I don't know about y'all, but there's not one thing that I can think of that I don't like about this time of year. And while I typically cook, at least four times out of each week, there is something about the cool autumn air that beckons me to spend more time in the kitchen, coming up with dishes that will make me feel all warm and cozy inside.
While I was looking for a couple of new recipes to try, I happened upon some fall food trends that I thought some of you might be interested in hearing about. All of them are delicious. All of them are easy to come by. And, best of all, all of them are sure to make your autumn menus even more divine.
1. Edible Containers
While I definitely don't like a messy kitchen (yuck), I must admit that, unlike a lot of my friends, I am not the kind of person who is gonna have a coronary if a dish is in the sink when I turn in at night. That might be why I was so geeked when I saw that one of the current big food trends right now are edible containers. In short, it's basically what the phrase says—containers that you can eat once you finish eating whatever is inside of them.
For instance, I really like to put homemade soup into some bread. It's sooooo good. While it might look bougie, this is actually one of the easiest dishes on the planet to make. If you don't wanna make your own soup, all you need to do is get some round bread loaves from your local grocery store. Cut about 1/3" deep circle around the top of each loaf. Heat up some soup (or stew) and pour it into the hole. Whew, chile! By the way, if you wanna impress yourself and make some bread bowls yourself, I found a pretty cool recipe here so that you can do just that.
2. Carob
I actually grew up consuming more carob (at least in my home) than chocolate. While it doesn't quite hit the mark of the deliciousness of chocolate, it's honestly not all that far off and is a viable chocolate alternative.
On the health tip, carob is good for you because it contains no caffeine, is gluten-free, is super high in potassium and calcium, and it's low in fat and sodium. Carob is also high in fiber and antioxidants too.
I personally like carob in the form of a cup of hot carob milk or even carob brownies. If you want to take a stab at either one, a recipe for the drink is here; the ones for brownies is here. Having both of these on a cold autumn day while watching a throwback movie? Life doesn't get much better than that.
3. Piquette
Something else that has been a big food trend, pretty much all year-long, has been drinks that are low in alcohol. Now before y'all completely side-eye me on this (because I KNOW y'all ain't giving up any red wine any time soon), this doesn't mean you've gotta totally go without. Again, we're just talking about actual trends here.
As far as wine goes, the kind that is super popular right now is Piquette. If you're not particularly familiar, in a nutshell, it's a wine that's made from the skins, seeds, stems and pulp that remains after grapes are processed in order to make wine in the first place. As a result, in contains somewhere between 4-9 percent alcohol while more traditional brands have somewhere between 12-15 percent. So, if you wanna still toss a couple of glasses back but you also want to be cognizant of how much alcohol you take into your system, Piquette is a really dope compromise.
4. Tajin Seasoning
If you're someone who likes to experiment with seasonings a lot—or you've just started cooking at home more and you want to learn about other ingredients that you can add to your favorite dishes—how about adding Tajin (pronounced ta-heen) seasoning to your pantry? It's a seasoning that is popular in a lot of Mexican cuisine. As far as what it tastes like, tangy lime is probably the best description. A lot of people use it as a meat rub, as a complement for any recipes that have foods like pineapples and cucumbers in it, and it tends to go in alcoholic drinks like margaritas and Micheladas as well. I don't know about y'all, but I can do some fish tacos or chicken quesadillas any time of year, so yeah…this seasoning trend is good news to know about. (You can usually find it at your local grocery store, by the way.)
5. Chocolate Chili
Chili is that stick-to-your-ribs-when-it's-freezing kind of meal and I'm totally here for it! Believe it or not, it's actually got its fair share of health benefits too. Thanks to the beans and/or meat in chili, it's filled with protein. The beans also mean that chili has quite a bit of fiber in it. Ingredients like peppers provide antioxidants, and chilies specifically, contain endorphin and serotonin that can help you to feel calmer and relaxed. As a bonus, believe it or not, capsaicin (an active component in chili peppers) can actually curb sugar cravings too.
While chili is pretty much "in" during any time of the year, a particular kind that is a big trend this fall season is chocolate chili. No, it's not about putting a couple of Kit Kats into an already-made bowl; it's about adding some pure dark chocolate into the mix. Health-wise, dark chocolate adds more antioxidants into your chili; taste-wise, it makes the recipe so much thicker and richer. If you wanna give chocolate chili a shot, click here for a "regular" recipe and here for a Mexican-style one.
