Since I talk/write about sex a lot, it’s only fitting that I would talk/write about the vagina quite a bit as well. And since today, the theme is all about foods that are in season during autumn, and foods that are really good for vaginal health, before I get into it, I want to share a bit of the method to my madness.
Aside from the fact that your diet plays a highly significant role in your vagina’s pH levels, how much good bacteria remains in it, how to keep candida under control, and even how much natural lubrication occurs, some foods are also aphrodisiacs — including ones that are in abundance during this time of the year (check out “10 In-Season Fall Foods That Are Incredible Aphrodisiacs”).
Now watch this: Since the fall and winter seasons are actually the best time of year to get up under a cable knit blanket and some flannel (or silk; silk can keep you warm too) sheets with your man and do more than just cuddle (check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”), I thought I would provide you with a 10-point grocery list of fall-themed foods (and recipes) that are delicious, great for your vaginal health and might inspire you to want to “give thanks” with your bae thang — long before Thanksgiving even arrives.
The 10 Best Fall Foods For Vaginal Health
1. Bell Peppers
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Since this is the time of year when colds, the flu, and also COVID (yep, it’s back upticking; be careful out here) like to make their presence especially known, it always works in your favor to consume foods that are high in vitamin C and antioxidants; that way, you can proactively help to keep your immune system nice and strong. Bell peppers are a food that covers this particular base. Plus, they contain vitamins A and E, potassium, and folate. As far as additional benefits go, if you’re looking for a low-calorie food that will maintain your eye health or even keep your anemia in check, bell peppers can handle both of these things as well.
And why are they great for your vagina? Something else in bell peppers is carotenoids; they are a type of antioxidant that’s been proven to help your health when it comes to fighting off free radicals, softening wrinkles, lowering the risk of breast, ovarian, and vaginal cancer, and even lowering the risk of dementia. Carotenoids also help to keep yeast in check, so if you have a fungus sensitivity (like I do), that’s one more reason to pick up some bell peppers soon.
Recipe: Stuffed Pepper Soup
2. Collards
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Something that brings me a lot of joy is a big bowl of vegan collards with some homemade cornbread in it. CHILE. Every time that I make some, I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it either since collards are a dark, leafy green vegetable, and those are on the superfood list. Shoot, with good reason, too, since collard greens are packed with vitamins A and C, iron, magnesium, and calcium, which all work together to strengthen your bones, lower your blood pressure, and keep your liver in good condition. Collards also have fiber that can keep you regular. Plus, if your hair is on the drier side, the properties of collard greens can increase sebum production on your scalp, which can add more moisture to your locks — from root to tip.
Since collards are full of vitamin C, when you eat them, you are helping your vaginal health when it comes to maintaining its pH levels, providing an environment for more good bacteria to grow, and helping to heal bacterial vaginosis from the inside out.
Recipe: Southern Collard Greens 101
3. Sweet Potatoes
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If there is a fall-themed debate that will probably never go away, it’s the argument over whether sweet potato pie or pumpkin pie tastes better. Although I personally like both, I must admit that, overall, I prefer sweet potatoes. Chile, I will throw one in the oven and add some butter, honey, and a dash of salt to it in a heartbeat! I won’t think twice either because it’s a veggie that has fiber, a ton of vitamin C, some vitamin A, copper, manganese, and different forms of vitamin B, too. All of this helps to keep your gut in great shape, boost your brain function, and keep your immunity going strong. Something else that’s cool about the properties of sweet potatoes is that if you battle with some form of systematic inflammation, they can help to treat that, too.
As far as your vagina goes, if you’re someone who has a sweet tooth and you’re also prone to having yeast infections (yeast feeds off of sweets, by the way), sweet potatoes can curb your appetite for sugar in a healthy way while also removing toxins in your system, thanks to the fiber that’s in them. Also, the anthocyanins (which give veggies their natural color) in sweet potatoes help to keep oxidative stress at bay. This is good to know since that type of stress can throw off your vagina’s pH balance and even increase the amount of discharge that you have.
Recipe: Sweet Potato Chili Casserole
4. Key Limes
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If you’re wondering what’s the difference between a regular lime and a key lime one, apparently, key limes are smaller, tend to have a yellower hue, and they have a tartier taste than “standard limes.” On the health benefit tip, key limes contain a lot of vitamin C, antioxidants, fiber, and anti-inflammatory properties.
All of this can help your vagina because vaginitis is literally defined as being “inflammation of the vagina.” This means that the more you eat foods that help to keep this from happening, the better off your vagina will ultimately be.
(For the record, limes, in general, can help to prevent kidney stone formation while reducing heart disease and helping to keep your skin healthy and youthful-looking as well.)
Recipe: Key Lime Pie Cupcakes
5. Grapes
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Even though it’s pretty common for people to snack on grapes during the summertime, they’re actually a fruit that is at their best during the fall season. Grapes are low-calorie fruits that are full of water (well over 90 percent), fiber, protein, vitamins C and K, and even copper. Copper is good for you because it can help with bone density (especially in post-menopausal women), it can help to fight off cancer, and can even slow down the signs of premature graying. Some other perks include the fact that grapes can help to keep your cholesterol levels balanced, fight against heart disease and diabetes, and, thanks to the melatonin that’s in them, they can improve your quality of sleep, too.
