I've been married for a little over a year and everything I thought I knew about marriage has proven to be a lie. I don't know why I read the last part of that sentence in Maury Povich's voice, but it's true.
Of course, there were things now that I really wish I knew before I tied the knot. Would it change anything? Only my perspective for the better, which would subsequently change a lot of other things.
I think if I had known these things going into it, I wouldn't only be a better wife but more of a selfless person, which is what they say marriage is all about. Read on to learn more about the truths I've come to know.
It's OK To Change
I know there's this complete stigma about why you should know yourself before you get married. If you don't know and love yourself, then how can you love someone else? I get it. But I got married about three months after I turned 30. And while I thought I had myself all figured out, I certainly didn't. Little did I know I had a lot more changing and growing up to do. I had to come to terms and be okay with that.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still on my "Cater 2 U," keeping myself up and staying the same chick he fell in love with when it comes to certain personality traits. But at the same time, I'm growing. I'm going to continue to grow, evolve, and develop for the rest of my life, and I'm good with that.
It's Not His Job To Complete Me
In no way did I expect my husband to complete me before we got married. I was actually super independent and had to learn how to let him do certain things. But when it came to emotions, I was totally looking for him to be what I needed at all times. That's not the reality of the situation.
I remember a couple of months after we got married, I would try and fish for some sort of compliment or reassurance that he didn't even realize I needed. I wasn't doing this on purpose, but hindsight is 20/20 and now I know that I was looking to him for validation and self-confidence. I felt like since he was my husband, that's what he signed up for. Yes, he's definitely supposed to make me feel good about myself. But the foundation of my confidence and self-love certainly shouldn't be found in him. I had to take time to get even closer to God and realize that's where my real source of everything I needed was discovered.
I Don't Always Have To Have It Together
When I was single, I always had in my mind that I would come home and cook every single night. I would make sure our home was always spic and span and smelling like roses and love. Girl, that did not happen. Let me just say that even months after we were married, I was struggling in a major way (I blew up a casserole dish on top of the stove), and still am to this day.
Now, I'm not a slob by any means, but our living space certainly looks lived in, which I actually like because it looks like home. We don't have to have this picture perfect lifestyle when it's just us at home. Like, who are we trying to impress? There are times when I'll clean up after him and pick up his socks or whatever, but I had to learn that it's not those things that validate me as his wife. It's okay to have off days and not always be on top of my game.
Speak His Love Language, Not Mine
My husband and I read The 5 Love Languages book before we even got engaged (I would definitely recommend it for anyone in a relationship), so I definitely thought I had this lesson in my back pocket when we got married.
Unfortunately, I was once again sadly mistaken. Looking back, I can't help but laugh and think "poor thing," because I would do things for him that I would want him to do for me, and expect him to be leaping with joy about it. And I really thought I was gettin' it, y'all. In reality, I was speaking my own love language with him, which wasn't in a way that he could even comprehend what I was trying to say.
I Have To Be Okay If Some Things Don't Change
A couple of months after we got married, we got into a very intense disagreement. It's not in either of our personalities to yell, so there weren't any voices raised, but it was bad. It was over a year ago, but we still point it to as one of the worst times. Once we got over that hurdle, we haven't had anything like it since. I'm convinced it's because this argument came with the biggest learning lesson -- I have to accept how he's wired. There are just some things that aren't going to change about him, just like there are things that won't change about me.
