Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
When the moon is in Virgo, we heal. On February 24, we have a Full Moon in this earth sign, and this is the Snow Moon of the year. Full Moons are the time of the month for closure, culmination, and letting go. Add Virgo into the mix, and we are entering a Full Moon where deep healing and renewal are taking place. Get out in nature, connect to your inner goddess, and let go of what doesn’t resonate with your soul growth.
February Snow Moon 2024: Full Moon In Virgo
Virgo is self-sufficient, and the seeds you have been planting in your life and the intentions you have been setting for yourself, are ready to show fruition. We are moving through a time of recognition and clarity, and the answers you need to move deeper into healing and abundance are coming forth now.
Virgo is the goddess in Astrology, and during this Full Moon, do as the goddesses do. Stand in your power, focus on your well-being, and protect your energy and boundaries. It is officially Pisces Season, Virgo’s opposite sign, and as they say, opposites attract. A lot of things are coming together in the grand scope of things, and it’s all starting to make sense. Pisces is the heart, Virgo is the head, and there is a mending happening here now. Jupiter in Taurus will also be in harmony with this Full Moon, and Jupiter is loving, expansive, and full of grand gestures.
Although Full Moons are about letting go, we are gaining a lot of good fortune in the process.
What Should You Do During a Full Moon?
During Full Moons, you nurture your world and take a little bit of weight off your shoulders. It’s not a New Moon, and setting intentions aren’t meant for this time, however, creating a nice little healing ritual is. Light a candle and focus on where you want to let go in your life. Write a list of gratitude of where you feel like you are truly aligned with yourself and your well-being, and want to give thanks.
Get out in nature, meditate, and let the healing energy of the moon connect with you. With absolutely no planets in retrograde, what happens now has all the possibility to continue to grow into something more.
Read for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see how this Full Moon will be illuminating your life.
VladGans/Getty Images
What the February Snow Moon Has in Store for Your Zodiac Sign
ARIES
This Full Moon for you, Aries, is about your health, your daily life, and your overall well-being. Where have you been feeling restricted from living your best life? Have you been taking care of yourself the way you want to, or are there some changes that can be made right now? You are thinking things over during this Full Moon and are ready to let go of the fears that have been keeping you away from living in your true power.
You feel like your hands have been tied recently, and this Full Moon is here to unravel them and free yourself from this limiting energy. You are more powerful than you know, and the Virgo Full Moon is guiding you to healthier spaces, routines, and mindsets. You are free to do what is best for you, Aries.
TAURUS
The Virgo Full Moon is aligning positively with you, Taurus, but there is still a lot to think about right now. This Full Moon is happening in your 5th house, which is your heart. So, emotionally, you are moving through a culmination right now and need some time to process, accept, and settle into your energy. Clarity is beaming, and it’s changing the way you are looking at things moving forward.
A lot is coming together for you, and you are ready to let go of a lot right now as well. This time is reminding you to spend more energy on the things and people that make you happy and to take your joy more seriously. Discover where your passions can take you, communicate from the heart, and be free of the stressors that interrupt your happiness.
GEMINI
The Full Moon of the month is opening a new door for you financially and when it comes to your stability in life, Gemini. Full Moons overall are about closures and culminations, but the closures you are personally moving through right now are ultimately creating a new beginning in the process. Home, family, and your safe spaces are where the energy is for you right now, and it’s about developing here. Where have you been looking to make an opportunity into something more, and how can you dedicate yourself here?
Dreams are being fulfilled during this Full Moon, and you are the one leading the way for yourself. You are feeling in tune with the energy of this Full Moon occurring in a fellow mutable sign, and you are ready for the healing and transformations that are taking place right now.
CANCER
Your guidance for this time is to rest, let go, and heal the mind, Cancer. This Full Moon is bringing in a major culmination in your life, and even though you are happy to finally close a chapter, you are still working through the energy of everything coming to a head at once. You have been piling on responsibilities and perspectives, and it’s time to let go of some of this energy for the sake of your peace of mind.
Take care of the things you have been putting off, and trust that you can. You don’t want to move forward into new experiences with old baggage, and this Full Moon is helping you lighten the load both emotionally and mentally, before moving you forward again. Talking to someone about how you have been feeling, can be a first step towards feeling a burden lifting.
LEO
This Full Moon is one of abundance and financial culminations, Leo. The work you have been doing and the seeds you have been planting are coming to fruition, and you are receiving the rewards and achievements for your efforts. Life is coming full circle for you right now, and you are happy with where things stand. This is a good time to write a list of gratitude on where you feel the abundance in your life.
