Havana has been on my bucket list for the last year, so I took the plunge when I booked my first international solo trip.
With a lot of research and the help of Airbnb Experiences (and my amazing host family who are now my Cuban parents), I took on Havana like a seasoned international solo traveler. Well, okay that was until I ran out of cash and had to frantically call home only to later realize I tucked away extra cash in my suitcase.
Hopefully, this travel guide will answer your burning questions about planning a trip to the country (that is just 90 miles away from the US).
First Things First:
U.S. debit and credit cards do not work in Cuba, so you'll have to bring cash with you to exchange at the airport. Your USD will be exchanged for CUC, which are equal to the dollar — so you won't have to do any additional math in your head. Since I booked all of my experiences and casa online, I only took $420 and after the fees, I was left $384. I did run out of money on my last day spending my last 25 CUC on my cab to the airport.
Taxis are everywhere, but be sure you barter especially on the streets of Havana. A ride to and from the airport is about the same as it costs in many American cities: $25-$30 depending on where you're going to Havana.
Havana streets are on a grid system. If you're from a city like New York, this will be easy for you to get used to.
Be sure to pack hand sanitizer, Wet Ones, tissue, and any toiletries/essentials you'll need. Finding these things can be tough and expensive if you do.
Wifi is slow, so be patient. You can pick up Wifi cards at designated CADECA locations for 1 CUC, but I found it easier to buy them from Cuban people on the street for 2 CUC. Each card has to be scratched off before use, so be sure that silver strip is still intact before you hand over your money.
Apps To Download Before You Arrive:
Maps me
Maps.me became my lifeline as I tried to figure out the streets of Havana. I got lost a lot but was able to find my way with the help of this app.
Google Translate
I know very little Spanish, but was able to learn a little with the help of my casa host, and the Cuban people with whom I interacted. When I needed help, I was able to access Google Translate offline to communicate with locals.
Where I Stayed:
After searching through hundreds of Airbnbs, I settled on this private room in a Casa Particular in Vedado. You're probably wondering what a Casa Particular is, I did too before I made my reservation. Casa Particular means "private home" in Spanish. What makes these homes special is that in 1997, the Cuban government gave Cuban families the option to register their home as a privately owned business and rent out rooms to tourists — which was illegal in previous years.
Casa Particulars have many benefits. You are given a chance to support the Cuban people, you will likely learn a lot of Spanish (I did), and you will feel at ease. If I needed directions, restaurant recommendations, and had questions about catching taxis, my Cuban dad taught me.
Food:
One thing to note before you embark on Cuba is that it's important to understand the history and current living situation of the people of Cuba. Yes, the city is nostalgic, but there is a reason for that — and it affects everything including the food. Cuba has a ration system, which means Cuban families are given a certain amount of food to live on each month, and there are often shortages, which carry over into the local restaurants. That being said, I had wonderful meals the entire time I was there.
Nana's Cafe
Nana's Cafe became an instant favorite, so much so that the staff got to know me. I learned that Cubans don't often eat breakfast, but Nana's had traditional Cuban offerings as well as American options for breakfast.
My favorites were the Croquetas, Yuquitas Rellenas, the Cuban coffee, and the limonada frozen.
Waoo Snack Bar
Waoo was one of my favorite restaurants in Havana. I had the fried pork ribs with yuca. I still think of that pork rib even though I'm back in the states. The service is also fantastic.
Restaurante Paladar Cafe Laurent Habana
This beautiful rooftop restaurant is reservations only, so be sure to have your host give the paladar a call when you arrive in Havana.
What I Did:
Thanks to Airbnb Experiences, planning my trip was a breeze. I booked about 6 excursions, and I was able to get a lot out of my exploration of Cuba because of it.
A Photo Tour In Old Havana
I took a three-hour tour with a young photographer named Manuel. We walked through the streets of Old Havana, and he captured photos of us along the way. I received fifty pictures and a 3-hour tour all for under $60. Read more about that here.
Salsa Lessons
This was one of the highlights of my trip. During the two-hour class, my instructor Alejandro taught me a range of combinations, even one he named the Bianca. The salsa experiences included a taxi to and from the rooftop location, a bottle of water, and the class itself.
Snorkeling
Snorkeling was another highlight. If I'm being honest, I was a little nervous about the entire experience, but I made it through. One thing to note about this experience is you need to be a reasonably strong swimmer. We swam about two miles to the shipwreck and two miles back. My body felt like jello when I got out of the water, but again, seeing the coral reefs made the experience worth it. Unfortunately, I had a bit of a panic attack and swam back just before we made it to the shipwreck.
Cooking Class
If you're in Havana and have the time, this is a must. Three Cuban women opened their home and taught me how to cook a traditional Cuban meal: pan-fried pork, black beans, and Tostones (fried plantains). It was one of the best meals I had while I was in Havana.
