Stop Calling Yourself 'Lazy' When Really You're Just...Tired

What It Actually Means to Be Lazy

Laziness is basically defined as doing whatever it takes to avoid work or activity. It also means that one is idle or sluggish. Some synonyms for lazy include apathetic (for the record, TIME published an article entitled, “It’s Harder Than Ever to Care About Anything” a few years back), careless, and passive. In my mind, whenever I think of how a lazy person lives, they pretty much just let life happen to them without much energy or effort on their part — and y’all, that ain’t good.

It's the late Kobe Bryant who once said, “I can't relate to lazy people. We don't speak the same language. I don't understand you. I don't want to understand you.” When you stop to think about the legacy that he left behind at only 41 years of age, him saying something like that definitely tracks. And since I am definitely a quotes girl, other ones that stand out when it comes to the topic of laziness include “Lazy people tend not to take chances, but express themselves by tearing down other's work” (Ann Rule), “Tomorrow is the only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man” (Jimmy Lyons) and “The only people who think life should be easy are lazy people.” (Robert Kiyosaki) Hmph.

Sounds to me like lazy people like to edit other people’s work rather than write their own stories (some of y’all will catch that later), procrastinate like a mutha (more on that in just a sec), and have an attitude of extreme entitlement (Lawd!).

Now, believe you me, I’m not saying that laziness is not a thing — hell, even an epidemic even in this country; there are plenty of articles out here to support that. All I’m saying is that before you call or consider yourself to be that, you should really ponder those quotes and also check out some actual ways that laziness presents itself.

1. Laziness procrastinates. 

People who are easily distracted. People who put things off until the last minute. People who set goals and don’t follow through. People who (eh hem) blow hours on social media. People who struggle to get started and/or miss deadlines. These are all examples of what it means to be a procrastinator and since 20 percent of Americans are considered to be chronic ones — yeah, that’s pretty problematic. It explains why many people who fall into this category don’t reach their goals and why many others are stressed out most of the time.

2. Laziness doesn’t take responsibility for its actions.

A lack of accountability is a form of laziness — for a billion different reasons. When you don’t take responsibility for the choices that you make, that keeps you from growing, holistically so, as an individual.

Personally, I have had to release many people over the course of my life because they keep on doing toxic ish and finding some way to blame it on everyone and everything but themselves — which just keeps the cyclic nonsense going.

Life has taught me that you can’t change folks; you can just step back, assess, and then decide if you want to participate in what they have going on…or not. Anyway, if you’re not intentional about growth, evolution, and where need be, transition, laziness definitely could be the culprit.

3. Laziness is full of excuses. 

Speaking of not being accountable, a sign that someone is caught up in that matrix is if they are constantly making excuses for their actions (or lack thereof). Folks who get defensive when they are asked for explanations tend to make excuses. Folks who like to gaslight or deflect tend to make excuses. Folks, who will blame everyone, including their cat or dog, for why they fail to do certain things? They definitely make excuses.

And before some of you ask, yes, there is a difference between making a litany of excuses and offering up a viable explanation — an excuse skirts around matters while an explanation clarifies them. Lazy folks do the former. People who try to move in a mature and reliable space lean in to the latter.

4. Laziness doesn’t honor its commitments. 

Wanna know two other synonyms for lazy? Inattentive and indifferent, and y’all, I can’t tell you how many times I have told a couple in a session whose marriage is crumbling that the main reason why is because one or both of them appear to be hella lazy — yep, by the mere definitions (well, synonyms) of the word. That’s why I’m not big on people solely doing things based on how they feel because all sorts of things can cause one’s feelings to change, pretty much on a dime. Not only that, but a commitment is supposed to supersede ever-changing feelings.

When you make a promise (or vow), you should do everything in your power to keep it and maintain it, which includes being attentive and not having an “oh well” or “ho-hum” attitude towards what or who you committed to. Lazy individuals? They don’t see it this way. They pretty much suck at committing because that requires actual…well, effort. Not to mention maturation and endurance.