Truly take the time to soak in the good that surrounds you in life and know that it is here to stay. This Full Moon is reminding you that you are worthy of all you seek in life and that your value is not determined by anyone else but yourself. Everything's coming together for you right now, better than you may have hoped.
VIRGO
The Virgo Full Moon is here, and the power is in your hands right now, Virgo. You are in a powerful place to receive, and you are creating something out of nothing. You are tapping into your inner strengths during this Full Moon and are feeling personally invigorated for what is unfolding for you now. Full Moons are about letting go, and you are letting go of insecurities and self-doubt.
There is no room for doubt where you are heading, and rather than catering more to that energy, you are ready to claim what you are ready to manifest in your life. You are starting from square one in many ways right now, and you are seeing things come together for you in a way where you feel like it is truly possible for you. The past is the past, the present is a gift, and the future is better than promised.
LIBRA
This Full Moon is a time of deep closure for you, Libra. The Full Moon is happening at the very bottom of your chart in your 12th house, and you are moving through a culmination that is changing your priorities and goals moving forward. There is a lot to learn and investigate during this Full Moon, and you are doing the work. Enlightenment is beaming, and your mind is opening to everything that once seemed impossible to you before.
You are focused on what you want rather than what you don’t, and you are letting go of the rest. Your sharp focus serves you well in life, and there is a lot of gratitude for where things are and where you feel capable of leading them. What’s leaving your life is what you have wanted to be released from, and you have more space to allow more abundance and positivity into your life now.
SCORPIO
This is a more emotional and eye-opening Full Moon for you, Scorpio. You are coming full circle, and you are ready to release some emotional burdens that have been weighing you down. With this Full Moon happening in your 11th house of friendship, community, and your hopes and dreams, this is a good time to spend some more time with your soulmates, friends, and trusted community.
Life is reflecting to you what you have been feeling within, and you are ready to address your emotional world more deeply. The people in your life are coming in, and there is support around you when you need it right now. Feel all the feels, but don’t let yourself attach to any outcomes. You are free to be, and life is coming into balance for you right now, Scorpio.
SAGITTARIUS
Celebrations are in store for you, Sagittarius. This Full Moon is happening in a public area of your chart, and you are getting out there and showing up. This is a time when you are ready to have some more fun, let go of worries, and enjoy the gifts life has presented to you. You are also focused on your career and professional goals right now, but you are enjoying what’s coming into focus for you, and there is more to celebrate than be concerned about.
You have the right people in your life to succeed, and you are stepping forth into your dreams. This Full Moon is a good time to let go of being too serious or overly concerned with your achievements and to enjoy more what you have done for yourself and your life and the people that have been there for you through it all.
CAPRICORN
There is a lot to think about during this Full Moon, Capricorn. This Full Moon is happening in a fellow earth sign, so you are flowing well with the energy right now, but there are also a lot of different options presenting themselves that you hadn’t seen before. This is a time of diving deeper into your emotional world and discovering what your heart has been trying to tell you. More adventure wants to come into your life, and this is a good time to open your mind and consider all possibilities.
New doors don’t open for no reason, and the reasons for recent experiences in your life are coming forth right now. Honor where you are and what headspace you are looking to move into, and make sure you are protecting your peace of mind. This is the time to broaden your horizons and trust your gut instincts more.
AQUARIUS
This Full Moon is an awakening for you, Aquarius. You are a more mental sign and aren’t one to get too caught up in your emotional world. However, with this Full Moon occurring in a very emotional and transformative area of your birth chart, you are moving through an eye-opening time right now. This Full Moon is about letting go of perfection and honoring progress instead. Divine intervention is coming in, and where you have been committing yourself and prioritizing your energy is being reviewed right now.
You are seeing where you can dedicate more of yourself and where you can let go so that you have more space and freedom to feel like yourself and like you are aligned with your true intentions and goals. There is some re-working you are doing this Full Moon, and you are healing where healing has needed to take place.
PISCES
A lot is happening for you during this Full Moon, Pisces. This Full Moon is occurring in your opposite sign, Virgo, and you are going through an emotional whirlwind. Things change, and that’s because they are meant to. Your guidance for this Full Moon is to take the culminations that are presenting themselves right now in strides and to trust that your heart will always lead you in the right direction and to the right people who are meant for you.
