Divine femininity is something that I’ve been aware of for quite some time; however, it was not until I was in the process of selecting a life coaching school in order to earn my PCC that I found myself deep diving, even more, into what it was all about.
The reason why is because “the principal” of my school (which is what I refer to her as) told me that she sensed that divine femininity was going to become a big part of my focus during this particular season of my life — and interestingly enough, my townhouse going up in flames (talk about “beauty for ashes,” chile) played a direct role in it.
Since I am a “signs and wonders” kind of person, I applied some of what she said as I became both a student of life coaching (on another level) and what divine femininity is all about.
And just what is divine femininity? It’s interesting because some of the answer to that is based on who you ask. Personally, I believe that the easiest way to define it is it’s the feminine side of divine power that is marked by certain character traits that would be considered “signature femininity.” For some, that looks like what a “goddess” would move like. For me, it looks like what provides a balance to masculine energy in some very distinctive and impactful ways.
And while divine femininity has the ability to manifest itself in a myriad of different ways, today, what I want to tap into is how you can apply some of its traits to the gateway of your womb (your vagina) — because goodness, y’all, if there’s one thing that is powerful, sacred and definitely something that defines femininity on a whole ‘nother level, it’s the part of the body that brings forth life, not just literally…metaphorically too.
So, if you’re ready to honor your vagina by bringing it into more of a divine femininity kind of energy and atmosphere, here are seven traits of divine femininity that can help you to accomplish that very thing.
1. Creative
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I won’t lie. It’s kind of interesting that when it comes to learning what signature divine femininity traits are, not very many authors can agree on how many of them exist. I know that my first introduction to the concept at all was probably Queen Afua back in the day and her bookSacred Woman: A Guide to Healing the Feminine Body, Mind, and Spirit (the real ones know). Anyway, if there is one trait that virtually everyone can agree on is creativity.
Since being creative is all about bringing something new into existence, and one thing that women can do is birth life, that tracks. However, remember how I also said that wombs can be a metaphor? Even outside of children, we as women have the ability to “birth” all kinds of things — always remember that.
And how can you be more creative as far as your vagina (or vulva) is concerned? When’s the last time you tried a new pubic hair look or trend (check out “Yep. Pubic Hair Has Trends (And Specific Needs) Too.”)? When it comes to sexual pleasure, when was the last time you tried a new sexual position? If you’re wanting to keep your vagina in great shape, have you even attempted to use a yoni egg before?
As far as this particular divine femininity trait is concerned, the main thing to focus on is bringing “newness” to your vagina — it’s about reading and researching things that just might benefit her in ways that you never would’ve considered before.
2. Nurturing
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Something that we see in an emotionally healthy and spiritually sound mother is a woman who is very nurturing and loving. One definition of nurture is “to feed and protect.” Another? It is to “support and encourage.” At the end of the day, being nurturing is all about offering whatever will assist something or someone in being able to flourish and thrive.
When it comes to your vagina, what are you feeding “her” (check out “The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving,” “10 Fall Foods That Are Really Good For Your Vaginal Health,” “This Is How To Eat Your Way To A Wetter (Yes, Wetter) Vagina,” and “Here’s What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Eat LESS Of”)?
How are you intentionally and proactively protecting her? Are you selective about your sex partners? Do you use condoms until/unless there is mutual exclusivity that’s established? Do you get tested for STIs/STDs on an annual basis (every six months if you’re engaging in casual sex)?
Do you support her by washing her properly (check out “Are You Washing Your Vagina Correctly? You Sure?” and “Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes”) and getting her the type of underwear that she needs (check out “These Are The Kinds Of Panties Your Vagina Actually Prefers”)? Do you encourage her to live her own best life by giving yourself vaginal self-examinations, just to make sure that everything is “running smoothly” down below?
A part of the reason why I penned “Vaginas Are Like Plants. Here's What I Mean By That.” for the platform was to remind us all that nurturing our vaginas is essential — critical even. She takes good care of you, right? Acknowledge that by nurturing her right on back.
3. Forgiving
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Hands down, if there’s a top area where I see a ton of hypocrisy when it comes to relationships (and oh, there are plenty to choose from), it’s forgiveness. Because while some folks are out here acting like others aren’t “worthy” of it, at the same time, they want that kind of mercy to be bestowed upon them. Listen, I will tell you from very up close and personal experience that if you want to see karma (or sowing and reaping; however, you personally choose to frame it) up close and personally, try not forgiving someone. The way that thing will boomerang on you when you need it most? It never ceases to amaze me.
When it comes to not forgiving, I’m speaking of self-forgiveness, too. And when it comes to your vagina, specifically, not forgiving your vagina could include things like making poor sex decisions, not taking good care of your vagina (and vulva), and even not pampering it as you should. All being unforgiving does is harbor some level of bitterness and resentment — and that can make it hard to love yourself and others as deeply and fully (and consistently) as you should.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a billion times. One of my favorite definitions of forgiveness is by best-selling author Gary Zukav: “Forgiveness is accepting that the past can’t change.” What you should’ve done that you didn’t do? You can’t do anything about that. All you can do is learn, move forward, and do better. This includes the lessons learned surrounding your vagina. Please make sure that you do.
