Last summer,Gallup published a study stating that, worldwide, people are more stressed out than they have ever been. The reason why this should be relevant to you is that when it comes to things like heart disease, insomnia, depression, cancer, and even HIV — if stress is not the cause of these ailments, stress 1000 percent makes these issues far worse. Hell, even the common cold is thought to be brought on by stress. Not to mention the fact that stress can also throw your periods off, make it challenging to conceive, impair your moods and even make it hard to make wise decisions. Yeah, stress is a really big deal.
That’s why it truly can’t be said enough that it’s okay to put firm boundaries in place when it comes to any — and I do mean ANY — person, place, thing, or idea that triggers your stress levels. It’s also essential that you implement certain practices that can help to keep your stress levels down to an absolute minimum. One of the best ways to do that is to take optimal care of your mental health. And here are ten ways to do it.
1. Never Rush into or Out of Bed
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There’s a verse in the Bible that simply says, “Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.” (Psalm 4:4 — NKJV) Ever since I happened upon it, it’s been a personal mantra for me. One reason is that it goes to show that there are a myriad of different ways to meditate. Another is because it’s a reminder that you can oftentimes avoid making unwise decisions by lying in your bed and being…still. So, if you’re someone who feels guilty about enjoying some extra time in your own bed, honestly, don’t.
Besides, did you know that there is such a thing as hurry sickness? Although it’s not a science-based medical condition, it is widely discussed among mental health experts. The backstory is, since stress and anxiety are prevalent among so many of us, a term was coined to describe what happens when we are constantly feeling urgency or the need to rush…when there’s no real pressing reason to. And yes, living this way can lead to things like headaches, fatigue, and lowered immunity.
That’s why, for the sake of your mental health, it’s best to create a sleep routine (check out “The Self-Care Bedtime Routine Every Single Woman Needs”) so that you’re not rushing into bed (that can create anxiety and make it difficult to fall asleep) and that you set your alarm to wake you up about 20-30 minutes before you actually need to get out of bed. Believe it or not, spending some of your morning time easing into the day can do wonders when it comes to pacing your energy and not pushing past your bandwidth until it’s time to come home and rest again.
2. Devote At Least a Half-Day to Nothing but Self-Care (WEEKLY)
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I am a traditional Sabbath observer. This basically means that I keep the Sabbath in the way that Jewish people do: from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. Although I was born into this way of life, as an adult, it’s still a part of my self-care routine because, there is nothing that compares to taking an entire day off from the demands of the world to do nothing but rest (or as Shabbat literally means in Hebrew, “to cease from creating”).
During that time, sometimes I sleep in, sometimes I order takeout (I try and do it the day before so that I’m not overworking folks on the day when I don’t), and sometimes I’m doing a skin routine or nurturing my scalp (dead serious; check out “Treat Your Scalp To A Little Bit Of Detoxing This Weekend”). Whatever it is, it’s very self-care-focused — and I love that for myself.
It's unfortunate that a lot of people are hard-wired to think that pampering themselves (check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself”) is a luxury when, 1000 percent, it should be treated like a luxury (check out “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.”). Because how can you give your best to others if you’re not nurturing yourself, to begin with?
Listen, the day when you choose to do it is totally up to you; however, do devote at least half a day, each and every week (even if you have to break up the days) to nothing but self-care. It’s an investment that you will never — EVER — regret making.
3. Don’t Talk Yourself Out of Your “Gut No's”
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Back in 2019, I wrote one article entitled “So, Experts Have Something To Say About Your Intuition's Accuracy” and another entitled “When You Should Trust Your Gut & When You Shouldn't.” The method behind the madness is our intuition was never designed to do what I see so many TikTokers attempt: to weaponize. In fact, I firmly believe that without some serious self-awareness and humility (not one or the other…both), oftentimes, what people think is intuition or their gut instinct is really nothing more than projecting that’s been fed by their ego.
Keeping all of this in mind, while I definitely think that “my intuition is always right” could use some tempering, I also believe that when you’re asked to do something and your first mind is to say “no,” you shouldn’t try and talk yourself out of that — nor should you let other people do it.
You know, there’s an author by the name of Nick Chellsen who once said, “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to,” and I think that summarizes the point that I’m trying to make here perfectly. Because we live in a culture and society that — let’s be real — can be super self-consumed, oftentimes, when folks want us to do something, our own needs and feelings about the request aren’t taken into account. Basically, so long as “they” are able to get their way, that’s all that matters (to them).
That’s why we have to listen when our mind, body, and/or spirit sets the boundary known as “no” — or at least wait. We need to step back and listen to what our psyche is trying to convey to us before making any kind of commitment.
