Ladies, we've seen him as an actor playing Calvin Payne in Tyler Perry's House Of Payne.
We've seen him behind the scenes as a photographer of his very own, I Turn My Camera On series. And most recently, we've seen him as Maurice Jetter in Fox's Star. But regardless of what role it is Lance Gross is playing on any given day, it's pretty clear he's earned a permanent sweet spot in all of our hearts.
From acting to photography, Gross has been actively pursuing his passion since his graduation from Howard University in 2004. With over 10 years of industry experience, Gross has remained authentic to his craft, all while being a positive representation of the black man; not to mention also being delicious eye candy in the process.
But while he's recognized as a heartthrob to millions, with tons of sexy scenes to prove why, Gross has made it a point to be more than a sex symbol as he evolves in his career. In the early years of his career, fame and publicity wasn't quite what he envisioned it to be and he realized early on, the fame and money wasn't at all what he was after.
As he grew in his professional life, his private life matured as well once he fell in love with his now wife, celebrity stylist, Rebecca Gross. The two married back in 2015 and now have two beautiful children, Berkeley and Lennon Gross. And while Gross has played many roles in his lifetime, he shares his role as husband and father is by far his favorite to date.
From his entrance to our lives on various Tyler Perry Productions, to now, Gross continues to show consistent growth in his life and career and proves to us all that you can indeed be eye candy and soul food. Not too shabby for a kid from Oakland! Here's what else Gross had to say.
xoNecole: Who is Lance Gross?
Lance Gross: I'm a cool dude (laughs). It's weird describing yourself, you know. I'm a family man, passionate, I'm a motivated forward thinker. I'm very optimistic. I'm passionate about my family, about my friends. I'm a hopeless romantic. If I could sum it all up (laughs), I'm a positive dude. I don't like drama. I'm a people person. I'm very laid back, very easy to get along with.
What made you want to pursue a career in acting/photography?
For acting, it was something that sparked at a very young age. I would just sit in front of the television and just be amazed at what actors do; how you could see one person play a lawyer and then you would see that same person playing a fireman on something else. It was just sort of a sky is the limit type thing, and I was always intrigued by it. But, I grew up as a shy kid, so it's something that I really never saw myself doing or being open to. I really feel like I got the acting bug when I got to Howard University. I had an Intro to Acting class with Professor Bay, and she just allowed me to spread my wings and really pursue it. That's when it really became something that I had to do.
As far as photography, that was something that has just always been a part of me. I was just the one on trips with a camera, just taking pictures of my friends. I always have to capture the moment. I would say after college, that's when it really took off. I studied it a little bit in high school and college, but after college, I was on hiatus from House of Payne and I would do interviews and people would ask me, "If you weren't an actor, what you be doing professionally?" And I would always say photography, and then it just dawned on me...why not? I got this down time, I'm on hiatus. Let me get me a studio and start really doing this.
What has being a Black actor in Hollywood for over 10 years taught you about yourself?
It's all about growth! When I started out, and was doing House of Payne, I was doing what I love but I was so young, you know? I was blowing through money, I was intrigued by the fame and all that stuff, and that was the wrong thing to do. Now, it's like I've reached the stride. I've matured, I'm not jumping at the same type of roles that I would've jumped at when I was young.
Now, it's more about the work for me. I could care less about the fame, as long as I'm getting rich beautiful roles that push me as an actor. I'm good with that. It's definitely not about the fame no more, I'm not jumping at every single role. I take my time. I want to be someone that young black men can look up to so it's different now. I don't always want to play a thug or something, you know?
"It's more about the work for me. I could care less about the fame."
What changed your perspective of what you want out of this industry?
So many things. The maturity. Being in the industry for so long. I don't feel like I have to rush to the next job I can take my time, I've established myself in that way. You know, I'm still hungry. I still have the same hunger but now it's different, I have family.
You've since evolved from sex symbol to husband/father, how has your latest role as father and husband changed your life?
It is the best acting role I can have. It's the best job I can have. It's my new passion.
I get to go home to my wife and my children, and it's just.. I don't know it's hard to explain unless you have a child. Nowadays, I don't want to be out. I'll rather be at home with them, playing with my daughter. It's different now. I'm looking forward to the future. I love watching my daughter grow and discover herself and discover new things. And I love watching me and my wife's love grow. It's a beautiful thing.
