With every day being uncertain during this COVID-19 crisis, our minds are beginning to fantasize about once again enjoying the daily aspects of what was once normal life. From restaurants to shopping malls, we can only reminisce on the good times we had outdoors. For the last two months, we've been cooking our own meals and FaceTime-ing our loved ones which was fun for a while but getting back to in-person interactions sounds like heaven on earth. While we've been stuck inside daydreaming of what life will soon be, we've also had the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and how we'd like to conquer the world moving forward.
We asked seven of our favorite stylish ladies what they plan to wear on their first day out of lockdown and what they've learned about themselves during their downtime. Finally getting dressed with somewhere to go, get into these looks for major post-quarantine inspiration.
Aniya Morinia, @aniyahmorinia
Photo courtesy of Aniya Morinia
Where are you spending your time during quarantine?
I spent quarantine in the off-campus apartment in my college town, Gainesville, FL. My lease is up in August so I've been living here until I move back to my hometown, Kissimmee, FL with my family.
What's the first place you're getting dressed for and why?
The first place I'm getting dressed for is brunch! I love the ambiance of a restaurant that serves brunch and can't wait to wear an outfit to match the vibes. At this point, I have cooked everything that I know how to cook a million times and I'm getting tired of eating my own meals every single day. I'm looking forward to someone setting a delicious meal in front of me at a restaurant.
What's one thing you've discovered about yourself during this downtime?
I discovered that I am much more creative than I give myself credit for. I've been working with what I have at home to create content for Instagram and it's been so fun! I've also been trying to personalize and curate my living space now that I am spending more time here. Instagram and magazines have been my main source of inspiration during this time and I can't wait to keep creating and see the transformations I make.
What do you look forward to the most, post-quarantine?
I am looking forward to starting a new lifestyle post-quarantine. Staying inside has opened my eyes to how unexpected life can be and I want to start saying "yes" to more life experiences! My college experience ended prematurely so I am looking forward to reuniting with my friends and potentially traveling with them.
Kandace Banks, @_kandace
Photo courtesy of Kandace Banks
Where are you spending your time during quarantine?
I quarantined back home in Indiana because New York's population is just too dense for me. There's tons of space here and it's very peaceful.
What's the first place you're getting dressed for and why?
The first place I'm getting dressed for is a meet up with friends. I know we're going to plan something; a brunch, dinner, drinks, going to someone's party, literally anything. I just want to show some skin and wear an actual dress. Something I haven't had a reason to wear in months.
What's one thing you've discovered about yourself during this downtime?
Being back home, I've had some time to read my old journals from college. It made me realize I'm on the path I've wanted to be on all along, I've just lost some of the hunger. So I definitely plan on being more focused when things open back up. If my younger self could give myself any advice now, it would be to have no fear.
What do you look forward to the most, post-quarantine?
I really look forward to moving freely once things open back up. My soul is craving travel, being in water, eating exotic food in the sun, drinking something delicious, listening to a live band. I really can't wait to travel whenever I want. I've been listening to music in foreign languages to give me that vibe until then.
Chinyere Adogu, @the_real_chi
Photo courtesy of Chinyere Adogu
Where are you spending your time during quarantine?
I spent most of my time during quarantine at home. I took walks around the neighborhood ever so often for fresh air and went to the grocery store weekly. I did spend a significant amount of time on Amazon as well.
What's the first place you're getting dressed for and why?
The first place I'm getting dressed for is for brunch on a rooftop. I need a massive amount of food in front of me with the sun shining down on me. Brunching has always been a happy place for me, it involves two of my favorite things, which are dressing up and eating food. I definitely miss it!
What's one thing you've discovered about yourself during this downtime?
I've discovered that I have to plan out daily activities, big or small, that will bring me some sort of joy. This is a great way for me to maintain a positive and happy energy around myself during this downtime.
What do you look forward to the most, post-quarantine?
Honestly, traveling! I've canceled so many planned trips within these last few months. I'm someone who loves to constantly move around, so I cannot wait to be able to freely do that again.
Avry Joiner, @thenxcvintage
Photo courtesy of Avry
Where are you spending your time during quarantine?
My quarantine time was spent at my home in Charlotte, NC. I spent so much time here, I did a little redecorating to brighten it up. I'm really pleased with how it all came out.
What's the first place you're getting dressed for and why?
Oh, man! I'll probably just get cute to go to the thrift store because I miss it so much and I have an online vintage shop that needs new vintage pieces. My Saturday routine was brunch then thrift, and I miss it so much!
What's one thing you've discovered about yourself during this downtime?
I'm not sure I discovered anything new about myself but I will say I've enjoyed this downtime SO much! I am constantly on the go. It felt good to spend all day watching Netflix or playing dress up for hours and not rushing from one place to another. My life is always hectic and I'm always on the go. This period of downtime was just what I needed for my creative juices to flow.
What do you look forward to the most, post-quarantine?
I think I've mentioned this already but THRIFTING! Also, seeing my entire family. We've missed birthdays and holidays so we have so much to make up for.
Raven Smith, @ravey_baby
Photo courtesy of Raven
Where are you spending your time during quarantine?
I've been in New Orleans staying at my mom's.
What's the first place you're getting dressed for and why?
Brunch! Bottomless mimosas and hookah with the girls!
What's one thing you've discovered about yourself during this downtime?
That I'm the only person holding myself back. Having this extra time to focus on things that I put off was me only being in my own head. Go for it!
What do you look forward to the most, post-quarantine?
Celebrating my 30th birthday, the proper way!
Lauren Nicole Campbell, @laurennicolefk
Photo courtesy of Lauren Nicole Campbell
Where are you spending your time during quarantine?
I'm spending my time at home with my mother. It's just the two of us.
What's the first place you're getting dressed for and why?
I've found getting dressed puts me in the mindset to get on with whatever I've got planned for the day. So, I'm either getting dressed to go into my office or to work from the dining table.
What's one thing you've discovered about yourself during this downtime?
I loved the hustle and bustle of London life more than I thought. Albeit, I'm sure when everything resumes, I'll miss the quietness of being home, there's a thrill that comes with rush hour, running from one meeting on one side of London to the next meeting on the other side of it. Who knew I could miss that as much as I am?! But most of all, I've learnt I'm rather content with my own company.
What do you look forward to the most, post-quarantine?
Laughing with friends, going to bottomless brunches, being able to hug my family and fly back home to Barbados, whenever I want. I will never take those things for granted again.
Tyla-Lauren Gilmore, @tylauren
Photo courtesy of Tyla-Lauren
Where are you spending your time during quarantine?
My new apartment in NJ!
What's the first place you're getting dressed for and why?
A potluck get-together to see all my best friends at my new place!
What's one thing you've discovered about yourself during this downtime?
I'm super self-motivating; it was so hard to stay positive and productive but I managed to do a lot more than I thought during quarantine.
What do you look forward to the most, post-quarantine?
Enjoying the weather, going to the gym, seeing my friends and family whenever I want and going out to eat!
Featured image courtesy of Lauren Nicole Campbell
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The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
____
Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images