Unfortunately, many humans seem to really enjoy pushing people out of their boundaries, almost as if it’s an Olympic sport. You can’t do anything about them; however, you can honor your own self by not giving them the room in your life to do so. So, if someone asks you to do something and you don’t feel good about it, instead of allowing them to talk you out of why, spend some time looking for the answer and then move from there. Trust me…they can wait. And if the answer is indeed “no,” chile, they’ll survive.
4. Take a Day Trip Every Couple of Months
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With the summer season technically ending (this year) on September 23, it’s interesting that, although around 63 percent of Americans had planned on going on some sort of summer vacation, reportedly, 58 percent won’t be able to because they can’t afford it (inflation is a mutha). What makes matters even worse is a lot of people won’t even try to figure out alternatives even though vacations are proven to help reduce stress, lower anxiety, decrease heart disease and depression risks, provide quality time with people you care about, and ultimately improve your overall quality of life. Yes, y’all, vacations are very necessary.
So, what if you get that yet your bank account doesn’t agree with you? Being that it’s also been proven that a mere change of scenery can do wonders when it comes to your moods and health and well-being, try and at least go on some sort of day trip before the summer season ends and then commit to “rinsing and repeating” every few months. Even going to the next town a couple of hours away to eat at a new restaurant with a couple of friends can feel like a breath of fresh air. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
5. Have “Phone Hours”
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I remember once having a conversation with an elder about why people seem to be more stressed than ever. Their reason, I found to be a very interesting one: “Cell phones are doing it. Back when I was young, you weren’t constantly on the phone, taking in all kinds of conversations and information all of the time. You drove without it. You shopped without it. You would go on a date and focus on nothing but the other person. These damn phones keep people so distracted that they can barely even function.”
She’s not totally off-base here. While some health professionals say that always having your phone on can trigger intense emotions and disrupt your quality of sleep, others say that limiting your social media time to no more than an hour a day and devoting 3-4 of your waking hours to not being on your phone at all will not only help to keep you in a better mood, it can remind you to put more energy into cultivating the relationships that you actually have offline. Not to mention the fact that constantly scrolling is very possibly standing in the way of you becoming more successful at work (no joke).
If you read all of this and you’re still trying to find ways to justify why you should keep your phone on 24/7, there is such a thing as being a phone addict. Currently, only a small number of folks fall into the category, yet the demographic is ever-rising. You can read more about it here.
6. Put Your Frustrations on a Time Limit
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Contrary to popular belief, you can control your emotions a lot more than you might believe. Some mental health professionals call it “emotional regulation,” and it’s all about deciding how you are going to respond or react to something. Many people see this as a sign of maturity because, while it makes perfect sense for, say, a toddler to throw tantrums and overreact (because they haven’t been taught self-regulation skills yet), an adult should not be acting the same way that they do.
So, what are some of the things that you can do to keep your frustrations from getting totally out of control? Meditate. Journal. Go for a walk. Deep breathe. Exercise. Speak with someone (you can trust who listens well and gives good insight). Take a nap. Consume healthy foods that are designed to de-stress you (check out “9 Foods That'll Actually Decrease Your Cortisol (Stress) Hormones”). Kiss your partner (it literally lowers cortisol levels). Spend some time alone to regroup.
Another thing you can do that is where the big girls and boys play? Give yourself a certain amount of time to feel the way that you do. If someone pissed you all the way off, give yourself permission to be mad as high hell for a couple of hours — and then decide that it’s time to take that feeling down a notch (or 10). I do this often, and you’d be amazed by how empowering it is to tell your feelings that they can’t “make you” do anything…that you are the one who manages them.
7. Declare Your Affirmations Out Loud
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Negativity bias. If you’ve never heard of it before, it’s a psychological term that centers around the fact that most people have a tendency to give more attention to negativity than positivity. This is why, if you ask most people to list five things that they like about themselves and then five things that they don’t, they will typically start off by listing all of the “bad stuff” first (SMDH).
Since cynicism is linked to heart disease, hostility increases stress levels (and depression-related symptoms), tension can cause things like digestive problems and fertility issues, and there are articles out in cyberspace like “Why Negative People Are Literally Killing You (and How to Protect Your Positivity)” — it is absolutely essential that you are hypervigilant and super proactive about “rerouting” negative thoughts by coming up with some affirmations that will cause you to feel good about yourself. There is a lot of data that says the more positive thoughts that you have, the more they are able to influence your actions for the better.
And why should you say them out loud? Research states that it helps with constructive thinking, problem-solving, and building self-confidence. Not to mention the fact that repeating good self-talk improves focus reduces stress, and makes you feel more fearless. So, whether it’s while you’re taking a shower, when you’re on your lunch break, as you’re working out, when you’re making dinner, or before you turn in, jot down some positive things about yourself and life in general, and verbalize them aloud. Your mental health will be oh so glad that you did!