6. Honey Butter
Now, if there is something that I can testify about, it's honey butter! If you want to know the difference between butter vs. margarine, Medical News Today has a good read on it here. Anyway, if you like to have a slice of toast or a bagel in the morning, putting a little honey butter on either one is about as good on the cinnamon toast that a lot of us adored as children. Not only does honey butter taste really good, honey has all kinds of health benefits. Some of them include the fact that it's also a food that is high in antioxidants (the kind that can help to keep your blood pressure low), and it can help to improve your cholesterol levels and suppress coughing; especially in children. As far as the kind of honey that's best, raw or manuka are your best bet because honey offers more nutrients whenever it is in its purest form.
7. Chickpea Crust (or Pinsa)
I don't know about y'all but, to me, it seems like the past couple of years, all I've been hearing about is cauliflower rice and crust (both ain't half bad either). Well, as we're easing into 2021, what is getting its time to shine is chickpea flour (which is how you can make chickpea crust). Chickpeas are good for you because they're a good source of protein and fiber, along with folate and manganese. If you're looking for something that will help to regular your blood sugar levels, keep your weight in check, support digestion and even help to fight against heart disease and cancer, chickpeas will do it.
The reason why it's on the list of fall food trends especially, is because another popular food for this season is pinsa. What's that? It's a kind of pizza that is lighter and healthier than more popular kinds. If nothing makes you happier than a slice of pizza on a cool autumn day, you can get a recipe on how to make traditional pinsa here and a recipe for how to make gluten-free chickpea pizza crust here.
8. Blue Tea
While I was checking out 2020 food trends, my something new for the day that I came across was blue tea. First, a part of the reason why it makes the list because Pantone's color of this year is blue. From a color psychology standpoint, I'm a fan of blue because it symbolizes things like calm, wisdom and tranquility so, already I'm down to give blue tea a shot.
From what I've read, it's a drink that is loaded with antioxidants and anti-microbial and anti-inflammatory properties, it helps to regulate blood sugar levels, it helps to reduce anxiety and stress, it detoxifies your system and (get this) blue tea also can help to reduce a fever too. So clearly, you can see why a warm cup of it would be perfect during the autumn and winter seasons.
(A reportedly great brand is Wild Hibiscus Flower Co. Heart-Tee Blue Tee.)
9. Lasagna
Pretty much, no matter what article that I read on this year's food trends (including the ones that specifically referenced the fall season), lasagna kept on coming up. From what I researched, there's no real rhyme or reason for why this dish is such a fall fan favorite. It's simply a comfort food that restaurants and home-cooking folks alike are serving up quite a bit right now.
By the way, if you want to try a take on lasagna that doesn't include pasta noodles, I sometimes make mine with zucchini instead. You can use a vegetable peeler to remove the hard skin and then to create "noodles" with what's inside of it. Zucchini is an awesome alternative because, health-wise, it's low in fat while being high in Vitamin A and also containing a good amount of manganese, fiber, potassium, magnesium, antioxidants and vitamins C and K. Zucchini aids in health digestion, improves heart health, helps to keep your vision strong, lowers cholesterol levels and, thanks to the lutein, zeaxanthin and beta carotene that's also in zucchini, it's the kind of vegetable that helps to delay aging signs too. If you'd like to try this twist to traditional lasagna, you can check out a recipe here.
10. Flexitarianism
A lot of people in my world are flexitarians. Those are individuals who are vegetarians most of them time, but they do eat meat and/or fish from time to time. While veganism has been all the rage for the past few years, it's actually flexitarianism that is creeping its way onto the scene. It can consist of putting some meat on a salad sometimes, enjoying salmon with your grilled veggies or doing something like making homemade turkey burgers with vegetables like mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes in them.
Flexitarianism is a great way to stay on top of your fruits and veggies without feeling guilty about enjoying a turkey leg, some pot roast or anything else your heart desires this holiday season. So, enjoy it and all of these fall food trends, sis. Fully.
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Now if you’re married (or planning on getting married) and you’re wondering how often you “should” be sleeping with your partner (check out “Married Folks: Ever Wonder If Your Sex Life Is 'Normal'?”), research says that (at least) once a week (or four times a month because…you know…life) falls into the category of being a “healthy marriage.” Why? Because at least this often shows that you are prioritizing intimacy, quality time, and even pleasure with (and for) your partner.
