The month of love is here, and the universe is throwing in some exciting surprises in February. February is a time of forward movement, progress, and following your soul's purpose. Moving through Aquarius Season this month, the collective is more connected than ever -- and inspiration is flowing through the world. The month begins with a New Moon in Aquarius on February 1 and this is a powerful New Moon for setting intentions. Aquarius rules the house of hope and dreams, good fortune, and friendships, and it’s about believing in your dreams and the support you can receive on the way to reaching them. With Mercury going direct after being Retrograde since January 14, there are fewer roadblocks and more developments taking place now and anything is possible.
Mercury moves into Aquarius on Valentine’s Day this year, and sometimes friendships, your community, and social media memes are all you need for a magical day. The energy of the day is that of progress, excitement, and authenticity, and it’s about saying YES to new opportunities. On February 16, the Full Snow Moon of the year arrives and is occurring in the fiery sign of Leo. This is a passionate, creative, and powerful Full Moon and we are being called to step up and lead. February is a month of aligning with your soul purpose and intentions and this Full Moon highlights their development of them.
On February 22, 2022, the United States’ infamous first-ever Pluto Return occurs, and you can expect some major transformations taking place in the world during this time. Pluto is currently moving through Capricorn, breaking down outdated and unstable systems of the world, and building new and more empowered ones, and these are generational changes that are taking place at this time. Pluto is the planet of death and rebirth, the wheels of karma are turning. By the end of the month, Pisces Season begins on February 18, and spiritual renewal is taking place.
Aries
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is a month of transformation for you, Aries. This is the month to flow with change rather than fight it, and to see the gifts of a new day. There is a New Moon at the beginning of the month in your house of friendships and good fortune, and you are entering February with your soul tribe by your side. This New Moon is a good time to set your intentions for the year, and also to think about what new experiences you want to see within your community, friendships, network, and soul purpose.
The energy of the month is turning thoughts into manifestations, and there are fewer roadblocks on the way to your goals with Mercury officially moving out of retrograde and going direct on February 3. The clarity is coming in, and you are tapping into your power of healing, creation, and transformation. With a Full Moon in fellow fire sign before the month ends on the 16th, you are seeking some closure in regards to romantic matters and pleasure pursuits, and are redefining what happiness means to you. February is your month to decide for yourself where you go from here, Aries.
Taurus
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is a month of love, and this energy flows well with your Venusian soul, Taurus. February is all about dancing with life, changing things up, and letting your spirit feel the passion and possibilities of life. With your ruling planet Venus officially direct after being retrograde since December 2021, you are feeling more freedom and emotional ease when it comes to your relationships and resonance with them. You are seeking your new beginnings this month and with a New Moon in your house of career, reputation, and goals. Success is yours to claim right now.
If you’ve been feeling any stagnation or stuck in the usual routine, February is the month to break out of this and do something to change the energy. Let your attachments to outcomes go, and faith come in. You are ready for something new this month, Taurus. The Full Moon on the 16th is a time to unwind, connect with family and close loved ones, and nurture your inner world. Time in your safe spaces is calling as the month ends, and there is a sense of contentment, groundedness, and success with you in February.
Gemini
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is a month of contemplation, insight, and answering the callings of your soul, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct this month on February 3 after being retrograde since January 14, the fog is lifting, and insights abound. There are a lot of opportunities for connection, collaboration, and communication this month and you are exploring your options right now. The New Moon in Aquarius on the 1st is occurring in your house of adventure, travel, spirituality, and the higher mind, and this is a good time to set some intentions for future vacays and spiritual journeys.
With fewer communication mishaps happening this month, you get some real opportunities to see with an open perspective and to make decisions on things that have felt up in the air for you until now. Moving through air sign energy until the 18th flows well with your soul, and you are moving through February in synergy. You are connecting to your soul purpose, life intentions, and how to make them happen this month. The Full Moon on the 16th is transiting your house of communication, and you are receiving some important messages, phone calls, and insights before the month-end.
