

Dear Queen,
For as long as you can remember, you have always been the shoulder to cry on for your friends, one call away at all times.
Your responsibilities as the strong friend are held to a higher degree than casual associates. You are there to provide style tips for blind dates. There to listen to your girlfriend complain about not getting the promotion she deserves. You are the listening ear when your bestie breaks up with her boyfriend for the third time this month, and also there when she invites you to his house a week later for game night. For every life scenario, it has always been your responsibility to be the rock and stay solid through the good, bad, and sometimes ugly.
You are there, reliable, trustworthy, loyal and also EXHAUSTED.
In recent years, there has been a rise in the awareness of mental health issues and how common they are amongst millennials. With many celebrities coming forward with their own personal battles or unfortunate suicides and deaths, it has made the cliché "check on your strong friend" quote popular. But why does it take something happening to a celebrity for your friends to realize that there may be someone battling anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, drug and alcohol addictions in their inner circle?
Queen, you have always had the exterior reputation of having it all together.
Your friends commend you on getting over obstacles in life and being able to show no weakness. The truth is, you don't look like what you are going through and behind those smiles between mimosas at brunch, or random selfies before work, is pain and vulnerability that you are afraid to show. Afraid that if suddenly you do not answer those calls/texts or take a break for yourself and some self-care, that your friends will assume you are being moody or disloyal. Afraid that if one day you vent about your life or break down, that you will be judged because it is not like you to show weak emotions.
With the weight of your friends' worlds on your shoulders, there's no option but to be strong so you continue to do so..until now.
From one strong friend to another, it's okay to simply be selfish with yourself and realize that boundaries can be set with friends. It is okay for you to seek your own happiness and take care of yourself before you take care of others. I had to learn that when you put others first, you have taught them that you come second. Realize that friendships cannot be one-sided and while you are building up this façade of being "strong," you may be blocking the opportunity for others to be there for you when needed.
Know that it is okay to cancel plans, leave calls/texts unanswered, or simply want some time alone. It is okay to not be okay and to exercise the art of saying "no." Don't feel bad for making life choices and decisions that bring you peace.
Even when it upsets other people, you are not responsible for their happiness, you are responsible for yours.
Dear Queen is a series dedicated to letters from women written for themselves and other women. Have a "Dear Queen" letter? We want to read it! E-mail your letters to submissions@xonecole.com with the subject: Dear Queen.
Related Stories:
Dear Queen: An Open Letter to Women With Broken Spirits And Unanswered Prayers - Read More
Dear Queen: An Open Letter to Women Who Have Given Up on Love - Read More
Dear Queen: An Open Letter to Women Dealing with Heartbreak - Read More
Featured image by Getty Images
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- I'm The Strong Friend, Being The Strong Friend - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Sierra Davis, a twenty something Louisiana native who describes her personality like her music choice, Jhene Aiko to Lil Boosie. A self-proclaimed introvert, you can catch her on the journey of self-discovery and motherhood via Instagram @truly.si
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Feature image screenshot/ xoNecole YouTube
Swipe Right For Sisterhood: Reginae Carter Talks Teaming Up With BLK To Make Friendships Front & Center
You know the vibes: dating apps aren’t just for finding romance anymore—at least not for Gen Z! As young people continue to redefine connection, BLK, the leading dating app for Black singles, is shaking things up with the launch of Social Mode. The new feature allows users to toggle between dating and platonic connections. Yep, you read that right—friendship is now just as easy to find as love.
To kick off this game-changing launch, BLK teamed up with TV personality and socialite Reginae Carter for the ultimate Girls’ Night In, proving that sisterhood is just as important as romance. The exclusive event was a celebration of the new feature and the power of Black women coming together to uplift one another.
“Your circle is everything,” Reginae shares with a smile, and she’s not wrong. She’s all about creating spaces where we can come together, let our hair down, and vibe with like-minded women. “We deserve spaces to meet, uplift, and vibe with each other. BLK is making that happen,” she adds.
A New Era for Friendships—Social Mode Is Here!
Gen Z is all about building meaningful connections, whether it’s with a date or a new brunch buddy. That’s why Social Mode is such a big deal. Research shows that 65% of Gen Z values friendships just as much as romantic relationships. With BLK’s new feature, users can easily toggle between “Dating” and “Social,” opening up a world of platonic connections—no swiping right required.
Bahja Rodriguez, Reginae Carter, Breaunna Womack, Lourdes Rodriguez and Zonnique Pullins attend OMG Girlz "Make A Scene" Single Release & Video Viewing Party at Trap City Cafe on March 27, 2025 in Atlanta, Georgia
Photo by Prince Williams/WireImage
Reginae Carter Hosts the Ultimate Girls’ Night In—Powered by BLK Social Mode
What better way to show Social Mode in action than with an exclusive Girls’ Night In, hosted by Reginae? The event brought together top influencers, tastemakers, and press for a night of luxury, self-care, and real talk about love, sex, and relationships. From tarot readings to perfume-making and signature cocktails, the evening embodied the “soft life” vibe that many Black women are embracing in 2025—peaceful, intentional, and full of joy.
Guests mingled, laughed, and bonded over the importance of finding a tribe that supports you. It wasn’t just about fun (although there was plenty of that!)—it was about creating a circle of inspiring, strong women. “We need to stick together. We need to be each other’s village,” Reginae says, emphasizing the power of community over competition.
Sisterhood: The Real MVP
For Reginae, it’s all about friendship—and not just the surface-level kind. “We need friends who keep it real with us. The ones who can tell us when we’re right, when we’re wrong, and when we need to calm down,” she says. As someone who navigates the spotlight, she’s got the best of both worlds: friends who understand the grind and those who can give her an honest, grounded perspective.
Her advice for building strong, intentional friendships? “Be confident in yourself and know your worth,” she explains. “Also, hurt people hurt people, so make sure you’re coming from a good place when you’re building relationships. It’s not always about being nice—sometimes it’s about being real.”
Reginae couldn’t have summed it up better: “When you have the right circle, the right tribe, everything just feels easier. And that’s exactly what BLK is giving us—space to connect, laugh, and grow with each other.”
To learn more about BLK’s Social Mode, download or update the BLK app in the App Store or Google Play Store today. Who knows? You might just find your new bestie or your next brunch crew.
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Feature image by Prince Williams/WireImage