Something that many don’t know is vitamin K and human papillomavirus (HPV) don’t get along very well. In fact, some studies reveal that a consistent dietary intake of vitamin K can reduce one’s risk of being diagnosed with HPV by well over 40 percent. So, if you like to snack on grapes, now you’ve got even more of a reason to continue to enjoy doing so.
6. Celery
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Celery isn’t the most fun or flavor-fill food on the planet; still, that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have a solid impact on your health. The antioxidants that are in this particular vegetable help to reduce bodily inflammation, reduce the chances of getting an ulcer, balance blood sugar levels, help to lower blood pressure levels and they can even help to prevent Alzheimer's disease.
If you want to boost your sexual desire levels, celery could also help out in that department. That’s because it has androsterones in it; they’re a component of testosterone, which could help to raise your libido and intensify your pheromones. Studies are still ongoing when it comes to all of this; however, since celery is good for you in other ways, too — hey, why not give it a shot?
(Also, if you enjoy celery seeds, there are also studies that connect those to a boost in a woman’s libido and lubrication as well.)
Recipe: Sautéed Celery
7. Mushrooms
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Personally, I’m not a vegan or a vegetarian. But when I’m in the mood to take a break from meat, I always find the texture of mushrooms (especially portabella ones) to be a top-tier substitute. If you feel the same, this is another fall-season food that will do your body quite a bit of good. Mushrooms are a good source of B vitamins, copper, potassium, antioxidants, and vitamin D. Mushrooms also help to lower cholesterol levels and boost brain health and, they contain an amino acid that helps to prevent cellular damage (which can lower your cancer risk).
Since various studies reveal that different forms of vitamin B can help with ovarian health, that’s why mushrooms were able to make it on this great-for-your-vagina food list.
Recipe: Easy Mushroom Tacos
8. Guava
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Iron. Vitamin A. Calcium. Potassium. Vitamin C. Fiber. These are just some of the nutrients that your body will receive the next time you decide to have a piece of guava fruit. It’s the kind of food that lowers blood sugar levels, strengthens your heart, gives your immune system some extra “oomph” and it helps to keep fine lines and wrinkles from setting into your skin. Guava also has flavonoids and tannins in them; flavonoids contain anticancer, antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and antiviral properties; tannins have antimicrobial and antiviral properties, which make eating things like guava and drinking herbal teas ideal during this time of the year (if you’re trying to avoid catching a cold or the flu).
The reason why guava is good for your vagina is because the nutrients in it are super beneficial if you’re looking for a fruit that can make menstrual cramps less uncomfortable. Apparently, the properties in guava leaf extract target the source of period pain and lessen it. The more you know.
Recipe: Guava BBQ Sauce From Scratch
9. Turnips
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Turnips are interesting because, although the vegetable has a good amount of protein, fiber, and vitamin C in it, it’s actually the leaves of the turnips (what we know as turnip greens) that have even more nutrients in them. Nevertheless, turnips have properties in them that fight cancer, protect against E. coli, support your liver, help to keep your weight under control, and reduce bodily inflammation.
Since turnips are technically considered to be a phytoestrogen kind of food (a food that has plant-based estrogen in it), if you’re going through menopause, it’s a healthy way to get more estrogen into your system.
10. Pomegranates
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The reason why this article features a pomegranate as the lead pic is that it’s a fruit that actually symbolizes the vagina — more specifically, the cells inside of your ovaries. Since I’m a Rosh Hashanah observer (the Jewish New Year), I’m a fan of the fruit because, in Jewish culture, they represent things like fertility, love, and righteousness. Health-wise, pomegranates are an amazing source of protein and fiber, as well as a solid source of vitamin C and folate. They’re also rich in antioxidants, anti-cancer and antimicrobial properties. If you’re looking to keep your urinary tract in great condition, eat a pomegranate. Want to build up your endurance while you exercise (or have sex)? Eat a pomegranate. Wanna keep your kidneys healthy, get more potassium into your system, or consume a healthy carb? Eat a freakin’ pomegranate!
Since pomegranates are also considered to be an aphrodisiac, of course, they had to round out this fall season food list. They’ve got some data to back ‘em up because pomegranates contain properties that help to lower cortisol (stress) levels so that climaxing is easier, and it can add a bit of testosterone to your system, which can make your libido stronger.
So, whether you choose to cut open a pomegranate and enjoy it raw, treat yourself to some sort of pomegranate salad, or turn up with an alcoholic beverage (like the recipe below), don’t let fall pass you by without indulging in this fruit. As you can see, there are too many reasons for you — and your vagina — to do so. Happy Fall, y’all!
Recipe: Pomegranate Margarita
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- 10 Ways To Have An "Extra Sweet" Vagina ›
- The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving ›
- Here’s What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Eat LESS Of ›
- Ready To “Prep” Your Vagina For The Fall & Winter Seasons? ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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