So, you know what that means, right? If it’s less than this, it could be a telling sign that you’re doing quite the opposite — and y’all, when sex is suffering in a long-term relationship, it’s only a matter of time before other areas do as well…because if there is no intimacy, quality time or pleasure transpiring, does that sound like a happy place for spouses to you?
And although (and oddly), a sexless marriage isn’t blatantly listed as being a formal cause for why couples divorce, the reality is that many folks will end their marriage under the grounds of “irreconcilable differences” when really, what they are saying, is the intimacy is lacking — and they’ve had enough. Case in point: I once read an article that said that out of 18,000 people who were surveyed, 13.5 percent of married people hadn’t had sex in five years or more. FIVE. DAMN. YEARS. Y’all, that’s not thriving or even living in a relationship — that is barely existing.
That said, because things like different sleep schedules, shifts in sex drives, and even boredom or laziness can cause spouses to put sex on the back burner, if you just read all of this and thought, “Yeah, this sounds a lot like my marriage right now” — before you do anything else, read how the following 10 married couples got through their own season(s) of a sexless marriage. It could help you to figure out what needs to be done in order to get your own relationship out of its current sex rut…for the sake of your intimacy needs and your marriage.
*I always use middle names in pieces like these, so that people can speak freely*
1. David and Chrystiana. Married 11 Years.
GiphyDavid: “People like to make this complicated when it’s pretty simple: what you prioritize, you’ll do. The reason why so many single people have a lot of sex isn’t because they don’t have lives and aren’t busy; it’s because they prioritize it. When you’re married, it’s easy to take sex for granted since your partner is in the bed with you every night. Before you know it, a week [of no sex] has turned into three. But just like food, sleep and your favorite streaming show matters to you, you can find a way to make sex happen. My wife and I had to choose to see it this way — then things started to change for the better.”
Chrystiana: “He’s right. When you’re single, especially when you live alone, you plan sex. When you’re married, so many other plans get in the way that you can forget to plan sex. It’s not that you don’t like it, want it, or miss it — it’s just that there is only so much time in the day. Some people frown on a sex schedule; it’s worked great for us. Every Sunday and Wednesday, we have sex, and because it’s on the schedule, the rest of the days give me time to get ready for it, so that it doesn’t just ‘happen’; it’s an event.”
Shellie here: Check out “Married Couples, Here's How To Make (More) Time For Sex” and “10 Irrefutable Reasons To Have An Orgasm A Day.”
2. Benson and Denyse. Married for 16 Years.
GiphyBenson: “We weren’t each other’s first but we did wait until marriage to have sex with each other. We should’ve talked about sex more before marriage because I assumed that we were on the same page — and we weren’t. [My wife] is very affectionate but she can kind of take or leave sex, so that meant that I had to up the foreplay. It’s not that I wasn’t someone who didn’t ‘warm up the engine’ in the past; it’s just that she needs way more than even 30 minutes, so I’ve come up with creative ways to make that happen. That has made her more interested in intercourse which has made sex more consistent over time. Talk about sex prior to jumping brooms. You and your spouse could end up riding some if you don’t!”
Denyse: “I’ve always been more affectionate than sexual, so I have always liked to cuddle, even naked, more than the act of intercourse. What I had to accept is, when you’re married, it’s not just about your preferences and what you want. I think that’s why a lot of folks don’t go the distance: they are selfish and only care about their own needs. You asked about sex, so I’ll stay focused. If you’re like me and you like sex but you love intimacy outside of sex, tap in with your spouse to see what their needs are. My husband is fine having sex a few times a month and so I make sure that he gets it. Sometimes people are in a sexless marriage because they don’t see what their partner wants and their partner doesn’t want to be the one to bring it up all of the time. That’s fair [for them to feel that way]. You need to initiate sexual conversations.”
Shellie here: Check out “These Tips Will Keep Foreplay From Becoming Boring AF (No Pun Intended)” and “Want Your Man To Be Better In Bed? Give Him A Book.”
3. Nassir and Payten. Married for Seven Years.
GiphyNassir: “My wife will probably tell you that it was shaky at first because sex was something that she would use to get me to do things — or not do them. After a while, I got tired of that and I resorted to masturbation because it was less drama to deal with. You don’t want to be the solution, though, because you can easily look up and it’s been weeks without sex. Whatever is wrong, talk about it. Don’t use sex to hint around about other issues.”