Cancer
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a time of rebirth, release, and empowerment for you, Cancer. February is a month of releasing what no longer serves you, and being around healthy and supportive environments. There is a New Moon in your house of transformation on the first day of the month, and you are ready to dive deep into what has been serving you and your emotional world, and what has been weighing you down. You are releasing some old ties and bonds this month and renewing your spirit. February is your time of letting go and moving forward with your empowerment.
Although this is only the second month of 2022, you have already been through a few different major cycles this year. You have been gaining a deeper understanding of the depths of your being, and going through a spiritual awakening this year. There is a Full Moon in Leo on the 16th, and this Full Moon is going to be highlighting your value systems and how you’ve been implementing them in your relationships, commitments, and time. This Full Moon is a time of clarity when it comes to your foundations and sense of security. Self-love affirmations are medicine this month, Cancer.
Leo
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is a month of change, setting your intentions, and moving into new environments, Leo. Breakthroughs are occurring for you this month and with a New Moon in your opposite sign on the 1st; your emotional world, relationships, and sense of balance are where you are looking to see these new beginnings take place. There is a strong focus on love for you this month, Leo and it’s about breaking down outdated perspectives and beliefs in love and nurturing new ones that support your self-worth, love, and identity.
When you can honor the cycles of change, accept that everything needs its time for transformation, and move with your faith, you can obtain your victories this month, Leo. One of the most important Full Moons of 2022 for you is happening on February 16th, and it’s occurring in your sign. This Full Moon is the Full Snow Moon of the year and is a time of deep personal revelations and insight for you. With a Full Moon transiting your 1st house of self at the end of the month, you are leaving the doubts and concerns of the past behind, and moving forward with your courage, Leo.
Virgo
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are moving forward with inspiration and passion this month, Virgo. February is a month of creativity, spirituality, and connecting with your dreams in life. There is a New Moon in your 6th house of daily routines on the 1st of the month, and you are entering the month getting things in order like the Virgo you are. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct on February 3rd after being retrograde since January 14, you are ready to move forward with the clarity you have found in regards to what feels best for you in life and your self-expression.
February is the month to birth your dreams and to focus on what you want to create and express to the world. You are aligned with your soul purpose, and seeing some important intentions through this month, Virgo. Show up for yourself by being your biggest cheerleader and advocate right now, and have your back on your ideas and intentions. At the end of the month, there is a Full Moon in your house of closures, culmination, and healing, and you are closing one chapter and dreaming a new one into being. Trust that you are on the right path, Virgo.
Libra
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLife is unfolding for you in new ways this month, Libra. Magic is in the air, and your inner source of love is shining. February is a journey and it’s one of untangling any confusion of what has been and finding understanding. With your ruling planet Venus officially direct, love is working for you right now. There is a New Moon in fellow air sign Aquarius as the month begins, and you are seeing new opportunities and experiences unfold for you in love, romance, and happiness. Flow with your joy, and don’t fight it, Libra.
Moving into February, you are expressing more of what has been going on within and experiencing new connections and developments within your relationships and friendships in life because of this. There is a sense of vulnerability with you this month, Libra, and you are letting go of anything that’s been holding you back from fully living in your freedom and self-expression. The Full Moon in Leo on the 16th is your time of connecting with those that inspire, honoring your soul purpose in life, and seeing some dreams and manifestations come full circle. Shine your light, Libra.
Scorpio
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is about trusting the divine timing of life, Scorpio. You are already there, it’s about believing in who you are and what you can do right now. As the month begins there is a New Moon on the 1st occurring in your house of home and family, and you are seeing new beginnings within your foundations and safe spaces are being renewed during this time. February is about following your inner compass and not overthinking things. Connect with your higher self, live out your purpose, and pave your path, Scorpio.
With Venus officially direct and moving through your house of communication this month, February is a time of soul expression and letting your voice be heard. Allow your ideas, thoughts, and perspectives to be spoken this month, and trust your power in doing so. You are being called to speak up and show up this month. The Full Moon on February 16 is moving through your house of career, and you are seeing past hard work, efforts, and intentions coming full circle right now. The spotlight is on you at the end of the month, what do you want the world to see, Scorpio?