With the sun and Saturn currently in your sign, you have the confidence and strength to overcome what has been, and you are ready to move deeper into love and connection. Partnerships strengths and weaknesses are coming to the forefront right now, and you are ready for things to come full circle here overall.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by whiteisthecolor/Getty Images
RELATED
Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
You know, back when I wrote the article, “7 Signs You Have A Toxic Relationship...With Yourself,” one of the things that I said (and wholeheartedly believe) is people who refuse to take accountability for the things that they say and do can be quite dangerous — unhealthy, unsafe, unstable — to be around. Because if you refuse to own your ish, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll repeat it — and others will have to keep suffering (or enduring or tolerating), one way or another, as a direct result.
A business broker by the name of Steven Denn once said, “You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice.” And although we could honestly just take up a collection and end the article there, if you’re someone who has fallen victim to someone who calls choices “mistakes” and/or you’re someone who mixes those two words around and never really realized how problematic doing so can be — let’s discuss what a mistake is, what a choice is and how it does no one any good to not know the difference between the two.
Y’all, This Is What It Means to Make a Mistake
GiphyIf you were to look up the definitions of the word mistake, you’re probably going to find something that says something along the lines of “an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.” or “a misunderstanding or misconception.” Some synonyms for mistake include words like confusion, miscalculation, omission, delusion, and misinterpretation.
To me, what all of this means is, when someone makes a mistake, there is usually a lot of ignorance involved and ignorance is about not having enough information or the proper training before making a certain decision.
Back when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national nonprofit organization, some of “my daughters” (which is what I would call my assigned students, for a few different reasons) would try and tell — more like attempt to convince — me that getting pregnant was a mistake. Listen, I once had a daughter whose mom shared her boyfriend with her (yes, literally). I had another daughter whose mom would take her to jail to visit the guy who beat up on her. I had another daughter whose mom and aunt once came to the school to fight a girl on her behalf. SMDH.
So, when it comes to being properly taught about their value, the purpose of sex, and why they should choose their partner’s wisely — I absolutely believe that they were ignorant…and in that realm, having sex (prematurely) was probably a mistake. Getting pregnant, though? Most of them admitted that they had some sort of sex education class prior to becoming sexually active, that they were introduced to birth control methods and, when it came to condoms, specifically, they had access to them and knew how to use them. So, going raw? Was that a mistake or a choice?
And since we all know the consequences of going raw — is getting pregnant without using birth control a mistake or a choice? I mean, I guess we could factor in the carelessness part of the definition of mistake; HOWEVER, to be careless is to be reckless and negligent — and honestly, when you have the information about the pros and cons of something and you ignore that information, again…is that a mistake or a choice?
Now watch how counterproductive at best, risky, and unsafe at worst, it is to say that being careless is a mistake — many of my daughters had more than one child, even before graduating from high school. Why? Well, since they determined in their mind that their first pregnancy was a mistake, they didn’t really take accountability for being careless and so, they ended up repeating the acts that caused them to conceive their first child because if they didn’t have to own what they did the first time, why not do it the second, third or fourth? SMDH. Since it’s all a mistake, they decided that they didn’t really play a role in what goes on in their world. To them, things just…happen. Lies. THE LIES YOU TELL.
In this life, are there things that happen that are beyond your control? Absolutely. Don’t get it twisted, though: reportedly, we all make somewhere around 33,000-35,000 choices a day, choices are the power to select from a set of options, and, more times than not, we have enough information to know which option is better than the other ones that are before us.
Take a friend of mine who, at her big age, I can’t believe how often she runs out of gas. I mean, for years, it’s been the case that she will not only drive around with the gas light on, but she will also tell herself that she has enough gas to get home…only to run out miles away from it. Not every once in a while — a few times a year. And what does she call constantly doing that? A mistake.
How in the world could it be when you know, from experience no less, that your options are (for instance) to put gas in the car well before the light comes on (personally, I try to keep mine at no less than half of a tank andcar experts say that it should never be less than a quarter of a tank full — because you never know) because you’ve run out of gas before? You don’t have insufficient knowledge about this. You are not confused. You are being careless yet being negligent is still a conscious choice.
Now if her gas gauge was broken, it hadn’t been over a week since she went to a gas station and she ran out? That is a mistake — because she didn’t have the information that she needed to make a wise decision. She also did the best she could with what she did know.
And that’s what we need to keep in mind.