​5. Laziness chooses to waste time. Often. 

A part of the reason why I wrote “These Bad Habits Are Totally Wasting Your Time” a few years back is because, without question, one of the absolute worst things that you could ever do is waste your time. Why? Because time is something that you can’t get back. Lazy people don’t really care about that because they tend to be pretty presumptuous when it comes to time — meaning, they tend to jack theirs off because they think one of my favorite Chinese proverbs quotes is a joke: “It’s later than you think.”

While self-aware people make the most of their time, lazy people don’t value it very much…at all.

What It Truly Means to Be Tired

Okay, so now that you’ve reviewed what laziness looks like, can you relate or, no? The truth is that, at some point or another, all of us display certain signs of being lazy; the thing to keep in mind is having a lazy moment or day is very different than being a lazy individual, in general.

And what if you read all of those lazy points, and they definitely didn’t “scratch the itch” of what you’ve got going on right now? If that is indeed the case, have you ever stopped to consider that you are genuinely tired?

Here are five signs of how that typically manifests:

​1. You’ve overwhelmed. 

I currently have a client who picks the oddest hill to die on. Although he admits that he’s a supreme workaholic, and it causes him to not give his best at home when it comes to his family, whenever I respond to that by saying that he is overwhelmed, for some reason, he almost always pushes back.

For some reason, he sees that word as a sign of weakness when I know that it simply means that he is A) overworked, B) dealing with too much pressure and/or stress from their professional and/or personal relationships, and/or C) has way too much on their plate.

And when that is the case, it’s easy to either feel some sort of mental or emotional paralysis or to become so confused or burdened that you’re not exactly sure what you should do (next). That doesn’t mean you’re lazy. More times than not, what you are is drained. Exhausted even. And this brings me to the next point.

2. You’re exhausted. 

A couple of years ago, Women’s Health published an article entitled, “Why Am I Always So Tired? 15 Reasons You’re Dealing With Seriously Low Energy And Fatigue.” Some of the reasons that it listed include allergies, underlying health issues, eating too much sugar and carbs (which can cause your energy levels to spike and then crash), being sleep-deprived, having low iron levels, dealing with a thyroid problem and/or being super stressed out.

To me, the biggest takeaway that comes from this one is if you’re so worn out that you can’t seem to get anything done, journal about your eating and sleeping habits for a week and definitely make an appointment to see your doctor. Not having the energy to do anything isn’t “laziness” — it’s usually a health and/or lifestyle-related issue.

​3. You don’t prioritize your needs. 

Wanna know some signs that you don’t prioritize yourself? You don’t have some sort of TLC maintenance like mani/pedis, facials, and/or massages on your (regular) schedule. You feel guilty when you make yourself unavailable to other people. You can’t remember the last time you did something for yourself without wondering if you should’ve put it off or done something for someone else instead.

You basically feel like you’re on autopilot. You rarely do things just for the fun of it. Pretty much all of us have heard that we can’t be much good to others if we’re already running on fumes, and if you’re not making you and your needs a top priority in your life, that is exactly how you are moving throughout this thing called life.

​4. You never salute your efforts. 

Something that I’ve noticed is a trait of overly ambitious people is all that they really focus on is what’s next. What I mean by that is, that whenever they set a goal and accomplish it, they rarely (if ever) make the time to celebrate what they’ve done. Instead, they just move on to the next thing on their list. The problem with this mindset is you’re never going to stop growing until you die in pretty much any area of your life.

And so, if all you think about is what you need to do next, at some point, it can either lead to feelings of discontentment or even discouragement if you’re not careful — and both of these can take a real toll on your mind, body and spirit.

That’s why (and I’ve said this many times before), I try to make it a habit to toast myself at the end of each and every day. Why? Because each day is new, which means that there is something that I’ve done — big or small — that has gotten me closer to the type of person I want to become or where in my life that I want to be, and saluting that helps me to feel revitalized instead of weary or depleted. That said, when was the last time that you celebrated yourself? Real talk.

