Exclusive: Erika Alexander Talks Black Women In Hollywood & Paving Your Own Way
There are several iconic black leading ladies many of us grew to love and sought to emulate in the 90s. My favorite femme fatale during that time was a lawyer by trade, called a Brooklyn brownstone home, and had three homegirls standing to her left and her right who held her down through the ups and downs of being a single, sex-positive power woman in the Big Apple.
Maxine Shaw's brash humor, chic box-braided undercut, love of food, and sassy confidence drew audiences closer and closer to the TV every week, providing a unique depiction of femininity and ambition that held its own in an ensemble cast of entertainment powerhouses.
IMDB
Erika Alexander is the woman behind giving life to Maxine, lending her acting ingenuity and experience from working on sets of shows, including The Cosby Show and Law & Order, to the role. Since those days, she has continued to hold her own in Hollywood, acting in the Oscar-winning film Get Out, the HBO hit Insecure, and the hit OWN drama Queen Sugar. She's even taken her talents beyond the small screen, walking the presidential campaign trail with Hillary Clinton and producing her own comic book series.
When I got the chance to interview Alexander for an xoNecole exclusive, I went into full-on stan mode and was happy to catch up with her just as she was completing a Philly stop for the Keep It Colorful initiative, a collab project with her company, Color Farm Media, crowdfunding platform Seed&Spark and Black & Sexy TV. The initiative, one Alexander is very passionate about, seeks to give filmmakers of color a platform to get their projects green-lit.
"Everyone keeps talking about this so-called 'renaissance,' but [I think] it's not a renaissance. It's a resurrection---restarting what happened at the end of the 90s where we had black casts being successful in the world," she said. "We thought we should get together to invite creators of color to---from a grassroots point of view---fund their own projects. We chose streaming series. We've gone to many cities in America---Raleigh, Philly, Compton, Chicago, Atlanta, Detroit, and Cleveland. It's been really successful."
In addition to her current endeavors, Alexander talked more about the 90s role that inspired a generation of future independent go-getters, why she chooses the roles she does, and why she rides hard for keeping Hollywood honest by working to level the playing field for creatives of color.
Women are still inspired by the Living Single narrative and I know my friends and I tried to follow the show's example after college. It was literally life imitating art. How do you feel today when people say that you're such an icon in terms of portraying a strong black professional woman back then?
I think that that's a great compliment and it's really flattering to hear. I understand it because when I was growing up, there were very few black casts and the ones that were out there we revered. I loved Good Times, The Jeffersons, Sanford and Son, 227---I loved them. But we often didn't see any young people who were engaged in careers. Living Single was after A Different World and The Cosby Show. Both did a great job, but [Living Single] was one of the first times we saw young black professionals on their own, engaged in the world, not only in their careers and their autonomy as individuals, but [they were] also sexually free to be who they were, which is a big deal. So I understand how people might look at that now and still want that. It resonates with young people because they really do want a picture of successful, youthful images, but what it also says is there still must be a dearth of them, and that's unfortunate.
It's definitely unfortunate. But the good news is that you've since gone on to act in other projects that push the envelope and tell diverse stories, including Get Out and Queen Sugar. What factors are involved in choosing the roles that you take?
Well, you know, I wish it was just a choice. It really is what comes to you and then what you end up getting sometimes. I think that I try to choose roles that have some kind of substance or something unique about them in that the character will be fun to play.
For the most part, it's about whether they are coming to you and offering you a role that they think aligns with you. There are just too few roles for the amount of actors out there. And there are way too few roles for the amount of black women out there because you're also competing with the so-called diversity choice---which can be Latinx, Asian, or East Indian. Suddenly, that opens up a [population] of other actors and actresses who are competing for the same role.
"I try to choose roles that would be interesting, but they also have to choose me."
Erika's Instagram
That's an issue as well in that 'diversity' has broadened in meaning in almost all industries, especially in entertainment and media. How will your company and your own efforts address those issues of inclusion and opportunity?
With Color Farm Media, one of the reasons I created a space that I thought would promote inclusivity and diversity is because I knew that there was a lack of it. So we go around and we call ourselves the Motown of film, television, and tech.
"Our mantra is to provide a pathway of success for creators of color that is outside of the mainstream---not only in marginalized communities but also the new majority, which is made up of communities I just mentioned, as well as [LGBT.]"
There's also huge ageism in Hollywood. If you're over 45 and haven't gotten your career going, they feel like you don't exist. There are many people who are going to great lengths to get some rhythm and get their projects seen, but it's very difficult. We think that is absurd. There's nothing that should put you outside the bounds of being a powerful creative, and that's why Color Farm exists. We want to make sure that we connect with these people and create a space online where they can [be educated], have a way to promote [their projects], and be successful in entertainment careers.
Erika's Instagram
You're a veteran in Hollywood and still making boss moves in the industry. With the challenges that exist for black creatives---in front of and behind the camera--how can young women get their foot in the door and successfully launch a career they can sustain?
I believe you have to prepare yourself, if you are a person of color or woman of color, to get those jobs. Find internships or ways to practice, whether it's in your hometown [or Hollywood]. [Build] a resume that reflects what you might want to be a [director of photography] or grip or someone who does lighting---you need that practice. And there are people who are willing to give you a shot if you approach them and say, "I need more experience," or "I'd like to shadow you or get on your set and volunteer."
"We must do the best we can with what we have---the best way we can. We can align ourselves with people who are committed to [diversity] and there are people who, if you just ask, would say, 'Sure, we can make a space for you.'"
It's a corporate culture, by the way, so just because it's Hollywood and we're on film and doing television, it's still corporate. Wherever there's a corporate structure, there's a lack and there's invisibility that's inherent and we need to break it down.
For more of Erika Alexander, follow her on Instagram.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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