You know that you're click-tight with someone when, you are able to openly and honestly express that their spouse isn't your favorite person on the planet and, still, you and your friend can make your relationship work—and last (check out "I'm Not A Fan Of My BFF's Man - This Is How I Make Our Friendship Work"). When it comes to a particular friend of mine, while her husband does have some good qualities, if there's one thing that drives me, his wife, most of her other friends, and even their therapist totally up the wall is her man has a severe case of I'm-absolutely-never-ever-wrong-itis.
I mean, it's so bad sometimes, you can't have a normal conversation without him feeling the need to Google articles and data to prove the most moot and irrelevant of points. And because he's so adamant about being right all of the time, it has actually caused my friend to consider separating, more than once. That's just how uncomfortable—and sometimes even excruciating—being in a relationship with a bona fide know-it-all can be.
Y'all, I've sat in way too many counseling sessions, and listened to way too many of my other married friends vent about their own partners to know that I'm not the only one who has up-close-and-very-personal encounters with husbands and/or wives who act as if they are never ever wrong. If you can relate because you are that person and/or you are married to one, I'm hoping that this article will offer up some tips that can help you to get, at least, a little bit of relief, so that your marriage can get a little bit more peace.
Accept That the Root of That Is Pride. Or Insecurity.
When you really stop to think about it, it takes a lot of self-confidence and self-awareness to be able to 1) admit when you're wrong, 2) be corrected, and/or 3) hear out an opposing point of view. When someone is able to do these types of things, it means that they are humble, willing to learn and they don't feel threatened by those who may not always or totally agree with them. What this boils down to is, when people can't pull these types of feats off, it's usually an indication that they are the opposite of confident and self-aware. They either function from a space of pure pride or deep-rooted insecurity (which oftentimes are one and the same).
When you really let this reality sink in, it can actually make you feel sorry for someone who acts as if they are never wrong because, at the end of the day, it's not about them being right so much as them fearing being wrong. And Lord, can you just imagine how exhausting it is to function that way? You love your spouse, right? A part of what comes with loving someone is trying to understand where they are coming from. Getting that there is nothing healthy or even beneficial about trying to always be right can bring about a feeling of compassion for them that you probably wouldn't have if you didn't see things from this perspective. Try and look from this scope, if you can.
Avoid Personalizing Their Pride. Or Insecurity.
I work with married couples…a lot.
Something that makes me tip my hat to functional marriages is how they are able to find the balance between becoming one as a union (Genesis 2:24-25) and still maintaining their individuality in the process (Psalm 33:15). A good example of what I mean by that is, it's always dope when a spouse can know when not to own something about their partner that isn't their responsibility and/or when they don't personalize stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with them.
Chances are, if you are married to a know-it-all, it transpired years before you came along. I know some people who are that way because of how they were raised. I know some people who are that way because they are narcissists-in-denial. I know some people who are that way because their job requires that they always be in authority, with little room for error, and so they don't know how to "turn that side of them off" once they step into their own house.
If you're married to someone who believes that they are never wrong, it can only benefit you to do a little pondering about how the "root" created that kind of "tree". Once you can get a better grasp on where all of that stems from, it can help you to better filter how to respond to your partner when they act like they are always right; especially when you know—that you know that you know—that they are not. Plus, it can help you to not feel quite so attacked because you get that when it comes to their pride and/or insecurity, while you're there to help them evolve from it, is not your responsibility to fix. It's totally theirs.
Try to Deactivate Your “Need to Have the Last Word” Trigger
While I'm not a big fan of the ever passive aggressive "OK" that some people like to use whenever they are in a conversation that they feel like they can't win (or they're sick of participating in), I will say that, when you're dealing with someone who feels like they are never wrong, it is important to deactivate a critical trigger—the need to always get the last word in. It reminds me of the quote that is oftentimes credited to Mahatma Gandhi. He once said, "Speak only if it improves upon the silence." While it's important to make your points known, to have your thoughts heard and for your feelings to be conveyed, unfortunately, people who always want to be right tend to care more about talking than listening; they are more into monologues than actual dialogues. This means that, no matter what you say, they are going to try and find something else to say after you. Let them wear themselves out if they want, but after you've "stated your case", use the self-discipline and maturity to be done with the topic. Why? Because, I'm telling you, if there's one thing that people who are never wrong are oftentimes totally stumped by, it's when the person they are trying to prove something to, stops talking—unless they can improve upon the silence.