An unintentional action is a mistake. Doing something that is rooted in ignorance (although some people choose to remain ignorant because the information is quite accessible to them, so they don’t qualify for this particular point) is a mistake. Being confused about something, moving forward, and it going “left” — that could possibly be a mistake (although doing something when you’re confused about it is potentially chaotic within itself). Because, in all of these instances, you didn’t have the intel that you needed to make a more optimal choice.
Here's what’s wild about what I just said though: More times than not, if it is indeed a genuine mistake, because you are treating it as the actual definition of the word, you will typically choose to learn from it and then avoid making the same mistake again — because it was an actual mistake and self-aware and mature individuals don’t want to do something that they learned wasn’t good to or right for them (and/or others) over and over again. The mistake has already cost them enough.
On the other hand, folks who are just reckless and irresponsible out here? They aren’t making mistakes — they just want to call it that to make it sound better than what is really going on: being harmful as hell…to themselves and probably those who are around them…with as little consequences as possible because they want the pity and passes that oftentimes come when people make…mistakes.
Now, This Is What It Means to Make a Choice
GiphyOn the other hand, this is what it means to make a choice — a choice is about choosing, and choosing is about “selecting from a number of possibilities.” Another definition for choosing is to have a particular want or a desire. Now for people who do irresponsible stuff, all the while calling it a mistake, what they are essentially saying is they don’t have a set of options to make a better decision — yet how can that possibly be true?
Take a couple of clients that I used to have. One of the things that we continued to go round and around about is the wife’s horrendous spending habits. Whenever she would disrespect the budget and buy stuff that she didn’t need, she would call doing so a “mistake.” How is it that when you and your husband discussed how money was to be allotted, what each of you could and could not spend money on each month, and what the rules were, should one of you want to get something that wasn’t in the budget for the month?
Nah sis, you decided that you wanted something more than the peace of your household and so you made the choice to disregard the boundaries and commit financial infidelity (which yes, is absolutely a thing). You want to call it a mistake so that you can act like you weren’t making a conscious decision out of a list of options — and this means that you are telling yourself as well as your husband a bold-faced lie. You could’ve called him. You could’ve saved up. You could’ve waited. Instead, you decided to spend — that was a choice; nothing about it was a mistake.
Here's the thing, though — when you start using the word “choice” instead of “mistake,” isn’t it interesting how much it forces you to mature? That’s because you genuinely have to look yourself in the mirror (even if it’s life’s mirror) and own that, when it came to some really poor decisions that you made, you could’ve and should’ve chosen better — and you decided not to.
AND YOU HAVE TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THAT.
Hmph. This takes me back to the person who I mentioned in the intro. There are so many things that they have done, habitually so, that they keep saying are mistakes. Don’t get me to cussin’ because you’ve done those things so often that you absolutely know that you are dead-ass wrong. Problem is, folks have let you slide so often and so much that you haven’t encountered enough consequences for your actions for you to stop doing the ish that you do and so, as I mentioned earlier, you would rather play the victim and say that you didn’t know any better, over and over again…when what really needs to happen is you need to grow TF up and take some personal accountability.
Which brings me to my next point…
People Who Call “Choices” Mistakes Usually Suck at Taking Personal Accountability
GiphyOver 30,000 choices a day. It really is a wild thing to wrap one’s head around when you really stop to think about it and yet, no wonder so many mental health experts say that our choices make up our reality. It can be something as simple as declaring that you are going to save money and yet you go out to eat for lunch at least three days a week and then DoorDash dinner another two. Now you don’t have enough money to put in your savings account every month. Are you making mistakes or poor choices?
Deciding to drive to a fast food restaurant, driving there, placing an order, pulling out your debit card, paying for the food — right there, you made four choices which gave you four different opportunities to change your mind. Blowing your budget wasn’t a mistake. You chose to do that. If you keep looking at it as a mistake, there’s a pretty good chance that you will never reach your financial goals because you will keep acting like money just keeps disappearing and there isn’t much that you can do about it.
Oh, but as someone who is aggressively saving up this year, take it from me — once you are willing to accept that where you are now is the direct result of your choices, it puts you into a mindset of knowing that you chose to be in your current state; that’s the “bad” news. The good news is you can also choose to get out of it. It will require making some changes, going through some growing pains, and enduring some sacrifices — yet as a wise person once said…in order to have something different, you must do things differently.