Sagittarius
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is an enlightening month for you, Sagittarius. You are rising above and seeking your new beginnings right now. With a New Moon in your house of communication and the mind at the beginning of the month, you are moving through communication breakthroughs, and questions are being answered that change a lot for you moving forward. The insights you are gaining as you enter February are significant for you. Set your intentions for connection, expansion, and clarity, and communicate from the heart.
This month is a time of development and spiritual awakening, and you are reaching new heights in February, Sagittarius. Energy is everything, and you understand this and are making sure your vibe is right before anything else. There is a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Leo towards the end of the month, and you are seeing the culmination of some journeys and developments you have been through this month. This Full Moon is giving you a new perspective and reminding you of the gifts of your unique mind. It’s about releasing your hold on what was, nourishing what is, and getting excited about what’s to be.
Capricorn
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecole2022 has been an active year for you so far with two retrogrades (Venus and Mercury) moving through your sign. The gifts of February are that Venus is officially direct, Mercury goes direct on February 3rd, and there is less pressure to have it all together or to be someone or something to others that you no longer relate to. February is about aligning with who you are, what you want, and what you see for your future, and creating boundaries where necessary. Everything hasn’t always been the easiest for you this year, but that doesn’t mean that things aren’t changing for you.
There is a Full Moon in your house of transformation on February 16, and what’s been hidden is coming to light for you at this time. Your emotional world is highlighted, and you are getting the full picture right now. Align mind, body, and soul. There has been a lot to process, and you are rising from what’s been and reclaiming your power. With Venus direct in your sign for the entire month love and support will be there for you, Capricorn, allow it in.
Aquarius
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are moving into new territory this month, Aquarius. February is about taking things one day at a time and honoring your new beginnings. With a New Moon in your sign on February 1, these new chapters of life are coming quickly, and they are positively serving your progress. Mercury retrograde moved into your sign at the end of January and goes direct on February 3 after being retrograde for a few weeks, and fewer misunderstandings having to do with yourself and how others are perceiving you are possible now.
Balance is key in February as you move through your intentions in life, and those having to do with the relationships in your life as well. With a Full Moon moving through your house towards the end of the month, romance is highlighted for you and you are moving beyond what has been here. Relationship/partnership matters come full circle and you are seeing some endings, closures, and clarity happening now that leads you to new experiences in love. Trust the process and don’t be afraid to take risks this month, Aquarius. You are crossing the threshold from what’s been into what’s to be.
Pisces
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is a month of reflection, balance, and self-expression, Pisces. You are balancing the need for rest and nourishment, with your need to move forward with your new ideas and intentions this month. This is the time to come out of your cave a little bit more, and express what’s been needing to be said. When you can allow yourself to fully be and express who you are, you can meet more like-minded individuals who love what you have to say. The New Moon this month is moving through your house, and you are feeling renewed and focused on your healing and emotional well-being right now.
This month is reflecting the importance of feeling aligned and taking time out for yourself and your personal life. When it feels like there is too much to do and not enough time, check-in and remind yourself the biggest priority should be your peace of mind right now as well. You don’t have to get it all done at once, and the Full Moon later in the month happening in your house is giving you clarity on how to improve a system, daily routine, health habits, or working situation for you.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
And that is why, while I was recently out in cyberspace seeing what the topic of sex had to offer (of merit), a particular study especially caught my attention. The reason why is because, while the topic of faking orgasms has been explored, pretty much ad nauseam at this point, what I haven’t personally seen a lot and enough of is how to stop them from happening so much and when people do them, what personally caused them to in the first place.
Today, we’re going to strive to get down to the root of some of those queries. And so, if you’ve always been curious about how to make the cycle of faking orgasms stop, this piece just might shed a little light. Here’s hoping anyway, chile.
Faking Orgasms. Why I Loathe It So.
GiphyDo you ever stop to think about certain songs from back in the day and wonder if they were released now, would people try to cancel them (hmph, as if this culture ever really cancels anybody for really anything, right?)? An example of what I mean is Alexander O’Neal’s song, “Fake”. If you’re too young to know it, or it’s been a while since you’ve heard it, feel free to go back and listen to the lyrics in order to grasp where I am coming from.