Lance Gross' Instagram
"I love watching my daughter grow… And I love watching me and my wife's love grow. It's a beautiful thing."
As someone who loves fatherhood and is such a great representation of the Black father, what are your thoughts on the representation of Black fatherhood in society?
I feel like we need more positive representation in the media because they're out there. I have a bunch of friends that are great fathers but you wouldn't know if it's not showcased. I mean, it's showcased now since we have social media but if you take away social media, you don't see it that often or hear about it. There are so many good fathers out there, all my friends that are fathers are GREAT fathers, they inspire me and I can only hope to inspire them.
What would you want your legacy to be?
When it's all said and done, I just want people to say, "Job well done." I work hard, I may not be the best at what I do, but I work hard to be the best that I can be. A reason why I got into photography was because I feel like that's the one thing that I can control and that I'm in full control of it. I'm the director, I'm the writer, I'm the producer, and the finished product is my work. As an actor, you're working off of somebody else's script under someone else's direction, so as far as the photography, I want to leave something beautiful behind. As far as an actor, I just want people to see growth. I feel like I've grown a lot since House of Payne and I have so much further to go, so I'm looking forward to that.
I want to be remembered as someone who inspired others. I want to be a role model to the young black man. Man, I'm from Oakland, California, and Oakland sometimes gets perceived as being the hood. That conditioning plays into the mindset of our youth to the point they may think they can't make it out. So, every time someone makes it out of Oakland, like the Ryan Cooglers, myself and so many others, that means something! I want to be an inspiration for those that don't think they can make it. You can, it's just a mindset.
"I want to be an inspiration for those that don't think they can make it."
You can check Lance out on Fox's Star, Season 3 of MacGyver, as well as an upcoming season for I Turn My Camera On in collaboration with MACRO and ESSENCE Magazine. Keep up with his day-to-day by following him on Instagram.
*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity
Featured image by Marcus Ingram/Getty Images for TV One
Ashley McDonough is a writer and producer in New York City. When she's not busy writing or producing culturally conscious content, she is patiently waiting for Oprah and Stedman to adopt her. Keep up with her journey via social @Ashley_Milani or check out her work on www.AshleyMcDonough.org.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Phase Of Life: I Thought I Was Falling Apart—Then I Learned What Was Really Happening To Me
When it was announced, “Class of 2023, you may now turn your tassels to the left,” that was the moment I realized s**t just got real. Even in the midst of celebrating with family, friends, and professors who had watched my personal and academic growth over the past three-ish years, I was already thinking about how excited I was for my next chapter.
To avoid making others feel more pressure about their post-grad plans than they already did, I withheld revealing that I’d already secured a full-time job six months before graduating and I’d gotten accepted to graduate school. I didn’t know that this lack of celebrating my accomplishments would impact how I’d embrace special moments in the future.
As I continued navigating my way through my post-grad journey, I found things in my life began to get harder and harder. It was one challenge after the next: I was adjusting to a new day-to-day routine. A romantic relationship drastically ended. I lost friends I thought I’d have forever. I had to grieve the loss of a loved one.
It was as if someone had abruptly stopped the record on the player, and the confused look you’d usually see on people’s faces was exactly how I looked after coming to my second realization that this was the worst I’d felt in a long time, if not ever.
Like everyone else, I’d previously experienced sad moments and life stressors related to my personal and professional life, but for some reason, this time felt different.
Even in my own strength of distracting myself with self-care tactics and support from friends, nothing seemed to stop my constant tears or heart from aching. Before long, I was waving my white flag at God and decided that these burdens were just too heavy for me to carry on my own. Therapy was something I was already familiar with, but I hadn’t scheduled it into my new life yet.
After the standard get-to-know-you sessions, it was time to get to the nitty gritty with my therapist. What’s really going on? Nothing could’ve prepared me for what she had to say next.
'Phase of Life' and Adjustment Disorder
When the words “phase of life,” escaped from my therapist’s mouth, it surprisingly felt more enlightening than heavy. Sure, I felt like I was spiraling, and nothing connected to me seemed to be going well, but at that point, I knew what was going on with me.
