On any given morning, you can find me fresh out of the shower, staring at myself. My natural inclination is to pick apart all of the imperfections looking back at me, wishing for a magic pill that can fix them all at once.
In the midst of this disgruntled mess, I start a private freestyle of positive body affirmations and eventually end up doing a happy dance until my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. All of this in an effort to practice self-love and undo years of critical thoughts about my body.
People don't look at me and think of me as obese. In fact, I'm mostly doused with compliments and kind remarks from those around me. Yet psychologically, I am constantly struggling to be fully content with my weight.
At 118 lbs, I was too skinny for boys to like me. I had no shape and my butt was nonexistent. In high school, my "boyfriend" broke up with me for a girl with the body of a grown woman because she was fine. "You've got potential," he said. "Give it 'til your senior year, and I'd bet all the guys like you."
I ate everything in sight in hopes of getting thick enough to be desirable.
At 130 lbs, I decided to tone up a bit so I began working out like crazy. Months passed, and as I stood in the mirror proud of my progress, a friend pinched my lower stomach and said, "You're doing good! If you could just lose this, you'd be straight."
Her words left an impact that makes me disgusted by my stomach no matter how flat it gets.
At 175 lbs, people started reminding me that I needed to save "room to grow" as I got older. Family members said, "You look good, but don't gain another pound." Others asked if I was expecting or had something I needed to share with everyone. Regardless of my weight, I was always "too" something – too big, too small, too shapely, too pudgy, too something.
Every now and then, the memories feature on Facebook would offer me random glimpses of myself from previous years, and I remember seeing a picture from 2011. I remember thinking, "I can't believe I thought I was fat then." Next, I ran across a swimsuit picture from 2005 and thought, "I'd kill to have those abs again."
As I reminisced through photos, I found things I loved about my body at each stage in my life. I realized that I'd found fault in myself simply based on the perceptions of others. This fault turned into an obsessive cycle of self-criticism that was unhealthy to my mental state.
I found myself turning every conversation into an opportunity to talk about the things that were wrong with me. I realized that I was a hypocrite. I was always the girl who would walk into the room dishing out compliments to everyone else, meanwhile inwardly being mean to myself. Upon my newfound realization, I made the decision to love the skin I'm in no matter what.
The words of men, friends, and family made me feel captive in the body I was blessed with. I always found myself wanting to trade with someone else until those Facebook memories taught me that there is freedom in being me. At every stage of my weight, there was something to be thankful for and something to be proud of.
It's my own responsibility to esteem myself.
I'd given that power away each time I'd attempted a metamorphosis, or wished for a different body based on the actions of someone else. I decided to take my power back by making a conscious decision to see the best in me every day – denying my natural inclination to be critical of myself.
Bad habits die hard. Some days, I fail horribly but others, I knock it out of the park in terms of developing a positive self-image. Either way, I'm trying. And each day, I am learning a new level of self-love by being thankful for the present version of me. I haven't used a scale in a few months now. The number that pops up doesn't determine how I should view myself.
People will always have their opinions, but as for me, I plan to flourish regardless of how my weight ebbs and flows.
Whether you're 100 lbs or 300 lbs, love yourself girl or nobody else will. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, so make strides to be the best version of yourself. Just don't forget to enjoy the transformation along the way.
Reaching your goals means acknowledging your constant journey, not just the destination.
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Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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And while we’re here, if you’ve heard that the chemical aluminum (which is found in antiperspirants only; folks just tend to use deodorant and antiperspirant interchangeably which is actually what I’m about to do, moving forward) can lead to breast cancer, here’s the thing. Although many researchers have said that there isn’t enough evidence to back that up, elevated amounts of it can lead to weakened bones or even an Alzheimer’s disease diagnosis — so, just to be on the safe side, if you want to go with a commercialized brand of antiperspirant or deodorant, an aluminum-free one would probably be your best bet.
And what if you want to forego the stores altogether and try something that is as natural as possible? Well, if your main focus is to reduce the smell, make sure that your armpits are clean, that there is as little hair there as possible (hair traps sweat and odor), and that you wear clothing that allows your pits to breathe (oh, and watch your stress levels too).