It's not enabling certain behaviors by any means, I just had to discover a way to be okay with his flaws and things I didn't like, and love him anyway. For me, that has been the biggest lesson. While I wish I would have learned it before walking down the aisle, I think experience is the only thing that could have taught me that.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
This Couple Shares Why Prayer & Faith Are The Foundation Of Their Marriage
Why Real Depictions Of Black Marriage On TV Are So Needed
This Is How My Hubby & I Paid For Our Frugal Wedding
Featured image by Shutterstock
- The Things Men Wish They Knew Before They Got Married - MEL ... ›
- 'What I Wish I Knew About Marriage Before Getting Hitched ... ›
- 14 Things We Wish We Knew Before Getting Married - The Warm Up ›
- 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married | To Love, Honor ... ›
- What I Wish I'd Known Before Marriage - YouTube ›
- 10 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Got Married ... ›
- 10 Things I Wish I Knew before Marriage ›
- 17 Things Men And Women Wish They Knew Before Tying The Knot ... ›
- 9 things I wish I knew before I got married - Business Insider ›
Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Anchiy/Getty Images
When it comes to financial freedom, you have to take control of your destiny and be definitive in your actions. There are so many ways to add extra income to your pockets in the new year, and none of them include doing things you'd be ashamed of or you're not capable of doing. There are simple steps you can take to add $1,500 per month to your income starting today.
Adding that amount might not seem like a lot, but when you break down the math, that's $18,000 extra next year. Depending on your current take-home income, that could put you in a whole new tax bracket. So, let's get into a few good ideas for side hustles that you can start planning to launch now in order to add more coins to your bank account in 2025:
1. Provide online tutoring to children or adults.
Online tutors can earn between $47,000 and 76,000 per year, so this is certainly a good way to make a bit of extra money next year. Use those skills in math, science, English, music, or other subjects where students might need that extra encouragement and further teaching.
Also, tutors who cater to adults, particularly seniors, can earn more than those who tutor children and teens, so there's a niche possibility there to boost your income even more.
Try platforms like Craigslist, LessonFace, Wyzant, or Facebook to market your expertise, and build up a loyal clientele. You can charge by the hour or contract to invoice for a lump sum.
2. Become a specialized virtual assistant.
Virtual assistants, especially if they have specialized skills in project management and discretion, can make $100 per hour. If you already have skills in calendar management and data entry, this is the perfect fit for you. You’ll need to market yourself accordingly, vet your clients, and be ready to take on the tasks of assisting high achievers and entrepreneurs, with pride and service.
3. Join the service gig worker world.
This might seem a bit cliche, but being a gig worker on one of the popular platforms can be both a lucrative and flexible option for adding extra cash to your income every month. On the low end, you could earn more than $10 per hour with DoorDash, for example, if you break down how much you earn minus the expense of gas. At about 37.5 hours per week, you'd hit your $1,500 goal, and that's at the low end, (for illustration purposes, of course).
On the higher end, you could earn up to $6,700 in a month, depending on tips and the areas you work in.
Now, I know, I know: That's like having a whole other full-time job. But again, that breakdown is on the low end, and if you're truly dedicated to meeting your goal of boosting your income, this could be your 5-to-9 after your 9-to-5. And if you're not into food delivery, you could try a few of the other apps for services like driving people, house-sitting, home improvement, or delivering groceries or other goods.
4. Try freelance bartending.
If you're just starting out with this, you can make more than $1,500 (at $20 per hour bartending part-time) especially if you're able to land a few great-paying private events, birthday parties, or game nights. On the higher end, you could rake up more than $6,000 per month.
Some states require licensing or certain certificates, so be sure to do your homework before pursuing this one.
You'll also need to market yourself on social and/or with your own branded website that showcases your skills and even a niche talent you have in cocktail making.
5. Sell digital products online.
This is another popular money-maker that is constantly being marketed on social---almost to the point of it seeming like a sketchy option. However, savvy creatives have really made good money doing this (like this mom, who reportedly earned $10,000 per month selling digital products, among other passive income-generating efforts).
If you're great at putting together how-tos on anything from cooking to fashion design, to travel planning, this is a good option. You can also sell digital art, logos, animation, and stock photography.
Pinpoint a need, figure out how you can uniquely fill it, and get to selling. And if you're already in those fields, you have the programs and digital tools you need to create the products to sell. (If not, invest in the paid version of Canva, get Adobe Creative Cloud, or take a course.)
You'll also need to be able to market what you offer, put the work in to find your target audience, and get to your customer base through digital marketing and social media. Several popular sales platforms like Etsy and Shopify offer tools to help you do this.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Getty Images