As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer. If you have a story you'd like to share, but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
This is LaPorsha Campbell's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
The week of our wedding, my husband was extremely ill and wasn't released from the hospital until two days before.
Desmond was diagnosed with Stage 3 kidney disease, which quickly progressed to Stage 5 within a year. The disease is a condition where your kidneys are damaged and no longer filtering blood as they should. Most people go without diagnosis until nearing the end stages of full-blown kidney failure.
The cause of my husband's disease: Type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure.
We discovered his diagnosis in 2018. Desmond was hospitalized with pneumonia and his kidney took a major hit that unfortunately, never recovered. The feeling that he was dying a slow death certainly had its effects. Dialysis was very hard on his body, he began showing physical changes, and most crushing of all, his spirit was so broken. So the decision to give him my kidney was a no-brainer—easy even.
It was the recovery that was hard…
My husband and I didn't have the same blood type, so I was unable to donate my kidney directly to him. Instead, in an amazing turn of events, he received a kidney from an anonymous donor, and in return, I donated my kidney anonymously to someone who had also been waiting on the transplant list. Our donation was facilitated through a paired kidney exchange program. Also known as a "kidney swap", this arrangement occurs when a living kidney donor is incompatible with the recipient, so they exchange kidneys with another donor/recipient pair. This kidney-paired donation transplant enables two incompatible recipients to receive a faster transplant, thus decreasing the open wait list time.
My family weren't initially the biggest fans of the donation process; they were scared with what participation could mean. It was somewhat of a relief to them finding out we weren't a match, as they preferred that I avoided surgery altogether. But, when I explained that I'd be donating to an anonymous recipient, they couldn't really understand.
I Married My Husband "In Sickness", Hoping To One Day Get To The "And In Health".
Courtesy of LaPorsha Campbell
My husband has spent the last two years of our relationship in and out of the hospital. Before he started dialysis, we practically lived in the hospital. We were unable to go on a honeymoon because immediately following our wedding, he needed to begin emergency dialysis.
Regardless, I took my vows seriously throughout the entire process, with literally zero intention of folding. I've had so many people tell me they'd never do what I did for their partner, but I made a vow to my husband and our families—in front of God—to always love and be there for him.
And aside from anything else, before I decided to donate my kidney, I consulted with God. I didn't want to go against His will, especially with such a huge decision.
Throughout, I felt God's presence right beside us. When a complete stranger came forward and said she'd give her kidney to my husband, a person she did not know, I knew it was God.
Desmond received a kidney in less than a year despite being told it could take years due to his blood type.
That was God too.
Post-Surgery Aftermath
Prior to my surgery, my husband was nervous; he doesn't like seeing me in pain. A few times, he suggested I change my mind about donating and that he could just wait on the list until his name came up, but at that point, me donating was bigger than him. I wasn't just saving his life. I was saving someone else's life, too.
Recovery was literally the hardest thing my body has ever had to go through, but it taught me to extend the same grace and patience to myself that I often gave to others. I prayed, I cursed, and I cried. My husband was my rock and showed me just as much assurance. His transplant surgery was a week before mine, but he somehow managed to care for me during my recovery. He did everything for me, while still recovering himself.
I was really bad at practicing self-care before my surgery, which almost caused a nervous breakdown. I was so fearful at times about my husband's health that it led to extreme anxiety and depression. This was all magnified because I couldn't talk with my husband about it. I didn't want him feeling guilty about being ill or for my concerns to affect his condition.
I was in a very dark place for a while.
I began taking antidepressants, which shockingly made all the difference. My depression became debilitating to my entire existence. I didn't feel like caring for myself—it took too much energy for me. I was just going through the motions and only trying to keep my family in one piece. I put on a brave face for my husband and daughter, yet inside, I was falling apart.
Returning To Health
Courtesy of LaPorsha Campbell
After a month of taking medication, I began feeling like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders and I could finally think clearly again. I began opening up to my husband about feeling overwhelmed. To my surprise, being open and honest with him brought us closer. I began to meditate daily; doing yoga. Being open about what I was going through, and learning to not be afraid to ask for help, saved me.
We are finally starting to feel like ourselves again, and my husband also finally has his life back. Before, he was spending 12 hours a week on a machine to keep him alive. And now, he's no longer being admitted to the hospital every other week.
Time has returned to his side.
These days, we're getting settled with the aftermath of the last two years. The incurred debt, medical bills, emotional scars, etc. etc.
But most importantly, we're enjoying each other's lives—and our health.
I now preach to everyone the importance of knowing your health numbers, especially to people of color. One of the leading causes of kidney failure is high blood pressure. Both high blood pressure and diabetes are treatable with medication and lifestyle changes, but first, you have to know your numbers.
This means staying on top of your yearly physicals and making sure your doctor is checking your kidney function during your screening. You are your greatest advocate in terms of your health. Reduce your stress and live a healthy lifestyle.
To be honest with you guys, what I did for my husband was nothing new. It was nothing noble. Married couples do this for each other all of the time. If you aren't willing to temporarily face discomfort for your spouse—especially to save their life—you shouldn't be married. Marriage is an adjustment and it's work. Make sure you've chosen the right partner BEFORE walking down the aisle. Afterward, make a conscious decision to continue choosing that person over and over again.
My marriage is far from perfect, but I love my husband and I will always choose him. We're in this thing together, and I'm rockin' with him until the wheels fall off.
