Callings in life can be a funny thing. Take mine, for instance. I'm a firm believer that I am here to speak on three biblical covenant principles—sex, marriage and the Sabbath (not necessarily in that order) and yet, January 9 marks 13 years of not having sex (even though I talk and write about it all of the time), I've never been married before (even though I'm a marriage life coach) and the Seventh-Day Sabbath isn't the popular day of spiritual rest; Sunday is. Whenever folks try and interject some level of cynicism into any or all of these things, I typically share what my name means. Shellie is actually Hebrew (an Israeli told me that about eight years ago); it means "Mine; Belonging to Me". I then talk about what Ezekiel 16:8 (NLT) says—"I made a covenant with you, says the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine." After that, I pretty much follow that up with the phrase "watch the fruit". That basically means, things don't always have to look the way you think they should for them to be the way they're supposed to be (Matthew 12:33).
Since I live in the South (Nashville, to be exact), it's common for the follow-up question to then be, "So, what church do you go to?" 9 times out of 10, people are even further thrown off when I say, "I've been out of church as long as I've been abstinent." Then I pause and say, "That's quite the commercial for church, isn't it?" (For the record, I am not anti-church; it just doesn't serve a real purpose for me in this season of my life. I always try and do things that are purposeful. Habit and purpose are not synonyms.) While some go on to tell me how borderline blasphemous I'm being, more times that not, the next question is, "Oh, so you're spiritual instead of being religious?" What I then say might surprise a few of you—"Actually, I try to be more biblical than anything which means I'm a little bit of both."
To me, I think that religious and spiritual are thrown around so much that they could stand to be unpacked more before we casually profess to be either one. If you're curious to know what I mean by that, I've got a few thoughts below.
What It Means to Be “Religious”
Be honest. When you think of the word "religious", what immediately comes to mind? If it's church or even "being churchy", you are certainly not alone.
With studies like "Most Teenagers Drop Out of Church as Young Adults" and "U.S. Church Membership Down Sharply in Past Two Decades" coming out more and more, clearly a lot of people feel the same way. When it comes to what the actual definition of religion is, a pretty basic one would be "a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects". Based on this definition, while there appear to be 12 major religions— Baha'i, Buddhism, Christianity, Confucianism, Hinduism, Islam, Jainism, Judaism, Shinto, Sikhism, Taoism, and Zoroastrianism—the most practiced one, especially within the United States, continues to be Christianity (with Islam and Atheism placing second and third).
Keeping all of this in mind, I would think that when most people say, "I'm not religious", what they mean is they've applied the Walt Whitman quote that I shared up top; that there is something—or a set of things—within a specific faith that insults their soul to the point where they can't full-on say that they are a Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, etc. That's it's not just about not attending a certain place of worship every week; it's that there are certain principles that they can't honestly say that they agree with either. Hmph. Let me tell it, that's why there are over 200 different denominations within Christianity alone. Although all Christians profess that they believe that Christ is the Son of God, many can't get on the same page beyond that point. And so, there are religions within their own religion. For some, that is not only confusing but draining. So…they bail. Not Christ but the denominations (and yes, there is a difference).
Then there are what my mother refers to as "the walking wounded"; people who don't consider themselves to be religious, not so much because they disagree with a certain a set of principles so much as the people who teach them or sit in the pews and listen to them. Actor Meagan Good (who is married to movie executive and minster DeVon Franklin) comes to mind. Last year, we ran a piece where Meagan said this:
"If I'm being completely honest, my experience with some church folks has not been that positive. It's unfortunate because we're supposed to be the biggest lovers. And it's like even if you disagree with someone or you don't think what they're doing is right, you're supposed to mind your own business and pray for that person. Other times, you're supposed to correct in love if that's what God told you to do. And there was no correction in love. It was like a complete assault."
She's right. While there is a Scripture in the Bible that encourages us to "exhort daily" (Hebrews 3:13), we're also instructed to "speak truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). Not either or. Both. But that's kind of my point. When I took the time to "Walt Whitman" my own journey, one book that was a game-changer wasPagan Christianity?: Exploring the Roots of Our Church Practices (Frank Viola, George Barna). As I paid closer attention to what I had been taught while growing up vs. what the Bible actually says and what I actually felt at peace within my spirit about, I could no longer say that I was a part of the religion that I was born into. Why? Because I could no longer get down with all of the "beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects".
Peep how it says that people create religions…people do and people are flawed. For instance, Christ did once tell a group of people that if they are without sin, that they should cast the first stone. In that same story, he also told the woman the folks were ridiculing to go and sin no more. Not either or transpired. Both. (John 8:1-12) Unfortunately, a lot of times religion involves people picking and choosing what to preach, teach and model. That's what happens when flawed folks create principles.
Still, that doesn't mean that I'm personally not religious, though. Why do I say that? Because of what I said at the very beginning of all of this. What I do rock with is the Bible (which is an eastern not western culture book; don't let these Americanized religions fool you); it has a very clear definition of religion—"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." (James 1:27—NLT) Caring for those without parents or who have lost their beloved? Trying not to let this crazy world jack me up? If that is being religious, oh, I strive to be very religious.