​5. You don’t take (regular) breaks. 

If you don’t utilize your breaks and lunchtime at work, if you don’t take naps every once in a while, if you don’t choose a day during the week to get off of the grid (at least for half of the day), if you don’t go on a vacation at least once a year (even if it’s just for a long weekend) — you are not good at taking breaks, and that can definitely cause you to feel super tired sooner or later.

Earlier this year, USA Today published, "Americans are the worst (globally) at taking vacation time." Since vacations help to relax and de-stress you, if you can’t remember the last time that you went on one — no wonder you are so damn tired.

5 Tips for Feeling Less Tired

Aight, so what if you just read through all of the tired points and realized that you really have been too hard on yourself — that not being able to get as much done isn’t because you’re lazy, and it really is because you’re simply…tired? If that is indeed the case, here are five hacks that can help to revive and reactivate you…at least a lil’ bit.

​1. Identify the source. 

Person, place, thing, idea — all of the above. If you’re feeling tapped out, the first thing you need to do is figure out who and/or what is the cause. If it’s your job, are you staying past the time that you need to leave? If it’s your kids, do you have them on a schedule (especially when it comes to bedtime)? If it’s a friend, is it a functional (give and take) or dysfunctional (you’re doing most of the giving) situation?

Being tired is your mind or body’s way of letting you know that something is out of balance. Identifying the source is how you can restore things back to where they need to be.

2. Set better boundaries. 

A writer by the name of Jessica Moore once said, “Our boundaries define our personal space — and we need to be sovereign there in order to be able to step into our full power and potential.” Author Brené Brown once said, “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”

A quote that is used in one of my email signatures is by another author named Nick Chellsen; it says, “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to.” All of these things speak to being okay with saying “no” sometimes and for remembering that you have more power over your world than you think, no matter what requests or pseudo-demands people try to put on you.

​3. Shorten your to-do list. 

To-do lists are great because they can help you organize your time, which ultimately means that you are organizing your life. That said, if you’ve never heard of the 1-3-5 rule, consider implementing it for the next couple of weeks.

The gist is that you jot down nine things that you need (or want) to get done on a daily basis: one big thing, three medium-sized things, and five small things. Try to do the biggest thing first, and the rest should relatively be a breeze.

An exercise like this is bomb because not only will it “train” you to be more realistic with your time (so that you don’t get overwhelmed by trying to do too much in a 24-hour cycle), but it will give you a great sense of accomplishment once you’ve checked everything off at the end of each day.

​4. Give yourself a daily 30-minute break. 

Something that I will sometimes recommend married clients do is to greet each other at the end of the day and then leave each other alone for 30-45 minutes so that they can “reprogram” their psyche from work to home life. So many find it to be uber effective because, as a husband-friend of mine oftentimes says, “If we’re constantly going from one atmosphere to the next without slowing down, all we end up doing is ‘stripping our gears.’”

Those are some serious words of wisdom right there. So yeah, after work, before doing ANYTHING, take 30 minutes to just…chill: sip on some tea, take a quick nap, do some meditating — whatever doesn’t require a ton of energy or effort and will get you to slow down for a sec.

​5. Plan for a life of balance. 

I’ll end here. Again, being tired means that you need to bring something back into balance, and, as a wise person once said the word, “Life is all about balance. You don’t always need to be getting stuff done. Sometimes, it’s perfectly okay, and absolutely necessary, to shut down, kick back and do nothing. If you work hard, play hard, and rest well; that’s what balance is all about.

____

If you know that you’ve got some lazy habits that need to change, there is no time like the present to do so. However, if you just got the confirmation that you need that you are T-I-R-E-D, listen to yourself and do what needs to be done…which is probably less…for now.

Listen, there’s absolutely no shame in being tired — just ignoring your mind or body when it tells you so.

So, stop feeling guilty, so that you can get to feeling better. Amen, sis? Selah.

NOW REST.

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