Beyond that, you can try the following 10 deodorant alternatives that are pretty effective — especially when it comes to eliminating that “onion” stank that none of us want to deal with…ever.
1. Witch Hazel
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Something that I will forever-and-a-day sing the praises of is witch hazel — more than anything because, for all of the benefits that it provides, it continues to be pretty inexpensive. Skin-wise, you can use witch hazel as a skin toner; a way to reduce the inflammation of your pimples; as something that helps to reduce the irritation that is associated with bug bites; an all-natural remedy that helps to protect your skin from outdoor pollution; something that works to soothe an irritated scalp or symptoms that are directly associated with psoriasis and eczema — the list goes on and on.
The reason why it works as an effective deodorant alternative is due to the fact that witch hazel contains astringent properties that can help to reduce the size of the pores that you sweat out of as well as decrease the bacteria that causes the odor that’s within your pits. If you’d like to create a witch hazel spray for your underarms, there’s a cool recipe here.
2. Coconut Oil and Baking Soda
It’s kind of wild, how many acids are in coconut oil. For starters, there’s caprylic acid (which contains antibacterial and antifungal properties); lauric acid (which has anti-inflammatory properties); oleic acid (which deeply moisturizes); linoleic acid (which strengthens your skin’s barrier), and capric acid (which works to smooth and soften your skin). All of these acids work together to soothe dry skin, unclog pores, and reduce skin inflammation.
As far as baking soda goes, the properties in it helps to exfoliate your skin; it works as a spot treatment for pimples; it can soothe your skin after you finish shaving it; it can help to cleanse and soften your nail cuticles, and if you’ve got psoriasis and you soak in a baking soda bath, it can bring relief to those symptoms as well.
This combo is a winner as far as deodorant alternatives go. Coconut oil can kill the bacteria that cause the odor while baking soda can help to absorb the sweat; plus, its antimicrobial properties can reduce some of the odor too.
3. Apple Cider Vinegar
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There are all kinds of things that apple cider vinegar is able to do; however, when it comes to your skin, specifically, you should consider using it because it’s able to deeply clean and exfoliate your skin; tone and hydrate your skin; kill bacteria that leads to pimples; lightens the appearance of hyperpigmentation that comes from breakouts, and it can help to balance the pH balance of your skin.
Since the vinegar that’s in it contains pathogens that kill bacteria, that’s why apple cider vinegar could help to get rid of the body odor that’s underneath your arms. For the record, it’s also a potent ingredient if you want to detox your pits which is a wise thing to do from time to time (check out “When's The Last Time You Detoxed Your Armpits?”).
4. Dusting Powder
Several years ago, Allure published an article entitled, “Switching to Natural Powder Deodorant Stopped My Underarm Rashes.” It wasn’t until then that I knew that dusting powders even existed. These can be a smart deodorant alternative, simply because they are designed to reduce moisture and odor without the use of harsh chemicals or the possibility of being damaging to your skin. A brand that gets pretty rave reviews is Herb & Root. You can look more into why by going here.
5. Essential Oil Blend
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Some of y’all already know that every chance I get, I’m going to shout out essential oils (check out “You'd Be Amazed How Much These 10 Essential Oils Can Give You Some Blissful Sleep,” “10 Essential Oils That Are Great For Feminine Hygiene (And A Few Other Things),” “10 Essential Oil Beauty Hacks I Bet You Didn't Know About,” and “6 Different Places To Apply Essential Oils. And Why.”).
They are bomb when it comes to this topic because the powerful antibacterial and antifungal qualities in many of the oils will not only help to fight the bacteria that cause underarm odor, but the scent of many of them is divine as well. Some to apply (along with a carrier oil like grapeseed or almond, so that the strength of the oil doesn’t irritate your skin) that will get the job done include lavender, clove, lemongrass, cinnamon, orange, patchouli, and peppermint.
