

It's one of the most iconic, more memorable and arguably one of the most talked about moments on Black television.
Everyone remembers how they felt the first time or hell even the 100th time they watched Dwayne run up the aisle, confess his love for Whitley and run off into the sunset with his new bride. It's every girls dream. But it shouldn't be.
I've literally watched the entire series of A Different World at least 60 times throughout my life but this time, season five (the season Whitley gets married) burned me to my core.
At 16, this scene was a classic example of a man who was truly in love and put his pride aside to go after the woman he loves. He realized that he would never find another woman like her and got his "shit" together to win back the love of his life. Why wouldn't anyone WANT a man like Dwayne?
Sure, he wasn't the type of man she was attracted to. And okay, maybe he didn't have even a third of the qualities on her checklist. But at least he treated her nice. At least he liked her. At least he…at least, at least, at least. I was only 16 but I knew this much, if my man didn't fight for me like Dwayne "fought" for Whitley, it wasn't real love.
But at 32, this scene has an entirely different message. I'm ashamed to admit that I once thought this was the ideal relationship. As I sat here and watched the season play out, I realized why I was so annoyed and bothered. It hit me.
I've met Dwaynes before and Dwayne was, is, and will forever be trash.
To put this into perspective, let's travel down memory lane:
The first season of A Different World centered around Denise Huxtable. This was the first woman he was infatuated with who, as to be expected, did not return the interest. Denise, much like Whitley, was completely out of his league, something he already knew but that did not stop him from constantly and often inappropriately, forcing himself on to Denise. It is important to remember that initially Dwayne did not want Whitley. In fact, he couldn't stand Whitley. He thought she was a stuck up, rich kid who only got into Hilman because her family had money. He didn't even respect Whitley as a person.
Going back as far as the very first season, Dwayne was constantly making fun of, harassing, and belittling Whitley for how she talked, the way she dressed, and often poked fun at her making reference to what he assumed to be her "lack of intellectual capacity." Denise leaves, crushing his dream for Einstein babies with hippy style, so now he's left with no one to fancy. In enters Whitley.
The woman he once considered to be an annoyance has become less repulsive and more like a challenge.
He accepts.
He knew that she was out of his league and that she wanted a certain type man, and made it a point to constantly berate her and the standards she had for herself, guilting her into thinking that wanting more was a problem. She finally falls in love with him. She loves this man so much, that even the threat of losing her inheritance wasn't enough to make her end it.
She was completely gone. He had her. Over the course of their relationship, Dwayne the Nerd transforms into Dwayne the Stud. He dresses better. He walks differently. He talks with more confidence. People listen to him when he speaks. They take him more seriously. And while no one will say it out loud, that respect comes partially (or primarily) from the fact that he is dating Whitley. He was always smart. This goes without saying. But he wasn't respected. He had it all.
Then, Dwayne screws up.
The night before Whitley is set to leave for her summer job, she overhears Dwayne talking on the fire escape with Ron about the doubts he was having about them separating for the summer.
Ron challenges him, stating that if he really wanted Whitley, he wouldn't be giving up so easily. This challenge attacks Dwayne's ego sending him into a mini man-tantrum, all of which is heard by Whitley. On the night of her departure, Whitley tells Dwayne that she has also been thinking, and she doesn't think that a relationship is something that they need at the moment.
Uncertain of what just happened, and with his pride on the ground, Dwayne does the unimaginable. As she disappears into the dark, Dwayne in one last desperate attempt to reclaim himself, screams after her, asking her to marry him. The season ends with Whitley stopping in her tracks, turning to face him and the episode ends.
The following season opens with Dwayne and Whitney now living together in their new quarters on campus. Whitley is chasing Dwayne around the apartment, demanding that he give her the ring she had been waiting for all summer. That's right. She accepted the impromptu proposal sans ring and it appears that the couple is "happy". Everyone is getting along. Everyone is looking forward to the wedding. Dwayne is still the "man". Life is good. And then, Dwayne screws up again.
Feeling as if he is missing something, he makes the decision to entertain another woman hours before his engagement party. Whitley, feeling hurt and betrayed by Dwayne calls off the engagement. When you think about it, Dwayne is the definition of the "nice guy/nerd" who just wants to be your friend but he really is just silently waiting for the right vulnerable moment to make his move.
He went from being her annoying bothersome headache to being her "goofy, dorky friend" to the man she fell in love with. Sounds romantic, right?