Payten: “I hate to admit it but I’m not alone — my girlfriends tell me so. Back when I was single, I used to use sex as a weapon. Not that I don’t like sex — I like it A LOT. I’m saying that when a man would piss me off, I would withhold sex and when you’re married, it can’t work that way. You can’t expect a man to promise you faithfulness and you turn around and not give him any whenever he doesn’t clean the kitchen. It’s childish but it also creates a wedge. During the first 16 months or so of our marriage, I was being a ‘sex brat’ and it was really causing my husband to resent me. Then we went on a marriage retreat where I learned that weaponizing is what I was doing. Now I’ve learned how to communicate my frustration instead of withholding sex. It corrects the issue quicker and it keeps walls from going up in our relationship.”
Shellie here: Check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why.”
4. Vernon and Evelyn. Married for 20 Years.
GiphyVernon: “I think that every couple goes through a sexless period; the red flag is why that’s happening. Is it due to illness or scheduling or is it because there’s a lack of connection in the marriage. Since we’ve been married, we’ve probably gone without sex at least a dozen times but it’s three or four that I can think of that caused us to go to counseling. That’s my advice: figure out why the two of you aren’t having sex and then seek a professional if you need help getting back on track.”
Evelyn: “People talk about menopause when they need to be talking about perimenopause. The last two years before my period stopped, completely, my hormones were all over the place. The bloating made me not feel very attractive, my vagina wasn’t responding like it used to and for a minute there, I thought my orgasms had completely disappeared. He’s right, see a therapist for the emotional stuff but all women should see their doctor to get their hormone levels checked once they enter their mid-40s.”
Shellie here: Check out "The 'Seasons Of Sex' That Married People Go Through" and “Sex And Menopause. What You Should Know."
5. Christopher and Jenavieve. Married for Nine Years.
GiphyChristopher: “Sex is what keeps you from seeing your spouse as a roommate — and that’s easy to do if you’re not careful. I’ll let [wife’s first name] tell you how long we went without it one time, but it was a long while. We weren’t mad at each other — we just started to act more like best friends and less like lovers. I don’t talk about this a lot but the few people who do know ask if either of us cheated. I mostly watched porn which creates its own issues. Bottom line, your spouse shouldn’t become ‘just a friend.’ Prioritize sex so that never happens. Your marriage is in some serious trouble if you do.”
Jenavieve: “For about three years of our marriage, we basically went without sex. The worst part about it to me is when I brought it up to some of my girlfriends, they acted like it was no big deal due to not having sex with their husbands either and that just made it easier to keep going. Since we weren’t really fighting and there was still some affection, we let it slide longer than we should have. Eventually, he got into pornography and I had an emotional affair — both are no better than [physically] cheating, in my book and both happened because we weren’t having sex. If you’re married, have sex to protect your marriage.”
Shellie here: Check out “5 Signs You're In An Emotional Affair And Don't Even Know It."
6. Paul and Apryl. Married for 11 Years.
GiphyPaul: “I see sexless marriages differently. Even if you’re having sex regularly, if your needs shift or one or both of you aren’t really enjoying it, having sex on a technicality shouldn’t count. There have been a couple of times when we’ve gone sexless because of that. The first time, we didn’t talk about it and that made us both resentful. The second time, my wife brought it up and we talked through it. Never think that what worked on your wedding night or fifth anniversary will work in the moment. People change and sexual needs can too.”
Apryl: “I agree. Does sex count, fully, if body parts come together but no one is really satisfied? After about our seventh year, we started taking sexcations, buying books and listening to podcasts about sex, and, thanks to you, creating bucket lists every year. It can be easy to have a ‘If it worked before, it should work now’ approach to sex when you’re married and that’s what can drive a wedge in between you. Never assume that your partner is satisfied. Ask.”
Shellie here: Check out “8 ‘Kinds Of Sex’ All Married Couples Should Put Into Rotation” and “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!”
7. Davis and Ireland. Married for Four Years.
GiphyDavis: “I don’t know how many men read your articles but some of us have wives whose sex drives we totally underestimated. Sh-t, for the first year or so, I felt damn near emasculated because I thought that my drive was high but [my wife] has me all the way beat! For us, while we’ve never really had what you would say is a ‘sexless marriage’, we did have trouble in our sex life because I wasn’t always in the mood when she was and that was bothering her. I know you say that a sexless marriage is sex that’s only 10 times a year, but I think there’s also the kind where your partner needs more than you are giving. Couples need to find compromise with that. It can cause problems later on too.”