6. Cornstarch
As someone who has a fungal sensitivity and has also been blessed with some H-cups (I mean…), I’ve had a few pretty nasty yeast infections underneath my breasts before (check out “What To Do For Yeast Infections (On Other Parts Of Your Body)”) — and something that has helped to heal them is cornstarch from the aspect of absorbing the moisture that yeast likes to thrive in. Cornstarch can benefit you in other beauty-related ways including being able to use it as a dry shampoo, a gentle exfoliant, or as a way to instantly turn your lipstick from glossy to matte.
And yes, cornstarch makes the deodorant alternative list because of how well it is able to absorb moisture. Plus, if you add coconut oil and an essential oil to the mix — you’ve got a DIY deodorant that should last you for hours on end.
7. Aloe Vera
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Aloe vera is a plant that benefits your skin in a ton of different ways. It’s high in hydration. It helps to increase collagen production in your skin. It helps to reduce breakouts. It soothes the itchiness and dryness of your scalp. It decreases skin inflammation (like the kind that is associated with eczema and psoriasis). It speeds up the healing process of minor skin issues. It even helps to fade stretch marks.
If you’ve got a plant in your house (or some 100 percent pure Aloe vera gel lying around), cut off a piece and rub it directly underneath your pits. The antibacterial and antiseptic properties in the plant will prevent odor while keeping your pits feeling soft and smooth in the process.
8. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a type of alpha-hydroxy acid that, skin-wise, is able to do everything from minimize the appearance of your pores, exfoliate dead skin cells, and unclog pores to even out skin tone, protect skin from damaging UV rays and reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. I’ve used it in some of my chemical peels before (check out “I've Been Doing At-Home Chemical Peels. Here Are The Pros And Cons.”) and yes, it is the truth.
As far as applying it as a deodorant alternative, glycolic acid gets a bit of mixed reviews. While some skin specialists say that its antibacterial properties aren’t strong enough to fight the kind of body odor that transpires underneath your underarms (here), others say that so long as your skin isn’t super sensitive, glycolic acid has the ability to decrease odor — well, if you don’t mix it with other products (here).
That’s because, doing so, could alter the pH balance of the skin that’s under your arms in a way that actually amplifies your body odor. Otherwise, glycolic acid alone can actually lower your pH balance in a way that makes odor less of an issue. Hey, it’s worth a shot.
9. Rubbing Alcohol
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Because alcohol is so drying, it’s not really something that you should apply to your skin on a consistent basis; that’s probably why it’s used more as a cleaner and disinfectant for tasks around the house than anything else. That’s not to say that it can’t help you out if you happen to be in a bind as far as your underarms are concerned, though.
Since it is such a potent astringent, rubbing alcohol is something else that can (temporarily) make your pores smaller and reduce the bacteria in your pits. Just make sure that you don’t use it right after shaving unless you want your skin to STING sting.
10. All-Natural Deodorant
And then there’s all-natural deodorant which is simply a deodorant that doesn’t contain harsh chemicals like talc, aluminum, parabens, phthalates, and fragrance. And although, again, the American Cancer Society still maintains that there is not enough scientific evidence to link breast cancer with antiperspirants or deodorants, if you want to be on the safer side, chemical-free deodorants are the way to go.
If you’d like to see some options that you are able to choose from, check out Allure’s “15 Best Natural Deodorants That Actually Work,” Byrdie’s “The 10 Best Natural Deodorants I Tested That Truly Keep Odor in Check” and Independent’s “18 best natural deodorants that are kinder to your skin.”
BONUS: Hand Sanitizer
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If you’re really in a jam, believe it or not, something that can help you out is hand sanitizer. Since it’s loaded with alcohol and is literally designed to kill bacteria on contact, that’s why you can trust it to work if you happened to run out of the house without putting deodorant on — or you forget to apply one of these deodorant alternatives.
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Onions. When it comes to smelling like them, now you know what you can do that is safe, holistically beneficial (as far as your skin is concerned), and will get you through those rough days. I mean, at the very least, keep some sanitizer in your purse.
Life comes at you fast. Always be prepared. Pits ‘n all, chile. Pits. And. All.
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