
Kamala Harris' Husband Leaving His Career To Support Hers Is A Role Reversal We Stan

Take a look at Kamala Harris' husband Doug Emhoff's Twitter bio and you'll notice that it reads "dad and @kamalaharris hubby", before "lawyer" and "advocate". I was tickled when I read that because most of us lead with our jobs and accolades, not our familial titles, especially when we have high-profile positions like Emhoff does. Y'all would've gotten these "former entertainment attorney" and "current partner" credentials first and foremost. But perhaps this was all a hint to what was to come or maybe he was trying to make an important point.
Girl, get you a husband who acts like THIS when you win. Vice President Elect Kamala being embraced by her husband Doug. From experience, I can tell you good husbands make a difference. pic.twitter.com/PEVDbZqUod
— Tera Carissa (@teracarissa) November 7, 2020
This fall, Emhoff took a leave of absence from his law firm to support our new Madame Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris on the campaign trail with President-Elect Joe Biden. Now that the appointment is official (regardless of what 45 and his cronies say!), Emhoff will be formally stepping down from his role at the firm by Inauguration Day to support his wife's new career move.
And I'm here for it.
While I'm not married, I think of marriage as a partnership that functions off of compromises that benefit the household, not decisions based solely on stereotypical gender roles.
Years ago, my former coworker's husband resigned from his job to stay at home with their two young children. It seemed that some of our colleagues who knew the couple personally suddenly respected him a little less than before. It was weird because my coworker had better growth potential at her job and made significantly more money than her husband. Plus childcare for two toddlers – one with special needs – pretty much wiped out her husband's paycheck, anyway. So really, what was the logical point of him going to work every day? But societal norms dictated that my coworker stay at home while her husband worked even if they had to struggle as a result of that decision.
The optics of "head of household" and "man of the house" trumped (no pun intended) their financial stability and health. It's one of the reasons why Emhoff's resignation is significant.
Granted as a partner in a law firm, Emhoff has the potential to multiply Madame Vice President's approximate $235,100 per year on his own but the exchange of his career for hers goes deeper and wider than who makes more money. Not only are women almost always sacrificing our dreams, goals and careers for our husbands and families, often making it difficult to re-enter the workforce and blemishing our resumes with employment gaps, but we're also already trailing behind men in position and average pay.
There's that thing that hovers over our heads as women that generally keeps us on the ground level of the one room we manage to enter. We can collaborate and network on that floor but we can't climb the stairs to open the doors to the upper rooms. We have a hard time moving into executive roles because that glass ceiling just won't let us.
Also, we can't forget that Black women were only paid $0.63 of what non-Hispanic white men were paid in 2019. It takes a full 12-18 months to earn the same amount and, at that rate, we never catch up. But in 2020, a Black woman just snagged the second highest leadership role in the nation, earning no less than her predecessor because the salary is set, and her husband has shown her that he has her whole back as well as the backs of other women.
In an interview with NowThis News, Emhoff said:
"I want more women in office and I want more partners, whoever their partner is, to support them and to provide an opportunity and an environment for success."
I think that can happen.
Outside of the wonderful return of ethics and norms, can we please acknowledge what it feels like to read about a man sacrificing his career to focus on supporting the career of his wife? Normalize this, so I don’t almost cry reading it. https://t.co/GmLcIiBSat
— jet-sy (@jessielwilliams) November 12, 2020
Doug Emhoff isn't the first man to proudly walk in his wife's shadow. But the fact that his act is so public hits differently and I hope his message is clear. His career doesn't have to come first in his list of accomplishments or in his household. It doesn't change what he's done, who he is or what he can do because he'll always have opportunity.
Doug Emhoff is smashing traditionally accepted gender roles so that his wife, Madame Vice President, can flourish professionally, too, and for that he's a VP in his own right. In this case, an MVP.
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I write about lifestyle and women's health and wellness. When I'm not in front of a computer screen crafting stories, I'm in a kitchen crafting cocktails. Follow me on the 'gram @teronda.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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