Present Things in Question Form
Wanna know something that tends to be a signature trait of all know-it-alls? They are defensive AF. There have actually been former clients that I've had to be like, "Yeeeeeah, I'm good. Let's end these sessions" because, no matter what I tried to make them see, they acted like they were in a courtroom rather than a counseling call. Off topic, but not really, if you're a fan of Insecure, that's something that would drive me up the wall about Molly. Because she's a lawyer, she wanted to even argue—or at least take on a defensive tone—with her own therapist. It's exhausting, and ridiculous because, if things were "all good", you wouldn't be sitting on a therapist/counselor/life coach couch in the first place. SMDH.
Rome isn't built in a day. Neither is getting people who think that they are never wrong to a point and place of being able to see that character flaw about themselves. That's why, something that I've learned to do, is present certain things to them in question form more often. Like rather than saying, "You are really disrespectful in the way that you speak to your partner", I'll say something along the lines of, "Do you think how you just said that is disrespectful?" or "What you just said, how would you feel if your partner said it in the same way to you?" By approaching your know-it-all spouse with questions rather than direct statements, that can sometimes help them to lower their guard, be less defensive, and become more open to hearing just where you are coming from.
Get Off of the Eggshells
If you're the spouse who thinks you are never wrong, while this might be hard for you to hear and accept, when it's to the extreme (or you never seem to let up), it's actually a form of bullying. Bullies are aggressive. Bullies don't care to empathize with someone else's feelings, needs or opinions. Bullies try and make the person they are bullying either feel less than or like they must always concede. Yep. A lot of married people are straight-up bullies.
Now, if you're the person who happens to be married to the know-it-all bully, it's also important to keep in mind that you are an adult and they are not your teacher or your parent. While you do love them, there are still certain strategies that you must apply, so that you can remain sane and your marriage can remain stable. First, it's important that even in marriage, you set boundaries. Boundaries are limits. You need to figure out how much of your partner's "never-wrong-ness" you can handle and what you need in order for there to be harmony within the relationship. For instance, when your spouse is wrong, do you need them to apologize? Or, when they want to get on their high horse, do you need them to wait until the two of you get home rather than them choosing to have an all-out debate in public? Maybe what you need is to avoid "never wrong conversations" in the bedroom (so that it doesn't infect your intimacy), or you need to feel like discussions don't have to turn into arguments; that your know-it-all spouse can learn to let things go.
People who are never wrong in their own minds, they automatically function on the side of the extreme because, the reality is that, all of us are wrong at some point or another. And since they are so extreme, if you resolve to constantly walk on eggshells when you're in their presence, not only can that cause you to become super resentful, but it can make them think more and more that they are right—when conclusion is actually dead ass wrong. You deserve to feel at peace in your own house and in your own marriage. Tip-toeing around your know-it-all partner isn't the way to deal with them. Creating and expressing what your boundaries are is. Make sure that you do.
Create a Safe Haven for Them to Be Wrong
This article is actually about to come full circle because, anyone who is so stressed about being right all of the time, that is someone who has to feel vulnerable. A LOT. I say often to my clients that I'm not big on the word "vulnerable" being used in a marital union. Since it means "open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.", that is the last thing that I think a husband and wife should feel in each other's presence. I'm more in the lane of the word "dependent" because it means "relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc.". And you know what? In order for your know-it-all spouse to be able to work through their pride and insecurity issues, they need to feel safe in admitting when they are wrong. This is where you can help them with that.
By assuring them, from time to time, that they don't have to perform for you, "win" a debate, or feel more valued only if they are always right, believe it or not, it can actually start to calm them down and become more open to error—and correction.
Emotional safety is critical for the life and longevity of a healthy marriage. Make sure to convey to your partner that them suffocating you with their need to be right is unsafe. At the same time, also let them know that they are in a safe place to be wrong. If the love is real and mutual, in time, the know-it-all can learn how to be more humble and human. They can see that a good marriage doesn't need someone who is never wrong. It requires two people who are willing to do, whatever is needed, to get things right. Which means being wrong sometimes. Hmph. Funny how that works, huh?
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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The End Of The Road? Zoë Kravitz And Channing Tatum Reportedly Split
Rumors are circulating that Zoë Kravitz and Channing Tatum's engagement has come to an end. Adding to the intrigue, two hours prior to the news of their split becoming public, Channing celebrated the exciting announcement that he and Zoë would reunite for an upcoming alien invasion movie entitled Alpha Gang.
Some folks are saying that October is now “uncuffing season” as partners won’t have to deal with the weight and expectations that come with this time of year. From matching Halloween costumes to voting to Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seems the new cuffing season has moved to January.
