we can resort to throwing verbal blows by way of roast wars that attack everything from his pockets to his self-esteem. I'm talking about the man whom you vowed to protect from the evil perils of the world and vice versa.
What good comes from going off script and spewing hateful nothings to a friend that you once split your last $10 with as teenagers? The one you called that time those girls were picking on you and she rolled up in 5-4-3! These are completely rhetorical questions because if you've lived a little, you know that nothing is to be gained from getting the last word. When you go home and replay the arguments as an evolved adult, you probably cringe at how low you allowed yourself to go. You may wish that the words hadn't come out that way or that you had more tact in your delivery. I've been there and, like most things in life, there's always room for improvement. What didn't kill you will make you stronger. I had to say it.
I'm kinda, sorta obsessed withBlack Love, the doc. It's one of the few shows that feed my dreams of one day finding my equally yoked, let's fight right, we don't go to bed mad, etc. etc. But when I first got into the show, I was quickly made aware that I didn't know how to fight like these married folk did. I belittled both friends and emasculated lovers when pushed to the edge or disrespected. I would make painful jabs at their weak points. As an avid reader and eloquent writer, my words have always been my weapon of choice.
Overall, I was a mild-mannered young lady but when I let things bottle up (mistake #1), I would snap without warning. Because I felt my pain was valid, that to me meant that the anger was also valid and that whoever was on the receiving end deserved however I decided to lash out (mistake #2).
I'd like to say that the last screaming match I got into was a few years ago. It was a heated argument after a funeral and the last time that I allowed that part of myself, the part that I've been actively healing, to relapse. If what you've been doing thus far has been working for you––the paragraph texts, subliminal memes, and silent treatments––stop here. The rest won't serve you any good. If you're ready to take accountability and check yoself' at the same time, let's talk about 3 principles of fighting right.
Think Before You Speak
Somewhere in between high school and adulting, we forgot this fundamental unwritten rule. That moment, where you pause to assess the matter, is where you insert the woosah. The moment of stillness where you figure out why you feel the way you do. This is where you find clarity. Clarity on how you choose to react to a situation and to plot your course of action. Did it upset you when your girlfriend did that stupid voice she does when there are guys around and aired out your personal business? Of course. But calling her out in front of everyone might have added fuel to the fire.
Deciding to take some time to call her and talk about it the next day might be a better choice. Especially since she would loan you the shirt off your back before you even had to ask. Sometimes good people do silly things.
Exercise Tact
I don't remember where I first discovered this concept but I immediately knew that whatever tact was, it sounded good and I could use a few servings. Tact is to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. It's not as bad as it sounds. Let me give you a scenario: You just found out that your husband lost his job. Only thing is he was laid off two weeks ago and has been leaving every morning and returning at the usual time every night. Which course of action do you think will encourage your husband to be open and vulnerable with you?
"So, you know that it's Christmas in two months and you have the *insert expletives* nerve to be acting like you have a *insert expletives* job? I knew your trifling ass didn't have the balls to tell me!" or "Babe, can we talk for a minute? I just heard a voicemail from your boss. Why didn't you feel you could be honest with me? What happened?"
I'm giggling typing this out because old me? Let's just thank the big man upstairs for growth!
Remember That You're Fighting The Problem Itself, Not Each Other
In a relationship of any sort, you walk together. You're on the ship together. Therefore, when a problem arises, if your collective mindset is how are we going to cross this together, your entire approach to the problem shifts. You're now in a problem-solving mood. The focus shifts from telling each other about themselves, where to go and how to get there to how do we move forward together? Deciding to attack the giant together already dictates your speech and demeanor. Granted, there are and will be many times that the relationship won't be worth fighting for. Lines may have been crossed and the trust subsequently shattered. Nonetheless, I implore you to exercise rules 1 and 2. It's truly for your own peace of mind.
If I could go back and redo a few situations, I would. It's not that I hope for a different outcome. It's that I frown on my conduct or my inability to tuck my heart in and take it off my sleeve.