4. Sensual
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It’s kind of interesting that, when it comes to the words “lust” and “sensual,” (most) people think that they only refer to sex when that isn’t the case. Lust can be rooted in a strong sexual desire, yes; however, it can be a strong desire for anything, period — person, place, thing, or idea. And sensual? Being sensual is about being pleasing to all five senses: touch, taste, sight, hearing, and smell. While there is oftentimes at least a hint of sex that comes with that, something (or one) can be sensual without it.
So, keeping the sensual definition in mind, how can your vagina become more sensual? Let’s start with how much do you know about your vagina? Even outside of sex, do you take care of the “touch and sight” senses by holding up a mirror and feeling around — not just for potential health issues but just so that you can feel comfortable doing so? Do you know what different scents mean at various times of the month (check out “Ever Wonder What Different Vaginal Smells Mean? I Got You.”).
If you’ve ever been curious about what your vagina tastes like — hell, it’s basically a haven of probiotics on steroids. Try it. No one has to know. And as far as hearing goes (because I bet you were wondering how I was gonna tie that in) — try listening to some more when you’re bathing, relaxing, or pregaming for sex. There are studies to support that it can provide the same sensations as sexual pleasure. As a diehard music fan — I can totally get where they are coming from.
5. Kind
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At the end of the day, kindness is rooted in benevolence, and being benevolent is all about expressing goodwill and doing things that will ultimately benefit other people. If you look at this from the angle of being kind to yourself, this would include actions like loving yourself, comforting yourself, speaking highly (in a self-confident, not arrogant way) of yourself, believing in yourself, and fully accepting yourself. So, when it comes to your vagina, specifically, based on all of the definitions that I just provided — are you kind to her? You sure?
Out of all of the things that I said, I really want to encourage you to hone in on the “comforting” and “fully accepting” part. “Comforting” in the sense that sometimes yeast infections, bacterial infections, itching, and irritation happen. Sometimes, a poor decision might result in an STI/STD. Sometimes, you may not be putting as much proactive self-care into your vagina (and vulva) as you know that you should. Rather than get angry with yourself and/or at your vagina about that, comfort her.
Literally do things that will help to soothe her, like taking oatmeal baths, participating in apple cider vinegar soaks, applying carrier oils (like coconut, carrot seed, and sweet almond) that will help to bring relief to your vulvar skin — things like that. And as far as accepting her — I mean, that’s pretty much a complete sentence.
Just like snowflakes, no two vaginas are just alike, and there is no “wrong” way to have one as far as appearance goes, which means that your vagina (and vulva) was designed to be the way it’s supposed to be. You are able to boost your self-esteem (including your sexual self-esteem) by making complete and total peace with that very fact.
6. Collaborative
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A sign of being a woman who thrives in your divine masculinity is you are able to cooperate with other people. Chile…CHILE. I could do an entire article on this alone. Anyway, when it comes to your vagina, a great definition of cooperate is “to work or act together or jointly for a common purpose or benefit.” And by keeping this in mind, this is why I write articles like “Okay. Let's Make Some Vagina Resolutions This Year.” for the site. It’s basically a reminder that your vagina is just as relevant as the rest of your body, and so it deserves to have some plans made for it too.
So, when it comes to being… “vaginally collaborative” — take a moment to think about what you can do for your vagina that will help to accomplish some benefits for it — well, her. You know, a personal motto that I live by is if your mind, body, and spirit aren’t in agreement about a particular choice that you are about to make concerning a person, place, thing, or idea, you should pause because it’s a “trinity” that is designed to work in harmony.
And so, I encourage you to apply this way of thinking to your vagina. Whatever you’re about to do — is it going to help you and your vagina to accomplish some resolutions or goals that you’ve already set? Can your mind and spirit get on board? If not, it’s not truly a collaborative effort, and it is definitely something that you should rethink…before it’s too late.
7. Fertile
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Even though most of us think of offspring whenever the word “fertile” comes to mind, it’s super important to remember that the word also speaks to abundance, productiveness, and fruitfulness. Personally, I like the word “fruitful” because that’s all about doing things that will prove to be beneficial, useful, worthwhile, successful, and rewarding for you.
When a woman is walking in her divine femininity, she is laser-focused when it comes to making “fertile moves” when it comes to her lifestyle. And as this comes to a close, whether you desire (more) children or not — your womb and your vagina need you to also be conscious about doing what will be worth their while…what will ultimately prove to be more than short-term rewarding.
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An author by the name of Danielle LaPorte once said, “The divine feminine is the warrior and the healer in a womanly package.” A warrior shows great courage and a healer shows great compassion.
Your vagina needs both. Your vagina deserves both. You can give it both.
As you learn more about how to move in your own divine femininity, Black woman, please make sure that you do.
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The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
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Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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