I've always known the D to be powerful.
I've thought about letting her be 9 to 5 and me being the weekend for that D.
I've said I love you way too soon for that D.
I've blown up phones for that D.
I've had my heart and mind leave the room while I make it work with a man that's completely wrong for me, for that D.
I'd cook 3 three-course meals a day for the D, shout his name to the heavens for the D. Call him daddy for the d – hell, even have his child for the D.
Dopamine is one of hell of a drug.
Perhaps, that's why I found comic relief in the “For the D" challenge that has become a viral sensation. It is a comedic spin on a real-life phenomenon that a lot of women have encountered in their sexual endeavors, whether good or bad. The movement, created by rapper GameOva Reedy, picked up steam this week when Issa Rae and Regina Hall posted a video rapping about "The D" and other celebrities started partaking in the challenge with their own renditions. Most notably, Erykah Badu, Sanaa Lathan, and KeKe Palmer bodied the challenge.
Despite the vulgarness of the challenge, it was such a beautiful thing to see women coming together, being expressive while being creative and owning their sexual identities and desires. On the surface, it was a viral trend centered around what women would do for sex and a piece of the male anatomy. However, I saw it as a radical act of defiance. Women doing whatever TF they want and I was more than here for the celebration of womanhood and sisterhood that it paved the way for.
As with any party, some get-togethers are going to have their naysayers and people took to social media to express their disgust with the challenge and seeing famous, professional black women like Sanaa Lathan and others take part:
As you can imagine, the world was not ready for professional, “Clean cut" women and top celebrities talking openly about what they'd do for the d. The challenge seems to be making some people – particularly men – uncomfortable with the bravado and the sex-positive attitudes women are exuding as they praise good sex.
Interestingly enough, while women get the side eye for talking openly about their love for a man's "big ego," no one questions the bevy of vulgar songs that have topped the charts over the past few decades focus on women's body parts. It's the norm and you don't question the norm. 2 Live Crew's “Pop That P*ssy" and “We Want Some P*ssy," Three 6 Mafia's “P*ssy Got Ya Hooked," ODB's “P*ssy Keep Calling," T.I.'s “My P*ssy," and Miguel's “P*ssy is Mine" are all examples of the many, many times men have coveted the P in today's and yesterday's popular music.
This challenge, no matter how elementary or perverse it seems to some, is a lot of women's way of leveling the playing field when it comes to advocating for their sex lives. Women like to get dirty in the bedroom just as much as men, if not more, especially when a man knows what to do with it (ladies, y'all know what I'm talking about). The penis and the clitoris are anatomical twins – why not praise our sex organs equally for the pleasure they initiate, especially when they come together?
Long story short, guys, you've had your moment, let women have their fun and express themselves for a week. Ultimately, it is in your favor.
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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