Folks who call everything a mistake don’t get this. Folks who grasp that their choices really do alter their lifestyle…they absolutely do. That’s because, rather than trying to avoid accepting that they need to own what they’ve done, they take full accountability — they acknowledge the specific things that they’ve done, they don’t try to deflect or excuse their actions, they don’t shift blame onto other people, they take clear and consistent steps to fix what they messed up and they don’t keep repeating the same actions. Know what else happens to accountable people?
They get that they don’t always get to choose their consequences — and they remain level-headed and gracious about that. They made the choice, they’ve gotta accept what comes with it.
The Role We Play in That Is Providing Consequences for Their So-Called Mistakes
GiphySomething that I mentioned, I believe more than once in the latest book that I wrote, is the fact that sometimes, you have to be willing to be someone’s consequence. What I mean by that is, there are some characters in that offering of mine who are HORRIBLE at taking personal accountability yet, because people never really give them any real consequences for their bad behavior — ones that they like to call mistakes that are actually not just choices but habits at this point — they just keep on doing what they want to do: railroading boundaries, gaslighting, acting like someone did something wrong to them whenever they are told that they are out of line.
And so, since they’ve been arrogantly delusional for so long and called what they are doing mistakes, they don’t really see why they should stop making them — it hasn’t cost them enough to stop making them. And that is why, after a couple of really disrespectful choices that they made at the hands of totally dishonoring my verbalized limits, I decided to be one of their consequences — meaning, if you refuse to make other choices, I refuse to be in your life. You are too unhealthy, unsafe, and unstable to be around for my own sake and, maybe, just maybe, this outcome, at the very least, will teach you to respect other people’s boundaries in the future.
I’ll give you another example. Recently, I saw a T-shirt that made me laugh. It simply said “IDFWPWFWPIDFW.” If you sit with it long enough, I think you’ll be able to figure it out. LOL. And while some folks might think that it’s juvenile to have that mindset, I dunno — I think that there are levels to things like that because, if you’ve got a friend and a person did some really damaging things to them and then you notice some side-eye stuff on your own, I’m not sure why you would want to sit in their lap. At the very least, seems like you’d want to move with some extreme caution. You can be cordial but “f-ck with them”…for what?
And with that, I will wind this down with one more story. I’ve got a friend who, before I even knew her or the guy (a guy who also is a character in my book, by the way), they went out on a date. The date was fine and so they mutually decided to schedule another one. Only, he shot her a blank. No show, no call, plus, he was actually quite flippant when she called him to see what was going on because he shared that he was bowling with some friends and he would talk to her later. Arrogant. Immature. Selfish. Fast forward to years later and — well, just read “The Nice Guy Narcissist” chapter of my book. Chile, as I was living out that chapter, there were times when she was so irritated with him.
When I would tell him, he would say things like, “[Insert name here] loves me. She’s not serious.” Yes, she was. So much in fact that, because she didn’t like how much trauma and drama that he seemed to nonstop cause, when he recently reached out to her on social media, she blocked him. She was fed up. Since knowing him, he had been a reckless person and she was at the point where she wanted him to really get that she didn’t want him in her life. Part of it was because she never really saw how any benefit outweighed the disadvantages in her own world. I’m pretty sure that another part of it is IDFWPWFWPIDFW — and since he had hurt me so much, that was “the icing” of why she was good on him.
Now, if he had treated both of us better — and hell, apologized for not doing so which is also something that he has never done; in fact, he’s someone who likes to play that victim role when his wrongdoings are brought up to him — she probably could help him out in some ways (work-wise). Oh well — that’s one of his consequences for not owning his ish. My moving on is another. Pretty sure karma will have some things in store for him too. Yeah, that’s one thing about seeing conscious choices as mistakes — if you don’t learn, life will make sure that you do…if not immediately, eventually…and oftentimes, life is not very kind.
Yeah, sometimes, the reality is that sometimes, we’ve gotta provide consequences for the people in our lives who are not self-aware enough, self-disciplined enough, self-reflective enough — shoot, HUMBLE ENOUGH to want to own their choices, so that they can make better ones. Sometimes we’ve got to dish out consequences that will cause them to at least pause and ponder over whether not taking accountability is worth the outcome(s) of not doing so.
Consequences are the result of choices — good and bad. Consequences teach us things so that we can (finally) learn.
___
A late football player and coach by the name of Paul Bear Bryant once said, “When you make a mistake, there are only three things that you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don’t repeat it.” If this isn’t what’s going down…your “mistakes” aren’t mistakes — they are poor choices. It’s time to see it for what it is.
No wiggle room. Anymore.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Cecilie_Arcurs/Getty Images