This view of being religious doesn't only apply to Bible followers (who aren't only Christians, by the way). This applies to people who honor other holy books too. If the faith you are most comfortable with has its own definition of religion, don't allow "people's principles" to keep you from applying it to your life; especially since another definition of religious is "a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs".
If you've got a set of core beliefs that are centered around a Higher Being and it helps you to be a (more) moral individual, by definition, you are religious. You just don't subscribe to man-made religion. See the difference there?
My overall point is this. "Religious" isn't a bad word. Succumbing to the pressure to practice what man expects of you over what your spirit says is best for you is the issue and challenge. Which one are you currently doing?
What It Means to Be “Spiritual”
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Spiritual. OK, so whenever someone tells me that they aren't religious but they are spiritual, I tend to ask them to clarify where they are coming from. While I personally do believe that a Satan exists, I know that many don't. At the same time, I think the majority feels that there are forces of light and forces of darkness all around us. Scripture puts it this way—"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12—NKJV) Spiritual hosts of wickedness. Spiritual and wicked. Did you notice that?
Just recently, I listened to a really great podcast featuring Andre 3000 and Rick Rubin. As I was listening to Andre 3000 candidly share his feelings on isolation and loneliness, you can't convince me that he hasn't been battling with some dark spirits. Actor Mack Wilds recently spoke of how grateful he was to have a child on the way after being in "a really dark place"; to me, that's another example of dealing with some "dark spirits". I know a lot of other words and terms were deemed the most popular in 2019, but I personally think that "social anxiety" tops just about all of them. Some "darkness" comes with feeling too paralyzed to create or perform.
So yeah, it should go—and stay—on record that "spiritual" isn't automatically synonymous with good, light or beneficial. Any DC or Marvel comic will show you that.
That's why I encourage folks to break down what they mean when they say, "I'm spiritual". Are you saying that you don't subscribe to a specific religion? Are you saying that you acknowledge that you are a spiritual being? Are you specifying that while you don't go to a place of worship or use a title (like Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc.) that you're intentional about nurturing your spirit or soul? Just being spiritual isn't good enough. Evil is spiritual.
When I acknowledge that a part of me is spiritual, I think more in line with a quote that is usually attributed to the late author C.S. Lewis—"You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body." The Hebrew word for soul is "nephesh". It's a dope and multi-layered word. It means "a soul, living being, life, self, person, desire, passion, appetite, emotion". Oh, the irony. Peep how when you are nurturing your soul, you are tapping into some of the very things that many religions try and get you to ignore like your desires and your passions. Do these things need a moral compass and some self-control? 100 percent. But, at the same time, if you're not pouring into them as well, you are abandoning the very core of what you are—A SOUL. When John 4:24 tells us that "God is Spirit", and I think of a definition of spiritual being, "of or relating to the spirit or soul, as distinguished from the physical nature", it's a reminder that being spiritual is a good thing—so long as your spirit is ever surrendered to a Higher Being.
So yes, on some levels, I do think there is a difference between being religious and being spiritual. Yet more than that, I wholeheartedly also believe that the two things can co-exist, in harmony. How? It's when man is pulled out and the Source of Love is put in.
In other words, if being religious is about applying a moral code based on a supernatural source of Light and being spiritual is about tapping into that same source in order to fulfill one's desires and passions—it shouldn't be assumed that just because you don't conform to a certain set of practices that you're not religious or that being spiritual means that you're not disciplined or even that you don't apply a holy book to your life. It simply means that you've moved man out of the way so that you can learn more about the Spirit.
And that? That is something to be really at peace, confident and happy about. So, if that's where you are, sis, be that. It's a good and purposeful thing. The truly religious and spiritual individuals will totally agree.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
I Grew Closer To God After I Left The Church
These 8 Scriptures Are Spiritual Game-Changers For Single Women
5 Signs You're Experiencing A Spiritual Awakening
How To Ground Yourself Spiritually
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Together, the affluent couple live a lavish lifestyle and maintain a ritzy restaurant. However, their lives are disrupted when Tori reemerges at her husband’s doorstep after being missing for five years and declared dead.
Luckett admitted that the role triggered some deep-seated emotions but was also liberating, which drew her to the role.
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“I felt like she was different from any character I've ever played. I'm used to being suited and booted and glammed and all the things [but] Tori was the complete opposite of that, you know what I mean? Her story was so layered - going through such a traumatic experience, coming out, finding her way back, and going after what she asked, ultimately, what was hers,” Luckett explains.
I felt like she was different from any character I've ever played. I'm used to being suited and booted and glammed and all the things [but] Tori was the complete opposite of that, you know what I mean? Her story was so layered - going through such a traumatic experience, coming out, finding her way back, and going after what she asked, ultimately, what was hers.