He watched her moves. He watched who she dated. He listened to her problems and made sure that he was the first ear to listen when she needed one. On the surface, it sounds sweet but when you snap back and think about it, considering how it all played out, it's a little disturbing.
Whitley then happens to meet a dashing young aspiring Senator who is completely in awe of her. They immediately hit it off and quickly land into a relationship. Byron wants nothing more from her than her. She doesn't have to change who she is. She doesn't have to pretend to be "humble". She doesn't have to settle or go without. It's the relationship she has always dreamed of, and before Dwayne, the kind of thing her dreams were made of. Soon after, Whitley gets engaged and Dwayne finds out. He is enraged.
How dare she get engaged? This was supposed to be a phase. She wasn't supposed to really get serious with this man. She was supposed to wait.
Dwayne waits until the night before the wedding to make his move. He makes his way into Whitley's presence by arriving unannounced to her home, and makes this announcement of remorse and regret for all the things he has done. He must really love her, right? Because only a man truly in love would wait until the night before your marriage to another man to show up and apologize for hurting you all those months ago.
He tells her that the pressure she was putting on him before to "do better" was exactly the type of "pressure" he needed to "get his act together". And suddenly, on the eve of her marriage to man who doesn't "need" her to pressure him, he's had this epiphany. Whitley's eyes begin to tear up as she is now forced to once again remember what she was trying to forget. He then turns to her and asks her if they were all of that to each other, why didn't their relationship work? He watches Whitley choke.
Before she can answer, he jumps up in a "welp, that was fun" manner, stating that he didn't know why either. Being sure to leave no corner unturned, he grabs a flower from the garden, kneels down on one knee, hands the flower to Whitley and says, "I always knew you would make a beautiful bride, Whitley Gilbert."
He leaves, stopping only for a second to catch one more glimpse of a now emotionally distraught bride sitting in the garden crying.
Now, she's confused.
She was already having doubts but now what? She decides to go through with getting married, or at least try to. She should be happy, but she's torn and she doesn't know what to do. Everyone around her is excited and beaming with joy and she is struggling to keep a smile on her face. Then, the iconic scene begins to take place.
Everyone at the altar has taken their place. Whitley has successfully been walked down the aisle. Her family and friends looking on in awe of how beautiful she looks. And then, Dwayne makes his move. He had her cornered. It was now or never. If he was going to be successful in his plan, he had to put on extra. He had to do something, anything, to prove that he was the better man, because his ego would not let him lose. So, he did the unthinkable.
He crashed her wedding, coming in proclaiming his love in front of her, her family, all of their friends, Byron and all of his constituents.
DON'T MARRY HIM, WHITLEY. MARRY ME. BE MY WIFE. LOVE ME NOT HIM.
He cried. He screamed. He begged. He fought. He was hoping that this public display of sincerity would win him the prize of having Whitley Gilbert as his wife, and it worked. No woman wants to see the man she loves cry. With that said, Whitley looked at the man who had done nothing wrong but love her, apologized for wasting his time, and then ran off to hug the man who fought for her love. But he didn't fight for her love. He fought for the right to call her "his". He fought for his ego.
Whitley made the decision that a lot of black women tend to make when dating and picking partners:
We allow our emotions and our need to see the "potential" in a person to cloud our judgment.
We hear a good word from a slick tongue and see a glimmer in the eye that looks like a tear, and we are ready to throw away all of our common sense and all of the lessons that history has taught us, in hopes that this time around it will be different. Certain opportunities only come around once in a lifetime and we will throw all caution to the wind for love.
Love is beautiful when it is healthy and productive. Love is a beautiful thing when it is grounded on mutual respect and growth.
Who knows who, what, or where Whitley would have been if Dwayne hadn't seen her as a conquest that needed to be conquered. Would she have ever met Byron? Would she have married someone else like him? Would she have ever gotten her dream of being the "trophy wife" she always dreamt of being? Regardless of whether you agree with that type of lifestyle, it was her dream and she was allowed to want that for herself.
Whitley was a challenge. She was difficult. Her demanding nature, her refusal to settle, her ambition, her firmness...all of which made the chase that much more exciting. He completely stripped Whitley of all that she was, and she became a mirror of him. This is how most Dwaynes operate.
Dwayne and Whitley's storyline was a toxic tale of a male's ego and the damage it can cause to a woman if she's not careful and diligent in protecting herself.
Don't be Whitley. Marry Byron.
This article was originally published by https://www.jenniferrenee.co.
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'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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