8. Create a “Good Memories” Playlist
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The brain can be a tricky thing sometimes. For instance, did you know that, when it comes to listening to sad songs, science says that it can actually help to put you into a better mood — if not immediately, eventually? The logic is that if a sad song creates nostalgia, it can help you to process your emotions, and that can ultimately reduce anxiety and bring forth feelings of clarity.
At the same time, music that swings more to the happy (or newer) side can give you a “dopamine hit” that will put you into a better mood, boost your brain health, and help to make you a much more creative individual. So, even if you’ve got a playlist that’s devoted to ole’ what’s-his-name from your past, be intentional about also putting together a list of songs that will put a smile on your face and cause you to tap your feet underneath your desk, too (just make sure that it’s not super fast music; that can actually distract you and make you less productive during working hours).
9. Speak Your Love Language...to Yourself
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It always tickles me whenever I sit in sessions with couples who get upset that their partner sucks at speaking their love language. When I ask them if they speak it to themselves, more times than not, a blank look comes over their face. Listen, if you’re not prioritizing how to fully, properly, and effectively express love to yourself, why are you being so hard on those around you who aren’t the best at doing it either (hmm…)?
Virtually everyone knows at this point that the five primary love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Okay, but when it comes to what your “top two” are, how are you showing your own self that you love you? Do you speak positively about yourself (words of affirmation)? Do you schedule regular “me” time (quality time)? Do you make it a point to get yourself some flowers or save up to get something that you’ve been eyeing for a while (gifts)? Do you feel okay about hiring someone to do something that you hate (like maybe getting a housekeeper to thoroughly clean your home once every season (acts of service)? When’s the last time that you gave yourself a foot massage while watching one of your favorite shows (physical touch)?
French author Anaïs Nin once said, “My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.” And you know what? It’s so much easier to not just say this but mean it when self-love is a daily practice — when you speak your own love languages to yourself…fluently.
10. Admit When You’re Wrong
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I will forever die on the hill that the reason why a lot of people struggle with admitting when they are wrong and/or apologizing to other people is because their parents absolutely sucked at modeling it to them (le sigh). That said, if you happen to be a parent who is reading this, one of the best things that you can EVER do for your child is teach them how to hold themselves accountable — and children learn best when adults lead by example (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”).
So, why do I say that admitting when you’re wrong is great for your mental health? It’s an act that requires humility. It helps to preserve relationships. It’s an awesome teachable moment. It teaches you, live and in living color, to not sweat the small stuff. In all honesty, it helps you to grow up.
People who don’t mind owning their errors in life are individuals who want to move forward instead of remaining stuck. They don’t care so much about their pride that they would hold onto it at any cost. They give the kind of respect to others that they would want to receive.
And how could operating in that frame of mind not be good for one’s mental health? Yep. Exactly.
Bottom line, own your ish. It’s worth it.
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Originally published on August 16, 2023
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
We have less than 40 days left in 2024, and while I'm not one to rush goals just because it's the end of the year, it can be fun to challenge yourself to think about ways you'll close out this year big.
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Mistletoe. I don’t even know if it’s a word that I hear any other time of the year than Christmas. And even though it’s a plant that is naturally associated with displays of physical affection, it might trip some of y’all out to know that its name actually comes from Anglo-Saxon words meaning “dung-on-a-twig.” Why? Because droppings from birds help mistletoe to grow (chile…). Okay, so how did we end up kissing underneath it? Well, legend has it that in the 1700s, an English song referenced doing so; then books and art caused the concept to spread (mostly in Western cultures).
And just why would a plant that contains dung (wild, right?) be associated with intimacy? Well, two things that mistletoe symbolizes are vivacity and fertility — and since kissing is oftentimes a precursor to foreplay which then leads to sex…there you have it.
Although you may not have known any of this until just now, if you’re not currently in a serious relationship and yet you do happen to have a mistletoe hanging somewhere in your house and/or you’ve got plans to put some somewhere on your body over the next several days (check out “Mistletoe Around Your Waist (And Other Christmas-Themed Sex Ideas)”) — this article was written with you in mind.
Why the Holidays Are a Prime Time for Casual Sex
Why is that? Well, since people reportedly have more sex during the holiday season (more on why in a bit), I just wanted to make sure that before you let the presence of mistletoe (and hormones) overtake you as you take that text from an ex or respond to that DM from some month-long-correspondence-exchange guy that you stop to consider what you may be getting yourself into…beyond just (possibly) a “’tis the season” orgasm. Or two.
Never Forget What “Casual” Means
GiphyAs long as I am able to speak on casual sex, I will forever profess that it continues to be one of the greatest oxymorons of our time — to me. When you stop to consider that Scripturally, sex was designed to bond married couples (I Corinthians 6:16-20-Message), that babies can be made from sex, and that there are hormones during the act of sex that can cause you to bond to someone in a way that nothing else can (whether you’re close to them or not) — I don’t know why anyone would want to look at sex from a casual space; especially since casual means things like apathetic, careless, without serious intention, without emotional intimacy and indifferent.