And why am I bringing it up in the context of today’s conversation? Well, whenever I think about folks faking orgasms, that song almost instantly plays in the background of my mind because, while he’s basically talking about the word from the definition of “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc.,” when I think of “faking it” in a sexual way, definitions like “to deceive,” “to pretend” and “anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is” are what I ponder — because y’all, I don’t care how many people do it, how can any of those definitions truly be good, right or helpful when it comes to copulation? Deceiving your partner into thinking that you climaxed when you actually didn’t? Pretending to be satisfied when you actually aren’t? Making sex appear like it’s one kind of experience for you when it actually…isn’t? SMDH. Yeah, that is something that I can never personally get behind, which is why I once penned, “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” for the platform. To me, since sex is about establishing a profound mental, emotional, and physical connection, how can that truly and authentically happen if one or both involved individuals are not being honest with each other about what they want, need and desire in order to make that happen?
Yeah, when it comes to the ever so popular fake orgasms, I’ll pass and will forever encourage others to do the same.
Faking Orgasms. Why So Many People Do It.
GiphyHere’s what’s wild, though — even if what I just said made complete and total sense to you, there’s still a really good chance that you’ve faked at least one orgasm before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”). Know what else? There’s also a good chance that your partner has done the same (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”. And why is it that so many continue to do it, even if, in the back of their mind, they believe that it’s at least somewhat counterproductive?
Well, from the personal conversations (and coaching sessions) that I’ve had with both men and women, the top reason for why so many men fake orgasms is because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by telling them that the sex isn’t as good as they might think that it is, and when it comes to women, they fake in order to hurry up and get the experience over with — which, when you really think about it, for both genders, the motives are pretty much two sides of the same coin: people not being satisfied and trying to avoid sharing that reality with their partner.
OK, butwhat does science say is the main cause for men and women faking it? Well, a top reason for whya lot of men decide to go that route is because they simply want to get the experience over with (although being unable to orgasm due to drunkenness, medication, and/or boredom ranked pretty highly, too). And women? Difficulty achieving an orgasm is the biggest one (check out “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?” and “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”). Hmph, when I stop to take this all in, I find both reasons to be unfortunate. On the male tip, is it just me, or does it seem like there is a real disconnect of intimacy if that is why men fake it? What I mean by that is, if you’d rather “hurry up and get done” — are you having sex with your partner or at your partner (some of y’all will catch that later)? And, as far as the ladies go, if you are so uncomfortable and/or self-conscious and/or embarrassed about not being able to climax to the point that you will lie and say that you did — do you trust your partner enough to tell him the truth and then are you willing to work through the process of achieving an orgasm…together?
These types of questions are what piqued my curiosity when I happened upon a study of over 11,000 participants that transpired over in the UK. The focal point of it? Since faking orgasms is so prevalent, what actually causes people to stop? Because listen, none of us are actually going to get anywhere if we only focus on the problem and don’t seek to find some sort of solution (lawd).
Faking Orgasms. What Actually Makes People Stop.
GiphyOK, so from what I’ve read and researched, The Journal of Sex Research hassemi-recently published the study that I was just referring to. Before we get into what caused people to stop lying — umm, faking orgasms, check out these findings first:
·51 percent of participants claimed to have never faked an orgasm before
·Close to 66 percent of men and 34 percent of women say that they have faked an orgasm
·Almost 19 percent of men and 35 percent of women say that although they have faked one in the past, they have since stopped
·Almost nine percent of men and 20 percent of women are currently “faking it”
Yeah, I already know. The discrepancies between the men and women are quite noticeable. Let’s keep going, though, because the reason for why men and women decided to stop is the main reason why we’re all here — plus, it’s pretty interesting.
So, when it comes to the demographic of individuals who no longer fake it, what brought them to that point and place? Fascinatingly enough, around 26 percent of both men and women said that the communication between them and their partner improved while 24 percent of both men and women said that it was because their partner became more attentive. Well looka there — when couples connected on a mental and emotional level, the physical aspect of sex got better. Some other points did come into play, though:
·Around 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men decided to be content without having an orgasm
·Around 19 percent of men and 18 percent of women decided to get orgasms on their own (i.e., masturbate)
·Around 19 percent of men and (wow) two percent of women were caught faking it
·Around 15 percent of men and 10 percent are currently not having sex
OK, so when you read all of that, what tripped you out the most? As someone who works with married couples and is a huge advocate of them gettingthe most pleasure possible out of their sexual experiences, honestly, the first three (because, if you are married, please don’t settle fora sexless dynamic). I’ll break down why for each one.