Associated with the "phase of life," adjustment disorder is something I had to discuss with my therapist to talk about what the next steps for me looked like.
After doing this, I felt reassured but nervous. I’d never been diagnosed with anything mental health-related before and didn’t want this to be the starting point of a cycle that I wouldn’t be able to get out of.
According to Healthline, adjustment disorder is a person’s temporary grouping of conditions in response to a stressful life occurrence. This can usually be seen as multiple events that have happened back to back or a singular event that’s taken a larger precedent. I personally experienced adjustment disorder with anxiety and a depressed mood, proving itself to be impacting my life more than I'd realized.
So many times as Gen Zers, we get told the generic rhetoric of, “You’re so young. Just live your life,” or “You have so much life to live. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.” In reality, not only do I not feel that way, but it honestly just makes my feelings stronger and leads to a desire to constantly prove myself, especially as a Black woman.
The pressure and expectations surrounding being well-established and accomplished are always the heaviest burden.
Dr. Judith Joseph, a clinical psychiatrist and author of High Functioning, believes that post-grad depression is synonymous with adjustment disorder and that the condition is not confined to a specific age group or demographic. “In certain situations, let's say, college students, they tend to have more adjustment issues because they're going from one situation, like being at home, being cared for, to being completely independent, so to speak, in a new setting, and around new friends, not around family,” she said.
Early signs of adjustment disorder may look like feelings of hopelessness, avoidance of friends or family, or even feelings of anxiety and crying often— all of which I was experiencing. “Adjustment disorder can come as the depressed type or the anxious type. If you have the depressed type, you're gonna have symptoms of depression, like low mood, low energy, poor concentration, guilt, hopelessness, problems with your appetite. … The anxious type will have symptoms of an anxiety disorder, like stomach ache, headache, breathing fast, worrying, palpitations, [and] inability to relax.”
Adjustment Disorder, Social Media, and Gaining Understanding
These symptoms can also get heightened with the usage of social media as many people compare their lives to others.
While seeing others’ success can be inspiring, it can also be detrimental to one’s authentic journey by trying to emulate or align themselves with societal expectations, values, and beliefs. “The difference between adjustment disorder with anxious symptoms is that when the stressor goes away or the person becomes accustomed to the situation, the symptoms go away. But if it's more persistent, then it's likely not related to a stressor. It's a persistent condition like generalized anxiety disorder,” Joseph added.
When getting diagnosed with adjustment disorder, it is recommended to implement stronger levels of self-care along with finding supportive people around you, such as friends, family, and colleagues, to help you through the transition.
What was also helpful for me in my journey was being more patient with myself in those tougher times, giving myself grace, and humanizing myself. The superhero complex of Black womanhood, in my lens, does not start at the legal age of 18. It begins with the first iterations you have of female figures in your life. Your mother, grandmother, aunts, sisters— all of these women in some way demonstrated the example of saving everyone else and only sometimes putting themselves on the check-in list, if ever.
While it sounds taboo to some to take your mental health seriously, I’ve learned that doing so not only saves your life but the lives of those around you.
Joseph recommends not only being aware of your personal and family mental health history but also determining ways to avoid taking on so much at once. “The other thing you can do is if in preparation for a big change, try not to make so many different changes happen at once,” she said. “So I've had patients who they're not only moving to a new place, but they're starting a new job and it’s like that's a lot of change. And then they're like, ‘Well, maybe it's time to break up with my boyfriend.’ … You may wanna spread out your change.”
She also recommended being proactive toward the impact of life changes by giving a heads-up to those around you. Whether this be family, friends, or a significant other, being able to lean on others during times of transition makes a difference, especially as someone who may have experienced this before. The symptoms of the disorder can return with another big life change.
In the words of Megan Thee Stallion, “Bad b**ches have bad days too,” and this reigns true for me now more than ever.
My character, demeanor, and core as a person don’t change just because of a bad season or hard times. The confidence I have in high moments should be the same level of confidence I have in other areas of my life. As I continue on this journey of self-growth, life changes, and knowledge of the world around me, I’m reminded of where I started on the road to getting where I want to be.
The bounce back is always going to happen, but there’s a difference between a bad day and a bad life, and hard times don’t last forever. It just feels like forever in the moment.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images