I'm a deep-feeling, overly-analytical empath and that combination didn't always help when it came to fighting right. As a victim of sex abuse at a young age, I put up a tough demeanor as a coping mechanism. It was my way of saying, "He might have won that fight, but none of y'all are going to eff with me again" but if you approach every situation like they're all out to get you, you'll convince yourself it's the truth.
Your mind, your experiences and your outlook can truly make a mountain out of a molehill. Change the narrative. Too often, we talk about wanting to be chosen by the people that matter in our lives. Yes, you're an obviously easy choice when things are going your way, but when the going gets tough and your character is put to the test...would you choose you? Move with integrity, act with intention and be mindful of the moments you feel tempted to choose aggression over peace.
For every action, there is an equal or greater reaction and that's law. Newton's law to be exact.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The Signs Of A Truly Intimate Relationship
8 Things You Should Do Daily To Keep Your Relationship Strong
This Will Get You Through The "Ho-Hum Seasons" In Your Relationship
Featured image by Shutterstock.
Did you know that xoNecole has a podcast? Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to join us for weekly convos over cocktails (without the early morning hangover.)
- Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than ... ›
- Till Petty Do Us Part: How Arguing Changes In A Marriage ... ›
- Learn To Fight Fair In Your Marriage - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Fighting Fair to Resolve Conflict ›
- How to Fight Fair - How to Argue Fairly in Relationships ›
- 14 Tips for Fighting Fair With Your Partner | HuffPost ›
- Want a Better Marriage? Learn to Fight Fair (in 5 Easy Steps) ›
- 5 Steps to Fight Better if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For ›
- How to “Fight” Fair | Loveisrespect.org ›
- 25 Ways to Fight Fair - For Your Marriage ›
- For Couples + Individuals: How to Fight Fair in Your Relationship ... ›
- How to Fight Fair (Win Your Relationship, Not the Fight!) - YouTube ›
- Fighting Fair in A Relationship: How to Get What You Need and Stay ... ›
RELATED
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
One option that has been around since, shoot, forever (although technically, it became defined in the early 1930s) is the rhythm method. And although I’m not sure if any other form of birth control creates a more polarizing response than it does because it has been around for as long as it has, I do think it’s worth discussing what it is, along with its benefits and challenges, just so you can make a truly educated decision regarding if it’s the best route for you and your partner to take in this particular season of your family planning journey.
Are you ready to look past the myths about the rhythm method and get into some actual facts?
What Is the Rhythm Method?
GiphyAnother term for the rhythm method is natural family planning; that makes a lot of sense when you take in the fact that the rhythm method is a completely chemical-free approach to avoiding pregnancy. What I mean by that is, instead of relying on things like hormone-filled birth control to manipulate your menstrual cycle, the rhythm method is all about keeping up with the natural (pardon the pun) flow or rhythm of your period, including your ovulation time, in order to avoid conceiving — until/unless you are ready.
How Effective Is the Rhythm Method?
GiphyOkay, so before diving even deeper into why you may (or may not) want to consider using the rhythm method as your own personal birth control option, let’s discuss how effective it actually is. For the most part, depending on what source you reference, most medical-related data is going to say that the rhythm method has a success rate of somewhere around 75 percent or a failure rate of between 8-25 percent.
How does that line up with other types of birth control? Well, condoms, when used correctly and consistently, have a success rate of about 98 percent, while the pill, when taken daily and around the same time, has a 99 percent success rate (which is why many people end up getting the side-eye when they are pregnant while claiming that it happened while using birth control).
Some other pretty reliable forms of birth control include IUDs, patches, “the shot,” vaginal rings, and diaphragms although, since some of them also contain hormones and hormones tend to come with side effects (like spotting, nausea, headaches, mood swings, a drop in your libido and weight gain), when a woman doesn’t want to go the permanent route (like cutting or burning her fallopian tubes), that is what ends up making the rhythm method so appealing.
And just what are some of the other proven benefits of the rhythm method?
What Are the Pros of the Rhythm Method?