Shoot, even some of the most promiscuous guys I know say that sex is better when they have some sort of emotional bond with their partner. So, if you’re about to consider involving yourself with someone sexually on a casual level over the next several days, please take a moment to really ponder what that means (in spite of how much culture tries to downplay it); then decide if “casual” is what you’re after — and if it’s what you are truly deserving of.
Keep the Holiday Season in Its Proper Perspective
GiphyRemember how I said in the intro that research has revealed that sex tends to experience an uptick right around this time of the year? There are several reasons why that is the case. For one thing, cuffing season is upon us and we all know that is when cold weather will make (many of) us look for a cuddle buddy (by the way, if you’ve never seen Big Jahh’sCuddle Seasonseries before, it’s pretty funny and is currently on Tubi). Another reason why sex happens more is because people are taking time off which means that they have more time for, umm, lay activities. Another reason? Nostalgia, chile.
As you’re taking walks down memory lane, it’s real easy to think about that romantic ice skating date you had with a guy five years ago or when you and your ex-boyfriend binge-watched Christmas movies all weekend one year. Suddenly, when one of those fellas pop up on your phone, you’re strongly considering recreating those moments. Be careful. I’ve got a friend right now who is in one of the dumbest relationships EVER (for the billionth time, I might add) — and it’s pretty much all because she doesn’t know how to leave the past in the past. She doesn’t know how to let nostalgia…go.
Oh, and one more reason worth mentioning for why holiday sex is so rampant is because science actually says that the fall and winter seasons are the best time for copulation (check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”). Whew.
What all of this is basically saying is the holiday season sets up an ideal atmosphere for sex, including casual sex. However, just because it puts you in the “feels” that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use your brain. Bottom line, is having someone to cuddle up with worth it if they are just gonna go ghost on you before Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, all because there was nothing truly substantial to keep them there in the first place? Just something to think about.
We Tend to Be Riskier During the Holiday Season. Be Careful.
GiphyYou know, I once read that DUI offenders find themselves drinking a whopping 33 percent more during the holiday season, and Americans overall drink twice as much as they usually do right through here. And you know what? It should be no shocker that when you are inebriated, it not only increases your chances of engaging in sex with partners you may not have chosen with a sober mind, but it also increases your chances of participating in unprotected sex too (a part of the reason why it does for us is that alcohol also elevates our testosterone levels which, yes, makes us hornier).
And since STIs/STDs continue to be on the rise and we’re about to be in an administration that doesn’t seem to be big fans of readily available forms of birth control — yeah, definitely watch how much alcohol you consume and always (and I do mean ALWAYS) keep some condoms at your personal disposal.
After Weddings, Marriage. After the Holidays, “Real Life.”
GiphySometimes, when I’m in a coaching session with a single woman who seems to be almost obsessed with the idea of getting married, something that I will say to her is, “Please remember that you are a BRIDE for a day and a WIFE for the rest of the days following your wedding.” Meaning, marriage isn’t one nonstop party where most of the focus is on you and everything that you want is at your disposal for the rest of your entire life.
And you know what? Along these same lines, after all of the décor, music, and sentimentality of the holiday season is over, real life sets back in and you’re going to have to deal with whatever decisions you made during the holidays — good, bad, or otherwise. So, if you’re considering engaging in some casual sex, in part, because those Hallmark holiday movies have gotten to you, please remember that movies are scripted and reality checks can be quite costly…when you don’t prepare for them.
Always Remember, YOUR BODY IS A GIFT
GiphyConsidering we are so close to Christmas, of course, I had to find some kind of pun to end this with. And honestly, when I think of the main definition of "gift" (“something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present”), I do think in this culture of transactional dating that everyone is doing (check out “Guess What? Dating Was Never Supposed To Be Transactional.”) that people really should ponder what a gift actually is. SMDH. Is your time really a gift — or is it more like a bribe (or spider’s web)?
However, when I speak of a gift for this last point, I mean that when someone is able to be with you sexually, it should be seen as a privilege because you should be seen as a blessing…starting with how you see yourself. It’s a lot harder for someone to process you in that manner if 1) they barely know you; 2) some real conversations aren’t had on the front end of coitus, and 3) you’re not being honest with yourself about what you want and need beyond sexual stimulation. Remember, you are a gift. Gifts are special.
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So, this holiday season, if casual sex has some real potential to be a part of your memories this year, please take everything that I just said into account. Be wise. Be safe. And be mature enough to acknowledge that sex has consequences. Then move accordingly in front of that roaring fire or tinseled Christmas tree of yours. #wink
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