In August 2021, Zoë and Channing were first rumored to be romantically involved after being photographed riding together through the streets of New York City on a BMX bike. The following month, they were seen leaving the Met Gala together, and Tatum confirmed their relationship on Halloween by posting a picture of them wearing a couples costume from Martin Scorsese's iconic 1976 film Taxi Driver on Instagram.
Instagram/@channingtatum
After collaborating on Zoë's directorial debut, Blink Twice, where Channing played a starring role, their relationship blossomed into a full-out romance. Approximately a year later, the Step Up star popped the question.
Because the streets are always watching, PEOPLE reported that Channing joined Zoë in seeing a production of a play by Blink Twice costar Levon Hawke in New York City's Red Hook neighborhood on Oct. 6. Most recently, Kravitz has been seen in public without her engagement ring, notably during an outing with her Big Little Lies co-star Shailene Woodley.
So the news of the split kinda comes as a surprise as we were just oozing over the couple’s undeniable chemistry during their Blink Twice press run in August. Channing and Zoë openly discussed their relationship and collaborated on multiple videos that went viral.
Even proud papa Lenny Kravitz gave his approval. During an interview with BBC’s Radio 2, he said, "He was raised well. So, you know, he’s got manners. He’s charming. He’s a soulful human being. And so, he’s become part of the family quite quickly. He fits and they're in love. We’re going to have a wedding next year."
As we mourn this breakup, let’s run back some memorable moments from the possibly uncoupled pair.
"Art is our love language."
When asked about future collaborations with her boo during the premiere of Blink Twice on Aug. 23, Zoë shared, "I think it's what we love, and we love talking about it, and experiencing it, and supporting each other.” Channing chimed in saying, “This is what I'll say about creating with someone that you are with or love: I suggest it. If you are thinking about having a kid or if you're thinking about getting married, go find the hardest possible creative project with your partner.”
“I got you forever.”
Channing took to Instagram to share an adoring photo of him holding Zoë. He captioned the photo, “This little sweet. She So tired bro. Every time I wondered if she’d break…. She just kept going and going and going. Always on the dig for truth. She pour’d every single ounce of her into this film. I’m so proud to stand ten toes down for her, this film and everyone in it. forever. Knowing what it took to make it. No one will ever know.”
The last line took us out: “Thank you for finding me and seeing me. I got you forever. Me and you back to back against it all. I’ll never blink. Let’s go. #blinktwice”
GOAT Talk
On Complex’s GOAT Talk, a show where stars are prompted to reveal their favorites of all time, Channing and Zoë disclosed their go-to song for singing in the shower, their beloved ad-lib line from Blink Twice, and their stance on conspiracy theories and their favorite rapper. The moment Channing challenged Zoë’s answer that Catwoman is the best superhero of all time was just too cute.
“The Lie Detector determined…”
The cast of Blink Twice underwent Vanity Fair's well-known lie detector test, facing a barrage of probing questions. Among the inquiries were: Did Channing Tatum and Naomi Watts ever irritate Zoë Kravitz during the filming of Blink Twice? Did Naomi ever pilfer anything from the set? Did Channing's portrayal of Gambit in Deadpool & Wolverine surpass his personal expectations?
Best of all were the moments you saw Zoë and Channing look at each other adoringly and when they would finish each other sentences. “We are equally cool,” Zoë beamed.
Puppy Love
The pair hung out with BuzzFeed and a slew of adorable puppies while chatting about their favorite improvised moment on set, who has the best rizz — which is apparently Channing according to Zoë — and their first impressions of each other. Not only did they binge-watch Love Island together but they also boasted they would win Love Is Blind if they were on the show.
The Pressure
Zoë Kravitz recently sat down with Esquirefor an interview and got real about her thoughts on becoming a parent. She shared that she's always kinda thought motherhood might not be her thing. “For a long time, I felt like there was something wrong with me. I was waiting for this light to go off in my head, and it never did. When you’re younger, you’re like, ‘Well, I can’t have kids. I’m too young! It’d be crazy.’”
Her viewpoint on childbirth and parenthood has evolved as she has matured and witnessed the societal pressure placed on women to reproduce. While she recognizes the immense strength and courage required to carry and raise a child, Kravitz believes that women should not be made to feel obligated to do so.
Zoë continued, “For a lot of people that have children, it is this giant, life-changing event – and I do think there is a certain amount of focus and respect that they should get from their community. There’s a lot of pressure on women to have children, and there’s a feeling that if you don’t, you don’t have purpose here.” The director feels a special connection to her new movie akin to giving birth.
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