GiphyWhen it comes to some of the reasons why the rhythm method is actually a good look:
- It’s cost-effective
- No hormone treatments are involved
- Birth control-related side effects are not an issue
- It’s a great way to learn about your body via your menstrual cycle
- There’s no “downtime” when it comes to getting your system off of hormones from birth control
Yeah, definitely, if you’re someone who doesn’t want to take anything that will alter your body’s hormones and/or you don’t want to wait for the hormones to leave your system in order to get pregnant at some point, the rhythm method is worth considering.
That’s not to say that it doesn’t come with its own set of challenges, though.
What Are the Cons of the Rhythm Method?
GiphyAs with most things in life, just like there are benefits that come with going with the rhythm method, there are some potential setbacks, too:
- Again, its effectiveness isn’t as high as other birth control methods
- Spontaneous sex can be a bit of a challenge
- If your cycle is not consistent, the rhythm method can be somewhat unpredictable
- There may be a learning curve (and you could get pregnant in it)
- For obvious reasons, most of the work/effort falls on the woman
When it comes to some of my (doula) clients, the two things that I hear the most as to why they can find the rhythm method to be a bit, let’s go with “taxing,” is because 1) there is a lot of planning that is involved and 2) when you don’t have everything down to a science, you usually have to end up using a condom anyway. And that brings me to something else that you strongly need to factor in when it comes to using the rhythm method: tracking your ovulation.
The Main Hack to Rhythm Method: Tracking Your Ovulation
GiphyAlthough reportedly two-thirds of women use some form of birth control, the rhythm method is very low on the list of options. Personally, I think it’s because so much prepping and planning are involved if you want to avoid pregnancy at all costs. I mean, not only do you need to track when you’re ovulating, but you’ve got to remember that sperm can live inside of you for up to five days, which means that not only is your actual ovulation day the time when you can get pregnant, so are a few days before and around 24 hours after.
This alone can get a bit dicey if your period isn’t regulated, and if that is indeed the case, you have to be even more hypervigilant about taking an ovulation test (on a monthly basis), checking your basal body temperature (which needs to be done every morning; if it’s slightly elevated, there’s a good chance that you are ovulating) as well as your cervical fluid (it tends to have the consistency of egg whites during ovulation).
If you want to get pregnant, all of this helps you to know when to have sex. Oh, but there’s another side to this coin: If you don’t want to conceive, this is the time when either you have to go without copulation (or engage in say, oral sex) or use another birth control method — and who wants to basically be abstinent for a week or have “college sex” for that long? Every…single…month? Yep — like I said, the rhythm method is a lot of work; it’s basically like a real live at-home science project that you conduct on a monthly basis.
Oh, and if you’re someone who is thinking, “No problem. We’ll just pull out during that time” — well, just keep in mind that the pull-out method is somewhere around 80 percent effective, which comes down to somewhere around one in every five people getting pregnant from using/doing it. Plus, I don’t know why so many people want to ignore the fact that pre-ejaculate/pre-cum contains sperm, and guys don’t always know when that is going to spill out, so pulling out before climaxing may not be a surefire bet that you still won’t end up with a plus sign on a pregnancy test at some point. #justsaying
____
So, what am I saying — that when it comes up to the thumbs up/thumb down game, the rhythm method gets the thumbs down in my book? Nah, that’s not my overall point. What I will say is that this form of birth control requires a ton of personal accountability, that sacrifices will have to be made, and there isn’t a lot of room for error. Oh, and since again, it’s a form of birth control, and if you do happen to get pregnant before you’re ready, whatever decision you make is going to alter your life for the rest of your life…just make sure that you approach this option while being sober-minded and with a partner who will take it as seriously as you do.
And one more thing: also remember that it’s a lot of work for something that has around a 75 percent chance of working in your favor (if you don’t want to get pregnant). Now, if you’re all for taking those odds, have at it. Otherwise, set up an appointment with your doctor ASAP. Technology is ever-changing. They might be able to find something that is more suitable to your expectations, your schedule…and your sex life. Something that is less work, may have fewer side effects (than other popular methods of birth control), and is even more reliable. #againjustsaying
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Mindful Media/Getty Images