“She was fighting for her life. I think that there are so many people out there that are, you know, going through traumatic situations or feel like they're fighting the good fight alone. I wanted to play this character or help in telling the story to let them know, ‘Nope, you're not alone. You're not by yourself. There are other people suffering, other people going through it, other people climbing the ladder, feeling like they're going nowhere.’ But then, somehow, there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel.”
Luckett’s empathy for her character, Victoria, also propelled her to do a deep dive into her complex background and mysterious return in preparation for filming. The two-time Grammy award winner also took time out to speak to women who were domestic abuse survivors in shelters and were undergoing treatment for their traumatic experiences while also tapping into her experiences.
“I found myself tapping into some things that I thought I had healed from, and it wasn't until they yelled, cut, [that] I was still crying. I was like, ‘Wait a minute, hold on,’” she says.
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“If I use that as motivation, and I'm still feeling it as though it happened yesterday, and it probably happened years ago, I my might need to call my therapist, we might need to talk about some things, or just kind of revisit some things, but I really just allowed myself to be open and free and not judge her character and not put the emotions that I was feeling for her and to honestly just step into her experience as best I could.”
Her performance reflects the time she spent understanding the nuances of her character, especially Victoria’s motivation to actively pursue all that she lost during her five years away. When asked if women should feel entitled to go after what they deserve, Luckett answers a resounding ‘yes.’
“Why not? Men do it every day. Why not? It's almost a thing that women have, this nurturing spirit, and they want to take care of everyone before they take care of themselves. I think that we do a disservice to ourselves by doing that,” she says.
“We can't keep trying to pour and give and be okay with operating out of an empty glass. You know what I mean? And taking second best, like, I'm glad that we are finally waking up, and I feel like the rest of the world is waking up from that to just being a common thing that women have to sacrifice themselves and everybody be okay with that or not get what the man next to us, who probably isn't as capable of the job, him getting more. No, go ahead and go get what’s yours, and when you get the ‘no’ the first go around, try again, and turn that thing into a ‘yes,’" she emphatically states.
Why not? Men do it every day. Why not? It's almost a thing that women have, this nurturing spirit, and they want to take care of everyone before they take care of themselves. I think that we do a disservice to ourselves by doing that. We can't keep trying to pour and give and be okay with operating out of an empty glass. You know what I mean? And taking second best, like, I'm glad that we are finally waking up, and I feel like the rest of the world is waking up from that to just being a common thing that women have to sacrifice themselves and everybody be okay with that or not get what the man next to us, who probably isn't as capable of the job, him getting more.
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As the newlywed previously said, she had to protect her mental health during filming by being in contact with her therapist. She admits that she began seeing a therapist around the age of 19/20 to deal with her claustrophobia and soon realized she needed to unearth some childhood trauma, “Baby, I haven’t been able to let her go since,” Luckett says.
“I feel the biggest part of self-care also is listening to oneself. If your body is saying ‘sit down, [then] sit down.” If your body is saying, ‘hey, the stress is getting to be too much,’ then we have to use our wisdom and awareness to believe what our body is telling us. I'm starting to finally listen to myself and trust my instincts and trust what my body is saying.”
Luckett's self-awareness also aids her in motherhood as she cares for her two young children. She reveals that she cherished quiet moments before having children and takes the time to give herself a break. The 43-year-old actress also listed going to the spa and disconnecting from her phone as another vital self-care go-to that she incorporated into her day-to-day life.
“I have made it a point at least twice a month to go into my favorite spa, shutting my phone off. I mean logging off completely and being okay with it. We let our phones control us, and especially with social media we have this fear of missing out on what's going on in the world, and we don't know how to detach from that,” she says. “I feel like a form of my self-care recently has been, for real, detach, let go. Let those people out there on social media live their lives and I want to be present in mine.”
Luckett admits she isn’t slowing down soon as she has more projects on the horizon, like her fashion capsule In The Trunk (a statement she made on the Terrell Show) that now has t-shirts and hoodies for sale. “When I said it, so many people came up to me and we're like, ‘Yo, that line changed my life. Like for real. It really helped me to kind of get out of my own way.’ So we made a shirt, and it is available on my website.
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"We have two colors right now, which would be the cream, and black. I can't wait for hoodie season because I'll rock it at the airport right now. When I tell you I can't go nowhere and somebody not say, ‘Oh my god, I love your shirt. Oh my god, I love your hoodie because of what it says and the cute little graphic that I came up with.”
She intends to expand her line by Christmas. In addition, fans can also anticipate the return of her YouTube channel “Leave It to LeToya” within the coming months.
“Of course, we're promoting the film right now. So August 3rd is a big day. But I love connecting with my people via my YouTube page and also my Instagram, so I will definitely be coming back with a show, but it'll be based around my life, being a single mom and raising the two littles and asking the hard questions and my healing process, my journey, having more conversation with my therapist, all the things that people loved. We're going to be getting the ball moving on that again,” she assures.
Be sure to tune into the anticipated thriller I Thought My Husband’s Wife Was Dead, which debuts Saturday, Aug. 3, at 8 p.m. ET on Lifetime.
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Feature image by Marcus Owens