First, if you used to fake orgasms and no longer do because you have settled for — pardon the pun — anti-climatic copulation…settling is exactly what you are doing. Listen, even if you’re not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm (and many women are not), it’s important to remember that there are oh so many other kinds to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”). And what if you’ve tried those and still there are nofireworks? Make an appointment to see your doctor (to get your hormone levels checked) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Remember, the reason whyyou have a clitoris is so that you can experience the heights of sexual pleasure. If that’s not happening for you, it’s important to do all that you can to get to the root of why.
Secondly, not faking it because you have taken matters into your own hands — literally. So, here’s my issue with that. Unfortunately, our culture is so lust-crazed that we tend to forget (or is it ignore?) that sex shouldn’t ONLY be about cumming; sex should also be about connecting. And so, while masturbation may help you out in the climaxing department, it’s essential to not get so used to it that you fail to bond with your partner or that you put up walls of resentment because there are things that are happening when you’re alone that aren’t happening when the two of you are together. In other words, don’t let jacking off or solo sex toy experiences get in the way of heartfelt and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs (check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom” and “Sooo...What's Your Favorite TYPE Of Sex?”).
Finally, getting caught lying — again, I mean, faking it. Yeah, I know that I’m not the only one who noticed that there is a pretty big difference between how many women caught their man acting like he had an orgasm when he didn’t vs. how many men noticed that their lady acting like she had an orgasm when she didn’t. To that, let me first say that if you thought, “If a man ejaculated, he came. Duh” — look updry orgasms sometime. Believe it or not, it is possible for men to orgasm without cumming. And to the fellas (who may be reading this): I continue to be amazed by how you can’t tell if a woman is faking it because even if she is yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, if her vagina isn’t contracting, guess what? Yeah, between that and extra lubrication coming from her vaginal area —those are pretty common signs that an orgasm has transpired; this basically means that if you don’t notice these things going down, how attentive of a sex partner are you? #justsaying3 Tips to Avoid Faking Orgasms
GiphyNow that you know what science says about why people fake orgasms, did any of the intel surprise you? More importantly, if you can personally relate to what was said, did any of the information inspire you to make some changes in your own sex life? Yeah, if faking orgasms is indeed a thing in your own world right now, as I close this out, here's three quick tips:
1. Remember the definitions of fake. Never forget them. Deception. Pretending. Making something look like something that it is not. No time to get into all of this today, yet I have worked with many people who fake orgasms and…fake other things in their relationship. You don’t want to deceive your partner or yourself. It’s not going to help the relationship. Ultimately, it’s only going to cause hurt and/or harm. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in the way that you would like to hear someone convey theirs to you (respectfully, thoughtfully, etc.); do make sure to share them, though.
2. Stop “performing”. Start being REAL. Know who fakes a lot of orgasms? Porn actors (I prefer to call them that over “porn stars”). That’s because sex work is…work; it’s a billion-dollar industry that people get paid to act like sex is always the bomb. You’re not a porn actor, so why put that kind of pressure on yourself? No matter what the reasons are for why an orgasm isn’t coming for you, if you are having sex with someone who can’t handle the realness of the reasons or “worse”, doesn’t care — don’t put that on the sex or yourself. Sis, you are simply sleeping with the wrong person/people.
3. If you build it, one way or another, it will come…and you will cum.Do orgasms come easier for some than others? 1000 and 10 percent. That is absolutely not the point, though. If experiencing this type of pleasure is what you long for, with the help of your intentions, your partner’s willingness, and if need be, professional assistance, you can get there. Not by faking it — by being honest about the fact that you need more time, patience, and empathy.
____
Clearly, faking orgasms is a common thing; that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case for you, though. As you unpack what has made you start, process how to make it all stop.
Hmph. Better to take a while in order to experience what true bliss feels like than to keep faking it and never really know.
Words to live — and lie down — by. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy