Now that the fall season is officially here, if you were wondering what this year's autumn-themed beauty trends are, some of them include a matte red lip, gold shimmering eyeshadow, a smoky bronzed eye, glossy eyelids, and high-fashion lashes. But in honor of two other things that I noticed made the list—barely-there make-up and dewy skin—I thought it would be a good idea to also share with you some cool ways to incorporate foods that are currently in season into beauty recipes that I found on various sites.
If after reading these, there are a few that pique your interest but you're wondering how effective they are, I will say that while the exact recipes I may not have tried, I can vouch for the overall concept of each of these.
Apple and ginger are the ultimate detoxifiers. Pear, pumpkin, and sweet potato have a remarkable way of pampering skin. Cranberry juice really can (softly) highlight your hair. Pomegranate can dry out a pimple like nobody's business. And cabbage juice? Well, I'll get into the all of its health benefits in just a sec.
So, if you're planning a grocery store or (even better) farmer's market run over the next couple of days, be sure to pick up some of these in-season autumn foods. Yes to eat. But also to care for your body, literally from head to toe.
Apple Peel Mask
Two things that apples contain a lot of are vitamins A and C. Your skin needs Vitamin A because it plays a role in regenerating new skin cells. It needs Vitamin C because C contains antioxidants (along with phytochemicals like flavonoids and phenolic acids) that help to produce more collagen (so that your skin looks fresh and youthful), while fighting off free radicals in the process. Apples also have zinc, sodium, calcium, folic acid, iron, phosphorous, and magnesium in them. As far as lemons go, the acid in them works as an astringent and the gelatin is what will help to create the peeling effect of the mask.
Ingredients:
- 2 apples, diced
- 1 lemon (10 drops)
- 2 tablespoons of gelatin
Click here for the full instructions by Khichi Beauty.
Cabbage Juice
If it's been a while since you've had some cabbage, maybe this will inspire you to make some tonight. Aside from the fact that it contains vitamins A, B6, C, K, folate and even some manganese, calcium, potassium and magnesium, cabbage has a wealth of health benefits. Cabbage helps to reduce bodily inflammation, improves indigestion and has fiber to keep you regular. The vitamin A in it works to produce new cells so that your complexion glows and the C keeps your skin looking healthy. Celery is loaded with water to prevent dehydration; it also contains properties to fight infection. Green apples have antioxidants to smooth out the texture of your skin. Carrots are loaded with beta-carotene to speed up any healing your skin may need; lemons can provide you with a more even skin tone; and ginger root is able to make your skin appear more toned.
Ingredients:
- 1/8 of a green cabbage
- 1/8 of red cabbage
- 2 ribs of celery 1/2 red beet, scrubbed
- 1 green apple, cored
- 1 carrot, scrubbed
- 1 lemon, peeled
- 1" piece of fresh ginger root
Click here for the full instructions by The Blender Girl.
Cranberry Hair Rinse
If you're like me and you struggle with itchy scalp from time to time, cranberries can quickly become your hair's best friend. They have antioxidants, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties that will remove irritants from your scalp while soothing it at the same time. Cranberries also contain about every B vitamin there is to keep your hair strong, along with Vitamin C to give you hair a collagen boost. Something else that's in cranberries is Vitamin K; it too comes in handy because it triggers collagen production in the body. Lemon juice aids in lightening your hair and carrots are rich in Vitamin A. And so, carrots can help to strengthen your hair's follicles while preventing premature greying in the process.
Ingredients:
- 1/2 cup of pureed carrot
- 1/2 cup of fresh cranberries, mashed
- 2 tablespoons of lemon juice
Click here for the full instructions by BeautyLish.
Detox Ginger Foot Pads
I've already broken down what ginger does. As far turmeric goes, it contains powerful anti-inflammatory properties, plus it lightens uneven skin, soothes dry skin and contains antiseptic properties that kills bacteria. Green tea is loaded with antioxidants that also invigorates your system, chamomile will de-stress you, and paprika also has antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties in it.
Ingredients:
- ½ teaspoon of ginger powder
- ½ teaspoon of turmeric powder
- ¼ cup of green tea (dried leaves)
- ¼ cup of dry chamomile leaves
- ½ teaspoon of paprika
- ¼ cup of grated lemon zest
- Water
Click here for the directions in full by Amorq.
Pear Body Scrub
When a pear is in its perfect state of ripeness, it really is one of my favorite fruits. You probably already know that it contains a lot of fiber, but that's not all. Pears also have Vitamin C and K, copper, iron and antioxidants. Eating just one can moisturize your skin while protecting you from UV ray damage. It also can help to reduce the overproduction of sebum in your system (if you happen to have oily skin). Plus, if you use pear in the form of an essential oil (like prickly pear seed oil), it can increase elasticity and brighten your complexion. If you add to it some sugar and sweet almond oil, you'll have a body sugar scrub that smells great and will leave your skin super soft with a radiant glow.
Ingredients:
- 2 cups of sugar
- 1 cup of sweet almond oil
- 1 tablespoon of Vitamin E oil
- 1 tablespoon of Bartlett Pear Fragrance Oil
Click here for the full instructions by Bulk Apothecary.
Pomegranate Acne Peel
One serving of pomegranate contains a day's worth of Vitamin B and one-third of the Vitamin C that you need. Pomegranate also has properties in it that stimulates the production of collagen, hydrates skin and soothes the inflammation that's associated with acne breakouts. Something else pomegranate does is treat skin conditions like rosacea and acne, thanks to the plant compound EGCG (Epigallocatechin gallate) that's in it. Greek yogurt works to fade blemishes and dark circles and, as far as manuka honey goes, we're so fond of it that we penned an entire article about it (see "Why Manuka Honey Is The Ultimate Beauty Find").
Ingredients:
- 1 tablespoon of pomegranate powder
- 1 tablespoon of matcha green tea powder
- 1 tablespoon of Greek yogurt
- 1 tablespoon of Manuka honey
Click here for the full instructions by JESSOSHII.
Pumpkin Body Butter
Since pumpkins are in their best condition mid-fall, October is peak time to pick up a few, strictly for your skin's sake. Pumpkins are a fruit that are full of vitamins A, B, C and E, along with potassium and zinc. They have a remarkable way of decreasing sebum on oily skin, moisturizing dry skin and providing anti-aging benefits in the process. Shea butter increases elasticity while softening scars and discoloration; mango butter contains fatty acids and antioxidants; benzoin essential oil contains astringent properties to soothe inflammation; cinnamon bark oil revives your skin tone, and mica is what gives the butter a natural glow.
Ingredients:
- 25g (0.88oz) pumpkin seed oil
- 25g (0.88oz) refined shea butter
- 50g (1.76oz) mango butter
- 6 "blobs" benzoin essential oil
- 5 drops cinnamon bark essential oil
- 1 drop ginger essential oil
- 1 drop clove bud essential oil
- 1/8 teaspoon of gold mica
- 1/8 teaspoon of bronze mica
Click here for the full instructions by Humble Bee and Me.
Sweet Potato Hair Mask
This is one of those "don't knock it until you've tried it" kind of recipes. And when you stop to think about it, since sweet potatoes are considered to be a perfect food, really—what could it hurt? As far as your tresses go, sweet potatoes contain beta-carotene to help with cell production on your scalp, the antioxidant anthocyanins to prevent cellular damage to your scalp and hair follicles, along with potassium and zinc to encourage hair growth. Add honey to serve as a humectant; yogurt to moisturize your hair; coconut cream to tame frizziness; clove oil to stimulate hair follicles, and the niacin, thiamin, and pantothenic acid in vanilla essential oil to keep your hair healthy and strong. Then, you've got one heck of a hair mask, just in time for fall!
Ingredients:
- 1 large sweet potato
- 1 cup of full fat yogurt
- 1 tablespoon of honey
- 3 tablespoon of coconut cream
- 2 drops of clove essential oil (more or less if desired)
- 4 drops of vanilla essential oil (more or less if desired)
- Double boiler
Click here for the full instructions by Naturally Curly.
Feature image by Shutterstock
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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Featured image by Giphy