Ireland: “If you are like me and you want sex more than your man does, it’s important to remember that it doesn’t mean that something is wrong with either one of you. Society makes us think that all men think about is sex all of the time and that’s just not true. What I had to learn is he’s the one who needs more foreplay and ‘warming up’; his system calls for it. And, when he’s not in the mood, that doesn’t mean that he’s not attracted to me or doesn’t enjoy sex with me when we do have it. Do talk about those things before marriage, though. It totally threw me for a loop at first because we didn’t.”
Shellie here: Check out “If Your Husband's The One With The Lower Libido, Do This.,” “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?” and “Fast Or Slow Sex: Which Does Science Say Is Better? (Girrrl...).”
8. Frederick and Dannika. Married for Six Years.
GiphyFrederick: “Go to premarital counseling. If your counselor doesn’t spend a good portion of time talking about sex, find another one. I’ll let my wife take it from here.”
Dannika: “We’ve never told anyone that the first year of our marriage, we barely had sex after our wedding night. Even though we weren’t virgins when we got married, we didn’t have sex with each other and because we were so focused on not doing it, we didn’t talk about sex much because we thought that it would tempt us into doing it. That was a huge mistake because we both had totally different expectations. I’m more of the romance/rom-com kind of sex person and he is, I’ll just say more adventurous. It took us about three years to find a way to meet in the middle.”
Shellie here: Check out “Tonight's The Night For A More Romantic Sexual Experience With Your Partner,” “What 5 Men Had To Say About Married Sex” and “10 Wives Tell Me What They Wish They Knew About 'Married Sex.'”
9. Goran and Kaia. Married for 15 Years.
GiphyGoran: “I travel a lot for work — probably around 35 percent of the time. Then when I’m back home, it’s catch-up time with kids and bills and stuff to do around the house. By the time it’s time for bed, all we want to do is go to sleep. The thing that you have to be careful of is, even if you are ‘too busy for sex,’ if you go without it too long and then the urge hits you, that’s when you can put yourself in some vulnerable positions. About five years into our marriage, we set a precedent that we would never go longer than 10 days without sex, no matter what. It’s one of the best decisions that we ever made.”
Kaia: “My husband traveled a lot before we got married, so I knew what I was getting myself into. What I wasn’t prepared for was getting so much into my own groove while he was gone that he damn near was ‘wrecking my flow’ of things whenever he got back. Sometimes, he would want to have sex immediately and I would need a day to get used to him being back in the [house] space. My primary love language is words of affirmation, so sexting was a type of foreplay that helped to get me ready for his arrival. It’s one of my favorite types of foreplay to this day.”
Shellie here. Check out “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” and “Let's Talk About Sext: 30 Sexts You Can Send To Bae Right Now.”
10. Radford and Orla. Married for 26 Years.
GiphyRadford: “I’ve got enough years in my marriage to tell you that if you have sex for the same reasons as a married person that you did as a single person, not only will you go through sexless moments often, you will probably end up divorced. Sex, in marriage, isn’t just about recreation. Sex is a sacred experience that connects you with your spouse in a way like nothing else. I can say this because years ago, we would have months when we would go without sex. It took maturing about it on a mental, emotional and spiritual level to learn that it’s not just about ‘getting off’; sex is about tapping into your spouse and bonding with them in a potent way that way. Look at sex like that and you will do your damnedest not to end up sexless. Your marriage won’t survive it.”
Orla: “If you’ve heard somewhere that sex gets better with time in a marriage, that’s true. If you had sex before getting married, the first few years of your marriage, you can go in with the same surface mindset about it — have sex, get an orgasm, end of story. Go through some things, see that your husband isn’t going anywhere, and the intimacy of sex goes way deeper and is more satisfying. And when you’re grateful for that kind of love, you want to express it with your husband as much as possible.”
Shellie here: Check out “10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important.”
___
Author Sheila Wray Gregoire once said, “Sex is not just about me; it’s about me knowing you and building us.” Goodness y’all, if all married couples took this quote literally and seriously, imagine how much less sexless marriages would be an issue.
Are sexless marriages common? Hmph, common enough. Can they be prevented? 8.5 times outta 10, absolutely. These 20 married people provide some wonderful insights into how. I hope you will take their great wisdom to heart — in and out of your bedroom.
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