Personally, I've never gotten caught up in all of the cuffing season hype. At least, not officially. The reason why I feel like I should clarify that point is because there is a past sex partner/jump off/homie-lover-friend—whatever you want to call him, who used to tell me that our bodies are automatically set on a "sex memory clock". Meaning, when it comes to the people who are a part of our intimacy's past, oftentimes they come to mind (or we might even have a craving for them) around the same time of year that we first met them and/or hooked up with them.
It's ironic that when it comes to the guy who said this, we started (cough, cough) hanging out during the month of October. And, for a few years following, every time ole' faithful October rolled around, we'd find ourselves, umm, "hanging out" again. Only in October. Until the following autumn.
Well now. Maybe I do—or at least did—participate in cuffing season more than I thought because the overall gist consists of being intentional about finding someone to "boo up" with, just in time for cold weather, office parties and the holiday season. And, as most of us know, all of this officially kicks off in the fall (if you're wondering how long it lasts, it's from October thru March).
Uh-huh. I already know how absolutely thrilled some of y'all are because you've already got someone lined up or you're already prepared to respond to some erroneous DM from an ex—or "ex". Then there are those who are already dreading the very thought of cuffing season and all of the "extra"—extra expectations, extra pressure, potential extra disillusionment and drama—that it brings. If you're someone who clearly falls into Category B, chin up, my friend.
Yes, cuffing season is inevitable, but there are some things that you can do to make it so much more bearable—for you.
Did You Know That Cuffing Season Ain’t Just Game?
While you might think that cuffing season is all about game, last year,Esquire published a pretty thorough article on the fact that there are some physical and psychological reasons behind it. For starters, since our bodies (both men and women) produce more testosterone during the fall, that makes us hornier.
And with the testosterone surging through our bodies at a heightened level, that means we're also producing less serotonin—a natural hormone that helps to make us feel good. I'm pretty sure you can see how that helps to create the perfect avalanche, so to speak.
Then there are the pressures that come with the holiday season—spending money, seeing family and sometimes going through major shifts on our jobs. It's all enough to make anyone want to climb in bed with someone and not come out, at least until after Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
The reason why I'm sharing all of this is because if you hate cuffing season because you feel like it is nothing more than media hype or something that some random dude came up with in order to get some (more), maybe what I shared will offer a bit of a different perspective. Believe it or not, there is some merit to cuffing season. Shoot, it's definitely got more backing than Netflix and Chill did.
What Have the Previous Seasons Been Like for You?
I'll be honest. I never really hear couples complain about cuffing season. Nah, they have other things to worry about like if a holiday engagement is going to come up or how to handle family gatherings and professional outings if they're not that serious yet. It's usually us single folks who are perpetually rolling our eyes. If you're doing that right now, even as you're reading this, ask yourself why. Is it because you are always alone during cuffing season? Maybe it's the opposite and you always fall for the lines that brothas send you right around this time of year. Perhaps you got your heart broken over a cuffing season or you feel like it's all about sex over romance.
Maybe it's just me, but I think that the main reason why so many people have an issue with cuffing season is because they feel like it's basically a form of human hunting season. It's not really about making a true connection with another individual so much as it's about using someone in order to get attention and affection. Then, once the warm weather sets in, it's like the relationship—or situationship—never existed.
If that is how you personally feel, I'll admit that I can understand where you are coming from. What I'll also say is you are able to control this year having that kind of outcome. Think about it. If over the next few weeks, you hear from a guy who you pretty much only do during cuffing season, you already know what the deal is, right? If you oblige him, you're agreeing to participating in the pattern. Or, you can ignore his calls and block his emails. It's totally up to you.
I think one of the reasons why a lot of people abhor cuffing season is because they treat it like bad weather. They believe that just because the forecast speaks of it arriving that there is nothing that they can do to avoid it. But the reality is that cuffing season only truly affects you—or "infects" you—if you allow it to.
In other words, if you want no parts of it, leave it alone. Focus on other things. You see what our country is going through right now. There are plenty other ways to distract yourself if you really and truly want to.
Who Says That This Year Has to Be Like All the Rest?
Some women have told me that the reason why they dislike—OK, hate—cuffing season is because it feels like that is the time of year when they are the most alone. Their friends are with someone. Their co-workers are in relationships. If it wasn't for the sweet-yet-totally-cheesy Hallmark movies that run incessantly throughout the holiday season, they wouldn't have an inch of romance in their life.
I get this too. But I still think that some of this is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you loathe cuffing season because you're already predicting how lonely, boring or predictable it's going to be…again, to a large extent, that is totally under your control. Why not host a holiday party at your house? How about asking a guy who you're interested in to one of your office events? Take a road trip with a girlfriend or guy friend. Treat yourself to an off day and then pamper yourself all day. Or do all of the above—more than once.
It's been years since I've been in a relationship. Although singledom has its moments, for the most part, I'm not bothered in the least that I'm not with anyone, though. Mostly it's because I'm too preoccupied with other stuff to give it too much thought. I'm not looking to get "cuffed". It's a ring or no-thing. It's my choice and I'm totally at peace with my decision.
You're human. Therefore, it's OK to want a boo thang during cuffing season or any other time of year. But sitting in the house moping about it while you're listening to Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas" isn't going to do you much good. Rather than surrendering to the feelings of loneliness, how about making the most of this cuffing season is making it work in your favor? This brings me to my final point.
Why Not “Brand” Your Own Season?
It's not just cuffing season. It's also the fall season. Soon it will be the winter season. The holiday season is approaching too. My point? Other stuff is going on other than the tried-and-true cuffing season. So, why not make this the first year that you brand October-March as something else? It could be "start a business" season, "finish my book season" or "complete my website" season. Then, in honor of whatever goal that you set, you can treat yourself to something special. A personalized cuff bracelet, perhaps? (Etsy has tons of 'em!) That way, whenever you think about cuffing season, it can be connected to achieving goals rather than hooking up with some dude.
And just like that, cuffing season has new meaning and purpose. You just might go from hating it to actually celebrating it (imagine that!). All because you took the focus off of getting—or not getting— with someone and put it onto your own glow up instead. Happy Cuffing Season, girl!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Do You Hate Dating? We've Got A Fix For That.
Are You Wasting Your Time With "Expiration Dating"?
6 Things To Consider Before 'Seriously Casually Dating' Someone
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Featured image by Shutterstock
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Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
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GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
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CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
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LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
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VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
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LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
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SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
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CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
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AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
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PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