Economics Tour
My tour with Jorge changed how I saw Cuba in the best way. The tour was insightful and grounded me. If you want to go to Havana and see the city beyond the scope of photos for the gram, this tour will give you that and more.
Street Photography Class
I bought a new camera earlier this year to film video and never took the time to learn how to use the other settings on my camera. Thanks to Juan, I learned how to use my camera properly, capture real moments, and I took some pictures I am very proud of.
Featured image by Getty Images, additional photos c/o writer Bianca Lambert.
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Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
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Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
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Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
And that is why, while I was recently out in cyberspace seeing what the topic of sex had to offer (of merit), a particular study especially caught my attention. The reason why is because, while the topic of faking orgasms has been explored, pretty much ad nauseam at this point, what I haven’t personally seen a lot and enough of is how to stop them from happening so much and when people do them, what personally caused them to in the first place.
Today, we’re going to strive to get down to the root of some of those queries. And so, if you’ve always been curious about how to make the cycle of faking orgasms stop, this piece just might shed a little light. Here’s hoping anyway, chile.
Faking Orgasms. Why I Loathe It So.
GiphyDo you ever stop to think about certain songs from back in the day and wonder if they were released now, would people try to cancel them (hmph, as if this culture ever really cancels anybody for really anything, right?)? An example of what I mean is Alexander O’Neal’s song, “Fake”. If you’re too young to know it, or it’s been a while since you’ve heard it, feel free to go back and listen to the lyrics in order to grasp where I am coming from.
And why am I bringing it up in the context of today’s conversation? Well, whenever I think about folks faking orgasms, that song almost instantly plays in the background of my mind because, while he’s basically talking about the word from the definition of “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc.,” when I think of “faking it” in a sexual way, definitions like “to deceive,” “to pretend” and “anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is” are what I ponder — because y’all, I don’t care how many people do it, how can any of those definitions truly be good, right or helpful when it comes to copulation? Deceiving your partner into thinking that you climaxed when you actually didn’t? Pretending to be satisfied when you actually aren’t? Making sex appear like it’s one kind of experience for you when it actually…isn’t? SMDH. Yeah, that is something that I can never personally get behind, which is why I once penned, “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” for the platform. To me, since sex is about establishing a profound mental, emotional, and physical connection, how can that truly and authentically happen if one or both involved individuals are not being honest with each other about what they want, need and desire in order to make that happen?
Yeah, when it comes to the ever so popular fake orgasms, I’ll pass and will forever encourage others to do the same.
Faking Orgasms. Why So Many People Do It.
GiphyHere’s what’s wild, though — even if what I just said made complete and total sense to you, there’s still a really good chance that you’ve faked at least one orgasm before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”). Know what else? There’s also a good chance that your partner has done the same (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”. And why is it that so many continue to do it, even if, in the back of their mind, they believe that it’s at least somewhat counterproductive?
Well, from the personal conversations (and coaching sessions) that I’ve had with both men and women, the top reason for why so many men fake orgasms is because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by telling them that the sex isn’t as good as they might think that it is, and when it comes to women, they fake in order to hurry up and get the experience over with — which, when you really think about it, for both genders, the motives are pretty much two sides of the same coin: people not being satisfied and trying to avoid sharing that reality with their partner.
OK, butwhat does science say is the main cause for men and women faking it? Well, a top reason for whya lot of men decide to go that route is because they simply want to get the experience over with (although being unable to orgasm due to drunkenness, medication, and/or boredom ranked pretty highly, too). And women? Difficulty achieving an orgasm is the biggest one (check out “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?” and “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”). Hmph, when I stop to take this all in, I find both reasons to be unfortunate. On the male tip, is it just me, or does it seem like there is a real disconnect of intimacy if that is why men fake it? What I mean by that is, if you’d rather “hurry up and get done” — are you having sex with your partner or at your partner (some of y’all will catch that later)? And, as far as the ladies go, if you are so uncomfortable and/or self-conscious and/or embarrassed about not being able to climax to the point that you will lie and say that you did — do you trust your partner enough to tell him the truth and then are you willing to work through the process of achieving an orgasm…together?
These types of questions are what piqued my curiosity when I happened upon a study of over 11,000 participants that transpired over in the UK. The focal point of it? Since faking orgasms is so prevalent, what actually causes people to stop? Because listen, none of us are actually going to get anywhere if we only focus on the problem and don’t seek to find some sort of solution (lawd).
Faking Orgasms. What Actually Makes People Stop.
GiphyOK, so from what I’ve read and researched, The Journal of Sex Research hassemi-recently published the study that I was just referring to. Before we get into what caused people to stop lying — umm, faking orgasms, check out these findings first:
·51 percent of participants claimed to have never faked an orgasm before
·Close to 66 percent of men and 34 percent of women say that they have faked an orgasm
·Almost 19 percent of men and 35 percent of women say that although they have faked one in the past, they have since stopped
·Almost nine percent of men and 20 percent of women are currently “faking it”
Yeah, I already know. The discrepancies between the men and women are quite noticeable. Let’s keep going, though, because the reason for why men and women decided to stop is the main reason why we’re all here — plus, it’s pretty interesting.