To learn more about LaPorsha and Desmond's kidney journey, you can watch this video. LaPorsha has also documented more details on her Instagram page.
If you have a story you'd like to share, but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
Featured Image Courtesy of LaPorsha Campbell
- My husband's kidney wasn't a match. A stranger's was. - American ... ›
- My wife donated one of her kidneys to a stranger this morning ... ›
- Video: In sickness and in health: Donating a kidney to my husband ... ›
- What Kidney Donors Need to Know: Before, During and After ... ›
- What I learned from donating a kidney to my 70-year-old father - Vox ›
- In sickness and in health: Donating a kidney to my husband - YouTube ›
- I Donated A Kidney To My Husband To Save His Life | HuffPost ›
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The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy
Some folks are saying that October is now “uncuffing season” as partners won’t have to deal with the weight and expectations that come with this time of year. From matching Halloween costumes to voting to Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seems the new cuffing season has moved to January.
In August 2021, Zoë and Channing were first rumored to be romantically involved after being photographed riding together through the streets of New York City on a BMX bike. The following month, they were seen leaving the Met Gala together, and Tatum confirmed their relationship on Halloween by posting a picture of them wearing a couples costume from Martin Scorsese's iconic 1976 film Taxi Driver on Instagram.
Instagram/@channingtatum
After collaborating on Zoë's directorial debut, Blink Twice, where Channing played a starring role, their relationship blossomed into a full-out romance. Approximately a year later, the Step Up star popped the question.
Because the streets are always watching, PEOPLE reported that Channing joined Zoë in seeing a production of a play by Blink Twice costar Levon Hawke in New York City's Red Hook neighborhood on Oct. 6. Most recently, Kravitz has been seen in public without her engagement ring, notably during an outing with her Big Little Lies co-star Shailene Woodley.
So the news of the split kinda comes as a surprise as we were just oozing over the couple’s undeniable chemistry during their Blink Twice press run in August. Channing and Zoë openly discussed their relationship and collaborated on multiple videos that went viral.
Even proud papa Lenny Kravitz gave his approval. During an interview with BBC’s Radio 2, he said, "He was raised well. So, you know, he’s got manners. He’s charming. He’s a soulful human being. And so, he’s become part of the family quite quickly. He fits and they're in love. We’re going to have a wedding next year."
As we mourn this breakup, let’s run back some memorable moments from the possibly uncoupled pair.
"Art is our love language."
When asked about future collaborations with her boo during the premiere of Blink Twice on Aug. 23, Zoë shared, "I think it's what we love, and we love talking about it, and experiencing it, and supporting each other.” Channing chimed in saying, “This is what I'll say about creating with someone that you are with or love: I suggest it. If you are thinking about having a kid or if you're thinking about getting married, go find the hardest possible creative project with your partner.”
“I got you forever.”
Channing took to Instagram to share an adoring photo of him holding Zoë. He captioned the photo, “This little sweet. She So tired bro. Every time I wondered if she’d break…. She just kept going and going and going. Always on the dig for truth. She pour’d every single ounce of her into this film. I’m so proud to stand ten toes down for her, this film and everyone in it. forever. Knowing what it took to make it. No one will ever know.”
The last line took us out: “Thank you for finding me and seeing me. I got you forever. Me and you back to back against it all. I’ll never blink. Let’s go. #blinktwice”
GOAT Talk
On Complex’s GOAT Talk, a show where stars are prompted to reveal their favorites of all time, Channing and Zoë disclosed their go-to song for singing in the shower, their beloved ad-lib line from Blink Twice, and their stance on conspiracy theories and their favorite rapper. The moment Channing challenged Zoë’s answer that Catwoman is the best superhero of all time was just too cute.
“The Lie Detector determined…”
The cast of Blink Twice underwent Vanity Fair's well-known lie detector test, facing a barrage of probing questions. Among the inquiries were: Did Channing Tatum and Naomi Watts ever irritate Zoë Kravitz during the filming of Blink Twice? Did Naomi ever pilfer anything from the set? Did Channing's portrayal of Gambit in Deadpool & Wolverine surpass his personal expectations?
Best of all were the moments you saw Zoë and Channing look at each other adoringly and when they would finish each other sentences. “We are equally cool,” Zoë beamed.
Puppy Love
The pair hung out with BuzzFeed and a slew of adorable puppies while chatting about their favorite improvised moment on set, who has the best rizz — which is apparently Channing according to Zoë — and their first impressions of each other. Not only did they binge-watch Love Island together but they also boasted they would win Love Is Blind if they were on the show.
The Pressure
Zoë Kravitz recently sat down with Esquirefor an interview and got real about her thoughts on becoming a parent. She shared that she's always kinda thought motherhood might not be her thing. “For a long time, I felt like there was something wrong with me. I was waiting for this light to go off in my head, and it never did. When you’re younger, you’re like, ‘Well, I can’t have kids. I’m too young! It’d be crazy.’”
Her viewpoint on childbirth and parenthood has evolved as she has matured and witnessed the societal pressure placed on women to reproduce. While she recognizes the immense strength and courage required to carry and raise a child, Kravitz believes that women should not be made to feel obligated to do so.
Zoë continued, “For a lot of people that have children, it is this giant, life-changing event – and I do think there is a certain amount of focus and respect that they should get from their community. There’s a lot of pressure on women to have children, and there’s a feeling that if you don’t, you don’t have purpose here.” The director feels a special connection to her new movie akin to giving birth.
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Featured image by Dave Benett/WireImage