So, when it comes to the demographic of individuals who no longer fake it, what brought them to that point and place? Fascinatingly enough, around 26 percent of both men and women said that the communication between them and their partner improved while 24 percent of both men and women said that it was because their partner became more attentive. Well looka there — when couples connected on a mental and emotional level, the physical aspect of sex got better. Some other points did come into play, though:
·Around 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men decided to be content without having an orgasm
·Around 19 percent of men and 18 percent of women decided to get orgasms on their own (i.e., masturbate)
·Around 19 percent of men and (wow) two percent of women were caught faking it
·Around 15 percent of men and 10 percent are currently not having sex
OK, so when you read all of that, what tripped you out the most? As someone who works with married couples and is a huge advocate of them gettingthe most pleasure possible out of their sexual experiences, honestly, the first three (because, if you are married, please don’t settle fora sexless dynamic). I’ll break down why for each one.
First, if you used to fake orgasms and no longer do because you have settled for — pardon the pun — anti-climatic copulation…settling is exactly what you are doing. Listen, even if you’re not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm (and many women are not), it’s important to remember that there are oh so many other kinds to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”). And what if you’ve tried those and still there are nofireworks? Make an appointment to see your doctor (to get your hormone levels checked) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Remember, the reason whyyou have a clitoris is so that you can experience the heights of sexual pleasure. If that’s not happening for you, it’s important to do all that you can to get to the root of why.
Secondly, not faking it because you have taken matters into your own hands — literally. So, here’s my issue with that. Unfortunately, our culture is so lust-crazed that we tend to forget (or is it ignore?) that sex shouldn’t ONLY be about cumming; sex should also be about connecting. And so, while masturbation may help you out in the climaxing department, it’s essential to not get so used to it that you fail to bond with your partner or that you put up walls of resentment because there are things that are happening when you’re alone that aren’t happening when the two of you are together. In other words, don’t let jacking off or solo sex toy experiences get in the way of heartfelt and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs (check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom” and “Sooo...What's Your Favorite TYPE Of Sex?”).
Finally, getting caught lying — again, I mean, faking it. Yeah, I know that I’m not the only one who noticed that there is a pretty big difference between how many women caught their man acting like he had an orgasm when he didn’t vs. how many men noticed that their lady acting like she had an orgasm when she didn’t. To that, let me first say that if you thought, “If a man ejaculated, he came. Duh” — look updry orgasms sometime. Believe it or not, it is possible for men to orgasm without cumming. And to the fellas (who may be reading this): I continue to be amazed by how you can’t tell if a woman is faking it because even if she is yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, if her vagina isn’t contracting, guess what? Yeah, between that and extra lubrication coming from her vaginal area —those are pretty common signs that an orgasm has transpired; this basically means that if you don’t notice these things going down, how attentive of a sex partner are you? #justsaying3 Tips to Avoid Faking Orgasms
GiphyNow that you know what science says about why people fake orgasms, did any of the intel surprise you? More importantly, if you can personally relate to what was said, did any of the information inspire you to make some changes in your own sex life? Yeah, if faking orgasms is indeed a thing in your own world right now, as I close this out, here's three quick tips:
1. Remember the definitions of fake. Never forget them. Deception. Pretending. Making something look like something that it is not. No time to get into all of this today, yet I have worked with many people who fake orgasms and…fake other things in their relationship. You don’t want to deceive your partner or yourself. It’s not going to help the relationship. Ultimately, it’s only going to cause hurt and/or harm. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in the way that you would like to hear someone convey theirs to you (respectfully, thoughtfully, etc.); do make sure to share them, though.
2. Stop “performing”. Start being REAL. Know who fakes a lot of orgasms? Porn actors (I prefer to call them that over “porn stars”). That’s because sex work is…work; it’s a billion-dollar industry that people get paid to act like sex is always the bomb. You’re not a porn actor, so why put that kind of pressure on yourself? No matter what the reasons are for why an orgasm isn’t coming for you, if you are having sex with someone who can’t handle the realness of the reasons or “worse”, doesn’t care — don’t put that on the sex or yourself. Sis, you are simply sleeping with the wrong person/people.
3. If you build it, one way or another, it will come…and you will cum.Do orgasms come easier for some than others? 1000 and 10 percent. That is absolutely not the point, though. If experiencing this type of pleasure is what you long for, with the help of your intentions, your partner’s willingness, and if need be, professional assistance, you can get there. Not by faking it — by being honest about the fact that you need more time, patience, and empathy.
____
Clearly, faking orgasms is a common thing; that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case for you, though. As you unpack what has made you start, process how to make it all stop.
Hmph. Better to take a while in order to experience what true bliss feels like than to keep faking it and never really know.
Words to live — and lie down — by. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy